[TyneeTom]

How do you guys feel about this?


Growing up, my parents have always fought over money.


Pretty lame.......I think for me. I'm going to keep my bank account seperate.


But it's kind of tricky on who's going to pay for what now huh...?

[watcher]

my original intent is to marry a girl who's good with her finances... that way, i entrust her with all my money and let her handle the bills and details. i'll just earn lots of money and spend a small portion of it in my hobbies. i'll be fine rolling around in a prius with just enough cash to buy my kids a happy meal.

[jshat4]

My whole family has shared right now...I'm an only child, so I can't be bothered with finances.

I think there should be a level of trust to have a shared account. However, if you make lots of money, things get really messy if something goes wrong. It's hard to guarantee everything will be a smooth ride.

Ideally, I want to marry a guy who makes more than me ~ I don't really NEED the extra money, but I guess just societal views etc....but if that doesn't happen, I do want to protect myself. I should be able to support myself no problem, but I'm not gonna be a sugar mama to some cheater. Hey who knows....guys change hearts very quickly lol.

[badboy yardy]

shared.

if peeps are worried about money troubles, its worse when one person suspects the other having a secret stash. the argument of "why did you buy this?" is a lot more tolerable than "how did you buy this?"

i have the opinion that money (combining finances) becomes the most important reason to marry.

[~ BunnyliciouS ~]

For now we have separate accounts, that we have owned since before we got married. He has access to my account though.
He pays for everything, since he earns enough money to pay for them.

after we have kid(s), possibly we'll share an account, since I'll be a housewife and he'll be the breadwinner.
I don't know, we'll see.

[Raito!]

if i ever get that lucky LOL, i would want a separate account.

Because i can then spend on things anytime i want without the conscious of asking the s/o for permission.

[Tuffcore]

For now we have separate accounts, that we have owned since before we got married. He has access to my account though.
He pays for everything, since he earns enough money to pay for them.

after we have kid(s), possibly we'll share an account, since I'll be a housewife and he'll be the breadwinner.
I don't know, we'll see.

I think this is the most ideal situation for me.

She has her account. I have my account. We both have each other's passwords. No secret accounts. No hiding money from the other person. No taking money out of each other's accounts without asking first. When the kids come, i think there should be an account set-up for childcare costs, general bills, grocery, mortgage, etc. It would be an "our money" account.

[chula]

when i get married, i'd still want to keep my own account
he can keep his own
and then we can open a joint account for household bills, etc.

[dot1q]

I personally couldn't imagine being married and still doing finances separately (regardless if you share account access or not). Ever since I got married, I always viewed our financial assets as "ours" and any income or bills to pay is a joint responsibility. The decision to use any money in our joint account can be solely made by each person without having to ask the other person. We've never had any issues thus far and I think a lot of it is contributed to the fact that we mutually feel that we can make sound/reasonable financial decisions which benefit our family as a whole. We both get to splurge and buy what we want, but we both do it within limits

[NGF]

hmm...maybe shared accounts...depending on her level of financial responsibility...

i think my wife would have to be financially responsible...ideally, she'd have a mba like me...that way we can talk about money and investing with about the same level of understanding...it would great to work toward the same goal together and fully understand the details of how and why...if we were on the same page about financial responsibility, i'd have no problem having a shared account...

but yeah, most fights are about money...i don't want things to turn out to be an episode of i love lucy where ricky ultimately exclaims, "wha' happened?" or "lucy, you've got some 'splaining to do..."

[HERMIT]

Not being a married person myself, my perspective might probably not be realistic to some ....

..but why not have both? A couple can have their own separate accounts as well as share a common account.
Ultimately, the two sides will have to sit down and come to terms with the financial realities of their relationship and hammer out something agreeable to both in a marriage. I guess my idea of maintaining separate accounts while at the same time having shared accounts is somewhat of a compromise in fostering the 'partnership' aspect in a marriage while also allowing room for some semblance of personal financial independence and freedom. I just don't see how there should be a hard-set rule that you have to have one arrangement or you have the other. Shared and separate accounts don't have to be a mutually exclusive prospect.

An example of how this might work is that a couple can sit down to examine their monthly expenditures, financial goals, and mutually come to an agreement as to which expenditures are 'shared' expenses (ie. mortgage/rent, groceries, utility bills, insurance, etc). Once they determine what these items are, they can then move on to hammering out a monthly budget outlining how much would need to be placed into said "shared" account - from which, these shared bills would be paid. Once this is determined, it would then only be a matter of agreeing upon how much / what percentage of that monthly budgeted total that each person would contribute from their earnings (ie. the so-called "bread-winner" could contribute a lion's share towards that budgeted total). To go a step further, a shared savings account could also be opened in which both sides will also set aside more money to be used for anticipated shared big ticket expenses - like vacations, a big screen TV, or towards a down-payment for the next new car. When all these 'shared' finances are addressed, the remaining money that each side has left over from their respective paychecks can be deposited into their own separate accounts to spend and save for as they wish. Husbands and wives could use their own separate accounts to fund their own personal and distinctly separate pleasures - like playing golf, yoga classes, or whatever interests that cater to the specific individual.

I guess what I envision in keeping both shared and separate accounts is that the primary focus should be made on addressing the properly-identified and agreed-upon "shared" financial obligations and goals and mutually maintaining a shared account as a means to meet those ends. Yet, by also allowing room for each person to maintain their own separate and individual accounts, each person is able to maintain their own individuality in pursuing other financial interest without fear of being questioned or perhaps feeling that they've overstepped that "financial boundary". So long as the shared obligations are already addressed and adequately funded via the shared account, money spent out of a separate account shouldn't be a problem.

Now before I get heat on this idea, I know I'm not married, and I already acknowledge that it's probably too idealistic to be carried out. It obviously works only in the framework that both people are employed. In the sense of a breadwinner/housewife-house husband arrangement, this model doesn't exactly work. But who knows? It might work for some couples.

[daBear]

Growing up in a closely knit family, I am very old fashioned but but a marriage is supposed shared and binding two lives together as one. What is the point of getting married if everything is seperate? . However I know times are changing, and sometimes you need to adapt to your own situation.

Like Hermit said, why not have both? Sometimes if you're lucky you might marry a person with a good financial mind and a great sense of financial self-control (no tendency to impulse spend on meaningless items etc etc). But more ofthen than not, we all like to treat ourselves.

Maybe keep your individual accounts to get little treats for your selves, but keep a joint account for bills, major spending moneys etc. This also shows your commitment and trust towards each other - in the financial level as well.

In truth, there is no single right way to do anything, just consult in each other's opinion, you'll find something to work out in the best of your situation!

[Tuffcore]

..but why not have both?

I know women who would never marry a guy if she has to pay for any big ticket items (ie. car, house, etc). A meal here and there is no problem but it's downright "being cheap" if she has to "sell herself that way." I think it's a cultural pride thing for some women, especially for those who are from lesser westernized regions of the world. Their moms would preach it and their circle of friends would never let them live it down if these women sold themselves short. ie. let her friends find out she had to buy her own car in the relationship or if the guy was only paying half.

Also, there are some women who would instantly dump a guy if he suggests or even faintly mentions the word "prenup."

And then, there are guys who have that macho pride thing going passed down from cultural and traditional values. These men would feel shame if they had to have their wives pay for anything that was a shared item.

So, why not both? because sometimes, there's absolutely no compromise.

Money is a vital part of marriage. If it's handled well, it's where two people can truly experience total oneness. If it's handled poorly, it's where marriages fail.

[klx13]

My parents have always shared finances, because they not only own a business together but they see each other and spend time together literally 24 hours a day. Personally, I have no idea how they do it, but it works for them.

When/if I get married, I want separate bank accounts, and then one joint account for our combined expenses (like housing costs, bills, for whatever else when/if we have kids). I don't really believe in completely combining assets, but I'm a bit pessimistic. I'm all for prenuptial agreements as well-- just in case something happens, like if one person gets sued for whatever reason, then the family will be protected since you won't lose all your assets (only one person's, if they happen to lose).

[sasuke-kun]

i always grew up learning that money should be shared. whats the point of having money separate to do your own things. might as well not even marry, whats the point of marriage then. one starts keeping money from the other person, then what prevents the person from keeping secrets from the other? if youre gonna keep track of what money comes from which person with a shared account, one is always going to dominate the other. "oh i put more money in than you, i own this relationship/marriage/house/whatever" the person with more will always have control of the lesser.

i do understand that nowadays its common for married couples to do this. but its because of the high divorce rate and people not trusting the other person. yeah, some are just marrying for convenience and to save some money on taxes, they should go ahead and keep their bank accounts separate. they can continue to act like they are just going out and can break up anytime they want.

but im not going to marry just for the sake of convenience. marriage is a life long commitment that you make. and if you cant agree on money and money related things, then there will be a crap load of problems in the future. if theres no compromise on money, theres no compromise in the relationship. and about keeping your own account on the side for your own pleasures... i think thats kind of messed up. if someone was doing this, they are probably not happy with their marriage. why have to go behind your husband/wife's back and do this?

im so sick of selfish people... esp people selfish against the people they supposedly care about the most

[TyneeTom]

i always grew up learning that money should be shared. whats the point of having money separate to do your own things. might as well not even marry, whats the point of marriage then. one starts keeping money from the other person, then what prevents the person from keeping secrets from the other? if youre gonna keep track of what money comes from which person with a shared account, one is always going to dominate the other. "oh i put more money in than you, i own this relationship/marriage/house/whatever" the person with more will always have control of the lesser.

i do understand that nowadays its common for married couples to do this. but its because of the high divorce rate and people not trusting the other person. yeah, some are just marrying for convenience and to save some money on taxes, they should go ahead and keep their bank accounts separate. they can continue to act like they are just going out and can break up anytime they want.

but im not going to marry just for the sake of convenience. marriage is a life long commitment that you make. and if you cant agree on money and money related things, then there will be a crap load of problems in the future. if theres no compromise on money, theres no compromise in the relationship. and about keeping your own account on the side for your own pleasures... i think thats kind of messed up. if someone was doing this, they are probably not happy with their marriage. why have to go behind your husband/wife's back and do this?

im so sick of selfish people... esp people selfish against the people they supposedly care about the most

I will print this out, and leave it on the table for my parents.

Thanks.

[HeartOnFire]

I think that an account should be shared when you are married. It does take a certain level of trust to actually share accounts, but that trust should be there before you even consider being married. Anyways the law in California is that when you get married husband and wife share assets so there is no point in keeping seperate acounts because even if you split up your spouse still gets half of the property no matter who pays for what.

[`amy]

crap wrong section
sry

-edit-

[suki_*]

I would share my bank account, i have nothing to hide from my future husband to be. lol
He shouldn't either... i'm just hoping that money in our relationship would be the last of our worries though.
Worrying, quarreling and fighting over money always happens, and i don't want that to happen in any of my relationships T____T;;

but if he comes up with good reasons that we each have our seperate accounts then... i'm fine with that too.

[clockwatcher]

Joint for family expenses... separate for other expenses.