Ever been mistaken for leading someone on when you really were just trying to be nice & you just genuinely like him/her platonically? Sometimes I find those 2 things can have a thin line that hardly separates them...

Uh, share your experiences? Rants...? Anything.

I used to be one of these people. Super friendly, easy to get along with, had tons of friends (mostly boys), lots of them has crushes, etc etc. Lots of people called me a tease/flirt and I didn't know why.

Then I started dating my current boyfriend. He explained a lot of what I was doing, which may have been just "friendly" to me, but how it looked from a mans point of view, and how men think, and how men see things. When I started looking at the things I did and said from a mans perspective, I saw that I really was being extremely flirtatious.

I think it just goes to show that sometimes an outside perspective is what you need to properly assess the situation. What you think is harmless and innocent might not be seen as such by someone else.

care to share and help me out?

ive been called a tease way too many times and its starting to annoy me. i've never been shy, im very outgoing and have alot of guy friends. but how do i know when im crossing the line?

Eh, it's kind of a tough area because a lot of the time men like to see things that aren't really there.
For instance, all of my friends were guys. I had a particular guy friend whom I was very, very, close to, we'll call him R. R and I hung out every single day. He knew that I didn't have money to go places, and eat out, and go do expensive things, I told him this, but instead of me not hanging out with him, he insisted that he pay. Throughout our friendship, I was in and out of relationships now and then. He always made it very clear that he wanted a relationship with me, but I always made it very VERBALLY clear that I didn't want a relationship with him. Eventually, the cause of our definite falling out was me beginning to date one of his closest friends. R had paid for my way to a trip out of state that me and my crush (P) were going to. I ended up going out on a date with, and hooking up with P that weekend. R was furious, and we stopped being friends shortly after due to the fact that it was obvious that he couldn't just deal with not having a relationship with me.

People say this was entirely my fault. Whether it was or wasn't, whatever. But as you can see, due to the fact that I always did everything with R, and I allowed for him to spend money on me and whatnot, he was getting the wrong impression even though I was very openly dating and interested in other people. I thought what I did was obvious, apparently it wasn't.

That's a personal example -- As for the things my boyfriend pointed out, it's also different for me because I have very "boyish" interests. I play fighting games competitively. I played DDR competitively. Both of these communities are 95%+ male inhabited, lol. I was a friendly, helpful, person. If someone needed a place to stay, I would offer my home. If someone needed someone else to talk to, I would lend my ear to them. I thought these things were just the nice thing to do, but apparently, a lot of the time when a man asks if he can sleep over, it isn't actually because he's in dire need of a place to stay -- They would just rather stay at a girls house and possibly get to hook up with her.

I used to call and text and talk on AIM a lot to guys. They'd make dirty jokes to me, or comment on how good I look in a picture or something -- something I didn't normally think anything of, but these are things that not only make boyfriends very angry (pay attention girls in relationships!), but they don't make girls look very good, either. Being in constant contact with a man pretty much means you like him to him. It sucks, but it's true a lot of the time. He thinks he's gonna get some.

I don't really know what else to put right now, I already feel like I'm typed WAAAY too much, so I apologize. Maybe if you have any questions I can try to answer?

laughs evilly as i think about the past.

im a nice person but when a guy starts getting wrong messages,
i cut that smile off his face! *evil laughs*
jokingly.

i always make sure they know that im not leading them on.
cause i dont like to carry extra baggages around,
so it's either they know ahead of time or they get left in the dust.

leading on is when you know that person likes you but you keep flirting and teasing anyways.
being nice is when you try to befriend them without wanting to hurt their feelings?

@ PristineNyte

I am/was like that too (hanging around with mostly guys, some of them having a crush on me, being friendly and cheerful, doing guy's stuff, they telling me how cute/pretty I am...) but now I have a bf so I'm kinda keeping a distance to guys (oh btw, i think thats the reason why I dont really talk to my bf's friends cuz they're all guys...but then i end up just tagging along which sucks too)...but I still see them as my friends and I like to chat/hang around with them...am I not allowed to do that now (even if they know that I have a bf)? That would be lame, cuz most of my friends are guys and if i can only talk to my girl-friends now...

did/do you just stopped being in contact with any of your guy-friends after you had a bf?

edit: i spend most of my time with my bf so ppl tell me to give him some space and spend time with my other friends, but on the other hand my other friends are guys?? so what to do??

Sounds like our relationships are extremely similar. To answer your first question with more of an explanation; I consider some of my "friends" now to be some of my boyfriends friends -- people I met through dating him. Two of them are guys, one of them my boyfriend thinks is in love with me (lol) so I try to be very cautious with what I do and say around him, but the other one has had a girlfriend for like, six years, and I feel much more comfortable around him. I'm still careful not to be too playful or friendly with him, but I at least don't feel like I have to worry about him ever liking me, or my boyfriend ever worrying about that.

Yes, I did stop being in contact with a lot of my guy friends. NOT because my boyfriend made me or anything like that, but because those so called "friends" were very disrespectful to me and my relationship. They wouldn't stop saying derogatory comments even when I asked them to stop, and it did visibly make my boyfriend upset, so I just stopped talking to them in general. No stupid boy that wants to hook up with me is worth losing my relationship over.

I live with my boyfriend, so there's no "friend time" for either of us. Trying to think of what I would do if I were in your situation; if my friends were all dudes and I didn't live with my boyfriend, and honestly, it's pretty tough. Obviously no one wants to just sit at home and do nothing all of the time, but if you feel as though your friends are going to be a negative influence like MINE were, then it might be best not to hang out with them :| However, if you feel as though your friends are good, respectful, people, and it doesn't bother your boyfriend for you to be spending time with them, then I don't see the problem. Just try to stay away from obvious negative situations -- things like dates (movies/dinners/etc etc), or inviting them over at night/going to their homes at night.

Hope this helped :> It works with me and my boyfriend, at least!

"Being in constant contact with a man pretty much means you like him to him. It sucks, but it's true a lot of the time. He thinks he's gonna get some."


So there's no such thing as a male best friend, unless he's your s/o/boyfriend?


EDIT: I'll just chime things in from my experience. I had this trouble too. For a while, I became VERY introverted and 'cold', in my opinion. Apparently, I was still an extrovert, but for a while, I didn't dare to talk to boys. And guess what? The guys I met even though I was quiet still managed to like me. I think some things you can't control. What you can control is that you do not say anything or do anything suggestive or flirtatious - and don't treat a guy friend differently from another guy friend. But if they still fall for you, then... it's not anyone's fault. It's just how things became. In that case, you'd have to make it clear that you aren't interested in them romantically. If they decide not to speak to you afterwards, then that's their choice. It might be awkward for a while, but don't fall into the trap of chasing up with them and longing for their companionship, because that just screams I LOVE YOU.

I always take the balls-out approach and talk about it with the guy or girl in question. For example, one of my friends from undergrad offered to fly me to Hawaii and pay for all my expenses in Honolulu for a week in December. Then yesterday, while I was microwaving something or other, he surprised me with a call from Munich and I decided to ask him about what he wanted from me while we were in Hawaii and, basically, told him that I'd love to go but that I wouldn't mess around with him or anything like that. He assured me that whatever I wanted would be respected and all he wanted was to see me and make fun of my lack of surfing abilities and have a nice, relaxing week on the beach before getting back to work.

Sure, it's kind of awkward and bulky to be handing what sounds like a Terms and Conditions to a guy friend every time you go out to brunch or go on a road trip, but it's always saved me a lot of hassle--and it's enabled me to just be myself with my guy friends too. For example, my guy friend from Iran and I love to give each other pecks on the lips as greetings but we've already talked through everything and have agreed that we're just affectionate, platonic friends. Every friendship has its own quirks and limitations and the only way to accommodate for each friendship is to talk to every one of your guy friends personally. Of course, there will be some people who will be bitter and some people who will refuse to acknowledge your opinions. There will still be people who will maintain crushes on you. But, you'll find the friendship will be that much better when you know the limits of it.



Gay friends are a girl's best friend. They can open pickle jars, lift heavy objects, reach things on top shelves, and shop for fierce shoes for hours.

Yup! But the sad thing is, I'm not particularly flirtatious (seriously, I'm not). I just listened to the poor guys talk. I'm not even overly nice, so when they would ask me out or tell me they like me, I'd say "aww, that's sweet, but sorry!" but... most of them just didn't get it. Once it reaches that point, though, I don't think I'm leading anyone on. Those situations are just misunderstandings that can't get through to a stubborn guy.

I'd agree with the things that PristineNyte mentioned in regards to the way guys read girls. Let me be completely honest, if a guy is physically attracted to you, there's almost no way he's going to be friends with you without wanting a relationship with you at some point. This isn't the case for every guy, but it is for the majority of us. The majority of girls who are friends with guys have no ulterior or subconscious motives to get with him, they just see them as a friend and that's that. With guys, I think it's safe to say it's about 50/50. 90/10 if he's physically attracted to you.

If a guy is constantly paying for you, buying you things, wants to talk to you everyday, or jokes with you a lot about how attractive you are, you have a really, really good chance that he's attracted to you. I'm sure there are guys who go out of their way to talk to their best female friend everyday, but I think they are in the vast minority. Consider why a guy might be trying to get close to you, be around you all the time, etc. It could be harmless, he might just be lonely and want a friend, but there's a significant chance that he's interested.

The best way to let someone know you're not interested is to BE DIRECT (if he's oblivious or in denial, as seemed to be the case with the guy in PristineNyte's case, he may ignore even that). I've noticed that girls tend to be bad at this, or they are intentionally bad at it because they don't want to be a called a pinkberry. Sometimes it's better to be a pinkberry and to free him up to go bother someone else. You're doing the guy a favor in the long-term. There are some girls who genuinely string a guy along because they like the attention he gives her, even if she doesn't like him back--don't be one of those girls.

i have a few guy friends and i talk to them often. i text them and stuff and my sister thinks i'm leading them on or something. but you know, i'm just chatting with them. i tell my friends the conversation that i have with them and they think i flirt with them and stuff. but no that's not the case. i just wanna be friends.

QUOTE

If they decide not to speak to you afterwards, then that's their choice. It might be awkward for a while, but don't fall into the trap of chasing up with them and longing for their companionship, because that just screams I LOVE YOU.

Waaaahhh =O so that's what it is

I also agree w/ prinstinenyte... A long long time ago I talked to one of my guy friends about this girl that he used to like. And basically he said that he used to think that even if she wasn't interested in him and was into other guys he hoped that one day she'd realized that he was the one who was always there. or something like that.

I think that sometimes, you have to essentially "ruin" yourself for the guy. In other words, you have to show some terrible or unattractive quality of yourself that would make him either no longer see you as a girlfriend material or make him see you as one of the guys. Of course, that might not work either. ^^;;

I have a lot of guy friends, and I guess my "being nice" has also been seen the wrong way by some of my guy friends. Mostly when I notice a guy friend of me really likes me I just try to act cold, but it seems that some of them still don't get the message then *sigh*. I've never been called a tease though (luckily).

I used to randomly chat up my guy friends on aim/facebook/msn because they used to do the same to me, or I wanted to talk. But now I don't, because of a select few who read more into what I thought were casual convos.

The problem is, I was also very shy back then and didn't just talk to random people because I can, so anyone I'd talk to for longer than a few hours is someone I consider to be a good [platonic] friend. While I'd leave our conversation thinking, "Wow, I have a very good friend in [this person]," to other people, that means paying someone a lot of attention than any one person normally would. To those select few, it equates to romantic interest.

I hate having to watch what I say for fear of someone getting the wrong message, I prefer to tell the guy directly that I don't see him as someone I'd like to go out with. On the flip side, whenever I happen to develop feelings for someone, it might take me a while, but I tell them that I like them. Like how some above have said, being direct is a good thing to be in these situations.

It sucks, but from my own personal experience, it sort of seems that way a lot of the time. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and I'm sure you'll find plenty of guys (well, maybe not plenty haha) who have no problem being JUST friends. Just. . .you can't really go looking for it, haha.


See, this is a great example of how to handle a situation like that. You just have to lay everything down on the line. Perfectly. So there can be no misunderstandings whatsoever.

And yes, gay men are wonderful. One of my best friends is, and he is the best at shoe shopping I tell ya!


All of this is so, so, true. I think this might have been said in better words than I tried to explain it!

I've learned, really, the guy may just be nuts. I had a
situation where I didn't intend for anything to happen,
just wanted to start talking since we haven't in years,
and he takes it wrong and is suddenly crazy about me.
He found out where I lived -visited uninvited many times-,
'discovered' my cell phone number, and called EVERY
DAY. I didn't know how to put him down, so I just..
stopped talking to him and acknowledging him. I know it
may sound rude and completely insensitive, but.. he knew
where I lived without me telling him. It was very creepy.
I mean really.. does "Hey! I haven't spoken to you in
six years. How are you?" sound like flirting? I don't really
think so. >>;

I do have a few guy friends. I think the line.. is just there
when you've known each other so long. By line, I mean the
we're practically siblings line. Well, it is for me. I've
known my best friend, non gay amazingly, since kindergarten
and we're just siblings, lol. We have a lot of skinship that
make people think we're dating, but it's just that comfortable
'piggy back me, please' kind of thing. Idk how to explain it
because our relationship is weird.

I just feel like guys convince themselves of whatever they want sometimes >.> Not ALL of you guys, of course, but some of you sometimes. . .I guess you just end up wanting and liking a girl so much that it gets in the way of everything else.

Like in my aforementioned situation with R and P. I was friends with R for like, two years, and like I said, I was always very honest about my not wanting a relationship with him, but he just did things -- I guess to try and make me change my mind? Even though I was still very insistent and clear about what I did and didn't want. Then, when what I did want happened to be someone I met through him, P, it ended up ruining our friendship. I think a lot because he compared himself to P, and P was better than him at almost everything; Better at video games, more money, better looking, etc etc. He just didn't seem like he could move on from P and I seeing each other. When he did try to hang out with me, he was very sour and cold to me. Why would I want to hang out with him if he's being like that?

Sigh, lol.

my friends used to tease me by saying that i 'flirt way too much'. I don't get it cause i'm usually just nice to people and i know when i flirt or not. and if i do, it's totally differently. there's this one time when a bunch of little girls cursed me out cause apparently i was intentionally leading on some kid's boyfriend. which was weird cause all i said to him was "i like your shoes." -__- but apparently he thought that i was trying to flirt with him so he broke up with his girl friend and told everyone about it. so i had a bunch of 8th graders calling me a s.lut and crap.

i feel bad but this happneds most of the time for me...
usually i can pick up the vibe from easily and then i just TRY and lead them off..
like i'd be nice for a bit and then they get really flirty and stuff thats when i kinda pull out the "haha you're a really nice guy but i'm LOVE being single (total lie) just to ease him down ..
I'm a HORRIBLE PERSON =((

&&
OWNER OF PAGE 2 ^^

^^ That doesn't make you a horrible person! You're doing the right thing by realizing what you're doing and then trying to undo it instead of continuing to lead them on! Just because I know what I do doesn't mean that I can make sure I don't do it every single time, and sometimes, it doesn't even matter! Boys still end up getting crushes on me -- my boyfriends friends -- just because I'm not a pinkberry to them. They're my boyfriends friends, am I supposed to be a cun7 all of the time just so they don't crush on me? LOL

I used to be told that because I was really friendly/touchy with everyone. It started to get to me after a while, so now if a guy I'm not interested in shows even the smallest hint of liking me as more than a friend then I start to act cold and uncomfortable with/around them. I'm still trying to find a good medium between them.

I'm much more direct now, but I still can't help what they call being 'nice'. Like I won't meet up with a guy alone unless he knows that we're just friends, and I don't allow any guys to do any favours for me, but sometimes these weird situations regarding me leading them on still occur. I've learned that some guys just don't get your message no matter how direct you are, while others don't want to get to know you as a friend if they know you're not interested - I find both reactions frustrating.
I can't seem to make many close guy friends. I have one now, but the rest are just acquaintances, and another one has turned into a complicated thing that I won't go into here. But anyways, probably better this way, not to be stuck in awkward situations.

I use to be those people, Nice to those i meet. Go out of my way to do things sometimes, care for my friends and even sometimes those i dont really know, i care for their well being.

but since everyone have different interpretations of everything, sometimes what you think may be just being 'nice' can be seen as something different.

having a boyfriend now he would get annoyed and jealous at times when i do things with my friends (guys). From a guys perspective especially, sometimes what you do can be seen as being flirtatious. So i guess at times, it better not to be TOO nice or people can get the wrong idea. HAHA

yeah im those kind of people in a way >.<
like last year, I was being NICE to this guy in my class,
cause he hardly ever talked and I was jux trying to make conversations.
so eventually he thought tat I liked him or something and he asked me out
but I sadly rejected him T.T
yeahhhhh, i felt bad and my friend was like "YOU SHOULDN'T LEAD HIM ON!"
but I wasn't! but yeah, hahahah x]

I didn't really fully grasp the term/whatever it is 'leading someone on'
because I thought I was just being nice, while others thought the other way.

I always mean to be nice,
but sometimes I lead them on ?

Im so broken(x

R O F L

well anywho I had the same type of experience in high sku
my prom date and i were just friends but afterwards he wanted something more
i kept hanging out with him cause i wanted to be "nice" and talking etc
but i realized that was leading him on

and thus i ended up being the bad guy, urk rejecting people hurts

And here I was thinking guys are blind to subtleties. They really think too much at the wrong time, I guess =D Haha.

I think as long as we know what we're doing and don't cross the line it should be okay. If people are jumping at any thing that 'means' you are interested in them, they are just sadly misunderstood.

Only problem with that is that "the line" is subjective. Something that's perfectly normal, acceptable, and platonic to you could mean something very different to someone else. This is what you should be careful about.

omfg yes.
ther was this guy that i met through my fds, and he was the quiet type. we became fds and would chat on the phone/msn all the time. it was clearly platonic but i guess he took it the wrong way and began to like me. but he knew that i didn't like him, so i tried to minimize our interactions, but not completely. a few months past and i hear that he's deciding to return to taiwan because he can't get over me o.O so i sit down and talk to him about it, and he decides to stay. but it's still awkward between me and him now :S

Yeah probably. I don't realize initially cause I get really happy when people talk to me, so maybe they take it the wrong way =S And then... they do creepy things like stalk me and I'm like *bangs head on desk*

@mentholatum132 Lol thats pretty intense/dramatic... on his part... uhhh

I treat my guy friends the same as my girl friends, but in the end I end up getting told to stop "leading guys on"
I understand it, but it's just irritating sometimes =="

When a girl friend of mine shows up, I always get excited and happy. But I do the same to a guy friend, it raises eyebrows. Hahahaha... can't take the easy way out by being nice and friendly to everybody.

This thread has some really good advice though

I'm sure everyone leads someone on unintentionally at least one time in their lives. After all, if you're nice to someone who likes you (when you have no clue), but you don't have any special feelings for, that is still considered as leading on, right? Anyway, I have never lead anyone on before - at least not intentionally. Every time someone confesses to me and I don't return the same feelings, I tell them straight out that I don't feel the same way about them. As for those who never confessed, but I found out through my friends since they told them about it, I don't bring it up. If the person who likes me wants to hang out by ourselves and such, I will tell them that I am busy every time, or say something like, "Oh, who else have you invited? The more the merrier!" They eventually catch on since I never take up on the offer of going out with them on our own. I know it sounds mean since we can just be friends, but I rather avoid getting myself into a difficult situation where I am leading someone on, or have them fall for me even more.

looks like I should be careful, since I'm being "nice" to all my girl friends, which I have more of than guy friends...
however, I treat everyone the same so I have trouble seeing the "lead-on" part of my actions. ~heh, yeah, I pay for pretty much all my friends.

very interesting thread...

Oh man. I feel so stupid. I do this "nice" thing all the time without really noticing. I'm such an idiot.

Just last week, a guy in my class (who I rejected in the past) came up to me and told me I like the attention I get from guys. I was so pissed at him, I was like "what's your problem?" Now that I think about it, he has the right to tell me that because I remember before he asked me out, he'd flirt with me and be extra nice. Everyone would tell me he liked me, and I guess it was pretty obvious, but I didn't want to be rude and tell him "can you stop flirting with me?" so I kept on being nice about it and let him do it because who doesn't want to be liked? I guess I lead him on him so he asked me out thinking I liked him too. So when I said no, of course he'd be mad.

And now I realize that I do this with a lot of guys. I have no interest in them whatsoever (apart from friendship) but I believe I'm a nice person and I like having a lot of friends. I don't make it clear to them that I'm not interested. So they think I am. I just don't want to come off as a b*tch. But it's either you're a b*tch or a tease. Either way, it's not good. What am I supposed to do?

As a side note, what if you tell them that you don't like them like THAT and their response is something like "I never asked you if you were interested, we're only friends." then I'd look stupid for even thinking that.

I'm nice to guys as well as girls equally and in the past, I have been told I'm a big 'flirt', when I just enjoy having a conversation.
But I'm really dense with people's feelings so after many years pass, someone tells me, "Oh that person really liked you." and I had no idea.

So prob. I am leading some people on...without realizing it.
But right now, the guys I talk to never give out the message so I talk to them normally like any other friend.

look. if a lonely guy who isn't used to the intimate friendship females provide, [as opposed to surprise ball punching during school] is interested in you. and you SMILE at him. he's going to think "aw john tesh. i think i love her, and i have a chance."


of course he's going to think he's got a chance. he wants to believe that. and the fact you're being a REAL friend, not a john tesher who makes you shout a 400buck dinner with the boys or moans whenever you talk to your now ex-gf who we all knew was insecure.

some guys are lonely creatures, despite all the laughter and loud sounds they make with other baboons.

but eh. as i said before. it's both parties fault. there's a lonely socially retarded boy. and a naive flirt who doesn't know he'd fall for any girl that smiles and acts 'friendly' with him.

This, is so true haha. I have a gay friend and he is amazingly fun to talk to and shop with!

Wait so, it's seriously ALMOST always never true when a guy is your best friend? Lol, I have a friend says we're best friends sometimes, so I just assume that's what he really meant. Do guys really mean it when they say that? I've always been 50/50 on the whole "guys and girls can't ever really be best friends" thing because I'm pretty close to one of my guy friends and people used to mistake us for bf/gf a lot, but we were never together, and we didn't even do stuff like hold hands or be touchy -___-.

And...I do this nice thing all the time without noticing too. It's pretty easy for me to talk to guys, and because I like a lot of guy things as well (like video games and whatnot) it's even more fun when we talk cause I can't do the same with my girlfriends. I've never gotten "You're such a tease/big flirt" before, either from a guy or a girl, so hopefully I usually don't give off any wrong impressions, lol.

I believe that the only time it's possible for boys and girls to be JUST friends, forever, without ever having a romantic interest in the other, is if they find each other to be physically hideous, lol.

^ LOL, I always love your replies haha. Actually, that pretty much makes sense, and seeing as neither my guy friends nor I find each other hideously ugly, I guess I should watch myself a bit more when I'm around guys.

Everyone I know tells me I'm really nice, but they don't see it as flirting. There is a way to be nice without flirting, but I guess it's up to the guys' judgments.

Yeah then you better be careful! Even when you don't find someone physically attractive at first, a great personality can over shadow that without a doubt, which is exactly why it's just so hard to be just friends, and why would you wanna even be friends with someone who doesn't have a good personality?

But thanks, I love the handful of you who appreciate my insanity.

And even then, it's almost impossible because who wants to be friends with someone who's hideous?

Oh heavens gay guys are seriously awesome! (lol)
Like they are so easy to talk to and also very fun! None of my guy friends are gay, but I have met some at uni and other places and they are always so nice and easy to talk to! Man I wish my best friend was gay... it would be totally awesome lol.

But yeah, sometimes being nice can be a lead on. I was called a flirt by my friends (heck wth) because I saw a friend (guy) at the library and then approached him and talked and sat down blah blah... but seriously, that is just being nice right? But yeah anyway, sometimes I think people do go 'overly nice'.

One of my best friends hold hands with guys, link arms and hug them all the time. She always thought that she had awesome platonic friendship until they confessed or she knew from another. Now I personally think that is being a little too touchy with males, and males do think a lot, heck you wonder why males think females think too much, they actually do too... but yeah, it ruined a few things for her.

Mostly due to the fact you don't know what the other person defines 'nice' and yours. You may be 'nice', they may think it is 'leading them on'. Confusing things... talk about a thin line...

Actually, I am in that situation, but it's not me being too nice but the other party is. Is it a lead-on or is it just niceness? I'm trying to figure it out myself.

YES! we're on the same page.


i used to have a few guys courting me but i only saw them as friends. for the first few guys i told them i wasnt interested in them in that way... and they all turned away from me- couldnt even be friends anymore.

so for the years after that i never spoke about it directly if i suspected or knew that they liked me. i tried to make it clear through actions. eg if he gets touchy or too close i would move away or say 'dont do that'. but still i would monkey around with them or whatever in presence of my other girl friends.

once a close friend confessed to me and i didnt give him a direct 'no', but then the next day i kept my distance a little but still acted quiet normally to show we were just friends.

never worked too well either. massive rumours spread about me dangling guys and leading them on just because i still talk to them. what did they expect me to do? your close friend confesses, you say no and then ignore him from there onwards? you lose a friend just like that? it was so childish.


bottom line: from those experiences ive relaxed a lot. i make it clear, and if the guy decides he cant be a friend without wanting more, its up to him to leave. harsh but i let him decide without compromising who i am.

Ughh, this is definitely my situation. I don't even like physical contact, and I'm just really friendly to people (been called this many times). I don't get how my friendliness constitutes as flirting if no physical contact is made whatsoever and we're just joking around / striking conversation. By other people's definition of leading on, then I also lead on my girl friends, whom I have no romantic attraction - which doesn't make sense...

All of this rambling, and my point is sometimes guys/girls just can't tell the difference between friendliness and showing romantic interest. As girls, we should be more careful to strike the line between romance and friendship or else the guy will just turn on you, as I have experienced before.

Ugh, I hate this so much.
I had to change like, everything I do around guys because I'd supposedly 'lead them on'.
I'm one of those girls that punch someone in the arm jokingly when they say something funny or like, semi-offensive but it's funny?
Apparently, that's not good, so don't do that.
Also, you have to be really careful with your body movement/signals.
Like, I'm a big video gamer and I play with my guy friends and (without realizing it) I sit with my legs open and sometimes I sit "provocatively" but honestly, I'm just sitting how I feel comfortable.
But one of my guy friends talked to me about these things one day and I looked at it from a boys perspective and felt really disgusted with myself.
I agree that you have to look from an outsiders perspective and honestly this rule always applies:
If you have to think about it, you probably shouldn't do it.
^ like pondering or questioning what you're going to do.

Omg, I feel like I don't make any sense at all.
x_o;
But seriously, if you guys have any questions, ask because I've pretty much done everything wrong when it comes to accidently leading someone on.
>_>;;

Oh and one last thing, if a guy likes you, you have to be cautious about everything you do.
Especially if physical attraction is the biggest factor in why they like you.
Because I've been told that pretty much everything you do is seen in a sexual way.
Like eating food, the way you sit, the way you walk, the way you talk.
Honestly, it's best just to leave them alone until they move on.
._.

well, i think this is why people need to actually say what they mean.
because i was just in a relationship where towards the end i didnt like the guy half as much, and he still seemed to believe i felt the same way.
and of course i twist everything my crush does/says in my favour xDD
but i do try to be nice to a lot of people, and im usually the one who's attracted to them...
so i hug my guy friends a lot, talk to them almost every day, joke with them, and no one thinks anything of it.