[abc123__]

Hi! I just need help editing my essay. The flow of it is quite choppy. Everything about it is quite... bad. Please help! Thanks.






Many readers assume that Emily Dickinson’s poems centralize on the morbid “themes of death, graveyards”, and tombs. Indeed, Dickinson lived a secluded life, which explains her grave topics. However, people assume incorrectly when they accuse her of writing solely on such subjects. Often, Dickinson turned around and wrote about the bright side of life. In fact, various sources provide evidence claiming that her work “showed seasonal changes of mood” as a result of seasonal affective disorder. In the spring and summer, her compositions unmistakably exhibit exalted bliss. Particularly, Dickinson’s poem, “Bee! I’m Expecting You!”, exemplifies her cheerful side from the perspective of a fly. Through the use of imagery, diction and tone, Emily Dickinson expresses her joy for the advent of spring.

Dickinson’s use of vivid imagery paints her ecstatic anticipation for spring. She also captures the motivating spirit of the season. Dickinson first mentions the frogs, which just “got Home last week” (5). In this personification, the frogs come home in the same way humans are often spoken of doing. Furthermore, Dickinson describes the frogs as “all settled, and at work” (6), providing the reader with the image of contented frogs gleefully preparing for the spring. In this way, she further personifies the frogs, while reflecting the age-old human ritual of “spring cleaning” -- this yearly act takes “place in the first warm days of the year”. A few lines later, Dickinson introduces the clover to the picture, depicting them as “warm and thick” (8). Both of these simple adjectives appeal to the senses greatly. The “warmth” directly describes the delightfully increasing temperature of the approaching season, while the thickness of the clover mirrors the plumping verdure of spring.

Dickinson’s diction plays an important role in conveying her glee for the expectant season. Her choice of words is essential. To maintain the casual, liberating manner of spring, Dickinson keeps her language quaint and informal– unfussy– as if she were speaking in a conversation. This should hold true, especially since the poem is presented as a letter from a fly to a bee. Additionally, Dickinson continues her signature use of random capitalization and dashes in this poem, which emphasizes key subjects, including the “Letter” (9), “Frogs” (5), and “Clover” (8). Meanwhile, her use of dashes indicates her excitement, as if she were connecting her phrases and speaking without pause about the impending season. Underneath the obvious language, several connotations are also included. The mention of birds brings love and gaiety to mind. Certainly, this demonstrates a characteristic of Dickinson, who believes that “love is immortality.” The warmth manifested in the clovers is also associated with the overall emotional warmth of spring. As a victim of seasonal affective disorder, Emily Dickinson is impacted by this emotional warmth at an elevated level. On top of all this, the exclamation points initiate the letter with vitality and zing.

Dickinson’s overall tone contributes to her glee at the joyous arrival of spring. “Bee! I’m Expecting You!” is undoubtedly a poem which speaks straight from the heart. There are no ironies or satirical intentions attached. Rather, the poem is an honest a re-creation of her thoughts and emotions— her longing for springtime. Many qualities of her poem contribute to the blithe tone of her work, including the aforementioned qualities. Her occasional rhyme, in addition, adds playfulness. For example, Dickinson utilizes mid-rhyme in the lines: “You’ll get my Letter by/ the seventeenth; Reply” (10-11). Using such simple rhyme throughout, Dickinson brings her poem to life: her phrases bounce like a happy spring creature.

Dickinson, a born poet, uses her innate skills of imagery, diction, and tone in “Bee! I’m Expecting You!” to convey her elation for the arrival of spring. Because of her seasonal affective disorder, she produced most her poems during this season. Spring, to Dickinson, was duly important. Not only did spring alleviate her depression, but the arrival of spring also meant the arrival of springtime fauna; Dickinson was a true lover “of nature”. She used her poetry as a tool to communicate these passions and emotions of hers. “Bee! I’m Expecting You!” is just one of the hundreds of “tools” she used to express this characteristic.

[tenshiii0ox]

I looked over it BRIEFLY. Work on your intro and conclusion. For future reference, try to write your thesis near the end. The intro and conclusion sound redundant. I'm guessing your teacher taught you to write about the point of the essay in the intro. Or am I wrong? If so, he/she is/was wrong. You do not to talk about what you are going to write in your prompt every single minute in the intro. It's annoying and dull. You're going to be supporting it in your body paragraphs anyway. Write a witty intro that smoothly leads into your intro. You're summarizing what you wrote in your conclusion. NON ONOO! Don't do this. Please, don't. Once again, it's annoying and DULL. The reader obviously knows what the essay's about. Why do you need to fill the conclusion with fluff? End it with a SNAP but relate it back to the thesis. As for your body paragraphs, I'm not going to pick and point them out, but sometimes, you simply STATE the fact but give no proof. GIVE PROOF. Don't say it. SHOW IT. You seem to add a lot of fluff as well. FIX IT. You're just going in circles. I have to do my things too, so good luck. Hope that helps.

[MUGETSU]

^^ Thesis at the end?

I guess theres no wrong or right way, but I'm pretty sure a majority of writers put it in the first paragraph. I always thought that not giving the thesis or focus at the beginning would make the reader question what the point of the paper was and would probably make the reader lose interest.

When I write a paper I usually write a little intro, the thesis, then give the points that support the thesis. then each paragraph is devoted to a point then if needed the opposite side, then at the end i conclude touching on all of the points again.

It's not that redundant to mention things twice or three times if they are central to the paper? However...almost every paragraph starts with the poet's name - that's redundant.

Sometimes being witty isn't necessary in papers either. Depends what kind of paper.

My best advice: Write the way your teacher expects. Always give them what they are looking for.

[tenshiii0ox]

^Actually, no. In college, most of the professors want you to write the thesis at the end. It's default. Touching upon points in the conclusion is pointless. You want to end with a "BAAM," but tie it to the thesis. If you touch upon the points in the conclusion, it's more of a summary, not a conclusion.

Whatever floats your boat, but I'm just giving tips for future reference.

[MUGETSU]

its not default - my college professors didn't tell me that, but...

choose the writing style that gives you the most points and works for you!

[=___=]

^Actually, no. In college, most of the professors want you to write the thesis at the end. It's default. Touching upon points in the conclusion is pointless. You want to end with a "BAAM," but tie it to the thesis. If you touch upon the points in the conclusion, it's more of a summary, not a conclusion.

Whatever floats your boat, but I'm just giving tips for future reference.

Actually, no. In college, most* of the professors want you to write the thesis at the beginning. It's default. Making your professors read through pages of dreck** in order to figure what you're trying to say until the end will: 1) piss them off, 2) waste their time, and 3) get you a poor grade. Remember that the professor (or his TA's) have to read tons of these papers, most of which are poorly-written pieces of utter garbage that stoned frat guys dump out at 3 AM the night before. You want to make your point quickly, forcefully, and blatantly. Subtlety is good for when you yourself become famous and have students ponder over the hazy mysterious meanings of your own words, interpreting it in all sorts of crazy ways. But when you're just a snot-nosed college kid, like the aforementioned stoned frat guy, your ideas aren't worth the paper they're written on. Thus, on your papers, say what you want to say, back it up, and be done with it. Very straightforward.

*This assumes that we're talking about general liberal arts/humanities majors such as sociology or political science. In such majors, you will be presenting an argument (your thesis), backed up by evidence (in your essay body). Unless your major is philosophy, leave it to Plato. And English is also a little different because you're oftentimes learning different ways to write, and different techniques should be used for different classes. But for the regular humanities classes, where you're trying to make a point, make your point and move on.

**This vitriol is not directed at you or at anyone in particular.

That said, back to the OP. I think the intro is well-written. There is a clear argument that you seem to be making--that Dickinson conveys, through imagery, diction, and tone, her feeling of joy for spring.

Your first paragraph is at least nominally devoted to the topic of imagery in her work, which is good; it keeps things neat and tidy. And I also like the fact that you emphasize the issue of imagery in this paragraph with your discussion of appealing to the senses.

Your second paragraph also starts off well. It is very clear to me that you're talking about the second part of your thesis--Dickinson's use of diction to convey her joy for spring. I understand the discussion about the dashes, but the discussion of clovers and connotation seems a bit tangential, unless you can somehow argue that they fall under the category of diction. The discussion of Dickinson's disorder seems very off-topic and it seems like you're trying to impress the reader with your background knowledge of Dickinson rather than discussing her work. I would also move the discussion of exclamation points closer to the discussion of the dashes; perhaps combine them into one discussion of her use of punctuation to convey her feelings. Finally, I question the use of the word "initiate" in that sentence. It sounds like you're using an esoteric definition of the word in order to sound more sophisticated. A better and clearer word maybe "inject" or "infuse."

Your third paragraph explicitly mentions tone. However, you make an assertion about how the poem is honest and sincere, rather than satirical or ironic. This assertion should be backed up. I like the discussion of her rhyming technique much more--it is concrete and you can point to the specific place where it happens.

In your conclusion, I would cut out the discussion about Dickinson's disorder, for the same reason mentioned above. If this were any old humanities paper, I would summarize the strongest key arguments you made in your essay body rather than delving into something else.