[UglyIsBeautiful]

Nice guys finish last. I'm a firm believer in this. Nice, gentlemanly guys never get the girls they want. Why? Because nice guys are simply too.....nice. So nice that they're boring. And they have a tendency of placing their happiness in the hands of the girl they like. Because if other people have the power to make you happy, then they also have the power to make you unhappy.

Self-sufficiency is the key. The more time you spend in making others happy, the less time you have to cultivate yourself into an interesting person. Girls don't like boring, dull guys who are only concerned with how to make them happy. They like interesting guys with their own lives, goals and interests.

Despite saying all this, I have to admit that I am one of those "nice guys." When I fall for a girl, I act just like the stereotypical nice guy to her. IMO, when you like a girl, you can't really let her know how important she is to you, because if she knows that, she will think less of you because you are too "easy."

All of this would be easier if you had an interesting life to start with. Then if you end up liking a girl and can't get her, you won't care as much because you at least have an interesting life to fall back on.

So how do you make yourself more interesting? What kind of hobbies can you adopt that would keep you busy and occupied? Lets discuss.

[watcher]

- sports: tennis, golf and fishing are nice ones for when you get older
- volunteering at a non-profit: you can do a variety of duties and meet all sorts of interesting people
- reading books: i found reading books open your mind to try out the things you read about
- hobbies: photography**, writing, painting/drawing, fixing up cars, web development
- part time weekend/night jobs: also got lots of exposure working at a cafe over the weekends just for kicks, or doing some bartending work. you also meet all sorts of people. u get paid squat, but i think it's a whole new feeling when really work like it's not for the money. i'm guessing it might be what it feels like when you retire, but still wanna work, even if you get paid little.

** photography attracts a lot of attention, especially when you flash the canon white lenses. met quite a few girls, and some models because of it.. haha

[jshat4]

Interesting thread, UglyIsBeautiful, but I would like to comment on the "nice guys finish last" stereotype before I add my input on how a person becomes "interesting".

Guys always complain about this. But how does a girl being "nice" help her out either? The key is that everyone likes confidence...even if it's embedded in arrogance, people still get attracted to it because confidence is simply very sexy. I would write more about this if you had a topic for it haha.

But anyway, I think one of the most important things to be "interesting" is to have an opinion. It's not so much the specific hobbies/activities you do, but what you think about them. Don't just agree with what other people say in a discussion. You should be able to have a very specific view on certain things, and even if they're controversial, at least it shows that you have character and you're not just a deadweight who agrees with the "common view". Well, that's my personal view. I HATE having conversations with people who either go "Hmm hmm..." to everything I say or nod and then say "okay okay".

Well, I know I'm not a representation of the female general public you want to woo, but I don't care as much about how interesting his "life" is as much as how he thinks and what his ideas/views are. I've had people with the most interesting life stories talk to me...and I wasn't as interested in talking to them relative to other people who led fairly normal lives, but had a kicka.ss personality.

[sasuke-kun]

im like you... im a nice guy... was chasing a girl for 6 years and after alot of crap, its over... i gave up my "life" to her... i basically threw away everything to be with her... and now i regret it... i regret not being my own person... so im trying to live my own life before i meet a girl... the girl wont be the center of my life, it will just be another part, an important one, but not the center... one thing that is helping is money... before i didnt used to have money and was living like a poor college student... now that im working, i have money, and alot of it, which is giving me alot more freedom to do things and go places... except right now, i just dont have time until a month or so...

[MiddleMan]

Because if other people have the power to make you happy, then they also have the power to make you unhappy.

This is a good thread, but this line here..., I want to suggest something. Yes, people can make you happy. I agree with that.
There is a maxim that I tell myself sometimes, when I run into unpleasant people: It's not how others act, it's how I react.
To elaborate. If you are walking on a street and one person greets you pleasantly, you say hello back.
But, what happens when you're walking the street the next day, and someone yells at you. Do you get mad at him? or do you choose to ignore and keep walking and laugh it off? It's how you react that is important.

Even if that person is not a stranger, and is your lover. There can be a difference. You can choose to yell back and fight or resolve the problem civilly without raising your voice.

Will this make you even more of a nice person? Does this mean you get to be more boring?

[j00n]

Nice guys finish last. I'm a firm believer in this. Nice, gentlemanly guys never get the girls they want. Why? Because nice guys are simply too.....nice. So nice that they're boring. And they have a tendency of placing their happiness in the hands of the girl they like. Because if other people have the power to make you happy, then they also have the power to make you unhappy.

Self-sufficiency is the key. The more time you spend in making others happy, the less time you have to cultivate yourself into an interesting person. Girls don't like boring, dull guys who are only concerned with how to make them happy. They like interesting guys with their own lives, goals and interests.

Despite saying all this, I have to admit that I am one of those "nice guys." When I fall for a girl, I act just like the stereotypical nice guy to her. IMO, when you like a girl, you can't really let her know how important she is to you, because if she knows that, she will think less of you because you are too "easy."

All of this would be easier if you had an interesting life to start with. Then if you end up liking a girl and can't get her, you won't care as much because you at least have an interesting life to fall back on.

So how do you make yourself more interesting? What kind of hobbies can you adopt that would keep you busy and occupied? Lets discuss.

I disagree. Nice guys finish last because assholes stand out more. It sound crude but it goes back to basic evolution...for example, a chickens mating process. The male that stands out the most, has the fullest plume, richest color, crows the loudest get's the hen he wants. Similarly, the "bad guy", the one that makes the most noise, stands out the most, is the most aggressive, (and sometimes disrespectful) get's the girl. Sure, some "nice guys" are genuinely BORING, but i don't think that's always the case. I think when it comes to the Dating Game, women and men are more polarized than we want to think. Because gender roles and specifics have been ingrained into us since we were born, women like to feel like women - and sometimes the "bad guy" makes them feel like that, and the "nice guy" makes them feel like a friend, not a lover. Also a lot of the stereotypically "nice guys" are not aggressive enough. They think that if they stand in a crowd, somehow the right person will stumble upon them and the magic will start. It's not enough to be there, you have to make yourself seen enough for someone to care. If you're just a piece of junk floating in the river, no one's going to notice.

So my advice to the "nice guys" is to stay nice, but stand out. Start crowing as loud as the rest, and get noticed. Don't be so passive.

[heyitzthatfc]

Become confident, but not cocky. Show people who are you are and speak out for yourself if you want to become part of the center of attention.

Most of the time it's true that nice guys really do finish last, but that doesn't mean the first person is a cocky bastard. You can still keep all of your good qualities while become a more interesting person by doing those things. People like confidence!

[darkjizzle806]

I think that it is not about having interesting hobbies or portraying yourself in an interesting way. It's about having confidence and the fear of failure. A lot of "nice guys" tend to stay within their comfort zone because they are fearful in one way or another, and that correlates to having confidence. Also, being a nice guy doesn't mean not attempting to attain or go after what you want. REAL nice guys are respectable and respect others, specifically women regarding this topic, but also have confidence and an understanding that anything worth attaining requires work and effort. This is just a general feeling I have, so hopefully its insightful.

[clockwatcher]

Nice guys finish last. I'm a firm believer in this. Nice, gentlemanly guys never get the girls they want. Why? Because nice guys are simply too.....nice. So nice that they're boring. And they have a tendency of placing their happiness in the hands of the girl they like. Because if other people have the power to make you happy, then they also have the power to make you unhappy.

Self-sufficiency is the key. The more time you spend in making others happy, the less time you have to cultivate yourself into an interesting person. Girls don't like boring, dull guys who are only concerned with how to make them happy. They like interesting guys with their own lives, goals and interests.

Despite saying all this, I have to admit that I am one of those "nice guys." When I fall for a girl, I act just like the stereotypical nice guy to her. IMO, when you like a girl, you can't really let her know how important she is to you, because if she knows that, she will think less of you because you are too "easy."

All of this would be easier if you had an interesting life to start with. Then if you end up liking a girl and can't get her, you won't care as much because you at least have an interesting life to fall back on.

So how do you make yourself more interesting? What kind of hobbies can you adopt that would keep you busy and occupied? Lets discuss.

I love nice guys - I've never been attracted to jerks. Being nice doesn't mean you're boring. I once dated a nice guy who seemed to be interested in every single thing I did. And liked. Every single thing I said came with a "Me too" response. That was so not attractive. I dated him because he was quite attractive but lost interest because of his personality.

And please, just because a girl rejects you doesn't automatically mean you're a nice guy. I know it's easy to console oneself that their niceness is what's keeping them away from getting girls but be real. Most girls want a lovely guy who's sensitive to their needs - don't believe the hype about bad boys. Yes, they may want a guy with an edge but underneath it all, most women want a guy who'd treat them well.

Having said that, how does one become more interesting? Find a hobby. It's attractive to find a man who's got a passion. Music, writing, art, sports, history, cooking, traveling, carpentry, gardening, whatever. Yes, some of us are biased - if a guy's sole hobby is playing video games, I will be turned off but if he loves video games as well as something else (no, not comics), then it will be different. It's even better if this hobby/passion is something we can enjoy with him.

Read a lot - it's really fun to be with someone who's well read. Not someone who keeps trying to show off his 'intelligence' but one who can talk about almost anything.

Have a backbone. Being a nice guy doesn't mean you should always yield to a woman. No, we don't want control freaks but a guy who is of his own mind, and has his own opinions is great. Having fun with a guy is great but it's even better if he can open our minds to seeing things from a different and interesting perspective.

And please, be yourself. Don't try to become someone you think a girl will like. The 'fakeness' seeps out eventually.

[negitoro]

As one of those 'nice guys' for the longest time, I believed that whole 'nice guys finish last' thing. Now I know better. I know tons of guys who are nice and they still get great girls (some which they are married to now). The thing is that I notice 'nice guys' tend to do (me included) is we RELY on being nice, somewhere hoping that our niceness will cause the girl to swoon and fall for us. That's just ridiculous.

Thinking back to all the situations where I thought that I was a nice guy finishing last, I really realize that it was less about being nice and more about me actually not doing anything except acting like a lovestruck puppy. Running errands for a girl is not the same as courting her. Showing interest isn't a bad thing - in fact, I'm pretty sure that there's a ton of nice guys who would've gotten more girls if somewhere along the line they just manned up and said "I like you a lot and I want to take you out on a date." rather than sit there nodding when she tells him about her guy problems.

Back to the topic, being interesting is really about caring about something. Boring people are the ones who have no opinions at all or know nothing at all. This could be anything at all. You could be someone who love comics and video games or someone who's a fine pianist who does modern sculpture on the side... having a passion (even a lame one) that you care about is automatically more interesting than someone who just wanders through life.

In general, even if you have nothing to add, being interested is also interesting. Nothing to say in a conversation? Ask a question. A willingness to learn, explore new things, listen of other opinions and being open minded in general.

[ANJEE<3]

nice guys finish last because they never see the girl that is willing to give everything for them and pursue the one they can't get =P

nice girls are the ones that finish last.. give everything for a guy even though they know they're interested in someone else
yepp =P haha

[watcher]

nice guys finish last because they never see the girl that is willing to give everything for them and pursue the one they can't get =P

nice girls are the ones that finish last.. give everything for a guy even though they know they're interested in someone else
yepp =P haha

in other words, the nice guys don't want the nice girls? what an interesting twist to the storyline

[Tuffcore]

in other words, the nice guys don't want the nice girls? what an interesting twist to the storyline

It's nothing about nice guys or nice girls. It's simply that all humans feel enormous pressure when they are given the sole responsibility for someone else's happiness. Think about it, especially to all you self proclaimed "nice guys who finish last." What if a nice girl placed the sole responsibility of their happiness on you?

Imagine "babysitting" a 25-year-old girl who needs direction from you to be happy. Imagine having to be with them 24/7 because they either don't have a life or threw away their life to be with you. Imagine wanting to improve certain areas of your life but you're loved you soooo much, you can do no wrong. You're not encouraged to improve. You're not challenged to be the best you can be. You're not motivated to even be nice. In fact, you can treat the girl like garbage but the girl won't leave you because she doesn't have a spine to criticize you. She'll just go behind your back to her friends and complain about how nice girls finish last or come to message boards like Soompi to complain about their relationship problems.

She'll cling onto you for dear life and come crying back to you to say how she loves you so much and how she'll give her whole life to you. She'll tell you she can't live without you. She thinks that will make you feel touching but you can't help but to interpret that as, "I need you to babysit me!"

The common reaction to these nice guys and nice girls is "get the heck away from me! I've got my own problems to deal with, I don't need yours!" As a result, these nice guys and nice girls are dumped or don't even get a second date.

UglyIsBeautiful is onto something when he says, "Self-sufficiency is the key."

One other thing, "interesting" is often in the eye of the beholder but it's often as simple as having an opinion on any subject that either differs or concurs with someone else. Having many life experiences can help and there's nothing like experiencing things first hand. Don't just sit in front of the computer all day and read about how sky diving is cool. Go explore and expand your experiences in life so you can have more "interesting" things to say and do.

[Dr Facepalm]

ehh... since when did being too emotionally attached to girl - etcs turn into being a nice guy?

i just posted a article below about why "nice" guys finish last
http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?sho...0#entry10125706

being obsessed with a girl doesnt mean ur a nice guy - u cant always be like all over a girl when u like one its not that whole "girls only like azzholes"

well alot of girls i know they dont want guys that are "call every freakin minute" "act too serious early on" etc etc

u dont have to be a bubble gum to act more cool around a girl u like

its not too hard to just be a calm guy - well point being dont show how much u are obsessed with a girl no matter how u feel about her. - i dont think it usually ends well ever


or maybe im just stupid and dont know anything cuz im usually a very unassuming indifferent guy

[watcher]

It's nothing about nice guys or nice girls. It's simply that all humans feel enormous pressure when they are given the sole responsibility for someone else's happiness. Think about it, especially to all you self proclaimed "nice guys who finish last." What if a nice girl placed the sole responsibility of their happiness on you?

Imagine "babysitting" a 25-year-old girl who needs direction from you to be happy. Imagine having to be with them 24/7 because they either don't have a life or threw away their life to be with you. Imagine wanting to improve certain areas of your life but you're loved you soooo much, you can do no wrong. You're not encouraged to improve. You're not challenged to be the best you can be. You're not motivated to even be nice. In fact, you can treat the girl like garbage but the girl won't leave you because she doesn't have a spine to criticize you. She'll just go behind your back to her friends and complain about how nice girls finish last or come to message boards like Soompi to complain about their relationship problems.

She'll cling onto you for dear life and come crying back to you to say how she loves you so much and how she'll give her whole life to you. She'll tell you she can't live without you. She thinks that will make you feel touching but you can't help but to interpret that as, "I need you to babysit me!"

The common reaction to these nice guys and nice girls is "get the heck away from me! I've got my own problems to deal with, I don't need yours!" As a result, these nice guys and nice girls are dumped or don't even get a second date.

UglyIsBeautiful is onto something when he says, "Self-sufficiency is the key."

One other thing, "interesting" is often in the eye of the beholder but it's often as simple as having an opinion on any subject that either differs or concurs with someone else. Having many life experiences can help and there's nothing like experiencing things first hand. Don't just sit in front of the computer all day and read about how sky diving is cool. Go explore and expand your experiences in life so you can have more "interesting" things to say and do.

^ most people who fit the nice guy/girl mold usually move on just fine. they keep it all in, get walked over and they drift away with a small remorse that doesn't last too long. they'll give everything they got, but they don't really put that kind of burden on the person they like. why? because they're nice

[ginger]

You can be nice and interesting, first off.

Secondly, to make yourself interesting:

-read often--magazines, newspapers, classical literature, contemporary literature
-visit museums (art, history, etc)
-don't be afraid to meet new people, because they can often introduce you to a whole slew of new experiences
-watch films other than the latest Hollywood shoot-em-ups
-travel
-volunteer work

Basically, I find someone interesting who has done a wide range of things and can speak with authority and a true voice on world issues. I also like people that read because it shows they have an interest in history and a respect for great literature. People I DON'T find interesting are those that do the exact same lame thing every weekend, work a job that they hate, and hang out with people that they don't really admire or find amusing.

-ginger

[Trungy]

As superficial as it may seem, wear something silly and that can stand out, whether it is a pendant or if it is a shirt with a goofy (but not tacky or inappropriate) saying. I cannot walk down the street without my Hugs Not Drugs shirt being complemented, which has its good perks and its bad (today had its bad).

As to have something interesting to say.. just go out there and have experiences, good or bad. People are just as likely to be attracted to a bad experience story as they are to a good one. There is never anything interesting to say if there isn't anything going on in your life.

[KhoiO]

It seems to me that most people find being nice synonymous to being passive and being bad synonymous to being aggressive. I know it may seem that way to most, but the two personalities don't really correlate in any way.

Being nice is being understanding. Being nice means you respect the other person enough to open the door for them. To give them your umbrella to hold if it's raining. Or taking time out of your day, (or night) to listen to their problems. Now when I say it this way, does that sound like you're in any way a passive or boring person? i'm an aggressively nice person. I know what I want when I see it and I strive to achieve it. Whether it be mastering photography, playing the guitar, shooting a gun, or making a girl fall in love with me.

But I always treat a girl kindly. And with respect. And I listen to her.

Those a*holes that you call "bad boys" may have passion. They may have interesting lives. But when it all boils down to it, you're the much better man because you can respect your woman.

You can be nice. Just have passion for what you're doing. No matter if it's playing a guitar (Even if poorly) to taking nature pictures, show her that you have passion about it. Because if a girl can see that you've got passion in something you love, and you constantly strive to get better, she'll also see that you'll have passion for her.

But stay nice.

[sweetVisions]

I agree with KhoiO

I love nice guys. I never understood why girls would rather be with a jerk. Rebelling against parents and a drive for a "more interesting" life I guess. For me, no thanks.

Umm, I don't think I'm an interesting person. I think me being shy prevents me from being an "interesting" person (outside of my house).

[KhoiO]

Well you know the word "interesting" is very subjective to different people SweetVisions. What you may find interesting will not be true to someone else. Maybe some of the things you do is interesting, and it's not as mundane as you think!