Doesn't it piss you off when people who are your "friends" suddenly turn two-faced and start regurgitating crap about you? If it doesn't, then you really are my role model.
I thought of this thread while I was in the "Rant All You Want" thread, ranting about my crappy life. Sometimes backstabbing and gossip really can ruin a person. For some people, it may not be a big thing, and they can just deal with it and move on, but for me...well, let's just say...I'm not one of those "forgive and forget" types. It's not that I don't try. I honestly do. Truly, but, I just can't help but think about all those times "that person" was laughing at some joke I made, but was secretly memorizing my words and using them against me.
I know I should learn to deal and heal, but I need time and that isn't something I have due to having to see "that person"'s face every single day.
It's hard to keep myself together because I now have so much hatred for that person. Have any of you ever read Skip Beat! ? Well, if you have, remember the part where Sho is a "jerk" to Kyoko and she decides to get revenge? Well, that's how I feel...except without the comedic scenes. And I know that I shouldn't let this get to me, but this isn't as small as you think it is. The issue isn't just backstabbing. It began with other things and more things kept piling up and building up and the "backstabbing" part was all I could take. It was the last straw. Maybe if I hadn't moved around so much when I was younger and actually got a chance to develope my people skills, I wouldn't be so hurt as I am now. I was just so happy when I thought I had made a friend, but, truthfully, it wasn't a friend I had made, but an enemy.
I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurts and breaks your trust for people when you find out someone is backstabbing you. Especially if it is one of your close friends. I really don't feel like re-writing all the stuff about back-stabbing I wrote before, so, here's a rant I wrote in the "Rant All You Want" section. You might begin to understand a fraction of the pain I feel, but, since you're not me and I'm not you, I don't think you'll easily understand me.
QUOTE (x-ShatteredGlass-x @ Oct 25 2009, 11:09 PM) 
I realize I'm not the person I am two years ago, I also realize I'm frickin' messed up and broken inside because of the many times I've been put down, hurt, torn, b.itched about, backstabbed, isolated, yelled at, and so many other things. I can't help my personality. I'm "mean" by nature. I try to be nice, I really do, but no one understands. And you know what? I'm frickin' tired of the way people treat me. I'm frickin' tired period. I try too hard to get people to like me, even a bit, but, the thing is, once I get close to somebody, they realize my personality and run away. It's true, I haven't been brought up properly, and it's not family problems, it's the fact that I've moved from place to place constantly and I've never had any of my friends last for over a year without ending up with hatred for me. People are attracted to me in the beginning because, on the outside I look so perfect, but inside, I'm friggin' twisted and broken. I just feel so alone. I know people think I'm selfish and only care about myself, but, when I do try to care for or help someone by saying something nice, it always comes out sounding wrong - either fake or mean.
I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks, I KNOW that my friends are b.itching about me behind my back and saying I'm stupid even when I do alot of the work when we're assigned group projects. I'm really just falling apart inside and everytime I smile at someone, I'm always actually crying inside.
Do you honestly not know? A few days ago, I was sent this email message from one of the people you b.itch to about me. There was this convo on there that made me cry for like 2 hours. I looked at the timestamp on the convo and realized that it took place at the exact same time you were joking with me. And, really, did it have to be to a guy? You know how I get towards guys. I healed a little, but, you just ripped open my wounds and now, like before, I can't even look a guy in the eye anymore.
I may be "a mean b.itch", but I FRIGGIN' HAVE FEELINGS TOO. You can't just go and steal all my friends away from me and leave me all by myself when you know I'm mentally unstable.
I can't believe you pretended to be my friend for so long, but was actually selling me out. I hate two faced people like you. I really do, I may be mean, but I don't plot against people and play games with them.
I HATE YOU for ruining my life and having everyone wrapped aroung your finger with that innocent play of yours. How could you be so heartless and cold? All I needed was a friend, but instead I got a backstabbing, coldhearted...person...
Maybe I'm not being fair as I don't know your side of the story, but I know already, I know I'm mean and I know I'm a b.itch, so could you please stop? I beg you. Stop before I'm even more broken and torn up inside.
I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks, I KNOW that my friends are b.itching about me behind my back and saying I'm stupid even when I do alot of the work when we're assigned group projects. I'm really just falling apart inside and everytime I smile at someone, I'm always actually crying inside.
Do you honestly not know? A few days ago, I was sent this email message from one of the people you b.itch to about me. There was this convo on there that made me cry for like 2 hours. I looked at the timestamp on the convo and realized that it took place at the exact same time you were joking with me. And, really, did it have to be to a guy? You know how I get towards guys. I healed a little, but, you just ripped open my wounds and now, like before, I can't even look a guy in the eye anymore.
I may be "a mean b.itch", but I FRIGGIN' HAVE FEELINGS TOO. You can't just go and steal all my friends away from me and leave me all by myself when you know I'm mentally unstable.
I can't believe you pretended to be my friend for so long, but was actually selling me out. I hate two faced people like you. I really do, I may be mean, but I don't plot against people and play games with them.
I HATE YOU for ruining my life and having everyone wrapped aroung your finger with that innocent play of yours. How could you be so heartless and cold? All I needed was a friend, but instead I got a backstabbing, coldhearted...person...
Maybe I'm not being fair as I don't know your side of the story, but I know already, I know I'm mean and I know I'm a b.itch, so could you please stop? I beg you. Stop before I'm even more broken and torn up inside.
I know, I know. Real drama queen I am, but that is seriously how I feel. I try to tell myself I'm not a bad person for being this way, but I just know that I should forgive and forget. But seriously, I don't even have alot of friends. No one knows just how alone I feel and have felt all my life because all the people that suppsedly care about me just end up leaving.
So, back on topic, have YOU ever been backstabbed? I just wanna know that I'm not the only one and hear how you dealt with it. After all, two people in pain is better than one person in pain. (: Feel the emoness of my words.