Scenario: If someone ask someone why they are single, and they say: I'm just have really high standards"

"This is an excuse used by people who are afraid to get into relationships. They always somehow find flaws in their prospects and decide to continue looking for someone else out there. Therefore, all potential love interests are disqualified even before the first date."

Would you agree with the statement above? If one was to say they simply have high standards, it subconsciously means they're actually just scared to into a relationship.

I never realized that, I agree with the statement, but for everyone it's different. I think i'm one of those people as well :S personally it's the idea that you've seen so many people you love around you settling for less, when they actually deserve better, somehow triggered me into thinking I don't want to and shouldn't settle for any less.

no i do not agree with that statement.
why would u be in a relationship with someone who you can't seem to connect with.

It depends on what the high standards are? For me I'm a Black guy, but I rarely ever date a Black woman.

I kinda don't understand how race could be involved in what you could consider high standards.


Anyways I know some people like that, alot of the time they want a person to be as perfect as possible or as close to their ideal as possible.

So you're basically saying that black women aren't worth your time and are beneath you? Lemme tell you something, there's a few black honeys I'd love to have beneath me! Know what I mean!? haha..you know..... beneath me.....like I'm laying on top of'em cause...you know...like...

......nevermind.

That is actually true for me. My friends tells me I'm picky all the time, but they don't know I'm scared to fall in love. v.v

I don't think it's true. I'm not scared to get into a relationship, in fact I want to be in one, I just really do have high standards.

Standards come in all sorts of packages and terms. It may some you listed but to others it may be different. Everyone has different standards while most are very similar.

My level of standards is over nine-thousaaAAaAAAAaAaand

Depends on the person. I have a friend who has very specific standards before he is willing to date a girl but, if a girl meets those standards, he will date her. As he calls it, every girl is filling out an application in his head. For me, I'm much more of an interview type. I don't really like sitting down and listing what makes or breaks a guy or girl for me. There will always be an exception to the rules and I'd be awful sorry if I missed him or her. If I talk to someone and I feel attracted to him or her then he or she is in the running; no one is eliminated just by concrete elements of their personhood (their religion, their race, etc.)

WHAT!? OVER 9000!?!

lol -.-

high standards can simply just be high standards like
how some people are just really picky on what they eat, others can be picky on who they date
doesn't neccessarily mean they're afraid of falling in love
lol life is too short for fear

Luckily for you, you've made the cut.

I have high standards, I have no problem getting into relationships. In fact, I usually have a problem of trying to see the positives in someones actions. If I like them, then I'll tend to look at them with a rose tint, so that they can fit into my standards. Obviously, this never works, because they're not good guys for me.

I also don't see anything wrong with being scared to get into a relationship. Serious relationships are terrifying.

On another note, I don't see why someone can't just have high standards. What's wrong with that? If someone doesn't fit what I'm looking for in a man, why would I waste the time of dating them if it's eventually going to fail?

Ugly people shouldn't have high standards, that's just... stupid. Don't you agree?

i feel like it just totally depends on the person. They can actually be single because they really do have high standards or it can be other personal reasons. Also, they could be scared of being committed to something. But i think it totally depends on the person so it is hard to judge someone when they say I am single because i have high standards

I don't know, I've seen some pretty busted girls with some pretty fine boys, so I guess everyone can get lucky.

And yet you see ugly guys with the hot girl or vice versa.


About the high standards comment, I'd say people that have standards know what they are looking for in a partner. Or they are just incredibly shallow.

No. I hate the connotations of that phrase- to have high standards. People associate it with being all high-maintenance, like being a picky eater, kinda snobby in a sense. I'm not so anal as to have a checklist formed in my mind, where I critique each candidate carefully and really scope him out to see if he meets my criteria. I'm open-minded and I view people with that mindset.

I don't jump into a relationship because I'm afraid. I just don't like wasting time/effort. If despite all his other redeeming attributes you discover this flaw you just can't overlook, I think why should I waste my time forming a relationship with him? First impressions are very important and often (not always of course) prove true in the end. I can give him a chance, but how long do I need to drag it out for? There's no point for me in going any further if after the first few dates I still don't think he's right for me.

I never thought I'd be bashed on Soompi for not wanting to date a Black woman. WOW. It's not about perfection. Anyone that's thinking that has the wrong assumption. Here's food for thought I get tired of dealing with the same type of females in my area. I never said black women are beneath me. I said I don't really date black women. To be honest what I'm looking for in a woman is quite simple. I'm not one of those guys who has a deep grocery list of wants, or needs.

I also just want to throw out the general possibility that maybe some people just aren't physically attracted to black women? Not saying this is the case for YOU, just saying in general, this doesn't make someone a racist, it's just not what they find visually appealing.

This post sounds confusing, I'm not bashing the person I quoted at all, just adding onto things.

This guy is an idiot, he suffers from low self esteem, he has a dominating nature he can only date people he can manipulate, and control, he is a "wannabe" these are the kind of people you try not to aassociate with, a flash in the pants , no supstance, major user. Lacking greatly! This topic has nothing to do with race, he interjected it in as a grandiose idea to create conversation. His high standards are laughable.

This is just madness. It's absurd. It's blasphemous.

Thanks for being open minded about where I'm coming from.

I have a friend exactly like this. Whenever he meets a cute date-able girl, he always finds something wrong with her, example: not tall enough, too skinny, flat nose, and all these other ridiculous claims. He's been like this since he was hardcore rejected by some girl he chased around for a year. And now, the only girl he claims is good enough for him is Yoobin. What a fail.

^ lol, I suppose some people hold "really high standards" in order to reconcile with some hurt/attack on their pride that they've felt in the past.

it's kinda true,. i have highh standards but at the same time, i'm afraid of relationships and the outcome of them = . =;

Umm...I guess I have high standards? I'm not really sure. But yeah I do agree that I'm afraid to get into a relationship because...I don't want the dude to dump me as a text message!!
How bad for my self-esteem

Yeah I do believe in that statement. I'm not insecure or anything. I just am really picky

I do admit I have high standards and I've been told that before by relatives because they're always wondering why I don't have a girlfriend.

Probably due to the fact that I don't wanna waste my time with someone that I'm not completely satisfied with. It's not like I have a little checklist for a girl e.g. height etc. Call me shallow if you wish, however "everyone is shallow to some extent otherwise standards wouldn't exist".

It's true. It's not a fear of relationships. I don't want the complications a relationship brings if the person isn't worth it. I'm content with what I have so it'd take someone special for me to want to change things, hence the high standards.

Yeah, it depends on the person.

That sounds a lot like me.. I hate to, but I have to admit it.
I have been in a relationship before, but I broke it off before it
could go any further. I guess I'm not ready :/..

My standards are sky high & I've always been in some sort of a relationship.

Maybe they're looking for flaws so they can avoid getting into a relationship, but that's assuming the person can get into a relationship in the first place.

no..ill take their word for it.
it could be one or the other, but it may just simply mean they meeting the expectations of that person?

It can mean two things: Either they are scared of relationships, or they think too highly of themselves.

I never say I have high standards. I just say I'm picky because of what has happened in the past.

hmm they just too up themselves
or its an excuse cos they cant get ne one lol

i think i may have high standards but it's not because i'm afraid of being in a relationship. i would actually love to be in a relationship but it's just sometimes you want to fall in love with someone who you feel is right. there's always that feeling you get. if i like him and he likes me back the same way, i don't see why i won't get into a relationship with them. yes, i may be picky but if that's not your cup of tea then you can't really force it. you'll just end up unhappy unless you really try to make it work. i'm just listening to what my heart tells me.

well- hell no. my friend used to say that to me whenever i asked her the same question. she said that she wants a handsome, tall, rich- mostly like a perfect guy for her. but now, heh her bf turns out on being not handsome, not tall(even kinda fat) but he's rich. basically, i think my friend has changed- a lot. and i kinda don't like the new version of her. she's just like- using her boyfriend and i really hate people doing that.

You have a point. I'm not physically attracted to Indian guys but that doesn't make me racist, right? However this guy mentioned his preference in the wrong context, so the bashing was deserved. Cheers!

I'm guilty of using that phrase.

The answer is yes and no.

I am simply NOT attracted to many of the guys who pursue me. I definitely DO give them a chance, as I always agree to a first date, and I don't mind hanging out with them. On a friend level, I am always interested in knowing more about a person. But you really can't do anything if you really don't have an attraction to the guy!

On the other hand, I recently met a guy, who's personality I really liked. There was only ONE thing about him that bothered me. Because of that, and the fact that I had stronger feelings for another guy I knew, I rejected him. In that case, I saw it to be a fear of commitment, but mostly because I had another love interest. I didn't want to risk losing this love interest by committing myself to a guy, regardless of how much he was into me.

It's possible that because I've been single for basically all my life (yea I date around...but only really settled once)...that I've just gotten used to it. I guess I do fear commitment...I enjoy being independent and free. That's become two very important things to me. But I also I fear not being about to keep my interest on one guy long enough. ADHD much?

I only know one person with high standards and they've been single for years. Dying to be in a relationship but just can't find a right match.

Yes! i agreed with this statement. Those who says this are scared to get into a relationship. On the other hand, if that is not the case, they are looking and waiting for Mr. Perfect/Miss Perfect. Which he/she does not exist in reality.

It's not that black women are physically unattractive; I mean I find some that are decent looking. It's their personality. Why do all black women have to be so loud, vulgar and 'ghetto'? I have not met one black girl who is not like this. It seems stereotypical - but it's true, whenever I see black girls they're always yelling about some 'b*tch' this or 'foo' that. It's really annoying...

^ sry just wanted to point out that not all black women are like that. My best friend is black and she's one off the most polite and graceful people I've seen thank you very much.

If you'll notice, he did say that all of the black women that he has personally met, are like that, which leads him to have the feelings that he does. He didn't outright say that every single black woman on the planet is like that, so we should all be offended and call him a racist.

Uh no, it's not always true. I'm a black woman and I'm neither loud, vulgar nor "ghetto." Maybe these are the only types of black women you've come across in your lifetime but that does not mean that these are the only types of black women that exist.

It's does happen from time to time, but generally in my experience when people have a racial preference it goes much much deeper psychologically than just an attraction to certain physical attributes. Especially in the case of individuals who are not attracted to people of their own race for whatever reason, the longer you talk to them the more you often find there are underlying identity disassociation issues, buying into certain media beauty standards (Western media, Eastern media, Latin American media, etc), the effects of racial teasing or feeling outcast from one's own racial/ethnic group growing up, so on and so forth.

It's not always true that creeps are bad people.
It's not always true that nice guys finish last.
It's not always true that asian men are bitter.

No one cares if it's not always true (this statement itself is not always true).

However, it just so happens that people like to pull this "it's not always true!" card when they find convenient, then jump on other stereotypes and play the "get a sense of humor" trap card.

I agree with the statement, but it can also imply they simply cannot get a girl/guy thus they use that excuse.