I'm posting this in the Real world category because I want responses from only 20+year-old members.

What are the biggest determining factors of who should pay for a date? Please note that I'm asking for who should pay in the MAJORITY of situations.

I've allowed the option of selecting multiple answers.

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Update:

I'm glad to see that many of you are fairly open-minded. Assuming that no one offers to pay, these would be my preferrences:

First Date: The guy pays if he invites. Split even if the girl invites. (Can you imagine inviting a guy and then expecting him to pay? Fail.)
Next few dates: The person who invites should pay, though split even is quite fair too.
Steadily dating: It does not matter at this point. The two dating should have determined their system by now. I prefer to split it evenly.

I'm traditional and I believe the guy should pay for most of the outings.

First date, the guy. Few dates after the first, the guy. Going out steadily, the guy. The few dates after the first and the going out steadily dates should be paid mostly by the guy, out of courtesy and tradition. If the date involves several transactions, i.e. icecream, dinner, movies, churros, fairy floss, slurpees, etc. then in my opinion, I would let the girl pay for the small things like the fairy floss or slurpees, but I would always pay for the dinner, movies, etc.

If it's the guys birthday, then it is completely OK for the girl to pay for everything, just this once! Or if she organised something just for him on Valentines day or any other celebrations.

If the guy is not as flexible financially, then there is no need to try to raise the bar, just be practical and choose an eatery where it fits the budget.

im traditional too, guys should pay regardless.

if girls offer, deny it and pay

im just too traditional, i take the girls offering to pay as an insult to the financial status of oneself. ex: "you boy can't afford to pay so i will offer to pay".

but then this is just my opinion

I guess I'm less traditional.

When it comes to the first date, I believe the guy should pay for the date or whoever asked the person out.

For the first few dates, same kind of thing, or split since no one is certain about the stability of the relationship. Personally if we went on a couple dates and he paid for everything and then in the end I didn't think it'd work out, I'd feel bad about having him spend so much money on me.

If it's a stable couple, then split or whoever is more financially stable. I still firmly believe that if you're in a serious relationship, you're there to support the other person. If they're in a situation where they don't have as much money but you do, then there isn't any problem with you switching off paying or splitting the bill.

Maybe I just have a more independent mindset. I don't like the feeling that I "owe" anyone anything, and I don't like being perceived as a "gold-digger"/financially dependent person where I need them to pay for everything. Overall I think my bf pays for more than I do, but knowing that he isn't working full time and is still in graduate school, I try to help out or give him a break whenever I can. The point of serious relationships in the end is to become married or live together, sharing expenses, etc. At that point would it really matter if the guy is "paying more?" It would all just become more joint, so I don't see a problem with it being a step below that (splitting/switching) if the couple is long term.

I only care about the first three dates. It shows some class and leaves a good impression when the guy pays for everything.
All dates after that, I don't really care as much. By that time you should be comfortable with one another.

i am right there with ya.




first date, i feel that the person who did the asking out should pay. i mean, when you ask someone out on a date, aren't YOU in essence offering to take THEM out?

i don't mind going dutch and i always offer on the first date
if he accepts, thats cool, if he wants to pay, thats cool too

but during a relationship, i do believe the person who is more financially stable should pay more (whether its me or the guy)

First couple of dates, the guy. After a steady relationship, dutch or take turns. I'm sorry but if a girl expects to have her bf pay all the time just on the notion that guys should pay, you're a "gold digger". Unless of course one of you are much more financially stable than the other.

I think the guy should pay for the first few, and the occasional special meal or something... then things should be split even. Most women don't want to be a charity anyway, that's a little girl thing.

The guy should pay for dates in general.. especially the first few ones. But then again, I think that's cos usually the guy asks the gal out. Not sure how I would do it if I got asked out.. that's kinda a turn-off for me, so I usually turned it down in the past.

After going steady, I generally still pay for all dinners, etc. when going out. But the gal should really contribute too, in some extent.. like buying groceries sometimes, etc.

If the other person expects that you "should" pay though.. you should kick them to the curb. I hate being taken for granted..

first date the guy.....after a few...it doesnt matter....steady relationship...split even
i used to believe that the guy should pay for almost everything but in today world its hard for just 1 person to pay for most of the date

Absolutely does not matter to me x3

As long as no one is taken advantage of or anything, I don't see why there has to be a specific order in who pays when. There should be a balance in the long run, sure, but I don't get why there's always such a fuss if the girl pays for the first date or whatever.. I always offer to pay or split, but I don't care enough to make a big deal of it if the guy/girl minds..

Edit: ^^ Omg, I'd never suggest the other party should pay though! Haha.. And, seriously? You think it's a turnoff if a girl asks you out?

It doesn't matter who pays. I would hope that the first date is a hangout between friends. In all honesty, when I did date, the guys were fall financialy stable and so am I so it never mattered to me. If he picked it up for the first date, I picked up the second date, and so on...heck on the split 50/50 it's fine with me, I dont think it should be such a big deal.

Welcome to the 21st century, ladies. Take turns! I believe in give-and-take, but think going Dutch sucks the romance out of the date, so paying for every other formal date (and it doesn't have to be hella fancy if you're strapped for cash) would work out.

I would pay for the first date and the few following the first but after we've been going out for awhile, it wouldn't matter much to me as to who pays.. if the lady wants to pay, i'll let her pay.

As a girl who dates girls .. I have to say it doesn't matter to me. I like the whole pay what you ordered yourself, but at the same rate I love paying for my girlfriend .. it's not that she can't but we just like taking care of each other. When I don't have much money she takes care of it, or when she's low on money I'll take care of her .. whether out on date by ourselves or with a group of friends.

No one doesn't like being taken care of though and having the other person paying for the date. But, I'm totally fine with being equal.

I don't really have a set mindset on who should pay but it's kind of sad when a guy that asks a girl out and doesn't pay/offer to pay. Ie my ex bf. Total bum. I payed for EVERYTHING. He didn't even offer.

My current bf and I have an all out battle whenever the check comes and whoever wins gets to pay. Lol. I would rather he let me pay majority of the times though but he's usually to quick for me so I don't end up getting the liberty of paying.

Yeah.. to be honest, I like the chase

I always pay on my first dates - which usually are blind dates, incidentally.
And not because I am traditional or anything.
It's just that I'm usually left with the bill because my date has escaped through the restaurant bathroom window and fled the premises leaving me high and dry.
But that's okay. It's not like Denny's is a real expensive place anyway.

I am a spoil gal, so I'd like my male companion to pay!

ehhh no wonder girls are single these days. GIRLS ARE ASKING GUYS TO PAY TOO MUCH.

This is 21st century, I think should be fair. I don't mind pay for on the first date.

I have always paid.

It sucks.

Ahaha.. you're awesome

I dunno how you come up with all your material XD

im traditional too lol
but i dont mind paying some times

*takes you off the list*

If someone insists, I guess I won't make a huge scene about trying to pay first. But I think I'm generally okay with paying my own as long as he offers like once in a while?

The woman should pay for dates on all accounts. Having me out to dinner is a privilege ladies, not a right okay.

^LOL everyone has a price

I have paid on the first date... Hey if I like the food I'm going to pay for it!
I prefer to pay the entire bill, and the least he could do is pay the tip.

I was with my ex for four years and he never had a job, whereas I've been employed most of the time. I didn't mind since I understood his situation and he didn't take me for granted.

After going out steadily, I would prefer to switch off and que el invita, paga
I'm not going to suggest to a guy to take me out to a hella expensive restaurant and expect him to pay.

I was born in the wrong era. I think the guy should always pay.

I think that the guy should pay on the first date and every other date after that should be rotated (ex. the girl pay on one date and the guy pay the next). Usually when my boyfriend and I go out for dinner or whatever I would pay for one part (say the movie tickets) and he would pay for the other part (like dinner).

GIRLS, if you guys don't mind being singles for the rest of your life, then of course having your men to pay is the right choice.

No, you're in the right era.
The guy will end up paying for it. Especially after they get married.

I think for the first date it should be the guy paying but for the dates after, whoever invited the person should pay.

Once we're a couple I think the person thats more financially stable should pay since I'm still an undergrad so I don't have that much money. Plus my bf is working so I don't think he really minds paying

From reading all these post I get the feeling that I'm the odd man out here.

I dont like guys paying for anything for me. It makes me feel weird when people pay for things for me, makes me feel like I owe them something so I try to pay for everything (at least my half) of everything. I hate the idea of going dutch so it's just easier for me to foot the bill instead of letting him pay.

Why should girls feel this sense of entitlement to being paid for? you make money, pay for your own damn food.

Edit: Maybe this is why my friend Dan says I have too much independance and is why I'm still single.

The girl should ALWAYS pay. Every single time. Gender equality yo!

Kidding.

I usually pay.. it's just some old school tradition.. or at least it feels that way.

If a date of mine ever offers to pay.. just the OFFER is a HUGE plus for her (I will still probably end up paying but its the thought that is sweet).

Im the one usually pays for things.

First Date: Doesn't matter. I usually offer to pay, but I've had some girls that absolutely insist, so I've learned to just go with it.
Next few dates: Doesn't matter. Either her, I, or the both of us is okay for paying.
Steadily dating: At this point, I think it's fair to either be splitting the cost, or we take turns on who's going to be paying for the meal.

First - the person who made the invitation
After a few / Steady - Split even (Dutch or switching off) or The one who's more financially stable

why? a lot of people seem to agree that things should be split evenly from the get-go. myself included!

actually, i think i agree with vvn... sometimes there's a disparity in income and that should be taken into account as well. but it shouldn't be based on gender.

Seriously speaking I like to pay for my own meals, because I do not want my date to think their will be benefit after. On the other hand if I like the persons company, I will split the tab, still no benefit, but I prefer to pay my own tab.

Right, Mel, ideally it shouldn't be based on gender but in the today's society guys have to pay. Radicals (i.e. feminists) will want to push things beyond the norm and guys who senselessly play along with this but they are NOT in the norm IMO. I'm thinking as an Asian and an Asian American. If I were thinking as an American then yes the norm might flatten out to include more radicals - but I'm not.

A lady can be pro equality all she wants but at the end of the day if the man doesn't step up to provide then it says something about him on an animal level. It's man's animal gesture to prove he can offer security (in this case food to secure health).

Gender roles are diminishing especially with Americans (I bet these same Americans don't want to reproduce til they're like 40) but as long as men can't get pregnant, are testosterone driven, etc. there will always be roles based on our sex. If we lose our animal instinct (and God forsake our libido) then **** yeah I'll make the girl pay!

so, i was actually stating my opinion for the benefit of someone who thinks people like her aren't out there, not inviting you to speculate what age i'll be when or if i reproduce don't get me wrong, you're welcome to discuss! but my boyfriend and i will continue to do what's worked for us for thirteen months, which is proving ourselves worthy of each other by being (well, in my case, becoming) self-sufficient and successful individuals -- not by having my hand slapped for lifting my wallet at the end of the date! (would you believe that actually happened to me once? unbelievable!)

On first dates, it must be

DEFINITELY

the girl



As long as the guy promises to pay for the next date.
Cause that guarantees there will be a second date!
The girl will want her money back and it's a win win situation for the guy.

If the girl likes him, he scores!
If the girl doesn't like him, he got a free dinner/movie!

An almost foolproof way of never getting a second date. By the way, I will not pay for a first date so no guy is getting a free anything off me on the first date. At worst, we'll go dutch.

To all the girls who voted for the guy paying every single meal after the first couple: Theres a reason why your bf doesn't want to hang out with you anymore.

My bf and I are on a more economical system.
He has stable income and I'm still in college with no job. He usually pays for things because I simply can't afford it. I pay things like coffee drinks and cakes and small stuff that I can with my summer jobs and whatnot.
He says he's more financially stable than I am so he doesn't want me paying anything at all. He explains to me that when I get a job, I can pay for anything I feel like. So I'm waiting for my big job to treat him from then on. : )

But with friends, we're all college students, we all split the bills because we shouldn't have to take up each others bills because we honestlycan't afford it.

I'm kinda curious for a second poll..

For the gals who said they always want the guy to pay.. and the guys who say that we definitely would not consider 'always paying'.

Who has had more successful in relationships? Because I think the first group - that is, gals who would never lift their wallet even once - would start to be more unsuccessful nowadays..

Haha.. just a thought. I'm probably thinkin along the same lines as V12 here..

^^^ I would have to disagree with you on that notion. Mainly from my observations, guys have this knight in shining armor mentality and if a female shows that she might want/need to be spoiled by a guy the guy is more willing to stick around because he can "rescue" someone. I don't think we're modernized enough for men to not have this need to be the hero all of the time.

Like I said, I'm single and apparently - it's from my notion of hating to be rescued.

When you invite a girl for a date, are you thinking: "Hmmm, if I pay for the meal, I'm gonna get laid tonight!" I hope not, and I hope you realize that paying for dates is a tiny factor in how well you will do. (Well, if you're hitting on random girls in a bar, then ... maybe)

Yes, guys need to show that they can "step up" and provide for the girl. This has always been embedded in our culture. But, this could either be materialistically, or more often, emotionally. Financial stability is a huge factor, but paying for dates is not the way to show it. Unless she's a gold-digger, the main thing she's looking for is how interesting you are, not how much you're willing to pay.

Guys don't need to pay all the time unless they're overcompensating for something. There are plenty of ways to show that you're excellent catch. We also like to see that our girls are willing to put in too.


Yeah, V12 has a good point.

For girls: If your guy is always paying for you, there's a reason he's doing it. But just think of how much more happy he would be if you show that you're willing to pay for him too. And when he's happy, he'll be even more willing to provide for you. The more you give, the more you receive. Guys aren't looking for gold-diggers. So show him that you aren't.


I can see where you're coming from. There are always plenty of men like that.