By;
Christian Zitta
Thanks to;
Jessica L,
For helping me every
step of the way to write this book, from beginning to end. I give you all my
thanks.
‘Exactualy,’ I can’t thank you enough.
Bryce B,
For being this story,
and allowing me to write our personal experiences. I love you, always have, and
always will.
You bring the best,
the worst, and the in-between out of me, and taught me so many new things about
everything, and you’ve given me courage and reason to wake up each morning.
I’ll love you forever
and longer.
I plodded wearily in the cold weather, my feet falling
un-easily to the sidewalk, pacing along it in a severe case of anxiety and
confusion as to whether or not I was doing the right thing being here.
I folded my arms into each other as if they were one giant
pretzel, and traced the outline of my phone in my hand, waiting for any sign of
a message or a call.
I should have worn something more suitable for the weather. It
was cold enough in Melbourne,
but down here in Ballarat it was even colder. It had even been snowing down
here these days and of course, being me, I only wore what I believed looked
good.
I noticed all the taxis pulling up in front of me, and a
slow yet steady line of buses coming at regular intervals, dropping off and
picking up passengers, until suddenly it was just me and few other lonely
souls.
I pulled off of the large column I was resting against, as
it chilled my neck even more than the bitter wind blowing against me. I
resisted the urge to pull my sleeves down; I would rather feel bad than look
bad.
Suddenly I was completely alone and, in a desperate attempt
to seem normal, I walked into the train station I had just come out of, sitting
down near the public phone, constantly checking my cell phone just in case I
was too numb to notice it vibrate in my frozen hands.
I walked towards the instant coffee machine, checking out
the prices and types and decided maybe I should try the public phone. As soon
as I turned around, my eyes fell onto one of the most beautiful people I had
ever seen. I had the sudden urge to walk up to him, but knew I wouldn’t have
enough courage. And then I realised a smaller girl standing right next to him,
looking a little shaggier than he, but yet she was still with him.
She was fiddling with the keypad on her phone, just as he
was.
Suddenly I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, and it took me
a few moments to un-ravel my now frozen arms, which had been resting above my
torso for the past 5 minutes in the freezing, outside air.
“He should be here now. It’s 11:55, and his train got here
ten minutes ago”, the boy mumbled.
Instantly I recognised the voice somewhere, its familiar
tune ringing in the back of my head.
“Calm down, you loser”, the girl snorted.
I continued to un-ravel my arms though, remembering I was
expecting a message from someone I planned to meet here ten minutes ago.
“U at the train station? im out front”, the message read.
Suddenly the obvious puzzle laid out before me pieced itself
together, and both the boy and girl turned to hear and see me standing there,
laughing my head off at my stupidity. I could see the boy, who had a lopsided
grin forming on the left side of his face. I collected my laughter into a few
embarrassing chortles and giggles.
“Hey, Hunter” I said, waving stupidly.
“Hey” he said, waving back at me.
“I knew your voice seemed familiar. It just hadn’t registered
until I read the message you just sent me” I stated, as if it was completely
obvious.
Hunter nodded and then slowly motioned towards his friend of
whom had returned to her zombie-like state, pressing the keypad as fast as her
fingers could move,
“This is Adine”, Of whom instantaneously sped up her
fingers, as if racing to complete some sprinting competition.
“Hi there”, she waved, with a joyous smile on her face. “It’s
nice to meet you”
“I’m Christian and it’s nice to meet you too” I replied.
The three of us stood there awkwardly for a while as Adine
returned yet again to her cell phone, while Hunter and I giggled silently at
each other. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, as he stared at me
with gorgeous eyes and once more brought up his lopsided grin.
“Shall we sit down?” gestured Hunter, beginning to walk over
to the line of uncomfortable looking chairs.
I nodded shyly and followed Adine as she walked over without
a response, sitting in the closest chair possible, as if to anchor herself to
gain better intimacy with her cell phone. I sat to the right of Hunter, who
seemed content with being sandwiched in between both Adine and myself.
I gazed around as people flowed through the station,
noticing people I thought looked funny, and picking out the elderly ones.
“I thought that would be you”, I chuckled, indicating to an
extremely large elderly woman, standing in front of the instant coffee machine
whilst leaning against her cane, pressing her glasses gently back along the
ridge of her nose.
“Did you really think I would be some paedo or something?”
Hunter snorted, surprised and shocked at my statement.
“I hoped not…” I replied, smiling slightly.
We talked for a few minutes, all three of us picking out
people and specifying that “that person is probably the real you”, and
laughing.
After a while, we grew tired of the game, and Adine returned
to her texting.
As Adine texted away, Hunter and I returned to staring at
each other, flirting, without expelling a words from either of our lips.
Suddenly Adine piped up,
“Well this is interesting. You came all the way from Melbourne to see your
cousin and the two of you don’t even talk?”
I was shocked at what she had just said. And I could imagine
was the bitter look that had probably appeared on my face. ‘Cousin’? Is that what he was calling me?
Oh well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
He still wasn’t ‘out’
yet.
I regained a sense of reality and faked some innocent
laughter.
“Yeah, Hunter, you loser. I came all the way to see you and
you’re not even going to talk to me? Drain my life, man, drain my life.”
Hunter grinned innocently,
“At least I’m not homeless”, He retorted, with much emphasise
on ‘homeless’, which followed itself up with a glare at Adine.
“I am not homeless”,
Challenged Adine.
“You are too. You don’t have a home at the moment. I believe
that that information makes you what we call ‘homeless’”
Hunter emphasised ‘homeless’ even more this time, as if
trying to make a scene, and laughed at his own hilarity while I sat there
confused, trying to blend in. At least it wasn’t something new for me. I just
had to pretend I was at school, talking to my friends, and laugh at appropriate
intervals and pretend to marvel in the conversation every so often.
“I’m living with my girlfriend, so I’m not homeless”, Adine
poked her tongue out and glared at Hunter. I was completely shocked at what she
has just said.
In the middle of the public place she stated her
appreciation for the same gender, as if it meant nothing.
“Well, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s my ex-girlfriend of
whom I live in the same house with and sleep in the same bed with and generally
have sex with on a regular basis, but she’s not my girlfriend”, Adine giggled
to herself and returned to her race against time to bash her keypad in.
“Cause that makes everything better”, Hunter teased
sarcastically.
I sat there, forcing myself to even try to grin at what had just unveiled itself before my eyes,
although I’m sure it must have come out looking something like that of the
expression I child has after tasting sand at the beach, almost a constipated
look.
I tried not to think about it too much, though. She was just
comfortable about not being straight, and maybe Hunter just wasn’t. Of course,
I was comfortable about it. In fact, it was probably one of the things I was most comfortable about. It was just that
hearing someone express it so publicly, as if it was completely acceptable to
the community already, had brought on a little shock.
We sat there for 10 more minutes, Adine infuriatingly
bashing away at her keypad, a look I would bet money she was known for, while Hunter
and I returned yet again to our flirting. Eventually, of course, I was frozen
and could stand no more.
“Ok, so what are we going to do exactly. ‘Cause if we’re
going to go inside, I wouldn’t mind going in right now. In fact, you might say
I might enjoy it.”
I grinned at myself after saying that. Nothing about it was
exactly a reason to smile, but it just came naturally. Which of course, being
natural was actually not very natural for me, which made me feel alien to
myself.
I could be myself with Hunter, it had been one of the things
he had taught me to do without even knowing. Something I was afraid of doing my
whole life, yet he made it alright.
“Well we might as well go down to the waiting center and
drop off my homeless friend”
Hunter supplied a devilish grin when saying homeless and
stared at Adine, of whom sighed and stood up and began walking out the door,
not even willing to put up a challenge to his last statement. Both Hunter and
myself stood up and followed Adine until we got to the road crossing outside
and Adine had stopped, although she was still on her cell phone. It seemed she
was so used to using her phone in every situation that her peripheral vision
was like a 6th sense or something.
Apparently so, the taxi driver was just as surprised, coming
to a screeching halt as if he would surely swerve onto the sidewalk and
massacre our teen bodies, creating a new piece of pavement art for the
community.
As soon as the taxi had stopped, Adine was walking again, as
if nothing had happened. Of course, Hunter seemed a little shocked, but not as
much as myself and the bystanders or the taxi driver, of whom appeared as if he
was about to start seizing in his vehicle.
I returned to reality and skipped across the road to re-join
the pack, and of course, Hunter had lingered behind, waiting for me to catch
up. As soon as I had, he flashed his lopsided grin, and I could do nothing but
smile and look down, hoping he wouldn’t see me blushing.
“So where are we going?”
I questioned, trying to divert attention from me, which of
course didn’t work.
Hunter looked directly at me, still grasping on to his
lopsided grin, whilst Adine more or less tilted her head to appear as if she
was looking at me. I needed not worry,
though; I was sure she could spot every flaw on my face with her peripheral
vision alone.
“We’re taking my homeless friend to the homeless people
center, like I said before. Maybe we can trade her”, Hunter joked; hilarity
ensued, of course only to Hunter and myself.
Adine whacked Hunter across the arm and sighed.
“I’m going to see Sue, to see if she can get my money”
She explained carefully, as if I knew who this ‘Sue’ person
was.
“Who’s Sue?” Hunter laughed “Are you going to sue, Sue?” he
began to laugh his angelic laugh.
“Shut up”, Adine retorted, whacking his shoulder again.
Hunter grinned, triumphant in his attempt to impress me, or
something like that.
We arrived at a large double story building, which looked
exactly the same as the other surrounding us. All of the buildings looked
exactly the same to me, all giant brick double story areas, except they all had
doors leading into a completely different area. Even all of the shops were
connected this way, although many of them were just single story, and had short
shingles hanging overhead to cover their entrances and any merchandise or seats
and tables they may have out front.
I stared up at the large double door, which had one door
open, and was painted a reflective onyx black, and had simplistic but elegant
gold door handles and hinges. I had the sudden urge to examine my flaws in the
reflective surface as always, but realised we were walking inside.
Adine stood in the small hallway that looked like an
entrance, staring with her peripheral vision at the two of us, standing just
outside the door.
Adine began to talk about something again, of what I’m not
exactly sure. I was too busy studying Hunter’s facial features, observing his
angular jaw line, which looked as if it had been sculpted out of marble. His
nose, too, was quite angular and so appeared his eyebrow ring, of which
protruded as a small ring near the edge, making something about him look even
more gorgeous. I could swear he was perfect, and if not, he was one of the
closest things.
I began to blush a little, thinking ‘why me’, and then became
so excited to get back to Melbourne
and tell all my girlfriends about this god I had stumbled upon.
I couldn’t stop staring and blushing in awe of his majesty
and splendour. Eventually, he began to recognise me staring at him, and
although he continued his conversation with Adine, I could see him looking out
of the corner of his eyes every few seconds at me, and grinning subtly.
Soon enough Adine began to pack away her cell phone, and
suddenly, her bubbly appearance had returned.
“Okay, ready to go inside?” She smiled, not really expecting
any other answer but no, and so the three of us ventured inside.
As we walked in through the grand onyx double doors, we were
flooded instantly with a glass wall and door separating the tiny hallway from a
larger waiting room.
We passed through the glass door and my eyes automatically
drifted towards the artwork hanging above boken kid’s toys, which were placed
very inconveniently against a door, of which three people had seemed to be
leaving. The artwork was magnificent in its detail, but was extremely tiny,
bringing it no hope of being noticed, and it clashed terribly with its
surroundings; the small amount of broken children’s toys underneath looked more
inviting. The large, black, wall hanging TV was to the right of the artwork and
it seemed so old it might fall and have a centuries worth of cobwebs collapse
to the ground with it.
As I turned to find Hunter and Adine, I could already see Adine
at the counter speaking with the lady over the counter, whom looked as if she
wanted to help, but at the same time looked as if she very much so needed a
toilet break.
My eyes wandered over to Hunter, whom was sitting in a room
of chairs and a coffee table with magazines, the illusion of a room created by
many vertical standing wooden planks spaced evenly along in a circle.
“Sit down” he motioned, once again to a set of uncomfortable
looking chairs to his left.
I decided to sit next to him on the warm, comfortable
looking sofa chair on his right, and was dissatisfied with its deceit. We sat
for a moment, observing our surroundings.
“So what are we doing, exactly?” I questioned.
I could still hear Adine conversing with the lady at the
counter, who appeared to have more strain in her voice than before.
“We’re waiting for my homeless friend to get money”
Hunter laughed at the statement, which seemed to flow from
his mouth so amazingly that it took me a few moments to recover myself.
“Uhuh. Okay then. So tell me about your friend” I continued
the conversation, yet again, something that came naturally, yet felt completely
alien to me.
“She’s homeless”, he laughed again and waited.
“… Is that it?” I asked, stupefied.
“Yep. I don’t know much about her. I kind of forgot her name”
He sheepishly smiled and shied away from the conversation slightly, seemingly
not really caring about his friend.
Adine returned and joined Hunter on one of the uncomfortable
looking wooden seats which I had previously rejected, suddenly regretting my
choice. She once again dived into her bag and pulled out her wallet and began
to rummage through it. What for, I was un-sure and I never learnt, but I did
watch her pull out her wallet and I studied it carefully.
It was white, and appeared to be faux leather, and was
imprinted with a few stickers. Possibly of friends, I didn’t really pay attention.
My eyes wandered off of the purse itself, and fell onto the information it
contained.
She had few bills of money, and many public transport
tickets, explaining to me she either loved public transport so much she took it
everywhere, or didn’t have a choice. For some reason, I guessed option ‘b’.
My eyes then wandered to the information she had in the
picture space of her purse. It had a sideways I.D card, to fit it all the way
in and a few sheets of paper with her name on it, which I studied with content.
Suddenly I realised I was snooping, and forced myself to
stop. I had already learnt all the basics I had needed though, so it would fuel
some more conversation later on.
“I just have to wait a few more minutes, Sue’s talking to
someone else or something” Adine explained.
“I’m gonna sue Sue” Hunter repeated, laughing at his own
joke once again.
I laughed a few seconds later; finally understand what he
had said.
We waited a few more minutes, staring at the TV which hung
up on the wall in front of us, and looked as if it was hanging by a thread. Adine
watched the news and the weather, while Hunter looked blankly at the screen
whilst I stared at him. He looked out of the corner of his eyes again and
grinned at me, that lopsided grin that melted me on the inside.
I looked up at the screen, pretending to pay attention for a
few seconds, until I heard a door near the counter creak open and 2 women
appear. One appeared to work here, with a name tag on her breast so small I
couldn’t read it. She hugged the other lady and told her to take care of
herself and come back whenever she needed to. I guessed this was Sue, and was
correct as I watched Adine walk up to her and vigorously shake her hand and
sprout a short conversation of greetings using first names, before walking back
inside the room.
For the first time in 20 minutes that I had been here, I was
finally alone with Hunter.
“Her name is Adine Fletcher; she’s born in September of 1991
and has one older brother.” I explained to Hunter.
“What? How would you know?” He questioned, his head slightly
tilting to one side, just like a giant, gorgeously cute puppy.
“I was reading all the information in her wallet when she
had it open. You didn’t know much about her, hell, you’d even forgotten her
name, so I decided to figure out myself.” I clarified, smiling jubilantly.
“Wow… You’re so… Lame” He teased, grinning devilishly.
We both laughed silently and sat, staring at each other in
content. I realised there were still other people in the room, and one of the ladies
at the counter was watching us. I broke off my gaze, dejectedly, and browsed the
artwork of the room with care, which all had acquired the same problem as the
first piece I noticed; they were all placed inconveniently around the area,
although they had so much potential. I felt sad for the artists and their lack
of recognition for their pieces.
I began to eavesdrop on the conversation coming from the
ladies at the counter. The one Adine talked to was stating how badly she needed
to expel fluids and ran out of the room, the other laughing and asking her to
buy her coffee on the way back.
After what felt like an eternity being torn away from Hunter,
I looked at him, staring blankly at the television with obviously with no
intention to actually watch it.
“So what exactly are we doing right now” I asked, leaning in
towards him and resting my head on the corner of the sofa.
“Well we’ve still got 15 minutes until our movie comes on,
so we’ll wait here for 10 minutes, in case…” he paused, forgetting Adine’s
name.
“Fletcher”, I inserted, soon after realising her full name
was Adine Fletcher, but deciding that her last name would be both easier to say
and to remember.
“So we’ll wait here for 10 minutes, in case Fletcher
returns”, he finished.
I nodded, mumbling under my breath something so cryptic even
I was un-able to understand it.
We sat there for two more minutes in silence, me staring at
him, and him staring back at me, and the both of us occasionally looking around
to see if anyone was watching, or if Fletcher had returned.
I stood up and stretched out my body, awkwardly bending over
in his direction without noticing and laughed at his reaction- which wasn’t
filled with disgust as I expected, but with a small hint of lust expressed in
his lopsided grin appearing on the upper left side of his mouth.
“What time is it?” I asked, after recovering myself from the
hilarity.
“Time to go, our movie starts soon”, Hunter responded,
standing up slowly drifting towards the door.
I skipped over to the door and followed him out onto the
cold street, not even realising the temperature had dropped and was staring at
his gorgeous face as we walked down to the crossing lights where we abruptly
stopped and I regained a sense of reality.
Finally I looked at my surroundings, feeling emptiness tip
over my insides as I looked away from him, noticing how far we had walked in
what seemed like a few seconds.
Without warning the walk signal went off and the small crowd
quickly crossed the road, separating me from Hunter for a few seconds.
I jogged quickly across the road with my hands stuffed in
pockets- being without Hunter even for those short few seconds tossed me back
into reality and helped me remember how freezing it was, making me jog even
faster in a desperate attempt to gain some warmth out of the action and to be
back with my Hunter, who warmed my insides mentally- something I had been
lacking my entire life.
I quickly caught up with Hunter, and instantly our eyes met
again and he smiled, my insides immediately warm yet again. Once more we walked
along the street, this time noticing the cafés, quaint floral shops and antique
shops across the road.
“We’re here”, Hunter indicated, a small smile appearing on
his face.
I grinned back and walked inside the picturesque looking
cinema clearly labelled “The Regent” above the signs that were surrounded with
light bulbs stating that ‘Kung Fu Panda’ was showing today, looking exactly
like the ones in movies.
We walked in and I handed Hunter 20 dollars, smiling
innocently and blushing.
“What? Free money? Thanks!” Hunter laughed at his own joke,
once again.
“I want you to buy my ticket for me”, I sighed, “I hate
buying things from people if there’s a line behind me. I just can’t do it”, I
sighed once more and sulked, still holding the money out for Hunter to take.
“Fine”, Hunter agreed, staring at my expression, suddenly
rolling his eyes and sighing, and a grin appearing over my face in triumph as
he took the money.
I quickly stood further apart from him in the line, trying to
make it a little obvious that I wasn’t in line, staring at him with my right
hand on my hip, my left hand gripping my right wrist and shuffling my feet
around in front of me as we waited.
I continued to stare at his gorgeous face, smiling
uncontrollably, watching him look up to the viewing times for each of the
movies as if he didn’t know which one we were seeing, although occasionally
looking down out of the corner of his eyes and seeing my expression and
grinning his lopsided grin I had immediately fallen in love with.
I noticed a small line had appeared behind us, extending the
already quite long line that we had joined, and looked around at the cinema
that differed in many different ways from the ones that I had been to back in Melbourne.
For starters, there was a wide hallway that fit snugly
between two staircases, and above the door at the end it said ‘Cinema 5’. Going
up the left stairway lead to another door that said ‘Cinema 3’, and going up
the left stairway led to ‘Cinema 4’, although going up past those stairs led to
another set of stairs, and once going up these, turning to your left would lead
to ‘Cinema 2’ and turning to your right would lead to ‘Cinema 1’. By the time I
had figured the system out, I realised that, of course, we would be in cinema
1, the cinema furthest away.
Hunter sighed and looked back at the ticket booth we had
suddenly reached and asked the kind lady for two tickets to see ‘Kung Fu Panda’
and handed her the 20 dollar note, which she exchanged with two small, slightly
rectangular pieces of paper with ‘Kung Fu Panda’ written in capitals over it in
large bold font, with a sub heading underneath saying ‘Cinema 1’.
Hunter and I walked over near the food stall and he put the
change away and handed me my ticket. As I waited, I noticed a lanyard on the
ground, imprinted with Barbie the Fairy Princess images all over it. Why I
actually knew what the characters were, I’d no idea, but I laughed and looked
up at Hunter.
“Did you drop your keys?” I continued to giggle and indicated
the keys next to Hunter’s feet.
“No”, Hunter glared at me with a menacing look, his inner
eyebrows closing in down towards the tip of his nose.
I collected myself and looked back at Hunter’s face.
“Are you going to buy any food?"
“Well we can’t just leave these keys here…” He looked down
at the keys.
“Okay. Well what do you suppose we do?” I questioned.
Hunter leaned over and picked the keys up and held them out
to me.
“You go over to the counter and hand them in to the lost and
found and I’ll go buy my drink.”
I stared at Hunter’s hand, and then looked over his shoulder
to the intimidating, large line we had just come from.
“… But there’s a line…” I grumbled, not looking at Hunter.
“Oh my gosh, you’re so…” Hunter trailed off, mumbling
something under his breath. I’m sure it was something along the lines of
‘stubborn’ or ‘annoying.’
“Fine, I’ll do it. You wanna go buy my coke while I return
this?” Hunter asked.
I shook my head violently,
“If I wasn’t willing to go wait in that line, why would I be
willing to wait in another line?” I felt the corners of my face dragging down
into a sad expression.
I choked “Sorry” out of my throat and looked down at my
feet.
Hunter sighed once more and continued to mumble under his
breath and walked over to the line. I paused for a moment, watching him stand
in line; both of us annoyed at me and then walked over to stand next to him and
stared at our feet the entire time, too ashamed to look anywhere else.
As we kept moving forward in line I would look up at Hunter,
trying to make it look as inconspicuous as possible, and noticed he was
constantly checking the time and looking back at the food stalls as if to
wonder if I was over there buying his drink, though not expecting me to be.
Suddenly he was out of the line, and he walked back to me
and sighed and put more change away, and pulled out yet another note, and just
strolled off towards the food stalls with me scurrying along behind him.
We waited in the short line to buy him a coke and I stood
right beside him, leaning against the counter observing the popcorn slowly pop
away in front of me, tapping the glass as if to speed up the process, although
thinking about how mean I was being to Hunter.
I heard my name, but didn’t respond and continued to slowly
tap the popcorn machine in front of me, not noticing how un-hygienic it was.
“Christian!” Hunter said, loudly.
I turned instantly to see Hunter staring at me, coke in hand
and waiting for me.
“Sorry” was all I could manage to mumble and looked down,
once again embarrassed at my own stupidity.
I heard no response, so looked up to see Hunter grinning his
lopsided half grin, which had infected me, forcing me to grin with him.
“Come on, lets go”, Hunter motioned with the hand holding
his coke towards the staircases.
I walked over, completely forgetting how embarrassed and
stupid I had felt because of that grin Hunter gave me, as if to represent that
he didn’t care and just wanted me to be happy.
Eventually I got to the stairs and waited for Hunter to walk
in front of me and followed him up the steep stairs to the final flight of
stairs, where we were forced to stop halfway due to the mass of people that had
piled up against the cinema 1 doors, waiting for the show to begin. Not looking
where I was going, I bumped into Hunter and was forced to stay, squished next
to him, on the same space of staircase because of the crowd that seemed to
follow behind us, and could do nothing but laugh.
The entire time we waited, being pushed up the flight of
stairs and along the flat, carpeted floor, I was squished next to Hunter; and
after all the laughing had finally passed I enjoyed the moment and studied Hunter
even more, who had a subtle grin on the corner of his mouth.
Being so close to him, I could smell my perfume which clung
to his clothes, a woody scent, my ‘Christian
Lacroix Noir’ aftershave/parfum. I became ecstatic as I realised any time I
wanted to remember him, I could just wear ‘Noir’
and think of these moments.
Eventually, yet finally, we made it up to the entrance and
handed our tickets to the doorman. I paused for a moment, expecting him to rip
a tab off and hand the rest back to me, but with no luck he took the entire
ticket, ripped it in two, and threw it into a pile of rubbish behind him. My
hope of keeping the movie ticket to remember the moment was obviously gone, but
it didn’t matter, seeing as there would be no chance of me forgetting this in
my entire life.
We walked inside the cinema, still as close to each other as
we were a few moments ago, although not because we were squished together by a
horde of people but simply because we liked it and wanted to be.
We walked over to the back of the cinema and sat in the
middle of the back rows and pulled the arm rest between us up, reconnecting our
bodies to each other.
Suddenly the mob of people that had been waiting behind us
to get into the cinema seemed to pour in and sit in front of us and around us,
leaving us with no private space to be intimate.
“Shall we move?” I offered, looking over to the empty space
of seats towards the end of the cinema, a place that none wished to sit,
because it was much too far from the entrance and exits.
Hunter grinned his lopsided grin once more and stood up,
dragging my connected arm with him and began to walk to the very end of the
back row to where I had suggested.
By the time we had sat down I had already snuggled up
against Hunter’s arm, feeling more comfortable than I had ever felt in my life.
Hunter looked down at me, grinned, yet again and then placed
his drink in the arm rest next to me, instead of his. I had no idea why he
didn’t just place it in his own, but I didn’t care either.
“This movie is great”, Hunter said, laughing under his
breath a laugh that almost sounded fake, but was genuine, of that I was sure.
“Didn’t it only just come out?” I asked, confused.
“Yeah, but I’ve seen it six or seven times.”
“But… I thought it just came out?” His second statement had
provided no more help than the first.
“I didn’t watch it at the cinema, I watched it on DVD” Hunter
said, proud of himself, slowly sipping on his coke.
“Pirating DVDS is wrong,
Hunter, and illegal”, I shook my head and waggled my finger in front of him,
smiling.
“A bit late now”, He shrugged, grinning once more, making me
forget what we had talked about.
Suddenly, all the previews had passed and the movie was
finally beginning, and Hunter said a couple of lines with the movie as they
were said.
“That’s so sad”, I laughed, staring into his eyes.
“It’s the best”, He grinned once more, as if he had achieved
some sort of life goal.
I smiled to myself and nuzzled my head into his arm, trying
to fit myself back into our little puzzle. Eventually I stopped watching the
movie, not because I was bored, but because I had thought about how much I
liked Hunter.
This was the first time in my entire life I had gone out
with a guy. He had previous experience in all fields of relationships, whilst I
had none. The most affection I had ever shown in any of my relationships this
far was a short hug, whilst Hunter on the other hand, had done just about
everything. It wasn’t the first time I met someone over the internet, though;
in fact, I was quite used to it.
Although this time was so much more different.
The first night I talked to him on the net, as soon as he
said hello and told me about how he just ran over his foot with his chair, I
had already developed a crush on him. It was impossible not to. We talked for 3
hours over the internet, just Hunter and myself and once off the computer we instantly
on the phone talking for just over an hour, once again returning to talk on the
internet. It was as if I was already attached to him and meeting him was just
to make it official that I couldn’t not
love him.
A few days later we were open about our feelings for each
other and decided we would meet on this very day.
Although four days before hand (the 5th of the 7th,
2008) we had talked over the phone and Hunter admitted he no longer liked me or
had a crush on me, but had fallen in love with me. I was shocked, as it had happened
so fast, but not just at Hunter but at myself, also falling and admitting I was
in love with him.
In the short week we had talked, we had both fallen in love
with each other, which seemed so rushed compared to other relationships, yet I
knew it was love.
And now we were together and so I wanted to make the moment
memorable and make the moment last.
I moved closer to him (if that was possible) and locked eyes
with him. He looked down at my face and grinned. His grin was not as large as
previous times, but it was even deeper and more meaningful than ever and we
stared into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity of complete
tranquillity and perfection.
“I love you…” I whispered to Hunter.
“I love you too…” He whispered back.
I leaned my head into the crevice of his neck and listened
to the blood pulse through him as he breathed, as if it was the only sound
there was. He placed his hand over my chest and felt my heart beat. I squeezed
his hand that he had intertwined in mine, and rubbed my thumb tip back and
fourth along the side of his thumb.
“Someone’s heart is beating a little fast,” Hunter chuckled,
“are you nervous or something?”
“No. It’s just because I’m with you.” I smiled and looked up
to him again and then closed my eyes once more, resting, nestled against him,
his head resting upon mine.
We continued to watch in silence, his left hand resting upon
my knee, my right hand still intertwined in his, the moment perfect as it was.
“Guess what”, Hunter suddenly said.
“What?” I said, without looking up.
“Guess!”
“What?” Still not looking up.
“Guess!!”
“What!?” Still not
looking up.
“Guess!!!” Hunter persisted.
“What!?” I looked up into his eyes.
Hunter leaned in to me, pressing his soft, tender lips
against mine. He continued to peck me so tenderly I was lost. He caressed my
side with his hand, making the experience better than I expected. The way he
kissed me was so simple, yet my ideal, favourite kind and he seemed to know how
to make it seem even better.
He leaned out, taking his hand off of my side and picking up
the coke bottle in the arm rest next to me. Obviously he’d had the whole thing
planned out.
We continued to watch the movie and I moved back into place,
although before I had gotten comfortable, Hunter had kissed me once again, just
as passionately as the first time and then re-arranged our bodies so that I was
sitting conveniently placed between his legs, giving him easy access to hold on
to me, making me feel completely secure- yet another thing I had never been.
We watched the movie like this until it ended, with
conversations revolving around the flaws of my appearance such as how feminine
I was apparently dressed, and the flaws he located on my face. I was used to
him teasing me, and as crazy as it had seemed, I didn’t care. It was our
special way of bonding, and it helped me realise how often he too was studying
me, making me feel better about not being able to stop staring at him.
Eventually, the credits began to roll on and I separated
from Hunter, sitting back in my original seat with a feeling of loss and emptiness
fall over me. The lights were still dimmed and so I clung on to Hunter as we
continued to embrace. We stared into each others eyes, saying everything we
needed in that instant without actually needing to make a sound.
Instantly the lights above us flashed on, causing me to
strain my eyes in order to adjust to the light, noticing that rather than
sitting down in his own seat, Hunter was practically lying on top of me. I
struggled to grasp a sense of reality and urgently sat up as if we had been
doing nothing the entire time.
Hunter did the same; with a matching surprised expression
plastered over his face and quickly pulled out his cell phone.
I rubbed my eyes, still trying to adjust to the sudden burst
of light.
“What time is it?” I asked.
Hunter fiddled with his cell momentarily in an attempt to
gain an answer.
“Uhmm. 2:45”
Suddenly he returned to his cell whilst his fingers danced
rapidly across the keypad.
I studied Hunter once more, not really wanting to leave.
“Should we get out of here now?”
Hunter continued an intimate moment with his cell phone.
“Uhm. Lets wait a little bit”, He replied.
I nodded, a slight smile feeling the urge to surface,
although being forced down by my will. We sat in the chairs, Hunter on his cell
and I thinking about what had just happened, hoping it would happen again and
again, suddenly realising it would all end in exactly one hour and thirteen
minutes, but trying to think of how we could make our final moments special.
Hunter sighed and placed his cell phone back into his
pocket.
“Okay, I believe my erection is gone now”, He stated,
grinning his virtuous grin.
I stared, wide eyed at Hunter, trying to contain my laughter
but failing miserably, practically falling onto the dirty cinema floor.
We shuffled out of the aisles, walking towards the entrance.
“I think we have to go out that way…” I spoke softly,
staring down at a door that suddenly appeared next to the large screen we had
been partially observing during our stay.
Hunter looked down at the door, surprised.
“I guess so”, He said, his face looking just as confused as
mine. I guess it wasn’t normal to be going out that exit for him either.
Slowly we made our way back towards the area we had just
left and walked down that aisle instead, towards the door that gushed out
chilling air, smelling slightly of rubbish and gas from a long, dark and narrow
alleyway.
As we made our way out, I looked up at Hunter, still a
confused expression over his face, which was soon replaced with half of one of
his heart melting grins. We walked out with the rest of the mob, passing many
overhead gas pipes that had leaks and liquids dripping from them, mostly
falling into a large rubbish bin which people tried to throw their food into,
hopelessly missing 75% of the time.
Litter festooned the pavement beneath us and the smells were
overwhelming, causing me to quicken my pace, almost leaving Hunter behind.
We walked out of the long, narrow alleyway to be somewhere I
had never seen before. Un-aware of my surroundings, I turned to see Hunter, who
began walking up the corner of the street. I scuttled along behind him, my
hands finding themselves in their pretzel form once more.
As we turned the corner, we were back in front of The Regent
and I suddenly knew where I was and continued to walk with Hunter down to the
traffic lights, this time maintaining a small distance between us, as to make
sure to not lose him again.
As we approached the traffic lights, I noticed the people
pile up alongside us and many beginning to stare at me. I felt so alien to this
community, and even to myself. For all I had known, I was no longer here.
As the green “walk” sign appeared overhead, I skipped
alongside Hunter.
“Do you usually have this many people staring at you?”
Hunter chuckled under his breathe until we reached the other
side.
“It’s because”, his smile expanding, “You’re dressed so gay.
Although, yes, I usually do have this many people staring at me. But this time
they’re all staring at your gay clothes.” He chuckled at himself once more.
I smirked at his remark. “Just because I have fashion sense
and they don’t…”
Hunter chuckled again, throwing his head back as if it were
one of the funniest things he had ever heard in his life.
“People down here don’t dress for fashion that often. No one
really cares. We all just wear what feels good and keeps us warm.” He continued
to look down at me, grinning.
“Whatever” I replied, completely over the subject. I had
forgotten about it once he flashed his grin at me.
We walked to the end of the street, looking at the train
tracks I would soon be riding on.
“So what now?” I asked, inquisitively.
“Let’s just walk”, Hunter said, calmly, flashing a memorable
grin once more.
We turned to our left and walked down, following the winding
train tracks toward a large building set off in the distance.
As we walked, we eventually came to a halt at the end of a
street, and stared forward at the building across the road.
“What’s that?” I asked, thinking we had reached our
destination.
“I’ve no idea. Why would I know?” Hunter snapped back, in a
jokingly angry tone, with a grin over his face.
I looked behind the building, seeing a row of cars drifting
back and forth and seeing a car sales shop behind.
“I think I’ve been here before”, the sight looked familiar
to me, but I doubted it.
Obviously Hunter did too, “No you haven’t. Why would you be
in Ballarat? You wouldn’t”, he smirked, answering his own question.
I sighed and looked up at the winding ramp in front enough,
leading to an upstairs car park of some sort and then slowly drifted off with
Hunter, whom had drifted off without me once more.
As we crossed the road, I saw the main street again across a
large garden with paths darting in and out of it and suddenly noticed we were
walking along a narrow path along the buildings wall.
As I stared at the navy grey wall, I noticed golden letters
along it saying ‘Ballarat Library.’
Suddenly a conversation we’d had popped into my mind. We had
talked about awkward places we liked that not many other people had seemed to,
like dentists and hospitals and etc. One of them we both had in common was
libraries.
“I like libraries”, I reminded him, grinning uncontrollably.
“I know.” Hunter replied, smiling back. “Me too”
We continued to walk along, silently as people began walking
past us, staring through the enormous windows that covered most of the library,
allowing us to see all the people reading and studying inside.
“I know that kid”, Hunter stated, pausing momentarily.
I grinned, looking up at him. “Shall we go inside then? You
can introduce me to your friend”, Knowing his answer would be no to either.
“No. And that kids retarded, I hate him” He smirked with a
subtle grin showing underneath, exposing his upper teeth.
I laughed and choked halfway after registering what he said.
“So... Wait... I thought you were friends?” I was completely lost.
“We are.”
“But you just said you hate him?”
“And?”
“But… Well…” I paused, thinking about how to word my
question.
“How can you be friends with someone if you hate them?”
“I just am.”
I sighed, giving up; which in turn Hunter presented me with
a grin and some chuckling.
We continued to walk past the library and I skipped along
the top of the low brick wall, keeping balance with my arms out.
“Okay, so now what do we do?” I asked, jumping off of the
wall and skipping along behind Hunter as he turned to walk down the pavement.
“Well… I don’t know…” His expression slightly sad, hurting
me inside.
We walked along the pavement in silence, both of us staring
down until we reached the exact same pair of traffic lights and turned left,
walking back up the same street.
I gasped in air, and collected my thoughts. “Okay. Well.” I
lost my thoughts straight away and paused.
Hunter gazed at me, waiting for me to continue.
“Okay, so we’ve walked around in a circle. How about we go
sit in the train station for another…” I flipped out my cell phone to check the
time.
“45 minutes.”
“Mmkay”, Hunter replied, his expression slightly flat.
We walked back to the train station and sat down in the
exact same space we had sat before. I sat on my feet, keeping my legs warm, and
leaned against our armrest to be closer to Hunter.
We sat and chattered away, Hunter constantly checking his
phone, and texting someone.
“Who are you texting, eh? Your girlfriend?” I teased, winking at him.
“No, I’m texting my sister. She’s out with her friend.” He
replied, matter-of-factly.
“Oh yeah, she’s the same age as me, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, she’s 15 too. Damn minors.” He sighed under his
breath.
“Go figure you’re only a year younger than my sister. She’s
turning 18 in September” I stated, chuckling softly.
“Hmm…” He mumbled, still texting his sister; although I
wondered if the age difference between us bothered him as it did me, sometimes.
I brushed away the thought. ‘Age doesn’t matter’ I told
myself. ‘If you love each other, you can withstand anything. And plus, we’re
both underage still.’ I thought, a faint smile appearing over my face.
‘Although in a year it’ll all be different… He’ll be an adult and I’ll still be
an adolescent. Sure, I’ll be of consenting age, but I’ll still be an adolescent
and he’ll still be an adult.’ I reminded myself, the faint smile crushed with a
sad frown. I rubbed my index fingers over my temples and shut my eyes, trying to
remember that I was here now and it was alright now and that I just needed to
be happy with what I currently had.
I brushed aside the thoughts and watched him texting on his
cell phone. Hunter had noticed me leaning closer through the corner of his
eyes, and turned his phone slightly to allow me to see.
“Sorry” I chuckled. “I’m just… Yeah…” I thought about what I
was trying to say.
“I just have a tendency to… be nosey.”
“I don’t care”, Hunter grinned his lopsided grin in
approval.
Suddenly I could smell something. The scent was strong. It
didn’t smell bad, but I could definitely smell something. Apparently so, Hunter
could smell it, too. We both looked around, wondering where the scent came
from.
Suddenly my eyes stung as I looked towards the door and a
girl came in wearing almost reflective fluoro clothes.
She wore a fluoro fuchsia hoodie,
and fluoro yellow track pants. ‘Obviously not from Ballarat.’ I thought to
myself. ‘They ‘don’t dress for fashion’ down here’.
Hunter chuckled at the site of her.
“Shh”, I quietened him, suppressing my laughter, but
failing.
Suddenly his chuckle faded and he returned to his cell,
bashing the keypad, almost resembling Fletcher earlier on.
Hunter poked my forearm and motioned to his cell phone with
his head. I read along the screen, which read ‘She’s like a lemon, lol’
“She smells like one, too”, I replied, both of us breaking
into laughter.
Hunter lingered on the subject for a few moments, constantly
repeating “She smells like a lemon”, rocking back and forth slowly, chuckling.
I kept shaking my head, thinking of how lame he was, but he was so cute I
couldn’t help but smile.
We spent the next twenty-five minutes chuckling as she
continued to walk in and out, smelling her before we could see her, and
observing the people who flowed through the station.
“Any bets that’s really you”, I chuckled, indicating an old
man cleaning out the rubbish bins, remembering our little game from this
morning.
“And any bets that’s really you”, Hunter smirked, indicating ‘Lemon Girl’, as we had named her.
I poked out my tongue, Hunter chuckling and poking his
tongue back at me.
We sat silently for a few minutes, and I grew impatient.
“Can we do something?”
“Such as?”
“I don’t know… You’re the one that lives here. We still have
45 minutes until I have to leave, show me around!” I persisted, just wanting to
continue doing something with him.
“Hmm.” He thought
momentarily, tilting his head. “There’s nothing to really do, unless we go down
town and we won’t have enough time to do anything once we get there.”
Both of us sighed, looking down.
Hunter continued to sit silently, returning texts to his
sister, while I stood up and paced in front of him.
“Isn’t there anything we can do?”
I was being stubborn again.
Hunter sighed, “No. Nothing down here is exciting. There’s
just the train station, the library and the cinema.”
I sighed, covering my face with my hands in an attempt to
bring up a strand of thought.
“Okay, you know what? Lets just walk” I said, waiting for
Hunter to stand up.
He continued texting and I stood in front of him, my hand on
my hip, waiting for him to get up. Suddenly he sighed, looking up at me, and
stood up.
We walked back out the door, cold air thrusting itself upon
us. I continued walking, finding my hands had still been in pretzel form since
we had crossed the traffic lights, almost half an hour ago.
Instead of walking back down toward the street, I walked
with Hunter up along the edge of the station, squeezing ourselves past two
buildings, overlooking what appeared to be a small car park and past that,
seeing a grass oval of some sort. Hunter looked up, and looked around at the car
park we were about to enter, at two people leaving their car and staring at us
oddly.
“I kind of don’t think we’re meant to be here…” He stated.
“How was I supposed to know?”
“You weren’t. And nor was I.”
We walked back along the edge of the train station, stopping
out front of the doors once more and sitting on the cold, steel framed bike
rack. I kept my arms folded and sat on my feet once more, this time balancing
myself on the metal bars. Hunter, too, leaned against the bike rack, but
continued texting. We chatted continuously, lost in thought and conversation.
Around us, tiny Finch’s were pecking the ground picking up food scraps, and
then flying up towards the roof and concealing themselves in the decorative
vents in the walls.
“Eww” I said, silently giggling..
“What?”
I continued to stare up at the air vent and then Hunter must
have looked up…
“Dead bird?”
“Yep,” I replied, staring at it as it laid in the vent, half
falling outside, its body as still as ever.
Hunter brought up another topic, trying to deter my
attention from the bird, which he must have sensed pained me to see.
We talked continuously, returning almost instantly to how we
were previously, but I could not stop staring at the dead bird, laying half
inside the air vent, motionless.
I stood up on the bike rack, balancing myself as best
possible without unleashing my arms from their grip, looking away from the
bird. Hunter stared at me and then began vigorously shaking the bike rack,
laughing, with no actual intention of me falling off and was surprised when I
jumped off in shock.
I almost fell to the ground, I hadn’t realised the bike rack
was so tall. As I tumbled to the ground, I fell near the door.
“OH MY GOD THE BIRD’S FALLING ON YOU”, Hunter yelled.
I squirmed and writhed in an attempt to stand up properly,
my feet still in pain from the fall.
Suddenly Hunters laugh brought me back to reality and I
noticed the bird was still laying motionless and was going to stay like that
for a while.
My expression turned glum. “Oh, I hate you so much right
now!” I yelled, trying to sound as angry as possible, whilst my mouth fought
against me and upturned itself into a grin.
Hunter continued laughing and I just returned to my ‘seat’
on the bike rack, but this time closer to him.
I finally decided to check my cell phone, and to my
surprise, it was 3:58pm- the time my train was meant to leave.
“Oh my god I’m going to miss my train!” I yelped, jumping up
and practically running towards the door.
“Hey,”
I turned around to see Hunter standing there with his arms
to his side and his expression sad.
“Don’t I get a hug goodbye?”
I ran up to Hunter, tears welling in my eyes. I jumped onto
him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I didn’t care if people saw us publicly
displaying our love, I didn’t care if people heard.
“I love you so much,” I said, choking back the tears,
thinking about how badly I wanted to stay. I closed my eyes and lay my head in
his neck, feeling his skin against mine, keeping me warm.
“I love you too”, He replied. I could feel his arms wrapped
around my waist and our bodies interlocked each other, like pieces to the
puzzle that was our love.
I laid there for a few moments, nuzzling my head against his
shoulder and kissed the nape of his neck.
“Okay, I have to go”, I forced myself to speak the words
that came out in a miserable slur.
“Okay…” He replied, following me.
As I turned, I saw two Indian-looking men, staring at us in
disbelief. I didn’t care, and simply walked past them into the train station,
right beside Hunter.
Suddenly we reached the station doors and Hunter left my
side. I continued walking, but turned to see him standing at the door, his
expression seemed to be filled with pain and loss and I assure you that mine
too was the same.
“Bye…” I waved, sadly. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I
regretted it.
The words rang in my head, reminding me this would probably
be the last time I would see him until at least
9 weeks from now, slowly tearing me apart inside.
I ran to the train as the doors started to close and just
barely made it. As I stepped into the train, I turned around to see Hunter,
still standing there with the same expression on his face and I waved once
more. The train was packed and I stood at the door, knowing I would be in the
same place for the majority of this 45 minute long train ride.
Staying at the door allowed me to continue seeing Hunter
those few seconds longer as the train pulled out. He stood there, motionless,
with his staring eyes. I could feel the tears welling up as we drifted off and
suddenly he was gone and my soul gone with him.
I stood leaning against the door in the train, my head
against the window. I saw two girls opposite me who looked a year or two
younger than I, talking about how great their day filled with shopping was and
how they couldn’t wait for school to start up again in a few days.
My heart shattered as I thought about school. The reason I
would be un-able to see Hunter for a minimum of 9 weeks would be because of school. Tears in my eyes
still welling up, I could feel one starting to pour out and wiped my eye to
conceal it. The girl opposite me noticed and suddenly went silent. We all stood
there in the packed train without speaking, watching as others joined us and
others left.
Exactly twenty-eight minutes later, at 4:27pm, I felt my
cell phone vibrate. I had been gripping it in my hand tightly, in case I
received any texts from him, and it was.
“I love u so much… i
really
do, even if it
was a let down
a bit :( we need
more time, but i
dbt u will come
bak lol :(“
As I read the message I could no longer restrain my tears,
which had continued to well up in my eyes the entire ride.
Salty H²O poured down my face and I simply turned towards
the door to hide my face, knowing there was no way possible to conceal, nor
wipe away all the tears; there were simply too many.
I desperately wanted to text him back, but I had used all of
my $150 of credit in the days before hand, staying up from midnight until 3am
or later, texting him. A few minutes passed and then suddenly my phone rang. I
knew it wouldn’t be him, but something inside me desperately hoped for it to
be. As I flipped open my phone, my father’s voice echoed through.
“Hey, Christian, are you on the train yet?”
I gasped in air, trying to sound natural. “Yeah, I’ve only
got half an hour to go”
“That’s good”, he said. “How was Sovereign Hill?” He asked
enthusiastically.
“Sovereign Hill?” I asked, pausing momentarily, un-aware of
what he was talking about.
Suddenly I remembered that I had lied to my family, telling
them I was going with a few of my girlfriends to Sovereign Hill for the day. I
may be out to my friends and even some of my enemies, but I definitely wasn’t
out to my family.
I sniffed, and continued. “Oh yeah, Sovereign Hill was
great. We just drank coffee all day, and talked about school.”
“They sell coffees there now?” He asked, unbelievably.
“Uhm, yeah. They opened up a café nearby a few days ago.
That’s why we went” I responded, desperately trying to end the conversation
with the first lie that popped into my head.
“… Mmkay…”, He replied, sounding un-sure.
“Okay, well, I gotta go now dad. Bye, love you, see you
soon.” I spoke hurriedly, wanting the call to end already.
“Bye, love you too.”
I flipped my cell closed instantly and covered my face in my
hands and sucked in air. I let my head fall down, and my nose was buried into
my scarf. It had a woody fragrance, like that of my “Christian Lacroix Noir” and instantly I thought of The Regent and
Hunter, our bodies being intertwined and our scents mingling. I sighed and took
a gulp of air from my scarf and gripped it tightly. ‘At least I have something
to remember him by, other than my memory’, I thought to myself.
I flipped open my cell again and re-read his message over
and over again. ‘I love you so much’ rang in my mind, along with ‘But I doubt
you’ll come back’. I loved him too much not to go back. I swore to myself that
I would return as soon as possible, no matter what. Re-reading it was enough to
send me back to tears and all the way back to the train station.
I loved him and he had my soul. He knew he did and I told
him before we’d even met that he would control my life from that point onwards
and in return, he did the same. We didn’t care about age, we didn’t care how
far away we lived from each other, we didn’t care about being the same gender.
We loved each other and that was all that mattered to us. We already agreed we
would spend our lives with each other, but on that train ride home, reading
that text I realised; my life only started when he came into it and I was going
to live for a very long time.
