[cagedfayth]

My ex-boyfriend and I dated on and off (as in we'd break up in the middle of fights and then regret it and get back together within a couple days) for nearly 3 years. The Monday before Thanksgiving, I was over at his house, and we got into one of our usual quarrels and it blew up out of control and he ended up throwing me out of his place and said he didn't want to see me ever again. Of course, I took as one of our fights over nothing in particular, and I headed home.

The next morning, I woke up to a slew of text messages on my phone all along the lines of "OMG What happened?!" I went on Facebook, and alas, he had changed his relationship status to single and his mood status was "I'm DONE. I CAN do better." Seeing as how I wasn't aware that he had actually broken up with me the night before, Iwas automatically under the impression that he had dumped me over Facebook.

After complaining to a couple mutual friends about what an a** move that was, he IMed me and said that if he was going to do it, it wouldn't be on FB, but maybe a balcony. I just laughed it off because at this point, I didn't really care about trying to get back with him. That alone is drastically different from our past ones, where I'd usually be miserable and crying for a couple days before I just convince him to take me back. That night, I was talking to a good friend of mine who lives in California right now, and he offered to fly me over to move in with him and his roomate for a few months or however long it would take to help me make a clean start. He offered to buy my ticket, and offered me free rent. If it doesn't work out for me, he'll buy me a ticket back. This isn't out of character for him to be so spontaneous, nor me either, so I accepted and he bought the ticket.

I wasn't on speaking terms with my ex for the next few days, and I turned down his offer to spend Thanksgiving at his parents like we did every year. That night, a good mutual friend of ours came over after coming back from dinner at his mom's place in VA to visit me. We were messing around as usual (my ex and I were in an open relationship, and he was aware of what we do so I wasn't cheating) and ended up having sex. He left at around 2-3 in the morning and I just jumped on the computer to talk to people. At around 8:30AM, my ex randomly calls me from his mom's phone and lets me know that I should get ready because he was coming over to kidnap me. I was like, ehh? but got ready anyways. He came in, got me and we went to his house. Neither of us had had any sleep beforehand, so we both stripped and passed out in bed, which wa a routine. WHEN WE'RE dating. Not surprisingly, we ended up having sex before going to sleep.

That was the start of us getting back into the habit if acting like we were together again, and I eventually told him about my going to Cali. He was really upset about my not talking to him about it before I had went ahead and made my decision, and said something along the lines of how he felt like I was leaving hi behind and whatnot. A few days later we were lazying around in his room and we agreed on staying exclusive until I leave for Cali if he wants, and if we still want to be together, we can either wait until I get back from Cali or try a temporary long distance relationship for 3 months (3 months because I would shorten my stay if he wanted to try it). He didn't really tell me how he felt about that.

Last night, we were talking online, and I accidently told my ex something that I supposed to keep between me and another friend. He got mad and IMed her questioning her about it, and she was mad that I had screwed her over, in her opinion, and decided that she was gonna get even. She called up my ex and told him about my sleeping with the guy Thanksgiving night, because she knew that he wasn't aware of it.

He's basically mad at me not because I had sex with the guy, but because neglected to tell him I did immediately after and lied about it in which I know I am completely in the wrong,) The thing that completely broke my heart was the fact that during his speech about how he wants nothing to do with me anymore, and how he finds me absolutely disgusting and all that, we had THIS conversation.


me: if this hadn't have happened, did you ever think you'd have stayed with me?

him: ...honestly? We'd have probably ended up married. The reason I didn't answer your question on going to Cali and working on things for me was because I was still playing with the idea of trying to figure out what it would take to get us back together, and didn't want you to be further content and excited with the idea of leacing for Cali. The break-repair-break-repair style was more like an old married couple than anything, and even I'll admit I went overboard dumping you over one of our infinite fights. There were plenty that could've been remedied on both our lines, and an actual break up for a bit in my mind was more to get us both in perspective, when I thought about it afterwards.

Why hadn't he told me this before? ;___;

So, as it stands, he's completely furious with me, and deems me a cheating sl*t, and demands to sever ties between us. I feel completely awful about not telling him, but at the same time I couldn't win. Yeah, we had agreed on being exclusive, and the guy didn't want me to tell my ex because he didn't want things to be awkward between them. On the other hand we ARE broken up and he had constantly reminded me that he didn't want to hear about what I do with other guys on my own time.

I don't know what to do right now. I feel there's a very slim chance that we would ever get back together, but I can't accept that he would completely sever ties with me over this. I have another month before I leave for Cali, and I'm considering going through with it just so I can give him some space. >.<

[:: ShaDoW ::]

thats pretty intense. and being in an open relationship was a bad idea in the first place.

you should go through with it and give him some space. its probably what he needs right now. then again, if u really want him back, then i suggest u drop the open relationship thing to diffuse any awkward situations later on...

[cagedfayth]

thats pretty intense. and being in an open relationship was a bad idea in the first place.

you should go through with it and give him some space. its probably what he needs right now. then again, if u really want him back, then i suggest u drop the open relationship thing to diffuse any awkward situations later on...

It wasn't the open relationship that caused the problems. We had carefully set boundaries and we never had issues with that aspect of our relationship. It's just ironic how this would've been ok if we were still together, as I would've told him immediately afterwards(or more likely, before), because it was how I was supposed to go about it based on the terms of our relationship.. But as soon as I don't stick to those rules when we're broken up, I get owned >.<

He led me on to think that he wanted to move on to, or else he wouldn't have stayed broken up with me. I would do anything to be able to earn his trust back. I DO want to be with him, but at this rate, it sounds like too much to ask.

[:: ShaDoW ::]

It wasn't the open relationship that caused the problems. We had carefully set boundaries and we never had issues with that aspect of our relationship. It's just ironic how this would've been ok if we were still together, as I would've told him immediately afterwards(or more likely, before), because it was how I was supposed to go about it based on the terms of our relationship.. But as soon as I don't stick to those rules when we're broken up, I get owned >.<

He led me on to think that he wanted to move on to, or else he wouldn't have stayed broken up with me. I would do anything to be able to earn his trust back. I DO want to be with him, but at this rate, it sounds like too much to ask.

well it depends on how much effort u want to put in to get back with him. saying u would do anything to earn his trust back would mean u are willing to cancel ur trip to cali to work on it. thats what guys do, its our way of trying to keep our dignity and stuff. yeh its really ironic when it comes to open relationships because 'really' u are not cheating...or maybe u did cheat because u broke the rules. i think if u do try to get back with him, set some new guidelines...ones that are not too extreme. in the meantime, express ur feelings to him and balance it out with giving him space too. its about compromising.

[flyxme.]

i can only say that other friend of yours isn't really..a great friend .___.
she totally blew it up for you, i guess she got her revenge.. >___<

[sushiwhore]

i dont think you should feel liek you cheated becuase you two were broken up at the time o_o

but i think having open relationships int eh first place is really bad o_o

well i guess if yrou terms of yrou relationship was different o_o its not bad o_o but not being honest is? iono i jsut dont expect why a guy would be so demanding over knowining what happened if yo utw weren't together at the time ... then again i tell my bf anythign

[niiinja]

i say get revenge on a friend who spilled on you. shank her! XD

but really? you didn't cheat, or i didn't believe you did. you weren't in the boundaries of like a relationship at the time, and it seems as if you were considered broken up. i blame it on the heat of the moment and so on, but hey if the relationship between you both end, then so be it. you can't really do anything, since it wasn't one side that has fcked up, but two. if you really love him, then try to fight for him. but i wouldn't do it, it's just too dirty now. do you understand what i mean?

the cheating slt thing kind of pisses me off. mostly because i don't understand how women are deemed as slts, but men aren't? just a little side note.

i hope you find the closure you need and good luck to you.

[taebins_luver]

i sayyyyyy
MOVE ON!
i think it's time that you two let this go
because it's silly that you two fight and break up over little things
think about it when you two are married and you fight over...the chicken
you two would end it so quick before even thinking it completely over

unless you think you two can get over your little fights and breakups
then i don't suggest you two get back together.
and to answer your question, no, you didn't cheat
because in order to cheat, you'd hafta be in a relationship to cheat on someone

obviously you didn't seem to care about him when you had adult relations with the other guy
so a permanant break up probably won't be hard for you

[heheimawesome]

i think you're john teshing stupid. lol.
open relationship? i would think an open relationship isn't very serious in the first place why would you WANT your boyfriend or girlfriend to mess around with others doesn't make sense to me.

iuno, im on your bf's side. lol.

[ultraviolette.]

I think it'd be best to move on.
An open relationship wasn't a good idea in the first place anyway...

You might just think you're head over heels for him
but maybe it's just cuz you're used to having him there...
In reality, you're not that in love with him...

I don't know. That's just a theory.
But yeah. Give him some space and enjoy yourself in Cali!
Try to give yourself some time to heal too
See if you really can live without him.

[GOOMBA]

I guess this kind of thing comes from open relationships.

Sorry, I'm not directing this right at you but... can anybody tell me what's the point of an open relationship?

Relationship = having a connection w/ somebody. You'd want to be in a relationship w/ someone to see if they're you're life partner, no? I mean.. if you want to casually date and sleep around (again, not directing this to you), shouldn't you just..... speed date or something? >_< Why do people do this?

[Aziraphale]

Last post in this thread was more than 6 months ago. Please don't bump old threads.