[Jangoon]

Top Ten Signs Your Cat is Too Fat


Instead of "meow," says "moo"

Takes 3 days to lick himself

Always stuck in the cat door

Has nine lives and ten chins

He has had more heart attacks than Richard Cheney

Have to get special extra-large flea collars from "Big & Tall Feline"

Instead of yarn ball, plays with meatball - wow, that is one fat cat

Only thing he's curious about is when Domino's stops delivering

When he goes outside, people say, "Can I get your autograph, Mr. Gore?"

Next month, he's doing a full hour with Dr. Phil


Top Ten Things Overheard in Line to See the New Batman Movie


"Batman hasn't been the same since he traded the Batmobile for a Prius"

"Shouldn't you be working, Mr. President?"

"One adult and one bat, please"

"Hold my spot -- I have to go take a bat-leak"

"I've been here two weeks and this isn't the line for the new iPhone?"

"I spent all my money on gas, so I'll just stand here and look at the poster"

"He drives a fancy car and fights crime -- you know, just like a bat"

"Hey honey -- there's a guy skateboarding, no running, no skateboarding down Broadway"

"It's about time; I haven't seen a superhero movie since 'Iron Man,' 'The Incredible Hulk,' 'Hancock,' and 'Hellboy II'"

"I hear he saved 15% on Batmobile insurance by switching to Geico"


Top Ten Signs Barack Obama is Overconfident

Proposed bill to change Oklahoma to "Oklobama"

Offered Bush 20 bucks for the "Mission Accomplished" banner

Asked guy at Staples, "Which chair will work best in an oval-shaped office?"

The affair with Barbara Walters

Having head measured for Mount Rushmore

Guy sits around eating soup all day

He's voting for Nader

Offered McCain a job in gift shop at Obama Presidential Library

Announced his running mate will be Andy Richard

Been cruising for chicks with John Edwards



Top Ten Ways John McCain Can Appear More Youthful


Campaign in a batsuit

Instead of Lincoln, pepper speech with quotes from Broday Jenner

Get his Miracle Ear pierced

Stop yelling at reporters to get off his lawn

Play breakdancing vice principal in "High School Musical 3"

Take a page from Jason Giambi and grow a cool moustache

Wrestle a gator

Change name of "Straight Talk Express" to "J-Dawg's Booty Wagon"

Stop promising a Packard in every garage and a goose in every icebox

Never hurts to nail a few interns


Top Ten Questions Asked of Barack Obama on His Trip Overseas


"Which countries do you plan to invade based on faulty intelligence?"

"Seriously, why the hell do you want this job?"

"Are you looking for a great deal on a used camel?"

"If you want to visit a war zone, how about the Alex Rodriguez marriage?"

"So is Lindsay Lohan actually dating that chick?"

"Can you explain the 'feels like' number?"

"How many Obamas still living in Ireland?"

"If you're elected, will you be an entertaining dumb-ass like Bush?"

"Can you do anything about Andy Richard?"

"Do you know Batman?"


Top Ten NASA Excuses

Didn't think it was a big deal

We would like to visit these aliens but gas is so damn expensive

Too much Tang

Been sort of preoccupied with this giant asteroid that's headed toward Earth

We were waiting to reveal it on a very special episode of "The Tyra Banks Show"

Hey chillax, bro

No number 4 -- writer abducted by aliens

Too upset to talk after what happened to Pluto

Busy trying to confirm evidence of A-Rod/Madonna sex video

Our leader isn't as bright as their leader


Top Ten Signs You're Watching Too Much NCAA Basketball

At dinner party, you make guests tip off for every pork chop

You got a tattoo of Jim Nantz where a tattoo of Jim Nantz shouldn't be

You name your child "Gonzaga"

Just checked into rehab to kick $500-a-day nacho cheese addiction

Got a 35-second shot clock in your bedroom -- it's an oldie but a goodie, folks

Constantly asking, "What would Michigan State coach Tom Izzo do?"

Snack plus lack of activity equals sweet sixteen chins

You're so caught up in basketball, you don't even care that "The Hills" Audrina is about to go on her first date since breaking up with Justin Bobby

Kick everyone's ass in Scrabble by putting "Krzyzewski" on triple word score

You'll watch anything leathery and orange on CBS -- even Letterman

[RADcore]

I feel kinda dumb, Cause i seriously don't get it >.>

[poohbear101]

I feel kinda dumb, Cause i seriously don't get it >.>

dont wrry mee too i dont get it either

[halcyondays]

^im guessing u guys dont watch david letterman.

[unlucky_baka]

I like the Obama ones.

[xdeathberry]

Top Ten NASA Excuses

Too upset to talk after what happened to Pluto


LOL


Top Ten Signs You're Watching Too Much NCAA Basketball

Kick everyone's ass in Scrabble by putting "Krzyzewski" on triple word score

haha

I like these two.