i myself am very sarcastic, cold-hearted, un-romantic, un-affectionate. But that's jus the way i am. im still very capable of love, but i just choose not to show it. i dont like public display of affections either jus cuz i dun think my friends need to see me kiss my boyfriend. Jus cuz i think it'd be awkward for them. Is it a big deal? It's jus the way i am after all.

A majority of that is a big deal. Sarcasm isn't a bad thing unless it's over done. Being cold hearted, unromantic, and un-affectionate are bad things to bring to the table in a relationship. There's gotta be a reason why you act that way? You know deep down these are things that needed to be changed, because you wouldn't have brought this up if you didn't feel that way. If I was dating someone like you, and you were like that? I'd feel like you barely cared.So I'd ask you to make some changes, or I'd break up with you. I don't mean that as an ultimatum either.

i jus really dont want to get hurt anymore, dont know whos whole hearted dont know whos trust worthy... dont want to put myself out there and be eaten alive ....

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." - CS Lewis

Some girls are like that. Just be sure to tell your boyfriend that it doesn't mean that you don't like him -- but then again he's your boyfriend. If that was how you are, then he should know already.

Realistically no one wants to get hurt. But acting like a cold hearted prick isn't gonna make things better. I'm not saying give a guy all your trust. What I am saying is give a guy a chance sometimes, and let him earn your trust little by little. I'm 23 and I've been hurt a LOT when it comes to dating. No exaggeration on that either. Sometimes you have to take the experiences that occur, learn from them, and not let the same experience repeat itself.

im cold hearted not cuz im a prick but cuz i dun think everything revolves around me and im not the center of everything. People tell me their problems and i say. well its not the end of the world. its not to be a prick i just dont think its a big deal unless of course its death and injuries or bankruptcy and illnesses than yea theres sympathy. But if its something like having a fight with ur mom or something that happened because they were stupid and made silly decisions than yea i obviously dont have anything to say to that. And hence no comment. Its not my business why should it matter if i care that a friend had a fight with their mom. just an exmple.

im unaffectionate bcuz i move around alot, from family to family home to home, i dont have a home of my own or a place i can go bak to. I dont have the best relatives either bcuz they look down at me for being the child of a broken family and hence thats why i get shoved back and forth. Theyre bias towards me and will pick at the littlest things. I mean well to my boyfriend or ex boyfriends. i really do, but i cant crack or be emotionally unstable. I have to concentrate on my studies, on uni, or making a future for myself. So when people tell me their problems, i really dont hav anything to say bcuz in all honest truth, i dont see what they're complaining about. Getting a pass in school, having a fight with their mom. Mom didnt let them borrow the car? What is it?

so yess... im not a prick, and i care for everyone of my friends, i just dont show it. its not to be a prick.

Post pics of yourself so we can determine the situation.

lol. true say.

But I think she meant after she gets in a relationship, I think we're passed that period.
Well, I think there are a few solutions.

1. Find someone just like you, and you guys can be cold-hearted, over-protective (for yourself of course), un-affectionate, and un-romantic together. You won't feel bad cuz he's treating you the same way, and you two don't have to ruin a relationship with other people who has normal feelings. good for you and for us.

2. Change yourself. Sure, people say you can find someone who likes you for who you are. But that's usually for people who have minor characteristics that appear to be different from the general population, not HUGE PERSONALITY PROBLEMS. Let's be honest, do you seriously think a guy would enjoy being with you. If I were a guy and I was dating you, I would either dump you if you didnt explain to me the reasons, or I would be your friend after you tell me the reasons. Because ask yourself, what is it about you that make you lovable? unless you're unbelievably beautiful and rich, I see no reason to stay in this relationship take your sh-i-t.

3. Stay out of relationships. Sounds like what you really want actually. You don't want to get hurt and bla bla, but everyone goes thru a few harsh relationships in their life time, that's what makes it complete and help you mature. If you're not willing to open yourself up to your significant others, what right do you have to ask them to open up to you? You want to protect yourself, then the best way to do so is stay out of it. Try it, maybe one day, you'll get bored and lonely, lonely enough to realize how dumb you were for acting like this all those years, and maybe finally change yourself for the better.

Maybe you should try being 'romantic' and 'affectionate'.

hmm i'd say you're not ready to be in a relationship yet? or maybe you just don't want one yet, from the way you're speaking.

i guess in a way i'm kind of like you, i'm not very expressive when it comes to my affections and i've had problems with my boyfriend before because of this. i'm trying to change my ways because i'd love to be that loving girlfriend, you know?

and if you think that changing for a guy isn't a good thing to do, then i guess you're going to have to find a guy who is exactly like you. o.o otherwise there will be trouble =P

i guess the solution to your "problem" is just go with the flow and see what happens. and focus on your studies and everything. so even if you don't end up with a guy you'll end up with a great future. LOL 8D

Well, you simply need to become more affectionate, which should become easier once you're with somebody you love. Don't worry, I'm the same way. I'm not entirely sure about PDA... I still won't kiss or flirt outrageously in public, but I'm affectionate in private. You probably won't be happy in a relationship where a guy expects you to be an entirely different person, although you could slowly improve. Getting hurt is also an unavoidable part of being in a relationship.

If you like someone, why wouldn't you want to show affections to them?

Cold hearted? Then why are you even going out in the first place?
True love can only be given out with warmth and care for each other.
Without that, there's no love. No need of keeping the relationship.

How do you expect someone you love to know you love them if you don't show it? Just telling them? Everyone knows actions speak louder than words. If my boyfriend said "I love you" then wouldn't kiss me, cuddle with me, hold hands with me, etc etc, then I'd really wonder how much those words actually mean.

You probably just haven't met anyone that you want to show love to, and if that's not the case, then god help you because you're in a heap of trouble, and should probably call a psychologist now.

PristineNyte: I agree with you on that. If I had a gf, and she did that? I'd wonder if the words meant something too.

hot_chocolate: I'm not apologizing for what I said, but the way it came out could have been better! Please believe I can relate to you on moving from home to home. No bs. I'm 23 and I've moved almost 50 times since birth. My relatives suck, and there's no other way to say it! My own father didn't even wanna help me enroll in college. He didn't even want me to go to college. Like who does stuff like that? Don't feel like you're alone and go all stoical on society. You'd be surprised what the person next to you on the bus, or the grocery store has been through. Even if you don't care about your friends problems. Sometimes it does wonders for the human psyche if you just listen, or pretend you're listening. LOL.

Any guys you've dated that were bias towards you don't hold that grudge towards the next guy you meet. When you meet people sometimes people are going to be bias, or have their pre-formed opinion on you. There's nothing you can do about that, but distance yourself from them. When you encounter guys like that don't be deterred. Just move onto the next one, and don't worry about it. I can guarantee that you will meet a guy that likes you back, and accepts what you've been through. Don't be afraid to give the boy a chance.

Maybe for you.

For some people it's ok. For some, potty humor, good conversation and good sex are plenty. You can be kind and generous without being romantic or particularly affectionate.

Don't let anyone tell you your love has to be a certain way.

People act like you have shell out diamonds and pearls to show you're in love. Don't believe it. The dynamics are different between different couples. How you interact with one person may be different than with another. I know plenty of guys that would take the sarcastic bithc over the crying romantic any day. I'm a sarcastic bithc and I've had no trouble getting/ keeping guys. The only thing is, if you're a bithc, expect to end up with a jerk. *shrug* It's just unfair to expect to get back anything other than what you give.

WOW. I feel so so stereotyped. It's not about giving out spectacular gifts. It's not about potty humor, good convo, and sex. You really think I'm in that category? SMH if you think that. No matter what the dynamics are, or how a couple came to be together? It's always gonna be backwards to be romantic without being affectionate. Doing that is equivalent to window shopping when you have more than enough funds to make the purchase. Also, at the same time I'm not saying love has to be a specific way, but generally it turns out a certain way. You said it yourself. You get what you put in. A lot of guys go for a sarcastic bithc because that's what they deem cool, or ok in society. I'm not knocking you for being that way.

I think you're trying to escape your problems and not try to see the positive side of things.

My friend is just like you.
She moves a lot.
Been hurt a lot.
She barely show any emotions to problems.

She's afraid of losing the things she loves and became unaffectionate person.
She shield her heart to protect herself from being hurt.
I can see that you're really afraid due to past experience =\
Can't blame you
You need a guy that can understand that and help you feel safe.

It's only a big deal if ur bf thinks it's a big deal. U can't be cold hearted if ur capable of love.. doesn't work out that way. Ur either one or the other. However, choosing not to display certain emotions does not mean ur cold hearted cuz deep inside u still feel those emotions. Got it? Now as to why ur refusing to display those emotions probably has to do with something that happened in ur past, things that hurt u deeply so u chose to shunt away those feelings. However, is it fair to the dude ur with now that he has to deal with ur problems from the past? Probably not huh? When others aren't around, it doesn't hurt to give him a quick peck on the cheeks or whatever. Little things like that would probably mean a lot to him since u don't do it often, and in return, will add to ur relationship. Holding off on affection though will do nothing more than to hurt it.

The diamonds were metaphorical and the you's were subjunctive. I'm sorry if you didn't catch that.

I know my boyfriend would much appreciate me being quite a bit more aloof.

A lot of guys go for a sarcastic broad for the same reason we go for jerks. "Nice" guys/ girls tend to be boring, predictable and just generally frustrating. I like a man with a spine and I like a woman who's not afraid to speak her mind. I will call a guy on his BS and I expect him to do the same.

Romance is not a requisite for any of the more important facets of a healthy relationship.

You can love a person thoroughly without putting all of your eggs in one basket.

It's not a big deal so long as you plan to date a guy who is just as cold as you, or plan not to date anyone at all. Otherwise you're going to make some poor guy incredibly miserable, as he perpetually seeks your love/affection and never is able to reach it.

I absolutely love this quote.

And to hot_chocolate: You just have to find the right guy. The one who sees past your facade and drags you out of your shell. Good luck and I wish you happiness.

I think you need to change. Those are not good things to have at all. You can't just say that "it's just the way I am." That's NO excuse at all! If you aren't ready to change, then don't get into a relationship and hurt other people's feelings.

I totally agree. Who said you needed romance in a healthy relationship? You can very well have a great relationship without the "diddle dally" and what nots.

I think nice guys are boring too, I like guys with a tough shell.



That's not true. Why should ANYONE to be forced to change the way they've been cultivated through years of life/experience? I am also not very affectionate and generally closed in, but I still have very good relationships with my friends/family (I don't have a boyfriend). If the guy truly liked you, he would accept you for who you are, and gradually you might be able to change for him if YOU like him enough, too.

Seriously, I hate it when people that tell you that you need to be anything other than who and what you are if it's working for you. Hate is a strong word and I mean it.

If you're ok with who and what you are and it's not giving you any explicit trouble, carry on. Every one has flaws and neurosis. Sometimes the thing do rather than try change your own make-up is to just fess up to your issues and work on your communication skills rather than try to change who you are; communicate to people ahead of time "this is who I am, this is what I do, so do not be surprised and you can't say I didn't warn you."