[aime]

UPDATE: Chapter 2 added, scroll down the page to see. Enjoy.
Updated! Chapter 3, click here!
Updated! Chapter 4, click here!
Chapter 5 Update

THIS story is absolutely amazing, and whoever wrote it is a genius.



-Note: All material originally written by Jimmy Hu-



Yellow Boy Chapter 1 (An epic novel)

Yellow Boy
-------------------------------------

Chapter 1: The Awkward Arrival
-------------------------------------
The story begins when I was traveling on the airplane one day. My friend Gabe and I were going to the unknown land called the United States,San Francisco to be exact, all because we were forced by our parents to escape our fate of the foot-massaging business in China.
A while after dinner Gabe pointed at a man and said in a chinky chinese voice,

"I wanna eat him, he looks like some good chocolate".

I said to him, "You stupid turtle asse, its not even a good joke, that's guy is one of those African people you see in Roots"

Gabe looked at me like I've lost my nuts and said, "You b'astard guy, don't underestimate me." The man saw us looking at him and said, "Watchu looking at, you lil' chinese biches?"

Gabe immediately said in broken English: "Hi chocolate man!"

I saw the man's eyes bulge out like bull testicles and the most ghetto expression ive ever seen. But fortunately, none of us got hurt and we successfully continued the trip with our heads on our shoulders.

Whoosh, the airplane came down to the earth as I gazed upon this new peice of land that looks very weird and a bit disturbing as well, its name was America. I got out of the plane and as I was entering the lobby some girls with yellow colored hair,looking like my morning excrete, were checking for passports and stuff like that. When it came to my turn, I needed to show them my Chinese passport.

But crap, at that moment I just all my pockets, but I coulden't find it! The girl got impatient and roared,

"Please show your identification! Or else we can't let you pass!"

I suddenly felt a rectangular hard spot in my pants and finally realized, "Oh shiet, the passport is INSIDE my pants." I tried not to explode in this awkward situation and tried to explain, but they wouldn't understand my broken Chinglish.

At last, I had no choice but to take off my pants. At that instant, an old chinese lady came up to me and said in chinese:

"You little stupidy shiz, keep you pants ON!" And then she ACTUALLY smacked it with a cane. At that same moment I didn't feel any pain, but that moment what I felt was much more magnificient and cunning than pain, it was as if my spirit has been set free and there was a rocket engine propelling me through space. I farted.

Silence. After 2 seconds, the old woman fell and fainted. I quickly showed the girl, who was half stunned, my passport and quickly ran through the exit, like the time fat pigs were chasing me in Beijing.

Then I remembered about Gabe, and ran back to get him. He was nowhere to be seen. After I informed the police about the case, apparently when he was in the airport bathroom, he misused the American toilet and had his foot stuck in the hole. When I went to get

him he looked like a mess, but after half an hour we finally made it through the airport.

We did not have a cell phone at the time and therefore noone could pick us up. The only currency we carried were chinese dollars, and

at the time I was unsure if they could be used in America.

To get to the destination we were going, we needed a taxi. We finally halted a cab and the driver was a nice middle-aged mexican man.
He said:

"Where are you headed amigo?"
We couldn't understand him but we showed him the address. He said, "oh! Long distance! you pay a lot when you get there ok?"
I said ok and we started to have the funnest ride of our lives.

On the street, we saw various brands of Japanese cars that we have seen in China before. We both would ocassionally say thoughout the

trip: "ooo, Honda, made in Japan, very fast. OOO, mitsubishi, made in Japan, very very fast." Near the end of our trip as we were

closer to our destination, the Mexican driver stopped the car, and said: "This is the end of our trip". We looked at the taxi-meter, it

said "$247.89". We both shouted:

"WHAT?! So expensiv!"

Then he said:

"Haha. Price-Meter, made in Japan. Very fast."

At that point we didnt know what to do. We couldn't use our chinese money. So I said to Gabe in chinese:

"Let's run for it". He replied: "1,2.."

On 3 we both ran out of the taxi running rapidly north. When we were about to become out of sight, we heard a car driving behind that

and I suddenly heard Gabe cry, "OOOWW! My assie!" I turned around and saw him flying aross the road like chinese gone wild. Then at

that moment I knew what happened. He mexican driver has gone mad! Before I could hide in the nearest Bush, I felt a force of 58,000

newtons hit my behind. Then. nothing.

--------------------------

It was quite suprising that I woke up the next day. The strange thing was that I didn't know where I was. I looked around the room, it

was white and I was sleeping in a king sized bed. But the weird thing was.. there's a lump of something under the sheet right next to

me.


TO BE CONTINUED

[stardaisy212]

oomg god lmao i kinda of get it and kinda of dont lols

[cocobar]

OMG. lol. did Gabe die??

[aime]

Lol no, he didn't, haha ___________________________

[Apple.Mint]

Wow
what's the lump though?!
ahh ii wanan know!!
lol

[fashion_love']

omgosh omgosg.. funny funny.. i want to read more..LOL

[hard2forgetyou]

LOL XD
i like it ><

where is the rest of hte part!!!! soo funny xD

[jadey]

lol!! Gabe misused the American toilet and his foot got stuck !!

[jessecue]

LOL i get some parts...while others r a mystery
but it's cool, i really wanna read more~~

[josephdael]

LOL, it was excellent ... Awkward Arrival

[lovelydevil]

lol i really like it... very funny~
can't wait for more ^.^

[weirdazn]

Lol, I get some parts and some parts I don't get, but it's still really funny.
I want to read more!!

[onetwothuy]

LOL!
I so agree with the title!
Yellow boy.

[aime]

OMG. lol. did Gabe die??

Oh Lol he didn't.

Wow
what's the lump though?!
ahh ii wanan know!!
lol

omgosh omgosg.. funny funny.. i want to read more..LOL

LOL XD
i like it ><

where is the rest of hte part!!!! soo funny xD

LOL i get some parts...while others r a mystery
but it's cool, i really wanna read more~~

lol i really like it... very funny~
can't wait for more ^.^

Lol, I get some parts and some parts I don't get, but it's still really funny.
I want to read more!!

Haha, seems like you guys are interested, I'll post the next chapter.

[JFaith]

On the street, we saw various brands of Japanese cars that we have seen in China before. We both would ocassionally say thoughout the

trip: "ooo, Honda, made in Japan, very fast. OOO, mitsubishi, made in Japan, very very fast." Near the end of our trip as we were

closer to our destination, the Mexican driver stopped the car, and said: "This is the end of our trip". We looked at the taxi-meter, it

said "$247.89". We both shouted:

"WHAT?! So expensiv!"

Then he said:

"Haha. Price-Meter, made in Japan. Very fast."

Haha, I read a joke like that once. XD I feel kind sorry for them...

[hannuhh]

I WANNNNNAAAAA KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! haha i don't get it at all... what's the lump?!?!

[aime]

Haha, the lump most likely means there's a person there under the sheets

[undiscovered]

post moreeeeeeeeeee
i think its the mexican man thats the lump?
er idk
LOL

[aime]

Previously at the end of Chapter 1:

"It was quite suprising that I woke up the next day. The strange thing was that I didn't know where I was. I looked around the room, it was white and I was sleeping in a king sized bed. But the weird thing was.. there's a lump of something under the sheet right next to me."


Chapter 2: The Land of Da Unknown
-----------------------------------

At that point I was scared.. What if it was some hairy milf? What if it was an old...man? I swiftly lifted up the cover, and the same time, jumped in the air with a crouching bear hidden wiener attack. Then I realized it was only Gabe. i was relieved. Then I noticed that our clothes were changed into tidy white pajamas, instead of our old 2-holed long underwear. THAT means some person changed for US?!! Wow, the thought of that was horrible yet possibly fantastic, not knowing who exactly our dresser was.

I quiety creeped out of the room, into a hallway that was dark and long. I found the path downstairs, and slowly creeped down the long but clean staircase. At that point, it felt as if I was in one of those scary movies where the asian guy gets eaten by a monster. I made my way down, and saw, sitting at a desk, was an attractive asian girl/lady with black hair like silk, and her expression and look of seductiveness sharply had my eyes fixed somewhere on her. As I walked closer, I could smell the fresh scent of something good, and suddenly, I felt like I was in heaven and was guided by a chinese angel awaiting some kind of action by me. She suddenly saw me and turned around and said, "so you've awaken, my COUSIN". I suddenly felt all the heavenly feeling go away, as if someone just tore out both of my precious jewels, and sticking some type of eating utensil, preferrably a fork, up my behind.

"You and your friend I hope have slept well, and are enjoying your new clothes, for your old ones were quite disgusting yet had interesting splotchy patterns and faint yellow ones too in the front and back, and I enjoyed washing them. Hehehehohohoho!"

I was shocked at what a crazy pinkberry my cousin was, and thought: "do all asian girls turn out like this in america?".

She quickly glanced at me with a smirk and said, "since you will be living in my house, you will be working, and I've planned an interview for you at the local ice cream shop. Learn english fluently by tomorrow, or your ass is mine, and I do mean literally mine by the way."

I had no choice. To escape the foot-massaging business in China, I will do whatever it takes, even if it means massaging other parts of the body or doing dirtywork instead in America.

We went to the video store that day, and got some english videos from every category, such as action, horror, and even the you-know-what section". We also bought some books online and studied our rectums off that night. By 3 AM the next morning, we were so tired that we had to pinkberry-slap each other give each other wedgies to stay awake. All that hard work paid off. The next morning we were able to speak basic english commands such as "hey!" and "peepee!" and "itchy over here!".

At 10 AM it was time for the interview. My cousin drove us to the shop, and escorted us to a luxurious room with glass walls inside the ice cream shop. We sat on the soft comfy sofa and waited for about 10 minutes. A brown man with curly hair, and a sharp chin came into the room, dressed in tuxedo." He was a stylish man, I was not sure what kind of man, he's not quite as black as a black, and not white like a white, yet not yellow like us. Then my cousin informed about his background. He was apparently one of those indians that you can't really ignore, his aura of sweat and curry was just to good to miss. Speaking of curry, Gabe did the exact same thing as he did on the airplane and said to him:

"Hi Curry Man!".

The beastly indian immediately gave Gabe a ravishous glare, and threw a punch at his balls. What came out of Gabe's mouth was not a scream, it wasn't even a squeal. It was a squeak. Gabe fell to the floor with his eyes wide-open and unconscious, as if he just saw some gay action.

I looked at that man and asked him: "What you do that FOR HUH?"

My cousin whispered to me: "Speak to him nicely, he is the boss of the ice cream place, they call him Nishanto Seon"

I awas curious of this man, being originally a foot washer from China and being able to figure out one's character by smelling their foot. I offered a bold proposal.

"Hey Nishanto! Let me smell your foot."

Him - "What??!! Whats wrong with you chinky boy?! You don't deserve to smell my foot, smell my ass instead, haha."

He probably thought of that as an insult. But I looked at it as a opportunity.

I said, "OK! I will!"

He first had a surprised expression on his hairy face. But then agreed and bent over and pulled down his pants. At that instant, I took my pen and shoved it somewhere that you wouldnt want anyone to. Seon roared in pain and starting flailing his arms everywhere and sprining his legs and shaking his head like he was at some demented curry festival. With foam starting spewing out of his mouth and somehow the whole scene resembled a Michael Jackson performance.

There he was lying on the floor unconcious. My cousin was so scared that she didnt know what to do and was panicking. Suddenly 10 huge and muscular mexican bodyguards came in with heavy machine guns.

I thought, "Oh mini cooper.. we're screwed for sure".

As the prepared to fire at us, and when I thought was the end of my life, I thought of an idea...

I had some change left over from yesterday; I threw a dime across the room.

that was the action that saved our lives. The attention of the them was diverted to the coin, and instead of shooting us, each of them dived for the dime. It was seriously like a mexican parade.

But then an asian guard, who seemed quite elite, barged though the door,on his named tag read "David Lee" and he said "You f'ing chink, get down on the floor rite now". I did that, and asked him:

"Sorry sir, but arent you chinese yourself".

"Don't talk mini cooper like that to me or ill put a cap in your ass." I suddenly remembered the rap song Gabe and I listened to yesterday to learn english. It was like "In da hood" by 2pac or something and it had a line "Everybody get your ass down or imma put a cap in it!".

I suddenly understood. He wasn't one of us, he was a black chink, a chigger.

Before I knew it I heard a gunshot, he fired a burst of his SMG straight at my chest. It hurt a lot, and I knew he was going to burst another round, and he did, but in a split second, I summoned my matrix/problem solving skills, and figured in a 3d coordinate, the bullet would approxmiately strike my chin in 3 seconds at (24.7,89.2, 12.0), and if i used an integral to calculate the arc length of the projectile, I could calculate the best direction to shift my face. I did an integral inside my head and my which told me to shift north with an angle of 29.57 to the horizontal. Oh mini cooper! I forgot force of air resistance causing the bullet to curve! But if i use my mouth to suck the bullet the force of sucktion would reverse the force air resistance and deem my original calculations correct. With a flash of insight, I dodged the bullet completely, though narrowly.

I did a downwards sweep kick and kicked David Lee off of his legs, but his c-walking and breakdancing skills cause him to not fall but stand on one arm, doing a windmill and the worm to use his feet to attack my face, which he successfully did, and finally doing a backflip kick, kicking me straight on the temple. At that moment, I lost my consciousness and knew that my life was in ...

deep jeopardy..

TO BE CONTINUED

[lMlickiiE]

AHAHAHAHA!!!

LOVE THE MATRIX PART