[Nutri*grammy]

Can somebody point out what i'm doing wrong or what should i do to improve my writing/ essay? please and thank you!



Prompt: The mdia has been influential in the world's reaction to natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and school shootings since the advent of radio and telebision. What exactly has this influence been and how has it affected the amount of people who help or care for the victims of these disasters? Has it encouraged people to help or has it merely shown them that they are the lucky ones who were not involved in each particular disaster?




Essay:

The media is like an information booth that gives the public information about current events taking place around the world. These events can revolved around many subjects such as natural disaster or terrorist attacks. However, the question that many citizens have inquired is whether the media is doing their job of: providing a quality service or are they just simply “report them.” In some cases, the media can go both ways of switching back and forth between these two concepts. However, what the public fails to realize, is that the media is not doing their job of informing the public about ways to help prevent natural disaster.

The media are not doing their job of “providing a quality service” but are just simply “reporting them!” In source F stated that the media, in America, is not doing their job of providing “a quality service” but is just simply providing the facts and not the political opinions such as George Bush during Hurricane Katrina. That it took the “sight of bodies” floating down the streets of New Orleans to “trigger a change in the press’s behavior” to realize that they should of take into consideration of ways to help the public. The media could have asked the viewers to donate food, clothes, or something for the families who suffer and loss loves one to Hurricane Katrina. But no, the media simply ignored the opinions, ignored ways to help the public. If the reporter continues to ignore political opinions, and simply continues to report facts, then they are not doing their job, and they are not helping the public. The media is just simply reporting the news but fail to report ways to help people, to warn them of the dangers and ways to prevent natural disaster.


The media has a responsibility to educate people and raise people’s awareness of the “danger of natural disasters!” According to Mr. Briceno, he stated that the broadcasters and the media do have a responsibility to educate and raise the public awareness about the danger of natural disasters. If the public is aware of the dangers of natural disasters, they have a better chance of surviving because they know what they are facing. If the media do not do their jobs or know what they are capable of, then they are of no use are they to the public, to our nation, to our country! According to source A, the media can do this by airing public service announcements to send a message out there about the hazard and damage of what natural disasters can do and raise their chances of surviving. However, is it just the media in American, or does it applies to other countries as well? For an example, our media, in America, failed do their job of “providing a quality service” because they lack proficiency in many areas such as informational background. Whereas in other countries (source A), such as Japan and Cuba, they have a system or some sort of class that educate the students on disaster as part of the school’s curriculum. The media is considers to be an “essential partner” to enhance public safety like how it is in the Asia-Pacific countries (Source A). And if our media is not an essential partner, then who will the public rely on?


The media is just more than reporters and broadcasters but they have a specific job that can include a variety of many fundamentals. It’s can include helping the public by sending a message out there to give the public information about what‘s going on around the world and aware the public such as natural disasters. If the media fails to do their job then they are not living up to their titled and serve no significant meaning. Personally, the media needs to increase their ability, get more involved, and provide a “quality service!”

[thelivinlegend21]

First of all, change the tone of the essay. It is a bit too colloquial to be an argument. Next, try avoiding too many of those incorporated quotations. Some of the ones that you used are irrelevant, and it does nothing but fluff up your essay, which is a bad thing.

I don't quite agree with how you used the media as a plural noun. As a whole, it includes television, radio, the internet, and other sources. Basically, it's the same concept as a "team". It sounds rather awkward when you say, "If the media do not do their jobs..." Someone review this though. I'm not too sure it's grammatically correct, but to my knowledge, it isn't.

Vary your sentence structure. Starting every topic sentence with "The media this..The media that..." it doesn't promote reading. You also reiterate yourself too much. In the first paragraphs, sentences one and two, you pretty much repeated yourself, twice. Combine it into one sentence, and it won't look like you BS'ed it.

To my knowledge, you have a very weak argument. What is the media's job? There's not really a clear line that defines what the media has or does not have to do. Is it morally correct for the media to sympathize for the disaster victims and prevent other disasters? It may seem that way, but it certainly not included in the job description. Shouldn't the public have enough brains to prepare for the future in the sight of tragedy? I honestly doubt the typical person would give consideration. Also, you don't sound assertive when making this argument. Instead of providing so many hypothetical situations like, "If the media were to...", you can provide more clear, concise points to create a stronger essay. When you write your essay, avoid the "For example" words. By including the diction and just simply stating the examples, the reader will know what you are referring towards. It's not necessary to blatantly point out what you are talking about.

-I'd take more time to edit it, but I'm in a hurry, so whatever others don't get to, I'll come back to it.