Warning: By Continuing to Read this Article You Acknowledge that You Are Over 18, and Have Thrown Your Rights to Not Be Offended, Out of the Window
Working for Soompi, I have begun to notice a few disturbing changes in my life. Now, before I go into the changes, you need to understand that five days a week I am looking at pictures of beautiful celebrities and handsome men all the time. So, naturally, when I leave the office and go out into the real world, people are looking a lot less beautiful. Now, that isn’t too big of a deal, it could also mean that my standards are getting higher. But DAMMIT, I’m starting to look a lot uglier as well. It’s getting worse, today while I looked in the mirror I considered getting some lipo, my nose was starting to look a lot stubbier, my eyebrows are too thin (uggh, don’t ask), and I feel like I’m getting SHORTER. (I’m 6’3’’ btw, BAZZINGA!)
Anyways, this phenomenon that is occurring to me is known to happen to other people as well. (*cough* everybody in Korea *double cough*) So you know what I think? This is a new disorder.
I think this should be added to the DSM-V, it will be called the “K-Popozoid Personality Disorder” where the symptoms are: everyone besides celebrities will begin to look ugly (you yourself included), while celebrities look more and more normal and average.
Cause: Too much exposure to K-Pop celebrities
Extreme Symptoms: You will go BLIND!
(Why would you go blind, you ask? Well, this is an awesome segue to number one of Jbarky’s WTF Moments!)
1) Taiwanese Lady Goes Blind Because of Korean Dramas
You know, in all seriousness, I almost went blind as well after having to watch “City Hunter” endlessly in order to write the recaps. But, before I get stoned for talking about the woman in a negative light, my condolences, I also hope that she gets better.
But c’mon, 70 hours of watching Korean dramas?!?!?! That’s three days of watching dramas straight, are you serious? This reminds me of a Korean ajusshi that died after playing World of Warcraft for five days straight.
Careful kids, K-Pop and Korean dramas are dangerous. They’re going to make you go BLIND. Wait, where is that damned backspace key, and where is my mouse?!?! (Also, listening to too much K-Pop, according to the KCC, will make you smoke, take drugs, make babies like rabbits, and make a l’il more babies.)
2) Pulling a Han Ye Seul
Warning: Han Ye Seul diehard fans, stop reading and skip over to #3.
I have now coined a new saying, when you suddenly quit your job and try to make it sound like you did it to make the world a better place, it will now be called: Pulling a Han Ye Seul.
Yeah yeah, I know, shoot me for having my own opinion, but I couldn’t keep my lid shut for long on this one.
You gots to understand two things:
1) I am all for fighting for your own rights,
2) However, you don’t just walk out on a contract claiming injustice then come back because you’re getting sued.
That’s just ridiculous. No way you can convince me or say anything otherwise, but it’s just ridiculous. WHY?! You ask? “How dare you Jbarky, you don’t know what it’s like to be an actress and all the stress that you have to take.”
Nom I don’t know, but I do know what it’s like to have to work 9~5 and pay for all of my illegitimate children around the world. (Oops, forget that last part.) Also, Han Ye Seul is getting paid A LOT MORE THAN ME per hour basis, I can betcha. Oooh yes, if I could have her looks, and be in her shoes, I would be dammit!
Ok, now that was me being a lil envious towards the end, but you get my drift.
“I gave up everything. The working environment was just too hard for me.” Wutevs.
There were many ways she could’ve gone about this, but the last blow was when she said “I just hope my hoobaes won’t be the same victim as me,” “I just wanted the people in Korea to understand the poor working conditions… I didn’t want to see another victim like me.”
Honey, you live in a country where you’re looked at funny if you leave work on time, where working overtime and taking work home is a norm (with no overtime pay), where people tell you “work hard” instead of “take it easy,” and where kids have to study their arses off in order to get into college only to face a difficult job market.
Please, don’t act like you’re trying to “educate” the public on how hard it is to be a celebrity. Nobody gots it easy baby, you just gotta do what you gotta do. You can’t get everything without giving up something.
I think I read it on Soompi, but she should have just quietly exited. Because one thing is for sure, celebrities do get worked hard and work hard, that is a point to which I will concede.
*Phew I feel a humongous backlash coming my way. AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
3) SBS’s “Star King” and the Muslim Skit
I don’t have much to say on this one, just thought it was a legit WTF moment. Very uncool…
There’s already an unwritten rule for this: You can only make fun of your own race, socio-economic status, or skin color. Also, it’s only reserved for really great comedians.
4) G.NA’s “Banana” and SISTAR’s “Tail Dance”
Cmon people, you don’t let HyunA do her Bubble Pop, but you let people make fun of Muslims on “Star King”? That’s just redonkulous.
Well, what I want to talk about today is G.NA’s “Banana” and Sistar’s “Tail Dance.”
To SBS’s credit, G.NA’s “Banana” was banned on MBC, and not SBS. But regardless, “Banana” was banned because of its slang and also some suggestive lyrics.
MBC had issue with the lyrics because they were suggestive and contained slang. The slang was a word used for “I’m getting a headache, migraine” also “as time goes by my body’s temperature goes up,” “small face thin waist, when you move down big hip,” “don’t hide your million dollar legs,” and “peel the skin don’t care about what the monkeys say,” etc.
I don’t know about you, but for some reason I think it has to do with the fact that the title is “Banana.” The lyrics don’t look bad at all, and I have a dirty mind. Well, you know as I like to say, perverted people see what they want to.
Also, I shudder at the thought of them looking at the following clip. BANANA PHONE!
Ah, before I forget… just because thunderstix loves SISTAR so much. SISTAR was forced to change their tail dance, which sparked a lot of interest because they were worried about the stricter review standards.
I took a look at the clip and OooooOOOooooh Weeeeeeeeeee; anything they do is suggestive for me honestly. You know what I think it’s about time I called the KCC with my banana phone.
5) BEAST Rejected From Japan
Now this one really boggled my mind. Well, not really, because I always have an explanation! BEAST was denied entry into Japan because of visa problems, and a lot of things are swirling in a typhoon at the same time.
Of course, we really don’t know yet WHY they were denied, but we do know about some other things: 1) Japan is going through an anti-hallyu movement, and 2) A few Japanese senators were turned back because of their views on Dokdo.
Now if you love K-Pop or Korean entertainment, you need to understand a bit of the culture. Dokdo is an island that is currently in dispute between Japan and Korea. Korean news sources are reporting that things will get even iffier when the US withdraws their military troops in 2016.
Now I’d understand if Japan turned back some hard-lined Korean senators that believed Dokdo is Korea’s, but if they really did turn back BEAST for a similar reason that is STUPID. You just threw out a bunch of money, for Japan and Korea folks. Also, you disappointed many many fans, and you never want to disappoint the fans.
I foresee that there is even graver danger looming on the surface my children. Forget about “Dokdo,” soon we’re going to see anti-hallyu rioters and BEAST fans duke it out.
It might look something like this:
But we know who would win, fangirls and boys always win. *Wink Wink* (I hear somebody distantly screaming PANDERING…….)
6) Ban Ki Moon meeting SNSD’s Seohyun
Now, if you were ever a fan of the YongSeo couple on “We Got Married” you would know that SNSD’s Seohyun is a huge fan of the UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon. (He is her idol.)
Seohyun got to meet him recently and they exchanged gifts (a CD from her and a signed book from him).
Man, this really gets to me because my whole life has taken the wrong direction. You see, back in college, whenever I wasn’t motivated enough to go to class, I would watch SNSD’s “Gee” and it would motivate me. I always thought to myself “If I want to date girls that look like them, I need to be rich.”
Of course, the moment I realized I couldn’t be rich I took the next route. “I’m going to become a writer for Soompi so hopefully one day I can get a chance to meet them in person.”
I’m basically screwed. But, don’t worry I have a new goal in life. My new dream is to become the UN Secretary General. Then afterwards, there will hopefully be another celebrity who is the protégé of SNSD’s Seohyun. She will look up to me, and I will be her idol. Then, when I meet her in person, I’m going to hand her a banana and hold onto my own banana (no pun intended).
Then I will look her in the face, put the banana against my ear, and proclaim. “Ring Ring Ring, Banana Phone…~”
*Note: The content of this article represents views and policies solely of the writer, and in no way represents the editorial stance of Soompi.com or the whole editorial board.