Posted 11 April 2007 - 02:45 AM
i just had my first experience of racial discrimination today. i am chinese, born in china but raised in Australia. and i am an australian citizen. for my whole life, i've been living in nice suburbs, gone to private high schools, and currently studying at uni. i have never been discriminated against by ppl around me, but i guess i've been living in a pretty sheltered and protected environment
i just want to say that i'm not posting this to cause trouble, or to be racist back to those ppl to discriminated against me. and please be rational if u were going to reply to in this thread. i'm posting this up bcoz i'm furious with myself for letting this happen to me, and for not fighting for my dignity, and i guess i needed some way to deal with my anger.
anyways, here it goes:
my parents own a shop, and sometimes i go there to help them out during my spare time.
today while i was there, a group of gangster looking ppl walked in. there was about 3 of them, two guys drinking beer and a woman who had a g-string and bum crack showing, and wasnt wearing a bra. all of them were obviousy stoned.
there was only my mum and i in the shop at the time, and my mum was alarmed, so she spoke in chinese to me and asked me to keep my eyes on them.
one of the guys heard our chinese conversation, and started yelling at us, saying, 'u kno what i hate, i HATE asians to come to my country and speak in their own language.'
then the woman joined in, 'yeah we let u asians into our country, and you go around speaking ur effff l«anguage and ur religion. there are rules in australia u kno, if u dont speak our language, then effff get out.'
i was so shocked at that point, by the time i came to my senses, they are already getting out their money and paying for their stuff. and the woman was still swearing under her breath the whole time.
and then she started yelling at my mum, who was serving them, 'you kno you asians just go around putting all the prices up. you come to my country, and bump up the prices, earn money and rip off us white ppl.' for everything these ppl have said, just add a bunch of four letter words into every sentence and you'll have a pretty good idea of the situation.
i then told her to get out of our shop, and she told me to shut up coz she wasnt talking to me. then my mum stopped me from talking again, and told me to stay silent. those three went about swearing for another couple of minutes and left. i walked into my room, burst into tears and starting breaking things. i considered calling the police, and what would be the point?
i've calmed down now, but i'm still very angry. but not at those ppl, at myself. my mum didnt want me to talk back bcoz she's scared those ppl will retaliate. but i think they are just a bunch of druggies. i'm angry at how i couldnt defend my dignity in front of those people. but there was nothing i could say, if i called them scum, trash, if i swore at them, it wud make me just as bad. but then perhaps it would be easier to sink to there level, so i dont have to be sitting here, fuming with anger.
i'm also angry about how naive i am. i dont want to let those ppl get to me, those ppl are the petty criminals, ppl living on the dole, working as prostitutes, it's completely ridiculous for me be made to feel worthless by someone who has far less to give to this country than me, but that doesnt stop me from feeling angry.
i've always heard about discrimination, from older people, events in the early 20th century, in cases and in literature, but i've never experienced it so blatantly first hand, and it feels so different from my readings, like nothing can convey the feeling of having your dignity attacked.
it seems that everything i've ever believed in in my whole life, justice, equality, multiculturalism, has been a lie. at times, when people argue that multiculturalism isnt working, i wud stand up and tell them to take a look at me, i'm chinese, i'm australia, and proud of both. but today, i'm starting to seriously doubt my conviction. i realised that race still exist, in a way that divides ppl like me from ppl like them, and nothing, absolutely nothing, can overcome that. that makes me angry too. and the problem is, there seems to be nothing i can do about it without sinking to their level, and anything i say back is going to make me sound like a smartarse.
one last thing that makes me furious, i was having a GREAT day until then.
they completely ruined my day, and it was so un-called-for.sorry for the tirade. i was just wondering if any soompians have had similar ugly experiences? how did u guys deal with it?
