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The Man Who Loved Baked Beans the funniest joke ever

#1 User is offline   Shrapnel 

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Post icon  Posted 06 January 2007 - 01:46 AM

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
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#2 User is offline   lovelydevil 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 06:16 AM

hahah... thats gross... now i know why all the dinner guests didn't say anything (b/c they were too busy fanning their napkins or arms or w/e to breath lol)
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#3 User is offline   xRosex 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 08:43 AM

omg sweatingbullets.gif i was kind of grossed out at first but at the end i laughed biggrin.gif
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#4 User is offline   KyOotKrnAng3l 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 09:03 AM

puhahahahaha that was soo funny~!!!! xP
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#5 User is offline   Mia.v 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 10:43 AM

hhahahahah poor guests
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#6 User is offline   Classic Example 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 10:51 AM

Haha. That's so sad xD Too bad the guests were there. laugh.gif
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#7 User is offline   chimerical. 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 11:24 AM

lol the end was funny..
i thought his wife got him beans tongue.gif
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#8 User is offline   steph*funny 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 12:08 PM

If I were one of the guests I would've left crazy.gif


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#9 User is offline   TOKYO TINA 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 12:34 PM

LMFAO that was sad and embarrassing I'd be rolling on the floor if I were the guests
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#10 User is offline   kikikt 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 01:14 PM

lol thats funny
i thought the wife would give him beans too
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#11 User is offline   hiien 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 02:22 PM

yeah, i thought the wife would give him beans too.
oh god, that'd be soooo embarassed. geez. why didnt any of the guests say anything? lol.
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#12 User is offline   silent-tears 

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Posted 06 January 2007 - 03:04 PM

dang... lol.... i really thought the wife got him some beans..... darnn....
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#13 User is offline   Joanne <3 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 01:00 AM

Hahahaha LOL. I've heard this joke before =). Kinda gross, eh?

Would've been funnier if all the guests like died or something XD.
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#14 User is offline   green.lollipops! 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 01:30 AM

roflmao ahahahaha omg poor guy
gross yet so funny
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#15 User is offline   bangism! 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 01:37 AM

Haha, I thought she gave him beans too. I'm surprised none of the guest left.
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#16 User is offline   mz.catherine 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 03:31 PM

heard of it! lol its still helarious tho!=)
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#17 User is offline   SlashMySoul 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 03:44 PM

LOL.. ya the guests o_O
haha gross joke but a funny one XD

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#18 User is offline   lovablekrnstar63 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 04:08 PM

oh man
i feel so bad for him
and the guests
they would have suffocated

:)
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#19 User is offline   missxsuong 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 04:47 PM

poor guy...and the guests
such an awful thing...
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#20 User is offline   STAR_x. 

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Posted 07 January 2007 - 05:43 PM

QUOTE(domokunn @ Jan 6 2007, 11:24 AM) View Post
lol the end was funny..
i thought his wife got him beans :P


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