[watermelon586]

By the time a man learns to read a woman like a book he
is too old to start a library.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night

Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very
often

Going to church (Temple) doesn't make you a Christian (Jew) anymore than
standing in a garage (barn) makes you a car (horse/cow/sheep)


Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity


If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've
never tried before


My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance


Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious


A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a
nice person


For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program


If you look like your passport picture, you probably need
the trip


Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel
so good

Eat well, stay fit, and die anyway

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it

No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes

A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of
the waist change places

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three
weeks before you need it

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize
a mistake when you make it again

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator

Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the
real world

It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human
race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them

You should not confuse your career with your life

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance

Never lick a steak knife

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her at that moment

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background,
is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

Your friends love you anyway.

[saranghaese7en]

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night

XD XD hahahaha
i lov ethese =]

[knuts]

thanks
some quite funny ones and so true