Little Johnny

New Teacher

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Acting

Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Addition

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

Little Johnny: Big hands!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alabama

It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.

He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end.

That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed".

This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.

"No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

American History

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answers!

The teacher, during an English lesson, asked the students: "Now tell me. What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Little Johnny in the back bench replied: "A teacher."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyone Home?

A Salesman is trying to call a client. The phone rings and their little boy, named Little Johnny, in a whisper, says, "Hello."

Salesman: "Is your mommy there?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "Yes."

Salesman: "Can I speak with her?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "She's busy."

Salesman: "Is your daddy there?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "Yes."

Salesman: "Can I speak with him?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "He's busy."

Salesman: "Is there anyone else there?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "The fire department."

Salesman: "Can I talk to one of them?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "They're busy."

Salesman: "Is there anybody ELSE there?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "The police department."

Salesman: "Well, can I talk to one of THEM?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "They're busy."

Salesman: "Let me get this straight: your mother, your father, the fire department AND the police department are ALL in your house, and they're ALL busy. WHAT are they doing?"

Little Johnny: (whisper) "They're looking for me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artist

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook and slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the log once again, again the fly didn't fly away. This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the log with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened.

Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.

"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on a fence and then, for two weeks straight, I had to pull splinters out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aunt Tess

Little Johnny said to his Aunt Tess, "My God, you're ugly, aren't you!"

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen.

"You naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!"

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby Brother

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

His mother says, "Heaven, Johnny."

Johnny says, "Geez, I can see why they threw him out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby

Little Johnny asks an expecting woman: "What is in your tummy ?"

"My baby!"

"Do you love him!"

"You betcha!"

"Why did you eat him then?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Babysitting

Little Johnny was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.

Little Johnny said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*mod edit*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barnyard

A man was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great, he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed Little Johnny. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holy Terror

Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors.

His mother suggested to his father that they buy him a bike for his birthday.

"Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior?" he said, surprised.

"Well, no," she admitted, "But it'll spread it over a wider area."

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