Oh good lord, no. My place is a pigsty.
And besides, I'm in southern California.
Everyone knows that the place to be in southern California is watcher's pad.

FOR REAL! We all can sleep on his really nice bed! And make him cook good food for us!

sounds like a plan to me. i guess it's all settled then. shall we set a date? lol

i bet if i threw a meet, y'all would really come. and if i said i had enough alcohol to get my whole apartment wasted, some of you would fly here immediately. lucky for me, i dont have that much alcohol. just enough to get my entire floor drunk. HA!!

Its ok! I got some money for you to go buy some more liquor! I just want to sleep on your nice bed.

it's only nice cuz im in it

Hahaha. Lol. Please. don't flatter yourself.

*shiver* scary thought.


lol. jk.

I have a question I love throwing out to different groups, because it always gets such interesting answers. I thought I'd try it here, since this thread is full of such mature, wise, and learned folk.
The question is simple: what is love?
Yes, I know there is a song with the same name and a funny SNL skit that mocks it - but, I'm seriously wanting to know people's answers. You can answer however you like with as short or long an explanation as you need.

If you haven't noticed, we live in a world obsessed with "love" - you can't escape it... it's in music, books, magazines, movies, on the TV, on the radio, on people's minds, in their hearts, and in their conversations. If it is so big and important to us, you'd think we would know exactly what it is. Yet, I'm always surprised at the variety of answers I get, and how many of those answers often contradict each other.

Relationship wise, love to me means wanting to spend every breathing second I have with him. When I wake up, his face is the first thing I want to see and when I go to bed, his voice is the last thing I want to hear. To me, love has the emotions of happiness, excitement, nervousness all rolled into one when I'm with him. Love to me is when my heart beats really fast when he touches and kisses me, and how my heart settles down whenever he comforts me with his sweet words. Love is counting my lucky stars that I found my soulmate, someone I can spend eternity with.

love's a decision that you put into action. i think people confuse being 'in love' with actually loving someone. there's certainly an undeniable emotional aspect to love, but i believe the 'true' love that anyone seeks is of the unconditional kind. the one that always acts upon virtue and protects, heals, sanctifies and fulfills both our natural and supernatural needs/desires. it's a load of effort, but whether it's worth it depends on one's expectations. people wanna believe love is one-sided. as long as the other is happy, you can be ok. i'm an idealist, but i know that every human being has a personal desire to be loved in return, especially by those they love. perhaps that's how we form our bonds with one another and keep us together, but it certainly is a double-edged sword. unreciprocated love often times end up in heartbreak, breakups and divorces, and to bring back my earlier comment, it's not because the person is no longer 'in love' with you, but because that person has failed in acting in such a way to express love.

love is something that is consistently decided upon. that's why when people get married, and i am asked for advice, one of the more important questions i ask is how well they keep their promises. it's a valid question that, at least, somewhat reflects how valid the words 'i do' will ultimately become.

All or nothing, eh? Yeah, I say so too! If you like someone make that move or else keep wondering. If you don't want to make the move then stop hanging out with the girl that much or else you'll still be fantasizing about her or whatso. Being friends is great, but not when you have feelings for them that are more than that. Sometimes you need to break away from that and it could be mean, but it could be something that can help you and her/him out.

By all means tho, if you want to remain friends and continue that friendship then there's nothing wrong in it. Don't expect more and don't be hurt if you don't get anything out of it.

I have only said: "I love you" to my family and friends.

u never said it to me!!! i got jipped!!

B/c you know why!

I DONT LOVE YOU THATS WHY!

There I said it! You happy! I only like your bed and your cooking!

LOL. Babe, you know I love you.

my thoughts on love are a little different. i like to think that love is a little bit like faith or atleast that they go hand in hand. love is unconditional and it doesn't fade. there is no such thing as "i don't love you anymore" in my books. that's not love. love is always there and will always be there. i think that going into a relationship you should have faith that the person you are with will be the one you will be able to love unconditionally and as corny as it sounds .. until your life has come to an end. i'm not saying that when you go into a relationship to start making wedding plans or anything but have faith that this is the one. if you end your relationship and feel that you don't love that person anymore then it's safe to say that it wasn't love.

even with your family you will never absolutely know that they love you. you just have faith and believe they do. why? because they are family and it's what familys do. they stay with eachother through thick and thin and despite the arguments and hard times you still love them. i feel that this should apply to relationships as well.

I know I've been behind on here, but I'm back. I've been sick for past 2 days. BooHoo me....

Anyway, I still wanted to give my "cents" on here to some people about their posts. I hope it's okay!

Tinasarangg: Have you guys talked about being in a relationship? If you have then maybe the text really meant he’s not ready just yet and you just have to let him deal with his family issues. Better yet, ask him if you can help him in any way. That would show that you care about him and that you’re ready to be in a relationship with him. At this time I would just advise you to be there for him if you really like him and want something out of it. Talk to him. I’m sure he’ll explain it to you.

If you guys have not discuss anything about being together then I would not take that text message more than it is. Give him the space he needs and go on with your life. When he’s ready I’m sure he’ll come around and start asking and talking to you again. Who knows by then you might not be interested in a relationship with him anymore. One never knows.

If nothing really changed then I suggest don’t change anything. Be as you were and hang out when you can. Otherwise, don’t put more into it than there is. If by chance you find out that there isn’t family issues than that only gives you the reason to never really go into a relationship with someone who’s not honest, but if there are family issues then at least you knew he wasn’t just avoiding you purposely. Either way, I say don’t stress about the text and let it be. If it bothers you that much, just talk to him. That’s the best way to find out what’s going on.

Meenuh: Well, I don’t know how this all started and how she is sending messages to you. Is it thru cell, facebook, emails, or what? Whatever the case may be, I’d definitely keep copies of the messages just in case. As for handling the ex-gf I would let the boyfriend handle it. It was his gf before and something obviously didn’t turn out right or he wasn’t clear to her about something. If he can’t handle the ex then maybe you need to really just be upfront about it with her. I know its not your place, but when something like this shakes up your world then that becomes a problem and I think you have to handle it or else it won’t go away.

She does sound immature and I hate to say it, but women can be like that when emotions are involved. If the girl is threatening you by harm then go ahead and report her to the police, but if the harassment is just by messages I’m sure you can deleted them or ignore her. What have you done besides not responding to her?

Ask yourself this, is the man worth it for you to deal with the ex? Maybe their relationship was never really over? Maybe you might need someone with a less dramatic past. I don’t know. I would definitely block her from even sending you any messages. Report her on facebook. Good luck!

Hoon-woo: I’ve been thru this before and I’ve basically straight out asked him if he was serious or not. If he was just joking then by all means I’ll joke too. However, if he was serious and somehow by joking makes him much more comfortable around you then that’s just his way of expressing his feelings. I don’t know how the guy is like. Only you can tell since you’ve been friends with him for so long. If you have strong feelings for him I would definitely bring that subject out or maybe ask him on a serious note about a relationship between you guys. Maybe he wants it but is holding back just because he doesn’t want to lose you and your friendship. Maybe he really is joking. The best way is to talk about it with him. Let him know you’re thinking about it and that you would just like some questions answer. It doesn’t hurt to be honest with each other. You guys are friends and friends are mostly honest with each other. Why not now about this? Don’t be scared. I’m sure you’ll both will laugh about it.  Good luck!

Daverovan: Wow! This is hard. I don’t know what to say. What do you want out of it? Do you want a divorce? Do you love her still to keep on being in a marriage? Do you let go? A lot of questions when this happens. Marriage is not easy. Its like a fulltime job to make it work. It doesn’t just consist of love, but a lot more. To up and leave seems the easiest, but really it isn’t. There are a lot of things you’ll have to consider. Being unfaithful that’s just wrong, but what were her reasons? Is it because she wanted out of the marriage? Are you not giving her enough of whatever (time, attention, sex, etc)? Something is missing?

I suggest openly talk to her. If she’s embarrass let her be. You have a right as her husband to confront her and have her tell you why she did what she did. If she doesn’t provide you with any answers then maybe that’ll give you something to think about and it could be what makes you get that divorce. It really all comes down to what you want out of it now? If you still want to be with her after finding out the truth then she’ll have to earn that trust from you and you’ll have to be stricter on her. I know that sounds awful, but there are measurements to everything. Like I said, marriage is a fulltime job and it isn’t easy. Let us know how it turns out! Good luck!

Angelxglo: Why don’t you that the 1st step to approaching him and say “HI?” See how he reacts to it. Maybe he’s messing with you and all. Girl, maybe he’s just messing with you. Shoot, just go up and say “Wassup stuck up!” LOL! Don’t’ stress about it if nothing is more than it is…friendly notes via facebook.

coreancc: Are you in the mood for love? LOL!

watcher: Hey! We're hanging out at your place? Cool! Are you taking orders?

Aww. I agree with what you had to say.. Your boyfriend is lucky..


[EDIT]

Okay here's my situation. There's this guy who won't leave me alone even though I constantly ask him to. He keeps texting me and calling me asking me out to lunch and movies. This guy knows I have a boyfriend and I made it clear to him that I know he has feelings for me but I can't return them and think we should end our friendship. Problem is, he doesn't get the picture and has constantly been texting and calling me. I ignore his calls and texts. It even came to the point where I had to call my boyfriend and asked him to call our service provider to block this guy's number. My boyfriend didn't question me, he just called our cell phone company and took care of everything. My boyfriend said we'll talk about this when we get home. He doesn't know what's going on.

My question is, how am I suppose to tell my boyfriend about this guy without having him go ballastic. Since I'm pregnant, my boyfriend has been super overprotective of me. I'm afraid if I tell him, he'll won't let me leave out of his sight.

Haha, I'm always in the mood for love! But, only from one person in this world - my wife. I happen to have strong opinions on love myself, and just enjoy seeing what other people think.



Just tell him the truth. That's always the best path. But do try to emphasize your undying loyalty to him in the process... it was a confidence booster to me when my wife did this way back when we were dating. This guy who was very popular and had a lot going for him pursued her in earnest, and she was so loyal to me that she did everything in her power to slam the door right in his face. I have to admit, I felt pretty good about that.
I would normally say to time it well, but it looks like the timing is out of your control now. If your b/f gets angry, well... that's his problem - it is clear your heart is his and only his, he should have nothing to get angry about. Have him call me... I'll try to talk some sense into him, haha.
Just curious... You don't mention how this guy happened to get your phone number, or how you met him? He isn't the dude you almost went to lunch with a while back, is he? Wait... he isn't watcher, is he? haha... j/k

knowing your boyfriend, he's gonna bust a nut. or two... hehehe... i had a friend in ur situation. she just changed her number. 'too much spam calls.' the thing is... if he finds out you lied, it'll get worse. if you tell him the truth, it'll get worse anyways. i see a lockdown coming soon. you should bust a william wallace and yell out FREEEDOM!! while swinging your axe in the air

That's the problem.. We're going through alot right now and the last thing I need is for him to be more overbearing or a reason to doubt me. Yeah, it is the same guy Foolish on my part to think we could be friends.. I really regret giving him my number.. Why won't this guy just leave me alone..

As for watcher, nah, it's not him.. He already has alot of Soompi admirers trying to get to his place.. I'm on the bottom of his list..



I see a lockdown coming soon, too..

Apparently, you know him better than I do, and based on your knowledge, I still say to tell him the truth. Deception is like debt. You borrow from future happiness for temporary gain/comfort/ease/freedom/whatever, and the transaction is not worth it... for a short reprieve, you'll pay out many times more in "interest" later. Take the lumps up front - it won't be as bad as the payback would be on deception, and it may even help give you new insight into your relationship.
I have to admit, though, I'd be pretty upset with him if he gets angry over this... ggrr...

not at all... they all just wanna be fed and sleep in my bed WITHOUT me...
im like one of those abused housewives..

Yep, he's been on a short fuse lately, stressed from the hospital. Gosh, if I tell him what's going on, I'm going to have to tell him how this whole thing got started and how I gave this guy my number and planned to meet him for lunch not even knowing he considered it a date and I didn't..

My advice still stands. Get it out now. You have to be willing to test the relationship at this point. Things don't get easier with time, and you want to see if he's quality enough for the long haul. Stare fear right in the eyes.
But, one way you can approach this is to appeal to Lam's manhood and pretend to be this damsel in distress who needs a strong protector to come and rescue her from this enemy oppressor. Yeah, I know, it's playing to his male ego, and it's stereotyping, and you are a strong woman who doesn't need anyone to rescue you - but, by playing things up this way, you might be able to avoid his wrath. It might just divert his protectionary instincts toward kicking this guy away rather than locking you down.

all things considered, the truth is the best way to go. he'll probably get upset, and try to 'protect' her from those horrible men of the world out to get her.

tlydia... break him in. it's all u. u can do it

i agree. honesty is key. you've already blocked his number so it doesn't seem like it should be much of a problem. you actually took the steps to get this guy away from you so your bf seriously can't doubt you or have any reason to besides the fact that this guy is trying to steal you away from him. just explain to him what happened and i'm sure it will be fine. of course your bf is going to feel threatened that another guy is hitting on you so persistently but i'm sure he'll get over it since you have taken the measures needed to get this guy to leave you alone. if he doesn't, maybe your boyfriend will go have a talk with him to leave you alone.

btw! you told your bf huh?! i'm so curious to know how it went down. shareeeee. if you don't mind.

He doesn't know about that? OK, no problem... you can be completely honest - make sure you tell him your heart in all this... you didn't know he was asking you for a date - you were naive or whatever - but the moment you found out you called him up and canceled it, because you love Lam so much and are so loyal to him. You know Lam better than I do, so think about what matters to him and be sure to emphasize that. You can do it - present it right, and you'll not only be 100% honest, but you might even be able to blunt Lam's anger a little.

HA!!!

Actually, I didn't know how to block this guy's number so I had to ask my boyfriend to since I'm under his plan.. I really tried to reason with this guy and was actually nice about it.. But I just think this guy is weird. Everytime he texted or called, I just ignored it.. Lately, my boyfriend has been having alot of insecurities. For some reason, he's scared that I'll leave him.. Maybe it had to do with our time apart because of his *coughonenightstandcough* Every since then, it feels we're attached to the hip..

No, I didn't tell him about the pregnancy.. I was trying to figure out a way to break the news to him but my sister beat me to it and told him.. Let's just say, he wasn't too happy that I kept it from him..



No, Lam doesn't know about that incident.. We were going through so much with me having to deal with his friends and the hurricane, I just never brought it up. I guess I'll have to tell him tonight..

i say you dont mention the details. say that a classmate [it was a classmate right?] wanted to grab a bite, so you gave him your number. later you decided to cancel, but since then he wouldn't stop calling. so you wanted to block him out. dont fill in the part about 'i didnt know it was a date.' because all it will do is spark your boyfriend's imagination. keep it simple, facts only. leave out the key words that'll bring him to a misunderstanding.

okay ... is there something wrong with thinking that her bf may be extremely unhappy about a guy constantly hitting on his gf that he may take matters into his own hands?

not at all... but you dont know her non-confrontational boyfriend who's always busy at work

btw... you dont threaten anyone to back off unless you're willing to really take matters into ur own hand. often times this leads to legal matters or a flying fist. if you bark and don't bite, it will make the situation worse, as the guy will know the boyfriend is a weak threat.

Stop making such good food, then! Better yet, get all the dishes in the top 10 worst foods list and serve that... man, that'll keep 'em away... forever...

lol okay. i don't know her bf but you seem to know him quite well. you sure you aren't dating him behind her back?

Really? He's that non-confrontational? Man, if anyone did that to my wife, I'd step in and do whatever it takes - I mean, I'd try to stay legal, of course. It's a waste for him to get mad at her - she is someone he can completely trust. I know we can all be irrational sometimes, but it would be much more effective if he would just direct his anger toward the stalker dude.
BTW, I've seen it happen a lot where a guy gets protective after his infidelity. He wants to have his cake and eat it too (he still wants his girl, even after his infidelity), but now has this nagging doubt in his head, "have I just busted the foundations of trust that this relationship once stood upon? Will this be what puts her off to me? If I did this, why wouldn't she?" etc...



If it's ok with you, please keep us posted on how it goes... now I'm on the edge of my seat.

he reminds me of someone i used to know

I surely hope not.. If so, watcher sure has alot of explaining to do to his girlfriend

wah?! im secretly calling and texting lydia and vying for her love, all the while dating her boyfriend? is this a korean drama where watcher plays the perfect homewrecker?

Yes, he's really that non-confrontational.. But most likely I would have to email you since I have a feeling I will be going along with him to the hospital which won't let me access Soompi.



Your words not mine Watcher's been busy lately. I told you to stop calling and texting me.. And leave my boyfriend alone

perhaps it's time to retire from soompi... i think i've just about seen it all now!! mebbe hermit will retire with me... so i wont feel so alone leaving....

But "Mr. Yoda of the L&R thread" if you leave, who will everyone turn too. My retirement from Soompi might be tomorrow..

this thread manages itself. i come here to kill time anyways =)

No! Say it ain't so!

DURH! How long did it take you to figure that out?

not long. which is why you'll never come over!!

Awww...you're sooo cute! *pinches watcher's cheeks*

One of my good friend/co worker is in this situation. He is in his mid forties and currently married to someone he no longer loves. I often talk to him about things, and he is a great person. Always helping others, motivating people to do what they love, and the list goes on. BUT when it comes to himself, in a way I guess he lives his life through others. His wife NEVER lets him do anything. He loves outdoor sports and such, but she never allows it. Vacations, trips, she don't allow it. Shes always saying that he is cheating, and complain about money. She was his first gf, and they got married young. They have two kids, both under the age of 14. Both are very "sticky" to both mom and dad. He no longer loves his wife in the way, but he does not want to divorce because he is scare that his kids will be sad. He grew up in a family with both mom and dad, and they are all close, so he always said, "I can't imagine how my life would of been if my parents divorce.". I don't really know what to tell him since my parents are also together, and I, myself can't imagine how life would of been, had my parents divorce. I know there are kids that grow up perfectly happy even though their parents are no longer together, but I just don't know what to tell him. I feel bad for him. He always seem so happy, esp. when he is talking to other people about trips and such, but he could never do it. I don't know what to tell him sometimes. Any advice? Thanks.

i think just being a good friend is good enough. share your stories, listen to his [if any] and just have a good laugh together. he's picked his path, and while you can certainly make suggestions to help his situation, if they backfire, it may break the balance of his life and family. not sure whether or not you're willing to burden this and try to inspire him with some ideas, but i tend to try not to shake up other's family relationships unless it's a dire situation.

if anything, help him see the brighter side in his life, help him be thankful for whatever blessings are in his life, but try not to look like you're offering your pity for the guy, but rather be positive in general. sometimes, that positive aura can be contagious.