[bunkicake]

ok i'm stuck editing our history of the us magazine project i need help so i was wondering if this could be a forum to help me through with my problems...i'll thank anyone a hundred times!!! so tahnkyou for your appreciation thanks ok here i go:

my friend did this so i don't know if the is exactly the correct thing you know..

The French Revolution

During the French Revolution, George Washington was forcedto choose a side. After careful consideration, he declared that the United States were neutral in European affairs. Both England and France found methods to weaken each other. They did not agree with when we declared neutral, so they continued the impressment of sailors. So now we are involved in a war we didn't want to be involved with. Between 1803 and 1807. both countries seized a total of over 1600 American ships. We can't do anything exceptby and watch pur as our small nation got pushed around by two great nations. But even though we can't do anything, we still trade with France and England. We are still waiting on the news from the government on the progress of the Revolution.

(this is supposed to sound like yesterday but i think it sounds kind of like it came out of a history book, also i think that she used a lot of we and stuff. PLease be as critical as possible..i need editors!)

[chocomilky]

Maybe you should put it as a narrative or have some unnamed people saying things? Oh, don't put too many "we"s. Try to write with appositives, absolutes, adjectives out of order, sub clauses at the beginning of some sentences. But don't too much so that the reader is just daym bored of it. Put some "I"s so it seems like you saw what happened. All I can think of right now. I'm sorry if this doesn't help you. I'm only in 8th grade and English doesn't really concentrate on how you write sentences. Mostly vocabulary. Oh, try to find "harder" vocabualry words like formidable, expectorate, gaudy, and etc. (too much vocab. fom Tom Saywer! )

EDIT.// It seems like you also have too many simple sentences. A simple/compunded sentence is good here and there, but remember not to do too many. It may lower down your grade if your English/History teacher is BIG on writing (skills) like my English teacher...

[bunkicake]

Maybe you should put it as a narrative or have some unnamed people saying things? Oh, don't put too many "we"s. Try to write with appositives, absolutes, adjectives out of order, sub clauses at the beginning of some sentences. But don't too much so that the reader is just daym bored of it. Put some "I"s so it seems like you saw what happened. All I can think of right now. I'm sorry if this doesn't help you. I'm only in 8th grade and English doesn't really concentrate on how you write sentences. Mostly vocabulary. Oh, try to find "harder" vocabualry words like formidable, expectorate, gaudy, and etc. (too much vocab. fom Tom Saywer! )

oh no don't worry we are on the same track im in eighth grade too. Oh darn your much smarter than me!
if someone could edit the stuffs for me >_<:;;
here lemme edit some

[chocomilky]

oh no don't worry we are on the same track im in eighth grade too. Oh darn your much smarter than me!
if someone could edit the stuffs for me >_<:;;
here lemme edit some

Ahaha. Good luck on this project thingy. I hope you know the meaning to the words I gave out. xD

expectorate- spit (I think I spelled it wrong xD)

forimdable- awesome (ie. formidable character, etc)

gaudy- fashionably tasteless or somewhat like that. showing off

EDIT.// Maybe something like this? (I had an exam on this last semester! xD) Hope you don't take this.

During the French Revolution, George Washington was forced to choose a country to support. After careful consideration, he declared that the United States would be neutral in any foriegn affairs.

Not agreeing with how our president declared neutral, they continued the impressment of shipping and merchants and finding many ways to help them become victorious by weakening the other. We are now involved in a war which our country did not want to be involved in.

Between 1803 and 1807, both countries seized a total of over 1600 American ships. We the people and the president himself (including all of Congress) cannot coroperate in this affair except to see ourselves painfully being pushed by two older and greater nations take charge. Although we cannot solve or help our neighbors, we will continue to trade with France and England. Awaiting the news and progress of the nations, we, or rather I, hope that the world will once be peaceful once again and help us towards a beautiful future.

[bunkicake]

Ahaha. Good luck on this project thingy. I hope you know the meaning to the words I gave out. xD

expectorate- spit (I think I spelled it wrong xD)

forimdable- awesome (ie. formidable character, etc)

gaudy- fashionably tasteless or somewhat like that. showing off

EDIT.// Maybe something like this? (I had an exam on this last semester! xD) Hope you don't take this.

During the French Revolution, George Washington was forced to choose a country to support. After careful consideration, he declared that the United States would be neutral in any foriegn affairs.

Not agreeing with how our president declared neutral, they continued the impressment of shipping and merchants and finding many ways to help them become victorious by weakening the other. We are now involved in a war which our country did not want to be involved in.

Between 1803 and 1807, both countries seized a total of over 1600 American ships. We the people and the president himself (including all of Congress) cannot coroperate in this affair except to see ourselves painfully being pushed by two older and greater nations take charge. Although we cannot solve or help our neighbors, we will continue to trade with France and England. Awaiting the news and progress of the nations, we, or rather I, hope that the world will once be peaceful once again and help us towards a beautiful future.

yup you did very good don't worry i know some words too, i actually study unlike my other friends and i thank you very much u have the honor of knowledge *high fives*
yup i'll just add in a few objectives like impressment and such...^__^V
thanks thats just awesome

yup you did very good don't worry i know some words too, i actually study unlike my other friends and i thank you very much u have the honor of knowledge *high fives*
yup i'll just add in a few objectives like impressment and such...^__^V
thanks thats just awesome

agh woops srry i was editing i meant to say i will make an ideal out of this but dont worry i wont copy but thatnks for your help