[enduring]

I'm required to write a 250-300 word essay explaining my career goals and why I believe I'm an excellent candidate.
Okay, So I'm done with it, but need to revise and edit it. I have a problem. My paper is actually over 300 words, 32 words over.
So my question is, should I just keep it 332 words or should I take out some parts out?
I've been having trouble writing this damn paper.

My goal is to attain a career where I can educate people and challenge myself in ways that I could never do in other fields. It has been a life-long dream of mine to work in the healthcare field. I choose dental hygiene because oral health has always been important to me. I would have to say my desire to help others is the number one personal need that is satisfied as a dental hygienist. I also value the flexibility and level of independence that’s associated with this profession. It’s a personal reward and challenging career. After looking into various colleges, I have found that Herzing College has the programs I'm looking for and what I need to be successful at my goals.

I would like to develop the skills and knowledge to become a successful dental hygienist—everything from removing plaque to taking x rays; and graduate with an Associate’s degree in dental hygiene. Herzing offers just the right program I need to obtain these goals. With this experience, I can gain a career I'll love for the rest of my life. I would be eligible for employment in dental clinics and hospitals. I can also continue with my education in receiving a Bachelor’s degree and apply these skills and knowledge to other career activities such as teaching hygiene students.

I’ve been taught punctuality, respect, responsibility, and that if I am going to do something that it should be done correctly. These are valued qualities in an employee, but are also characteristics that society demands from a productive person in general. I am very passionate and want to excel in it. Therefore, I am willing to participate in whatever programs and activities, which are needed to complete my goals in this program. I am very committed to fulfilling my goals and as so, I will push myself in all ways to succeed and graduate so that I may fulfill my dream and to be a proud part of the dental industry.

[seazor]

Never start off with "My goal is". Start off with a story or an interesting tidbit.

[xiwang]

Ditto what seazor said. Try to insert something personal in there - why has oral health always been important to you? The admissions committee is probably gonna read hundreds and hundreds of these statements; find something that will make yours stand out: a funny line, an interesting quote, a short and sweet story. And I would definitely try to get your statement to as close to 300 words as possible. The word limit is there for the committee to see just how concise you can be while still getting your point across. 30 words over isn't bad, but pare it down as much as you can. Good luck =)

[invisionFLOW]

Well, to start
it's "I chose blahblah..." not "I choose blahblah..."
plus, I'm not quite sure what..."as so," is...try "thus"?

Also, try to make your sentences more compound and fluid so that it doesn't sound choppy.
Utilize the comma lol...

Lastly, there is a heck of a lot of redundancy...

Ultimately, you sound to be pretty passionate about what you want to be, but it isn't portrayed strongly and deeply...
you know...
it's lacking that "je ne sais quoi"...i think that's how you spell it. lol =_=

P.S. ditto the ditto of xiwang about seazor.

[aimi54]

No offense, but your essay sounds very common; try to make yourself stand out more because afterall, these admissions officers know nothing about you.

You should also try decreasing the amount of times you use"I" and like invisionFLOW said above, make your sentences more fluid. For example:

Herzing offers just the right program I need to obtain these goals. With this experience, I can gain a career I'll love for the rest of my life.

You could've easily combined those sentences like this:

"Herzing offers just the right program I need to obtain these goals and with this experience, I can gain a career I'll love for the rest of my life. "

In the end, don't stress so much on your paper. For now, let it breathe for a few days and then come back to it. You'll see errors that you didn't catch before. After you've done this, it's good to have 2-3 teachers/parents/etc. read over it to spot any errors.

[jinnyblue]

Are you sending this on an online application or by mail? If it's by mail I don't think they'll notice the extra 32 words, but if it's via online, I think it electronically cuts off at 300.

I don't know how selective this college is but I do think you can improve your chances of making an impression if you make it more personal (e.g. give a circumstance/experience that resulted in your desire to become a dental hygienist)

[xx_swit_c_xx]

It just sounds way too common and boring.......

Maybe ask someone older to help with making the sentences more sophisticated.

[4ever_sweet]

^I disagree. It doesn't need more sophisticated words.

Therefore, I am willing to participate in whatever programs and activities, which are needed to complete my goals in this program.

^This part sounds like you have no direction at all. Like others said, your essay is good, but too common. You should try to make it more "personal," or more expressive of yourself. The essay sounds like, "I want to do this and that, and plan to learn as much as I can to do those things." But as a reader, I don't see your motivation, or your determination to do such thing. You sound like you care a lot about serving people, but why do you care? It helps to add a little personal background. Hope my comments have helped?

btw, I think going over the max is very bad. Better shorten it.