[erure]

A close friend told me that I have a sharing problem, and I think that he is right.

I don't mind sharing some things, but things that are important to me, it drives me crazy when a person borrows them. Like my laptop. Once a friend needed to use my laptop to do her homework and I was annoyed at her because she has her own but didn't bring it with her and now wanted to use mine. I was kind of trying to avoid it by making up stupid excuses until another friend lent her her laptop -.- Maybe it's because I've had experiences where I've lent things to people and they broke them -- a friend spilled Coke all over my laptop and it died (I ended up having to get a new laptop with my own money because although she was very sorry, she could not help pay for my laptop ), and another friend dropped my digital camera and broke it. Also stuff like my manhwa and CD/DVD's? Because I lent them to people before and they would either forget that they borrowed it and never give it back to me (they usually say that they'll bring it the next time but forget again, and etc) or they give it back to me damaged.

I know that sharing is caring, but I sort of have this "I don't borrow any of your things, so you shouldn't borrow any of my things" attitude. It depends on what stuff though -- I don't mind sharing things like food, drinks, school supplies (but not my notes/homework/quizzes/tests), etc. My parents have repeatedly told me that this needs to be fixed and I realize that, but it's hard to change.

Do any of you have a problem similar to this or am I just a psycho freak? I posted the thread here in the 20+ forum because I wanted mature opinions

[HERMIT]

Well, given the examples that you've given and your past experiences - I can understand your hesitation in lending particularly big-ticket items out. Those kinds of things I think don't make you all that unreasonable. But then again I guess it also depends upon the kind of person that is wanting to borrow stuff from you. If you think they seem upstanding and responsible enough, then allow them some leeway and trust them. Perhaps part of the problem that fuels your sharing paranoia is that you entrusted your things with people that would be careful with your things to begin with.

But anyway, I don't particularly think you are psycho about it. You share some of the "lesser" things anyway - if you were even stingy with that, then I'd think you had a real problem with it.

[klx13]

I'm the same way. I don't lend things to anyone, and I don't expect them to lend me anything either. Maybe it's just the people I know, but they're not very dependable. Like one time, I traded shoes with one of my friends when we went out, and I brought her shoes back right away whereas I didn't get my shoes back till weeks later. Or, even with my sister... I gave her/lent her (for extended period of time) my laptop for her to bring to college since I got a new desktop, but just a few months later, she broke it. It just made me angry that she couldn't take care of something like I could.

And it seems like a lot of girls I know, borrow each other's clothes and jewelry and things. But I NEVER do that, ever, because I know I'll never get it back (or it'll take a really long time to). A friend borrowed my other friend's Tiffany ring and never gave it back... I fear the same thing happening to me, and I hate confrontation/nagging to get things back. Even with my books, whenever I lend them to friends, I either end up never getting them back or having to ask repeatedly for them (I really value my books so this bothers me a lot).

Maybe I have a sharing problem too. heh. I'm fine sharing food and cheap things, too. Just not anything worth a lot of money or sentimental value.

[fragment]

yeah i have a similar problem with sharing stuff, but i think mine might be cos i'm slightly OCD? like, when my brother borrows my thumb drive he saves his stuff all over the place & i get so annoyed cos it's so untidy. or like, when my friend borrows my stapler & doesn't put it back in the corner of my pencil case & i get annoyed too.

[watcher]

i think it depends on the person for me...
there are some people in my life i would hand over my bank account to.
there are some people i would hand over my laptop [with all sorts of personal and secret business projects inside]
there are people i would lend cd's, dvd's and $20 to... and just assume it's gone
perhaps it helps that those friends could cover me in every way they could if they mess up?
i don't know, but i don't mind sharing much if they're close people.

[del32]

I've been sharing clothes and stuffs with my bestfriend since highschool days, I dont have a problem at all..

[Pogichinoy]

I have problems sharing too.

If you lose something I lent to you, or you return it slightly damaged, you're on my "DO NOT SHARE WITH" list FOREVER.

[whatever0024]

I don't like sharing either. I've had bad experiences with it. I don't lend my DVD's to anyone anymore because they never return them, or if they do, they're all scratched up. Same with money also. I've lent so much to friends, and they never pay me back in a timely fashion. Family members are the absolute worst. My brother still hasn't paid me back for paying off his huge cable bill. It'll be a year in July. As for my sister, I lent her money to pay for her car and she finally deposited the money nine months later.

I'm not entirely selfish or anything. I don't mind sharing cheap things or things that have no personal value to me; however, there are only a few friends who I will gladly share things with because I can completely and honestly trust them on holding them to their word.

[wr3ck3dd]

I don't like to share. It's the same reason why I don't usually allow people to borrow money, unless they're CLOSE friends. It's exactly the same principle, it's a lack of trust that would result in you feeling this way. It's totally understandable because you've had experiences where you've been out hundreds of dollars!

I completely understand and I completely support you. They should show deference to your things, since they are, after all, yours.

[toxic-apple]

Maybe providing your friends some other alternatives to their need, such as other friends who willing to lend out their stuff?? How about telling your friend your experience from other people borrow your stuff and broke it? They may understand your situation and ask someone else.

I rarely let people borrow my things. Once my sister borrow my $50 necklace, I refused, but she nagged. As I expected, she gave my necklace to someone else as a present just because the friend said "it looks nice! can I have it?"

I'm still waiting for her to pay me back.

[Meenuh]

As sad as this sounds ... I think i'm pretty greedy with food. Lol. I think i've gotten a lot better though. I just hate it when people borrow stuff and you never see it again. Especially when my ex boyfriend borrowed $600 from me and i've yet to see it. I'm gonna go hunt him down. Anyone care to join?

[PINKraindrops]

I have the same problem. Let's not call it a problem though. It's a habit.

I tried to break the habit, but borrowers keep making me paranoid. They mess up my stuff... It's not OUR problem that we don't share. It's THEIR problem. I let my roommate borrow practically anything because I can trust her. Borrowing is all about trust. And if you don't trust the borrower, then it's their problem.

As sad as this sounds ... I think i'm pretty greedy with food. Lol. I think i've gotten a lot better though. I just hate it when people borrow stuff and you never see it again. Especially when my ex boyfriend borrowed $600 from me and i've yet to see it. I'm gonna go hunt him down. Anyone care to join?

I'm in your hunt-your-evil-boyfriend-who-owes-you-money club!!

$600 is a crazy crazy debt. For that he deserves a crazy crazy consequence!

[YUNA!]

I'm like you, only except for sharing my food and drinks.
I get really germaphobic when someone drinks out of my straw or cup and tell them they can have the rest. Is that weird?

[erure]

I'm like you, only except for sharing my food and drinks.
I get really germaphobic when someone drinks out of my straw or cup and tell them they can have the rest. Is that weird?

No, I'm kind of like that too except I don't mind if my family does that I don't think it's weird.

When I meant share food and drinks, I meant like packages of food or drinks (like a whole can of Coke rather than a sip, a bag of chips, etc)

[SeX1eStAsaBa]

Hm.....I'm selfish and I will admit it. I paid good money for what I own, I have the right to say no. I rarely let anyone borrow my things. If things can be copied I'll copy it and let them HAVE IT. If it's something that can't be copied then all depends on the item's worth. Most of the time it's who's borrowing it. If I trust them enough, they can take whatever they want.

[konceptz]

If I trust them enough, they can take whatever they want.

So it's not selfishness, it's trust?

[je_amourx]

If I do share/lend -- then it would depend on the person. It really has to do with the trust level.
1) You'll never get it back
2) You'll get the lesser of it back

[awdark]

I dont like sharing either. Not much of a problem because I rarely physically meet people in real life anymore. But past experiences hasn't been very good. Typically things get weird after I get it back. Even if its a short period I typically find a nice layer of grease on the stuff which makes me go ugh

[Meenuh]

I have the same problem. Let's not call it a problem though. It's a habit.

I tried to break the habit, but borrowers keep making me paranoid. They mess up my stuff... It's not OUR problem that we don't share. It's THEIR problem. I let my roommate borrow practically anything because I can trust her. Borrowing is all about trust. And if you don't trust the borrower, then it's their problem.




I'm in your hunt-your-evil-boyfriend-who-owes-you-money club!!

$600 is a crazy crazy debt. For that he deserves a crazy crazy consequence!

Weee you live in LA too! Now we can definetly go hunt him down together. Hahah.

My mom doesn't like it when I use her spoon or something. I'm her daughter for goodness sakes. It's not like I have germs. Gosh. lol.

[erure]

Oh yeah. Would you lend a friend your camera lens that costs over a grand? Because some of my friends asked, and I refused (I felt terrible about it, but I still couldn't). I don't think they bickered about it or complained to other friends that I don't share though.