Growing up, it was difficult for my family and I to approach each other whenever a problem aroused amongst us. For example, after my parents argue, they would not apologize to each other. Neither do they try to talk it out. They just let time pass and eventually. everything is back to normal. I don't know, maybe it's an Asian thing. My parents are pretty modernized compared to most Asian parents I know, but their mindset is yet still Asian/traditional as well (if that makes any sense). I love them, but they're both very stubborn (which is why they never compromise). My siblings and I are just like them - stubborn. (Yes, I admit.) But because of past mistakes that we've experienced or witnessed within our family, we (my siblings and I) are learning to humble ourselves more and actually approaching the situation rather than just "letting time heal" like how my parents do it.

Anyway, I went home to visit my family a couple of days ago, especially since my grandmother was in town. It's been years since I've seen her, but I love her to death (I'm her favorite, btw). The evening that I was leaving to come back to my place, we got into a pretty heated argument. It really shocked me because she has never spoken to me in this way. Did I mention that my grandmother is just as stubborn as my family (but worse)? She said some pretty hurtful things to me, and me being a big baby that I am, just stormed out. I got into my car and drove off. She went back to California the following morning. "I'm not coming back here ever again. Do not think about talking to me ever again." Those were just a few things she said to me. I've felt this sudden brokenness inside of me ever since this incident occurred. Thoughts like "What if I really won't see her again, what if she really doesn't want to talk to me anymore?" have been running through my mind. And what if that really was the last time I'll see her? What if that was really the last conversation we'll share? Basically, I'm afraid we've ended on bad terms. And that's what is burdening me. Think about it, my grandmother is getting older and she lives across the country. So I don't know when or if I'll see her again. Now I don't need to see her in order to work things out. A phone call can probably do, but now isn't the right time.

What would ya do? Keep in mind that my grandmother is VERY stubborn. She's a very unforgiving person too, though there is no reason for me to ask for forgiveness. I just voiced my opinion (which led to the argument). It's also hard for me to approach someone when I'm in this sort of situation, especially if it's with my grandmother and parents.

I don't want "time to heal" because honestly, I don't think it can for this situation. (It was something little that got out of hand.)

So what would ya do?
If you were ever in a similar situation, how did you handle it?

Just humble yourself and apologize... Even if you feel that there's nothing to apologize for. Being right, or having an opinion won't fix your situation. So just suck it up and tell her you're sorry.

What did you do to make her angry at you?

It's easier said than done.


While I was packing, she approached me and suddenly starts talking about my parents. The previous night, my parents got into an argument, and my mother started crying (that's probably where I get my sensitivity from). So after things finally quieted down, I went to go talk to my mother to make sure she was okay. That's where my grandmother comes in. She apparently thinks that we (my siblings and I) love our mother more. WTF? Oh btw, my grandmother is my dad's mother. I simply told my grandmother, "It's not true. We love mom and dad equally." But she just kept saying, "No, I see it with my own eyes that you love your mother more." I'm sorry, but my grandmother was in town for just a couple of weeks. How can that possibly judge whether I love my parents or not? She eventually started to raise her voice on me just because I wouldn't accept "her fact" that I loved my mother more. I couldn't take it anymore so that's when I just left. I was offended, hurt, that my very own grandmother would think that I don't love my father.

So that's what happened. Like I said, it was something little that got out of hand. She always thinks she's right, and it's so hard for her to understand others.

It's always easier said than done, but I didn't intend to make it sound easy in the first place. However, it's what you need to do. Your grandmother is at an age where she has settled, long ago, into who she is. Holding your ground on your own principles, which are probably very different from her principles, will only lead to a harder situation.

You don't even have to address what brought about this argument in the first place. Just letting your grandma know your regret will heal the wounds faster than stubbornly feeling right. I'm assuming your asian...so think from the asian perspective. This is filial piety, defined as dutiful respect. Do your duty as a grandchild and apologize and put the ball in her court. It's up to her after that, but at the least you did what you had to do.

man thats a hard thing for me to do.. to apologize to someone who is at fault. big ups to you to be the bigger person.

if that was my grandma id straight up chin check her. i'd let her know aint nobody disrespecting me and my mother like that. =]

This is probably what you shouldn't do.

Wait, wouldn't that put her dad in the same place where he'd have to "chin check" his daughter for chin checking HIS mother?