[myv_rox]

I'm really starting to get nervous about getting accepted into college. I only applied to three colleges and they're all pretty much reach schools. Well, what do you think? Your honest opinion would be greatly appreciated. And if you could give an explanation, that would also be very helpful..

9th grade GPA: 3.4
10th grade GPA: 3.2
11th grade GPA: 3.7
12th grade course: AP English, Honors Spanish 4, Honors Anatomy, Journalism (1st semester) Am. Government, Sociology, Pre-Calc, Journalism (2nd semester)

*sidenote: The only honors classes I've ever taken BEFORE 12th grade, were Hon. English 2 and 3 in 10th and 11th grade. The rest were all regular classes.

12th grade 1st tri-mester grades:
AP English: A-
Honors SPanish 4: B+
Honors Anatomy: A-
Journalism: A

SAT score: *brace yourselves* a lousy 1600. (yes, these are the NEW SATs) I know, I did very poorly. Go ahead and laugh.

Random:

Journalism--3years. Junior year: asst. Feature Editor, Senior year: Entertainment Editor. I won the National Press Association gold star award for my movie review. I sent in a copy of my certificate. (I know, you're still thinking about the SAT score, right?) I also sent various articles I've written, and a VK/J-Rock page I designed.

Church--- Youth retreats, VBS counselor, Costa Rica mission trip

Work: David's Bridal- 22 hrs. a week

Clubs: Biology Club, Respect Club, Bible Club (not 4 years consistently.. like, 2 or 3)

1 reccommendation letter from my teacher, and 1 from my counselor

My essay: This is my only shot at winning them over.. I really hope they take the time to read it..

*P.S. Please don't be evil and steal my essay. I'm not posting this for you to copy and paste. I just need some feedback, that's all.

On July 19th, 2005, I embarked on my first mission trip to San Jose, Costa Rica--a 7-day odyssey filled with life-changing discoveries, humbling experiences, and unforgettable memories.

Throughout my trip, there was one defining moment that changed my world view forever. On July 20th, 2005, our team of 27 drove on a bus through a small village in Tortuguero, to a mountain of dirt and rocks. As the rickety old bus turned onto a dirt road to ascend the mountain, time seemed to slow down. My hearing began to fade and when I looked out the window, the image appeared surreal. The rutted road leading to the the work site passed 8x10 foot shacks housing families of 5 or more, with no running water. There was a single light bulb powered by narrow strands of wire hanging from bare power lines.

And the people were smiling.

There was a dog on a roof and children--small children, dirty children, sad children, laughing children--swarming around us. I forced myself to smile as I stepped off the bus, but couldn't for the tears in my eyes.

I saw two dogs fighting in the road with dust swirling around them. Then I looked at a little boy; he smiled at me and I forgot where I was. I smiled back and thanked God for being there.

For as long as I can remember, I've been yearning for this type of genuine experience, a profound moment in my life that I could look back on someday and say with a smile, "I witnessed miracles that week."

Although no mere words could describe what transpired that week in Costa Rica, all I can say is that I was extremely honored, humbled, and spiritually lifted. God bestowed upon our group a gift that week, to witness and to minister. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we were able to deliver this gift, provide a home, feed families, and share Jesus's love.

I am eternally grateful for the oppotunity to have been a part of this mission trip, making new friends, and furthering my clarity of life's purpose in my walk with Christ.

Yeah, well. That's about it, I guess. So..... what do you think?

I applied to Rutgers-New Brunswick, Penn State-Main Campus and University of Pittsburgh-Pittsburgh.
(I live in PA)
Thanks a lot, you guys!!!!!!!

[HoO8MyRiCe]

If you're from Pennsylvania and you applied to rolling admissions, I'd be confident in myself because with the stuff you've done, I'm pretty sure they'll let you in. Your SAT score isnt that bad, its higher than the national average and the average CollegeBoard has (1500). Be proud of your work .


One question, in your essay, what is the significance of describing two dogs fighting? If it doesn't help explain your theme to the college dood, I'd suggest taking it out (or change it). I saw one or two typos, go re-read it if you just copy pasted that. Emphasize a little bit on why you felt that way and include a little bit of the miracles that happened.

Anyways, your essay is sweet and good luck!

[lakers]

your stats r pretty good

[chibifry]

School grades - fine
SAT - not so fine
No SAT IIs I see
ECS - ok
recs - you better hope they're outstanding
Essay - Honestly I was not impressed at all, very boring

But with your stats I think you will not go to Penn State.. the average penn state - r has like a (old scale ) 1300 SAT.. but yoru GPA makes up for it.. so.. I don't know , sorry. =/

[pprMNTE]

Did you already send in your applications?
If I were you I would have taken another SAT. But as it seems you can't help that now...

Honestly, I'm not sure what the general criteria is for the schools you applied to, but if I were an admissions counselor, I would note that you didn't take many advanced level classes before your senior year. Then again, were AP classes offered for juniors?
Also, your extracurriculars seem pretty well rounded.

Feedback on your essay: I can tell you weren't thrilled to write the introduction: it hits a flat note. The other main caution I have for you on your essay concerns the vague quality of what you're saying. What "miracles"? You emphasize this event's importance in your life, but you don't seem to spend enough time elaborating on the impact other than stating that it *had* an impact. If you have more word space available, I suggest you to add on!

That's all the advice I can give without being too didactic.

[c h r i s t i n e]

^ i agree. also, i recommend not to talk about God and the Holy Spirit. you don't know if your admissions officer will be an atheist or not. also, your essay is flat out boring. hopefully, you haven't sent it yet. try to elaborate more with emotion and make other people proofread it.

[myv_rox]

hey, ya'll!!! thanks very much for the advice!!! yeah, i guess my essay's pretty bleh.. problem is, i already ssent them all in. oy ve. well, i guess i;ll be going to lccc then.

[ronmexico]

Well, it's not too late to apply to other schools with a new essay. I would try to write one that wasn't so heavily religious and that actually spoke more about you.

[myv_rox]

Wow, guys. This is really terrible. I've been reading and re-reading my essay a million times, and you guys are right. It SUCKS. I don't know what to do. I already sent them in... I knew I should'be written about my Korean/American heritage. That would've showed a bit more personality. This essay IS boring, and there really isn't any point.

Oh my goodness. Shoot me now.

[chibifry]

Wow, guys. This is really terrible. I've been reading and re-reading my essay a million times, and you guys are right. It SUCKS. I don't know what to do. I already sent them in... I knew I should'be written about my Korean/American heritage. That would've showed a bit more personality. This essay IS boring, and there really isn't any point.

Oh my goodness. Shoot me now.

The heritage thing would have been equally boring and mundane
Too late, no point in regretting - just wait for letters

[delightful123]

um well... unlike everyone else i dont find your essay that bad at all. i suppose the content is a little.. vague; however, your writing style is rather pretty =]

the thing i would worry about is your GPA's and your SAT score~ iono about those particular colleges though.. you should check out their averages =]

[pprMNTE]

Well, good luck with whatever you decide to do. The good point about your essay is that I can definitely tell that you're passionate about your religion. Which may work very well for you, or a little against you, depending on the admission counselor's preference.

[ronmexico]

^I don't think it's really going to matter what the adcom's "preferences" are, because the essay is almost purely descriptive and its only real point is that the writer is very religious, which is probably something that comes out in the application or resume anyway. But again, as I said, it's not nearly too late to write a new essay or rework this one and apply to other schools. I don't think myv_rox needs to feel so down about it because I seem to recall most schools having deadlines after Jan. 1.

[twnty2]

you should have taken SAT I once again and SAT IIs.

[pprMNTE]

^I don't think it's really going to matter what the adcom's "preferences" are, because the essay is almost purely descriptive and its only real point is that the writer is very religious, which is probably something that comes out in the application or resume anyway. But again, as I said, it's not nearly too late to write a new essay or rework this one and apply to other schools. I don't think myv_rox needs to feel so down about it because I seem to recall most schools having deadlines after Jan. 1.

That's true. I think admissions officers try to look at each application objectively and keep in mind that he or she has to keep out biases. Still, you never know if some people may be turned off by that kind of essay and find it tough to work with simply because of that, you know?

[myv_rox]

ronmexico: thank you so much for your comment. It really cheered me up and gave me a TINY little bit of confidence in my essay. But, I know, it still sucks. I realize my essay isn't up to par compared to "Harvard" essays, for instance.. But, it's really the best I could do. And maybe it seems vague or boring, or whatever.. But, I don't know.. Maybe it's just you guys?? PWHAHAHA JK Jk! To be honest, I was a little hurt by some comments; it's only natural. But I'm really glad that you guys care enough and take the time to comment, and even try to help me. Thanks to ronmexico, heidi! and pprMNTE for TRYING to point out some good points. You guys really made my day~~

P.S.
I just applied to Temple.. I hear pretty much anybody who lives in PA can get in? So, tell me.. I can at LEAST get into Temple... Right???? You can lie if you have to.

[chibifry]

ronmexico: thank you so much for your comment. It really cheered me up and gave me a TINY little bit of confidence in my essay. But, I know, it still sucks. I realize my essay isn't up to par compared to "Harvard" essays, for instance.. But, it's really the best I could do. And maybe it seems vague or boring, or whatever.. But, I don't know.. Maybe it's just you guys?? PWHAHAHA JK Jk! To be honest, I was a little hurt by some comments; it's only natural. But I'm really glad that you guys care enough and take the time to comment, and even try to help me. Thanks to ronmexico, heidi! and pprMNTE for TRYING to point out some good points. You guys really made my day~~

P.S.
I just applied to Temple.. I hear pretty much anybody who lives in PA can get in? So, tell me.. I can at LEAST get into Temple... Right???? You can lie if you have to.

Haha you shouldn't feel bad about the comments, seriously. I know you probably get lectured at home or something of the sort and its enough stress already, but shouldn't we tell you the honest truth instead of sugar coating things? I think when it comes to college admissions you don't want to hear bullst from anyone, just a clear, direct answer.

I think temple is possible. good luck!

[ronmexico]

ronmexico: thank you so much for your comment. It really cheered me up and gave me a TINY little bit of confidence in my essay. But, I know, it still sucks. I realize my essay isn't up to par compared to "Harvard" essays, for instance.. But, it's really the best I could do. And maybe it seems vague or boring, or whatever.. But, I don't know.. Maybe it's just you guys?? PWHAHAHA JK Jk! To be honest, I was a little hurt by some comments; it's only natural. But I'm really glad that you guys care enough and take the time to comment, and even try to help me. Thanks to ronmexico, heidi! and pprMNTE for TRYING to point out some good points. You guys really made my day~~

P.S.
I just applied to Temple.. I hear pretty much anybody who lives in PA can get in? So, tell me.. I can at LEAST get into Temple... Right???? You can lie if you have to.

I don't know how difficult it is to get into Temple, but before you apply to any more schools, I think you should definitely try to rework the essay a little bit. You don't even need to change the topic (the trip), just change the focus. I can look it over for you, if you want, when you're done. Just try to focus more on your experiences and what the trip meant beyond its religious significance. I'm sure you'll make it much better if you work on it a bit and you've still got time.

[The_Jin]

I think youre statistics are excellent. Your essay, though intriguing to me, is probably not the greatest topic to speak of in light of the application process. Nevertheless, your essay shows enough that you are willing to commit to something, andd that's fine.

Good luck!

[iluvu2]

I am definitely no admissions officer, in fact I am also in the middle of my college process, but I would suggest just reworking your essay. (Did you say what the prompt was?) I have no problem with the topic, in fact if I had gone on a missions trip, I would probably some how worked it in, because choosing to spend a part of your summer or break helping others (away from home) is a big thing. I think also like some people said it really shows who you are apart from school work (that's sort of the point of these essays). Anyways in your essay you seem to come to an epiphany (or something like that) when you see everyone smiling, but I think you could further develop what you discovered or realized, in other words, explain why your thankful that you went on this trip, what it has taught you.
Good Luck