post all your inquiries about love and dating here in this thread, as opposed to risking below-par replies from fourteen year olds on what they think you should do about that restraining order of yours. and because i'd much rather help out my fellow 20-somethings with advice right here than to sludge through twenty topics concerning "are you a virgin hee hee" and "this guy smiled at me, does he like me" posts in order to do so.

c'mon, out with your problems! these are one of the few issues where it only gets harder to understand as we grow and age. the entire 20-something community is here to provide you with justified opinions, kind-hearted comforts, and grand possibilities of self-reflection. or a well-placed smart-assed reply, of course.

"all you need is love."

Theres a Love Doctor thread by a guy/girl who gives quite good answers to relationship problems. I think they've started their thread in the usual Love and Relationship section though. Just post your problem and wait for their answer. Which may take a couple days.

http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=28&t=40528

^
LOL.

It's Ken Vs. Ryu, a fellow 20-something giving advice.

yeah well.. they're very good! and thats why i posted the link..not that many people seem to visit this section anyway. might be why they didn't start their thread here.

I think that was the point: to limit the thread to ages 20 and above.

I dont have any love or relationship experience or a current love situation to post anything juicy...... -___-
Single, bored, 20 year old, korean boy.....going through the daily motions of life....to get through school....all alone......... -__- lol

Naw, i want to find "the one" but eh....one day...i am still young, unlike hermit....

ok Majah Flavah how about this situation? i can still post here right? or should i go to the link that was posted? i'll come back to see if i can still post here.

of course, Ken vs. Ryu has been MIA for a while anyway. post your problems here!

hmm well okay. I guess i will start.

When I drive a girl home after a nice night out, i usually just give her a kiss or hug inside the car and drop her off and then i go. I watch her go into the house before i drive away but is that still rude? Should i shut off the engine, walk her from my car to her front door and kiss her goodnight there?

it all depends on what your motives are and how well you feel the mood of the night was. if your motives are to continue courting her and you feel as if you did a good job keeping her company for the night, then by all means ASK if you can walk her to the door. asking is a powerful tool at your disposal, since you can gauge how much she's into you from her response. if she says "yeah, that'd be nice" then you're good to go to get a kiss at the door. if she says "it's alright, i'll be fine" then it's fine to give her a kiss or hug in the car and stay seated while she let's herself out.

the whole process of walking the girl to the door has become more past courting tradition than anything else. although it wouldn't be considered rude per say to stay in the car when dropping the girl off at her home, it would be a passive act on your part if your motive was to actively show this girl that you are/were interested.

however, keep these things in mind. if you are not sure that her feelings are being reciprocated back towards you, do not force the issue on walking her to her door. like i said above, asking is key in getting a vague idea of what she wants to get from you at the end of the date, although by no means completely details what she's feeling. if you still feel that you have work to do in terms of garnering her interest, giving a hug in the car and watching her walk herself inside is perfectly fine and is in fact recommended.

^ good advice. If a woman likes you then she'll want you to walk her to the door. And if she REALLY likes you, then you might even get an invite to go INSIDE **wink wink nudge nudge**

is it a first date? or after several dates? why not just do it? I'm sure if she doesn't like it you'll be able to tell.. then again, if you've already dated a couple times i'm sure she doesn't think too badly of you.
It seems a bit.. hrm.. unatural if someone asks me "shall i walk you to the door?". If a guy automatically walks out of the car and opens the door for me, I'd be more moved...

hey.. you're already kissing them.. you don't need to ask!!! thats an obvious show of interest!

sometimes walking her to the door, whether you've kissed her of not, could make something happen. Sometimes it's good to give things a little push. she may like you but is too shy, or unsure about your feelings to invite you to her door. I say go with your feelings..

i'm bored and procrastinating so here goes...

is it wrong for me to be trying to ask out a girl who is 17? i mean, i'm 20, but it's not like if we went out i'd be out for sex. i really like her because she's a cool laid-back person and she's really cute.

walking to the door

If from how the date was going you can't tell if she likes you enough for you to walk her to the door then you need more dating help than just the door thing. Assuming things went well you should walk her to the door without exception. It's an easy way to prolong the date and it's much nicer to get a full body hug than one over the center console in a car.

Walking the woman to the door allows you to make bigger and better statements than just passively sitting in the car watching her.

17 year old girl

Honestly, if it's not for sex then why date her? If she's cool and laid back then you don't really need to be dating her to hang out with her. Depending on your states laws then it could be illegal for you to date her if she's under the age of consent. Finally, what is she giving you that a girl your own age couldn't?

Ultimately, the choice is up to you. You obviously think that there's something weird about it otherwise you wouldn't have posted the question. I just think you need to consider this stuff.

damn, does everything in the world have to revolve around sex? it's just not an important thing to me. besides which, i'm kind of traditional, so i'd wait till after marriage prolly.

nah, it's just the age thing kinda still is odd to me. but like, i haven't met too many girls out there like her. we both play ddr, and when me and her and our friends hang out, it's always a ton of fun. i really haven't met too many girls my age anyways that i could really think i'd honestly date. i'm a weird person that makes lots of stupid jokes with my friends, and when she's with us, she'll join in the stupidity, which is cool. lol.

First off, thanks for the advices.

I tend to agree with Chiyori. Asking for permission to walk a girl to her door sounds like an awkward move.

Truer words have never been spoken before. Points well taken.

If a guy asks about walking you to your front door, would it make you feel like the guy is unsure of himself? Would it be more powerful if he just did it without asking?

I'd say just go for it. You're lucky to have found a girl that interests you.

hmmm, thanks jung ^^. i really just wanted to get some more feedback first. i do really like her, and i really would like more time to hang with her. you saw her pic prolly when i posted some in the picture forum, right?

Hmm...I think that came out wrong. I meant that you can achieve emotional intimacy without dating her so why do you need to take it to that next step? I didn't mean if you're not banging her then don't bother dating.

..Maybe it is partly about sex and all Chris wanted was some justification for dating an underaged girl. I say go ahead. Just think of it as making a one year reservation or a "lay"away plan.

lol, i really don't care too much. i mean, if it happens, it happens, but it's not like it's something i'd ever keep trying to get. there other things that are important to me. besides, she's a friend of a friend, and i would never do anything wrong to this girl.

^

I say go for it before you miss your chance! or you have the option of until she's 18!

If she's of a mature mind, I can definitely say that the age weirdness will disappear because you both will feel so comfortable with each other.

Also, if you guys have a long lasting relationship, you'll both grow older together and eventually, the 'age boundary' won't matter anymore.

And think about it... it's only 3 years difference. It wouldn't matter if she were 20 and you were 23, would it?

theonecalledy2ckt
I'm 20 and my fiance is 25, my parents were uneasy about it when we first got together because I had just turned 18, granted I've known him since I was 14 and he was 19, we ended up dating and now we're getting married.

Age, technically as most people say, is nothing but a number. To some people it matters, to other's it doesnt.... if you like the girl go ahead and ask her out if you want to date her, if you just want to hang out... then go for it... there's nothing wrong with that....

<33

Age is nothing but a number......unless you're talking about the LAW.

the potential for the long relationship is why i'd ask her out. we both have a bit in common, and she's the kind of person i'd want to spend time with. i gave up tickets to an amazing comedy show one night just to hang with her and my friends. so yeah, i hope i see her tonight...

I recently received flowers from an ex. His note jokingly said "It would have been two years for us." I'm rather annoyed at the guy. Of course, I know the flowers weren't sent as a reconciliation gesture, he is a no good player. It's just him trying to keep his suave and smooth image. The thing is he was never so considerate with dates/anniversaries when we were dating. In restrospect, he was a jerk during that time and I wasn't exactly nice to him either. It was a bad relationship fueled on mutual distrust. I'm so glad to be out of it now, although it was painful when it ended. A part of me is pissed that he thinks he can still play with me like that. Another part of me is silly for being pleased. I guess most people retain bittersweet memories of their exes.

It's rude not to send a thank you note, but the guy would try something in response. He is that type of guy. I guess I should just ignore him. Feels cowardly to do so. I'd like to be just as "suave" back to him but don't want to be caught up in his drama.

What is your take? Seeing an ex is just dangerous in general?

Edit ::::: The real problem is my own reaction. I don't have any romantic feelings left for him, but he can still get to me. I resent the fact that he still has an effect on me. So it's hard to deal with him right now. Any advice? The whole being friends with an ex, especially this guy isn't a great idea. BTW, he knows I'm dating someone else right now, so he sent those flowers to stir things up. I'm not over analyzing, he is that type of guy. Doesn't want something when it's there, only when it's gone or somewhere else does it interest him. Sigh, I need to learn better.

^ ignore him entirely. He probably enjoys the fact that he gets to you. It gives him an ego boost. Just continue like nothing happened. Make sure you chuck the flowers in the trash. So maybe can see them when he passes your place.

For those that read this and reply, thanks.

I know this is a extremely long post, but I feel that I need to start from the beginning to set up the mood so it doesn't seem like scheming or anything like that. And please don't think I'm trying to justify anything, I'm merely stating things as they are. I broke it into chunks so it would be easier to read.

My older brother is 27. He dropped out of high school then got his ged in adult school. He's "punk" and is in a pretty horrible band. He smokes weed every night, still lives at home. Never went to college. Worked at a coffee shop (at the time) and is now a waiter. He complains that my mother favors me and doesn't give him independence yet still lives at home. I automatically love him because he is my brother, however as a person I think he is pretty lame, lazy and mean.

July 2004



My 21st birthday. The day before I move to LA my older brother brings home this girl named Destinee (above). Realizing it was my 21st birthday, she took me and Carter to Friday's where she used to bartend. She proceeded to get me drunk (at 2pm nonetheless).

I really didn't think about this until now, as I recollect, but the next morning as I was getting my stuff together to leave to the airport she gives me a call asking if I wanted to have breakfast with her. But I couldn't because my flight was early. I didn't think about it, but now it does seem a little weird that she called me for a one on one breakfast and not invite my brother.

That summer

While I was wasting my life away in LA at stupid Hollywood parties, Destinee would call me every once in a while and complain about my brother. So through this we basically became friends.

Around late August, my other brother was diagnosed with Cancer (He's cancer free now). So I decide to move back to northern california.

To summarize, me and her become good friends as her and my brothers screwed up relationship falls apart after a few months of dating. She catches him seeing his ex-gf, she finds an email he sent to some girl saying he is in a "tour punk band and has always fantasized about making love to a girl like her" and basically he lied non-stop. He also threatened to kill himself because she wouldn't take him back. (which she didn't, however it such a horrible thing for him to say because he knew one of her ex boyfriends did infact kill himself because they broke up)

Sept 04-June 05

They break up. I get accepted to Central St Martins and Parsons. I intially plan to go to CSM in London but due to money costs (non of my scholarships and grants were valid overseas) I decide on parsons fall 05.

I start working at a mag in san francisco again, she has a job at a law firm in san fran. We meet up for lunch a lot. Become super close. I start to like her because we're so similar. Same age, both vegetarians, into fashion and art, 80s new wave. Everything. However she dated my brother so I set all that aside and besides I'm moving to NYC.

She starts seeing this guy named Erick, I actually know him through people. So basically I focus on working and getting ready for NYC.

Between then and me moving to NYC in June, I am stil the go to guy for problems (aka I'm in the friend zone I think). I help them resolve stuff and their relationship goes steady.

June 05


Me getting wasted with her the week before I leave

I move to NYC. She calls every so often about problems with the boyfriend, I give her advice. Same stuff.

August 05

I start dating Amanda.

Sept 05 - Now

Destinee calls me again every so often about Erick. They break up about a dozen or so times and get back together again just as much.

She texts me, IMs me, leaves me voices mails or calls, and each time she starts telling me how much she misses me (this could be just a friend thing), and that she loves me (this is a little strange to me). However, I start to tell her the same things..but then saying I love you to her made me feel uncomfortable because it was something I wanted to steer away from, so I turn it into a joke (I start saying NUBS instead of love) She plays along, but still says she loves me and misses me a lot.

I surpress it because I was dating amanda. She was dating erick. I'm in NYC. She dated my brother.

So, a while ago, Amanda breaks up with me. Dess finally officially breaks up with Erick. Since then, she's been telling me she wants to come visit. That she wants to go somewhere on vacation with me (we decided to go to Hawaii this summer). That she wants to move to NYC and just get out of California (She's a makeup artist). She still tells me she misses me. She has been lately telling me that she's been having Peter withdrawls and that whenever she eats certain vegetarian foods it reminds her of me.

Earlier, I told her that my last semester history teacher died. She was pregnant and had a stroke. She gave birth to her baby prematurely (7 weeks) and then slipped into a coma and passed away Wednesday. It was depressing and shocking. I still can't believe it.

Destinee commented that its scary to think we could die any minute.

I took that as a cue, and I started to say "Destinee, you know what. I..."

Then she says "I have to go to work..wait WHAT! WHAT"

Then I said.."YO FACE THAT'S WHAT" (Inside joke )

and then she goes ok! talk to you later.

and that was that. So, I was about this - - close to talking to her about it.



After this story..the big question(s) is (are)

1. Am I being paranoid..or does it seem like she likes me as well but doesn't want to say anything?

2. If something were to happen between me and her, would it be shady? I am not close with my brother at all and he is bitter at me for being friends with her but doesn't express it.

The kicker to this story is that my brothers ex gf (who he met up with when he was with destinee) has gotten back together with him. She's actually considering moving to NYC to go to Parsons (she graduated from UC berkeley). Being the leech my brother is, he coincidentally decides to go to the NY Film Academy. My mother tells me that he made her deposit tuition for it already. However, I made it a point to my mother that he is not living with me. However also I would like to point out that my brother is one of those types that talks rather than does. Before this he was supposed to study to be a music teacher at UCSB, before that, a park ranger (WTF?), before that? a cop, before that a bartender..you get the picture.

So to make this situation even stickier, if this is the one time he actually follows through with what he says, he could be living in NYC as well. I know, NYC is big, but if he's following his current GF, that means she will be in the same fashion building as me which means there might be a chance he will be around me and Destinee, this is assuming that something developes between me and her (and yes, I would let her move in with me)

I don't know if this matters or not (I think it does) but she didn't sleep with my brother while they were dating either. To add another R.kelly twist to this story, there is speculation that my brother is actually gay, but does not want to admit it. This is not a joke kind of thing, but pretty serious.

He got upset at Destinee for trying to, and a direct quote from her, "Take away his virginity"

He admits to me and my best friend Troy (who is his friend and a friend of the family for years) that his current gf (who he's dated now for a total of 5 years) that they never had sex either and he's only fingered her. Which makes me believe he's a virgin, which is strange because he used to come home bragging about all the girls he's i can't readed and he also told me him, destinee and her friend had a threesome.

When me and troy used to have AOL, we would find pictures of naked men on my computer after my brother would use it. When we asked him what was going on he replied that he was pretending to be a girl to see if they would send pictures.

He has a gay friend named Ali who he would have crying arguments with over the phone.

A gay porn catalog was shipped to my address here in NYC. After some credit checking, I find that someone had used to card to purchase an online subscription to a gay porn site in California, ordering some items. However, they did not change the shipping address for the catalog and the catalog was shipped to the credit cards billing address, which I had changed to NYC.

He has been rebellious and angry for a long time. My friend and I think he hides under this tough "punk" exterior. We come from a middleclass, fairly well off family, there really is no reason for him to be this way.

So basically, thoughts? if i were to tell her and something were to develop, I would want to talk to him about it..but in all honesty should I bother?

Frames, she's concerned and worried about how it'll all feel if she actually confessed her real (if they're indeed real) feelings towards you.

As much as you've been there for here, the endless support and being somewhat affectionate towards here as well; she probably doesn't want to take the chance of losing you if you don't feel the same way. (Her past experience and of others dictate her thought process)

Anyways if you do tell Des and you both decide to move past the love jokes, feelings alone won't automatically make it work and you can't look over your shoulder every other moment bc you're concerned about your brother.
Des and him are over and there shouldn't be any reason for him to be bitter about it, unless he enjoys being a complete jerkoff. If he's more concerned about your relationship, he'll in turn lose focus w/his current gf.

It's early so it probably doesn't make as much sense as I'd like it to. I'll write more later.

Purple, you've got the right idea in regards to being friends w/only certain exes. There are some whom you'd like to cont. to keep in touch with, while they're others who you wish could stay out of your life. It's a pyschological thing, you're completely over someone but one sign of affection can throw that all off and it becomes a nuisance.

I agree w/Chiyori, just ignore him. You don't want him in your life nor care, so don't waste your time thinking about it.

Chris, personally I'm not too sure about the whole "go out w/her bc of potential.." thing. It's too "forward" thinking and almost ignores who she is at the moment and the chemistry you two have for one another. It's like "she'd be a great wife / she might be a movie star" and you think about what might be, instead of what is.

yeah, to be honest, i'm really kind of confused at the moment. i haven't seen her since spring break, and i'm kind of confused. we talked last night, and i know we have a few things in common like being gamers (she was talking about KH2) and playing ddr, but i'm starting to wonder if those few things are really enough. plus the fact is that next year she's probably going to art school in my hometown of boston, which would be a good thing if not for the fact that i'm still here in new jersey for school. i think i need to stop thinking about this for a bit and go outside and relax. =.=

Frames, i read your post, and i would probably go for it. first, if you're brother is going to be jealous, that shouldn't phase you that much, since he already has been jealous. plus you seem to bring up enough points to support your last argument of him being gay. about the girl though, playing off something so serious may just have been a way for both of you to avoid the subject at hand. i mean, you supported her for a long time, and you've been the one to get her through the tough times, and that means a lot. trust me, that's practically why i came to my school. in any case, i hope things work out for you

You could have just those things in common or everything; it just boils down to that attraction, chemistry and understanding you have for e/o. If you two become something, it isn't bc you both enjoy games (which is a bonus btw haha) but bc the real important things that make a relationship work, is what you have in common.

edit - scrub, I added you to my other account.

Chiyori, resOnate: Thanks for the advice! I know he's bad news. It's really frustrating how some people just love to play games and although their gestures are nice, their intentions aren't. Ah, exes.


whiteframes: Since you both seem to genuinely care for each other, try to see if things could go beyond the friends stage. You both can't keep trying to catch each other through boyfriends/girlfriends. If you think she is worth it, which it does sound that way, then reach out openly. I'm sure she is waiting for you to ask. As for your brother, I wouldn't worry about that part. They are done. They never slept together so he doesn't have any claim on her. Also, he is dating someone else and may be gay as you suspect. Are you really going to let that stop you? It sounds like you know your brother isn't the issue here.

Maybe you are afraid of ruining your relationship and getting hurt. I don't have any advice on that front except to say and it sounds cliche "nothing ventured, nothing gained." I think you both deserve to take a risk with each other. Even if it ends in heartbreak, it would have been worth it, because you both do care about each other.

I hope it works out for you. Either way you go, don't have regrets.

A lot of people play games. For example, you two may hit it off, see each other for some time and then he/she stops calling. Say it's a semi-serious relationship. Do you prefer the person to stop calling or flat out reject you? Which method do you hold more respect for?

Is it better to be candid and say, "I'm not that into you", or let things slide because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings (mostly likely in this case you are afraid of confrontation too)? Ha ha.

Some things really don't need explaining but what is your style of handling a situation like this?

Just curious. My ex reappearing recently has gotten me into all these thoughts about the "game".

^ For me, I prefer closure. I don't want to be left hanging and wondering what the heck happened. I want to be told so that my hopes die faster instead of lingering for months on end. I would rather be let down gently, and told to my face, than be given the silent treatment. If something had gone wrong between us, I would like to know. I need the closure. I've been through too many silent break-ups, whether friendship or romance, and I cannot take that sort of treatment. If you have the guts, tell it to my face. Don't hide behind a wall of silence.

Sorry, the question struck a raw nerve, because I'd gone through something like that recently.

I can totally relate to that. We are big girls, it's not like we will cling to the guy if he wants out. Yet, guys seem to have trouble fathoming that we can handle a break up with dignity.

Let me share a story about my ex. It's really steaming me up. When we first met we clicked immediately. He was very easy to talk to. Of course, I noticed how attractive he was -- never told him that, his ego was big enough, but it was the fact that he could hold conversation in many areas that really impressed me. Anyways, we spent some time together -- not officially dating at that point and then I don't hear from the guy! I spent about a week wondering what the hell happened and then I called and left a message. When I didn't hear from the guy, I figured that he pulled a disappearing act because he wasn't that interested and he was a jerk in handling it this way.

I didn't see the guy for several months. We remet and this time he asked me out. I was reluctant to go out with him and against my better judgment did. It was fantastic at first, but it turned sour quickly. We didn't trust each other.

You know why he pulled a disappearing act in the first place? The two-timing rat already had a girlfriend back then. But he still felt free to try starting something with me. He did eventually break up with her and later got together with me. At the time, I didn't know of her existence. Too bad for me.

Anyways, we broke up, but it still stings how vulnerable I was back then.

Sorry for the rant. Just had to get it out of my system.

this is stupid, kind of a rant if u dont mind. im just really disappointed

i was in a relationship with a girl, and the girl just happens to be the rival of my first love lol. she wants to beat her in everything and all that (me and my first love ended in a really bad term) and so she told me she'll try her best to be the best gf she can be for me, which totally didnt happen lmao. she had some rough time in her own life recently and so she was busy for an entire month. then she came back telling she lost some feelings for me. after some talk, she said she'll give it a couple days and hope things will be like how they were before all the crap happened in her life and hopefully she'll regain all the feelings. she said she wont stay with me if she cant regain all the feelings she had for me, which is understandable. well, i tried to make her smile and laugh but it was hard, cuz she did say that she doesnt trust anyone, including me. she doesnt believe in me, she doubts me (she told me those straight up). i mentioned later on how tough it was for me to make things normal while my gf isnt trusting me or believing in me, so she said ok lets break it off then. we had a talk after, found out that she actually did trust me and never doubted me.. but she stated the opposite because she was mad at me for trying to call her to talk (kinda ironic cuz she doesnt try to find me to talk, so i gotta be the initiator). so we decided that we'll give it another 3 days, this time she'll show that she trusts me and such and both of us will work towards making the relationship good like before. and there she goes again, changing plans and we ended up not being able to have even a normal convo for 2 days of the 3 cuz she's so busy doing her own stuff. i brought it up and all i got back was "lets just end it" like WOW. how can u give up so easily when u claim u love someone and care about someone, how can u give up without even trying to work things out. for the 3 days thing.. she basically dumped all the responsibility to me, i took it and tried to come up with these surprises and funny things to talk about but she didnt even try to make any time for me.

ONe.ShoT, sounds like your girlfriend is very confused right now. I don't know your situation well, but it sounds like you should let her go. She said those words directly to you, so don't hold on. You don't seem to be the answer to her problems. She doesn't know what she wants right now, but she is coherent in that her feelings aren't that strong for you.

Yeah. They think the little hints and sleights of hand they do will be enough indication that they don't feel the same way. If they have so much time to give out all these signals, why not spare the same effort to let the girl down gently?

Or maybe I'm just some kind of freak...

Your ex must really getting to you, eh? He sounds like a rat. Y'know, your story struck a chord with me. I also met someone while on a working trip, and we kinda hit off pretty well, but we didn't start anything because he didn't want to. But we didn't really get to meet each other again until quite some time later, although we'd managed to keep in contact most of the time, and he knew of my feelings for him all this while. There were times when he'd disappear for a long time without messaging me (he said it was because he was lousy at keeping in contact, but I knew he could if he really wanted).

Then when we finally met up again, he told me that he had met someone else (from his workplace), and I was left feeling really devastated. He also had the nerve to tell me that I should have given a stronger indication of my feelings (like sending him naughty messages or whatnot), because he felt I hadn't and hence thought I wanted to be friends. He also thought I was different from the person he'd first met, and apparently he couldn't take the change. I was flabbergasted.

I was hurting for a long time because I thought it was my fault. Till today, I still don't know what the hell went wrong. Maybe dumb ol' me wasn't getting the signals, huh?

Edit: ONe.ShoT, you'll find someone better, hopefully!

yeah.. thx for reading moogles and purplehead. im not tripping too much bout it, not to sound mean, but she's not worth it.

moogles, it was not your fault at all! What did the guy expect? You to throw yourself at him, offering everything and breakfast too. Sorry, for the bad analogy. Trust me, had you offered everything and breakfast, he would have said "Thanks for the bam, ma'am. I'll see you later." I don't know what was in that guy's mind warp, don't want to go there. But it seems like he was a lazy ass. He's with some girl at work now, right? How easy for him. He didn't have to do much work for access. All that said, I don't know him, you don't know him, and it turned out that he wasn't worth getting to know.

He appears to be the type that likes to string people along. Good thing you found out relatively soon.

The thing with guys and girls, I'm speaking just from my experience and those of my friends, but I think certain patterns hold. For instance, a guy is fine playing the field, looking and even dating several girls at the same time. Meanwhile, girls tend to concentrate on one guy at a time. Of course, there are exceptions!

But what I'm saying is we girls should broaden our horizons. Keep our eyes open instead of myoptically focussing on one imperfect guy/relationship. The guys already seem to know this.

So sit back and take in the view. I'm not saying to date anything that walks but keep your options open. Haha.

Sigh, if we get too worked up, it's only going to cause a stroke.

I should take my own advice.

There are decent guys out there. It just takes longer to find them. Some of them are very reserved. Kuddos, to the girls that can spot the good ones right away!

Edit :::: I must thank my ex for playing so many mind games with me. I'll toast him when he's on his first divorce. Haha. Okay, that was mean of me. But he deserves it.

Let's just say "breakfast" wasn't overly pleasant for either of us. I think he said "I'll call you", which he never did. I had no regrets over the "breakfast", but I felt upset because I really liked him, and I thought our first connection, which had seemed so strong, would mean for something. I guess I was just naive. I wanted something to happen between us, even if it needed more time, but I just didn't expect it to end the way it did. I was in tears for a good month after that. And to think we weren't even in a relationship, sigh.



Well, I'd say he deserves it too, being the meanie he is.

Decent guys... where are they?

your brother is GAY. no straight guy is gunna order gay porn from an online site. what's unfortunate is the fact that he's living his life as a lie. he's lying to everyone and himself because he won't come out. that must be really hard. and..i think u should go for Destinee because it seems like she likes you. but don't be surprised if she moves in with you..and then you two break up and she leaves. maybe she just wants to escape california and sees you as her way out?

good luck with everything!

It's so easy to get caught up in the moment. Wanting something to happen so much. I think at times we delude ourselves into thinking it was something more than what it was. Guys also like to create that illusion, huh? Some connections are just like passing ships in the night.

I don't know what it is with relationships these days. Maybe because of modern life, things are so fast paced and real connection time doesn't really exist. People are over worked and feel isolated and lonely. In their loneliness, they reach out desperately to grab anything for a "moment of happiness". But after that moment is over, it's like they wake up and just think, "nothing's changed". Change comes from within. No one is going to fix your problems. No one is going to save you. If you are unhappy, a relationship won't solve things.

I am going off on a philosophical tangent. Relationships are hard because people are complex. Life is hard. Haha. But it can be fun too.

It must have been a thrill for you at some point, huh? Yeah, I was so attracted to my ex. Which was a bad thing from the start.

First impressions can be wrong. It's the little things that tell the story. You need to pay attention. If it feels off then it probably is. Listen to your gut.

As for decent guys, I'm dating one right now. Haha. He asked to borrow a piece of paper from me in class! Anyways, things are good but not perfect. We are working on it but it's not a chore. I don't know how this relationship will go. I'm trying very hard not to let the past cloud my judgement. Sometimes it's hard.

It's a big world out there. People are meant to live life or die trying. Err ... I have to stop it with the phil 101.


Edit :::: Sorry for boring all the folks out there with my rambles.

A part of me is afraid that I'll always be a little in love with him. It's scary to think that someone who caused you so much pain can be unforgettable.

So you see, he is still the ultimate player of games. He sends me flowers, I throw them out, and he has me ranting about him again.

I need to work these issues out. Thought I was done with the mess.

i'd prefer to be rejected. it's more honest, and i'd rather have the truth than have someone play games with me.

^same. i can handle rejection well. id rather know the truth than be played or whatever u would call it in that situation.

Purple, you know sometimes feeling that way about an ex is a good thing? It re-enforces and reminds you about what kind of man you don't need in your life. Err, it sounds a little weird.

First impressions is what gets you through the door. Having that good long lasting impression keeps you interested and curious about who they really are. But you can never be too sure if thats who they are or if that's someone they want you to believe in.

Someone can say all the right things to make you smile, but does things that can break your heart. Some ppl get the wrong impression and think that love is about who offers more; when its about both partners loving and giving equally.

edit: Now only if the general L&R section was this good. Great posts everyone. I'll come back w/more later.

haha, the general LR section is so messed up

haha and it's sad to think that 1/3 of my posts are directed in there.

So I don't go off topic but if there's one thing I always had a problem with is the whole being lead on and doing the leading. I can understand that it's an innocent thing half the time and most don't realize that they're doing it. But it becomes annoying when there're hidden agendas behind it..

I admit though, that I've been in my fair share of experience both sides of that particular aspect and it sucks when feelings are hurt =\

if u love someone, can the love be lost so easily? if u love someone, will your feelings die off just like that when u cant talk to that person much (as in only like 10-15 min a day tops) for 3 weeks straight cuz u had to deal with family death, school, and work?


i dont think it's really love in that case, someone correct me if im wrong.

Sounds like the person was just trying to cope with all their losses. It takes a lot of energy to deal with a death. I can see that person not having much energy for other things for some time. Some people just shut the world out when they are in pain. It's too quick a judgement to say they lost love for another. But something like a death will impact how they see the world.

[quote name='ONe.ShoT' date='Apr 3 2006, 01:06 AM' post='2174690'
if u love someone, can the love be lost so easily? if u love someone, will your feelings die off just like that when u cant talk to that person much (as in only like 10-15 min a day tops) for 3 weeks straight cuz u had to deal with family death, school, and work?
i dont think it's really love in that case, someone correct me if im wrong.
/quote]