QUOTE
"Sorry if these jokes were already posted up"
1.
T-G-I-F
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered
the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted
him by saying "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T"
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T".
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
2.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
car
with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!"
3.
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new
blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice
denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing
them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".
4.
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
5.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail.'"
6.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all died and went to heaven. God said if they jumped off this one cliff and said what they wanted to be in the next life, it would happen.
The redhead jumped off, said fox, and became a fox.
The brunette jumped off, said eagle, and became an eagle.
The blonde ran up, tripped, and said, "Oh, SHIET!!"
7.
Q: What did the blonde say to her dad when she opened the box of
cherios?
A: "Look daddy, donut seeds!"
8.
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dumb blonde, it's me!"
9.
Hello UFO
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'."
10.
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said,"We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian, to which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
