[babiguhhangx504]

I am currently filling out my application for a short term exchange to Japan.
I would appreciate if anyone would read my letter and give me some ideas of what to put in and what i could fix to make my letter better.

Dear Host Family,

Hi my name is Hang Nguyen. I am currently fifteen years old girl. I am a 10th grader attending XXXXXXX. I was born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana USA. I am fluent in my Vietnamese and English. I am currently learning French and Japanese. My grandparent emigrated to USA from Vietnam after the war. I am the only child so most of the time I want a brother or sister to annoys me. I live with my mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather. My grandfather died in the year of 2001 but in my heart, he is still living right beside me.

Every year for my summer vacation, my family and I would take a trip to another states. During the year of 2008, I went to New Jersey, Alantic City to go see the Alantic Ocean! It was one of the best summer of my life. When I get back from New Jersey, I volunteer at Vietnamese Initiatives in Economic Training (VIET). It is a camp for little kids to go school in the summer. I volunteered there because I need service hour for school. I only needed 15 hours of community service but I end up doing at least 50 hours because I really like it there. I will volunteer to work there again soon when I have time.

Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans in the year of 2005. It was one of the biggest hurricane in history. My family evacuated to Houston, Texas. I spend a month or two in Houston. I attended school when I was over there and made a few friends. When the news say that we can go back to New Orleans, my family went back. New Orleans was flooded for a couple of months. When I came back to New Orleans, it was very smelly and dirty. There was no street light so at night it was very dark. We stayed in Westbank for at least 4 months. My dad fixed our house and we moved back in. I am glad that New Orleans is almost back to normal like how it was before hurricane.

I have many interest and hobbies. I enjoy swimming, and playing volleyball. I dances to music when no one is at home. I am kind of shy but I will open up once you talk to me. When I have a lot of free times, I would go out to the movies with my friends, reading, playing on the computer, going to the mall, and spending times with my mother and my father. On a regular school day, I wake up, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and then I go school. I go home and do my homework, then I go online for a little, and help my mother cook dinner. If I have an exam or test the next day, I would spend most of my time studying.

At school, i take seven classes. I love English, Math, and Science the most. I am in the lab assistant club in school because I am really interested in Science. I am going to join the track and field team because I want to learn how some people can run so fast. I am sometime very lazy but I know if I try, it will work out! I love volleyball a lot but I don’t want to join the team because I already know how to play it. I want to join a team where I can experience new things.

My best friends say that I am funny, nice, and helpful. I have a lot of friends but I only have three best friends, Nancy, Jeanna, and Amanda. They are the best friends I can ever asked for. If I need anything, all I have to do is call them and they will be right there by my side to help me. I met Jeanna when I was in 6th grade. I know it wasn’t that long when we met but it feel likes I know her since forever. We always keep each other secret. I remember when she stayed at my house for 2 weeks, It feel like she became my sister. I've always known AManda since 7th grade but i really don't talk to her until 8th grade. I’ve known Nancy since when I was in 7th grade. Jeanna, Nancy, and I went to the same high school for 9th grade but Nancy and Jeanna is going to another school for 10th grade. I will miss going to school with them.

I have always love traveling around the world. I went to Vietnam twice with my family. From that time on, I told myself that my lifelong goal will be to travel around the world to every country. I know that nothing is impossible. I am lucky to find the YFU program. I want to spend my summer in a foreign country. I hope during my stay that I gain a lot of experiences. This is a once in a lifetime experiences for me to go a foreign country all my myself. I want to gain experiences that I can never do if I don’t try. I want to meet new peoples and learn about new cultures. I am willing to spend my summer exploring new things. I know that it not going to be easy staying in a foreign country all alone but I am willing to do my best!

Thank you for reading my letter! I am looking forward to meet you this summer!

Sincerely,
Hang Nguyen

[dying1004]

is there a prompt? or is it just to write about yourself?

one thing i must say straightaway, is to have more sentence variety. your third paragraph was mainly simple sentences. so short; need varietyyy.

and the other thing i must say is.. use some transitions, dependent clauses, etc. there are sooo many sentences that starts with i, i, i.

[akenon]

Dear Host Family,

Hi my name is Hang Nguyen. I am currently a fifteen years old girl. I am a 10th grader attending XXXXXXX. I was born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, USA. I am fluent in my Vietnamese and English. I am currently learning French and Japanese. My grandparent emigrated to USA from Vietnam after the war. I am the only child, so most of the time I want a brother or sister to annoys me. (kinda a weird sentence :/) I live with my mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather. My grandfather died in the year of 2001, but in my heart, he is still living right beside me.

Every year for my summer vacation, my family and I would take a trip to another states. During the year of 2008, I went to New Jersey, Atlantic City to go see the Atlantic Ocean! It was one of the best summers of my life. When I get back from New Jersey, I volunteered at Vietnamese Initiatives in Economic Training (VIET). It is a camp for little kids to go school in the summer. I volunteered there because I needed service hours for school. I only needed 15 hours of community service, but I ended up doing at least 50 hours because I really like it there. I will volunteer to work there again soon when I have time.

Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans in the year of 2005. It was one of the biggest hurricanes in history. My family evacuated to Houston, Texas. I spent a month or two in Houston. I attended school when I was over there and made a few friends. When the news said that we could go back to New Orleans, my family went back. New Orleans was flooded for a couple of months. When I came back to New Orleans, it was very smelly and dirty. There were no street lights, so at night it was very dark. We stayed in Westbank for at least 4 months. My dad fixed our house and we moved back in. I am glad that New Orleans is almost back to normal like how it was before hurricane.

I have many interests and hobbies. I enjoy swimming, and playing volleyball. I dances to music when no one is at home. I am kind of shy, but I will open up once you talk to me. When I have a lot of free times, I would go out to the movies with my friends, reading, playing on the computer, going to the mall, and spending times with my mother and my father. On a regular school day, I wake up, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, and then I go to school. I go home and do my homework, then I go online for a little, and help my mother cook dinner. If I have an exam or test the next day, I would spend most of my time studying.

At school, I take seven classes. I love English, math, and science the most. I am in the lab assistant club in school because I am really interested in science. I am going to join the track and field team because I want to learn how some people can run so fast. I am sometime very lazy but I know if I try, it will work out! I love volleyball a lot, but I don’t want to join the team because I already know how to play it. I want to join a team where I can experience new things.

My best friends say that I am funny, nice, and helpful. I have a lot of friends, but I only have three best friends, Nancy, Jeanna, and Amanda. They are the best friends I could ever ask for. If I need anything, all I have to do is call them and they will be right there by my side to help me. I met Jeanna when I was in 6th grade. I know it wasn’t that long ago when we met, but it feel likes I have known her forever. We always keep each others' secrets. I remember when she stayed at my house for 2 weeks. It feel like she became my sister. I've always known Amanda since 7th grade but I really didn't talk to her until 8th grade. I’ve known Nancy since when I was in 7th grade. Jeanna, Nancy, and I went to the same high school for 9th grade, but Nancy and Jeanna are going to another school for 10th grade. I will miss going to school with them.

I have always loved traveling around the world. I went to Vietnam twice with my family. From that time on, I told myself that my lifelong goal will be to travel around the world to every country. I know that nothing is impossible. I am lucky to find the YFU program. I want to spend my summer in a foreign country. I hope that during my stay that I gain a lot of experiences. This is a once in a lifetime experiences for me to go a foreign country all my myself. I want to gain experiences that I can never do if I don’t try. I want to meet new peoples and learn about new cultures. I am willing to spend my summer exploring new things. I know that it not going to be easy staying in a foreign country all alone but I am willing to do my best!

Thank you for reading my letter! I am looking forward to meet you this summer!

Sincerely,
Hang Nguyen

I agree with dying1004 - more transitions, variety, etc. would really help your letter. I only corrected some grammar mistakes, but you could do better if you use a lot more variety.

[babiguhhangx504]

ahahahh no there isnt a prompt.
Yeah. I fixed it and add some dependent clause already. Thank You.
Any more ideas what i should add in?