Hello guys, first of all I just want to say thanks for reading.

I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm very confused.
I'm a 20 years old Chinese female, who was born in Vietnam, and came to the states when I was 10 years old.
10 years of my experiences were from Vietnam, and the other 10 are in the States.

I feel like I'm living 2 different worlds with 2 different personalities here in the States.
One part of me loves, appreciates, and takes pride in my original culture and is very so called, "fobby", if you know what I mean.

The other part of me is very Americanized, enjoys the company of the English speaking world, the American restaurants, culture, people, and ideals.

So since I am the way I am, I have friends that are "fobby", and I have friends that are Americanized.

I don't know if it is just my experiences with the people I hang out with, or surrounded by and I'm not trying to judge, but I feel like the Americanized culture is somewhat superficial? I know I might offend people by this but I really don't mean to be offensive, this is just based on MY own personal experiences.

By superficial I mean by this:
Looking the best
Always clubbing, partying like there's no tomorrow
Judge others that attend a community college
Judge others who do not social well
Judge others who are not party animals
Judge others who do not have a social life calling them "losers", "no life".
Looks down on the "fobby" Asians

By "fobby" I mean by this:
Barely came to the States
Does not speak English very well or does not speak English at all
Not Americanized, at all
Enjoys music from their own race/ethnicity more
Very nice, considerate, down to earth people

I'm not trying to judge, I just wanna know if anyone else is going through the same situation too?
I feel so confused, don't know what I want and even a little bipolar because at times I am very "fobby" but other times I'm very Americanized and see things very superficially.

I definitely feel more comfortable with my "fobby" friends but then I prefer the Americanized lifestyle and a part of me is very superficial.

Does anyone know what's wrong with me? I'm so confused. =\

Like you said, it's based on your own personal experience. I think you just haven't met the right "Americanized" people yet.

so what is the problem? are you having conflicts amongst your fobby friends because of your americanized lifestyle and vice versa?

lhkim85 - I really hope so, I really hope that its just the superficial people that I know which happened to be Americanized.

hiphopmovement08 - no, the problem is I feel like I fit in better with my fobby friends but I prefer the Americanized so its kinda confusing

Yeah... ummm... except none of that has anything to do with being American or not. It just has to do with the friends you're choosing.

damn you are confusing lol.. tell me why you feel more comfortable and why you have the type of bond that you have with the fobby group. and what is this Americanized lifestyle that you speak of... so you prefer that lifestyle over the oriental lifestyle (chinese, vietnamese)???

During my 20 years here, I've never been stuck in between. I don't have problem with having fobby friends and Americanized friends at the same time. My friends are good people regardless of whether they're "fobby" or "Americanized".

I think you are confused about your identity.

Not that you don't know who you are. Having spent half your life in a place and another half in another, there's a confusion in where's your home and where do you truly belong to.

A couple of my friends who moved around a lot have been feeling this way.
And because we're all still young, part of us is kinda tired and eager to be settling down in a place.

Hey yooo

Everyone feels like that, especially immigrants (1.5 generation) and the latter generation (ala, non-Anglo-Americans born in America).

I've been in NZ for ... more than half my life. I'm 22 now, but we moved when I was 7 years old. So around... 15 years of my life I spent in another country.

Identity is a big issue for everyone, not just immigrants, it's very important for your life to know where you have come from, who you are in society, and where you can go in the future.

I think it's important for you to understand that when you see American culture as superifical, you have to grant some lee-way. Superificial usually has a negative connotation, and I'm sure some people who really admire or love American culture won't like seeing that. However, I would like to offer why you might feel that American culture IS superficial - you have only scratched the surface.

Yeah I know, it's been ten years, HALF your life... so far. You still have DECADES to go! lol. Sounds daunting eh? The older you get, the lesser the ratio becomes. But don't worry about it. I honestly felt like I was sooooo kiwi (i.e. being New Zealander), but I realized increasingly the difference between myself and others around me (Asians, Koreans, white people etc). And I was all worried about the 'superficial them' and myself. These days, I'm still trying to figure out 'who' I am exactly. I used to think I 'left' my Korean life behind... When I was 16, I thought, omg, half of my life was in Korea, and the other half in NZ...

... now I think, ahhh crap, a THIRD of my life was in Korea, and I don't even know what the hell it looks like now!

So no, you're not alone in feeling that way.

I think other people are being ... well insensitive to say the least, but... oh well others are entitled to their opinion.

i think as much as you think americans are superficial that americans think asians are loud, rude and slightly obnoxious.

and it's as much vice versa.

But you're right in a way in that asians who have immigrated tend to have a conservative view which is what you're describing, but thats different from a superficial/profound view.

by "americanized" friends, i assume you mean asian-americans?

i think that it's just the people that you're hanging with/meet.

do you have non-asian friends that you hang out with? do you ever talk with them about things that you're feeling?
do you talk about these things with your "americanized" friends?

also, what state are you in?

my suggestion is that you start hanging out with people that can respect your thoughts.
sure, that might mean a smaller number of "friends", but quality over quantity, right?

i think if you're going to call someone a "fob" it should be limited to something like:
- been in the US less than 5 years
- doesn't speak english fluently
- doesn't know american customs well

"down to earth" has nothing to do with being a "fob". i know that's how you made it in your example, but...

hiphopmovement08 damn you are confusing lol.. tell me why you feel more comfortable and why you have the type of bond that you have with the fobby group. and what is this Americanized lifestyle that you speak of... so you prefer that lifestyle over the oriental lifestyle (chinese, vietnamese)???

--I'm more comfortable with the fobby group because we have a lot in common from personality wise to interests wise. they're not superficial or judgemental like my other "americanized asian" group.
I do find my americanized friends lifestyle more entertaining, its a lot more wild, crazy and exciting.
Whereas when I hang out with the fobby group its a lot more chill, calm and conservative which is good too.

---I don't know, I guess I want too much, I want the fun and exciting lifestyle with the chill, considerate, unsuperficial, good-hearted people. I want the best of both worlds and I guess those kind of people are rare to find.


yabasta - gad to know that I'm not the only one

jcraze "i think as much as you think americans are superficial that americans think asians are loud, rude and slightly obnoxious."

----I didn't mean Americans are superficial, I meant that the Americanized asians that I seem to be surrounded by are superficial.



little mixed girl by "americanized" friends, i assume you mean asian-americans?

----Yes, I meant the the asian americans that are americanized

i think that it's just the people that you're hanging with/meet.

----I'm starting to think so too

do you have non-asian friends that you hang out with? do you ever talk with them about things that you're feeling?

----Yes I do have non-asian friends also, now that I think about it its just the superficial people that I'm surrounded by that happened to be the Americanized asians because most of my non-asian friends are not superficial at all. I don't talk to them about it because they probably wont understand where I'm coming from since they don't hang out with the Americanized asian group that i associate with.

do you talk about these things with your "americanized" friends?

----no I don't because i try not to get close to them, they're a lot of fun to hang out with but they're not the type of people I wanna trust and get attached to or tell my personal problems to.

also, what state are you in?

----I'm from Texas.


"down to earth" has nothing to do with being a "fob". i know that's how you made it in your example, but...

----yeah I understand that down to earth people are of all races i'm just saying the "fobby" people i hang out with are usually extremely down to earth

you got to pick 1. you can't have both in my opinion.

it's like saying you want to find someone who is conservatively liberal.
oxymoron. just like Viet-America.

That's why some people live a double-life. it's kills your dignity.

meet/do the things that REALLY make you happy. and choose one side. you can't have both.

I disagree, you can find both qualities in people, you just need to find the right people.

hellokitty it seems you've already chosen where you want to be.

Fobby people are just as superficial, they just do so in their own under the radar way.

Pretty much. I fail to see how one's country of origin or how long you've been in a country has anything to do with your character.

As others have said, you've essentially met a group of "Americanized" Asians (or perhaps Asians, white people, black people, etc.) and made this tremendous generalization that those attitudes reflect what it means to be "Americanized." As someone whose grown up in the U.S., I can safely tell you that the people who fit into your perception of what it means to be "Americanized" only make up about half of those who live/grew up here (and a considerably smaller percentage of those 25 and over). Contrarily, I've met a sizable amount of "fobs" who fit the criteria you've decided is "Americanized." I think you just need to diversify your group of friends more.

I don't see the Americanized lifestyle as the type you described. Rather, I feel that what you refer to as the "superficial" lifestyle is just that: a lifestyle, and has nothing to do with nationality/ethnicity. This leads me to think that you're not stuck between two identities, but are simply resisting different parts of yourself, and that's perfectly normal. Human depth ranges from "superficial" to "profound," and there's nothing wrong with that.

i think this is something that you need to change.
if you are friends, you should trust them.
regardless of whether they are asian or not, or whether they know those friends or not, if you think that those people are trustworthy, then you should open up to them.

i find that people often assume that because someone is not of the same race as them that they couldn't understand where they are coming from, but the thing is, it's not just a racial thing, is a lack of communication thing.
if you don't explain how you feel, then people are going to continue on as usual.

if you like hanging out with that group just for fun, then think of them as "people i hang out with when i want to have fun", rather than "friends".

a true friend shouldn't be making you feel bad about yourself and you shouldn't always feel like you have to be on edge with them...