To The Perv Who Groped Me On My Way Home

I found this on craigslist and i thought it was rather funny so i thought i'd share.

Me: caucasian, white yoga capris and tan tank top
you: Latino, 5'8, in your twenties, sports jersey, short hair, mole on your face.

You might have been following me for a while, Mr. Perv, I don't know - I was on the phone with my mother, venting about my roommate situation (we had to find a new one) and my job search (like, I need a job), when you snuck up behind me, and gently squeezed my ass. Not just the top of my ass, but kinda low, kinda close to my you-know-what, if you know what I mean.

You know, even my boyfriend needs permission to get that close, so having a perfect stranger attempt access so suddenly, so completely out of the blue, triggered my fight-or-flight response. And I *fight*. Did it hurt when I grabbed your collar and punched you in the head? I'm a little worried that I didn't get enough momentum in my swing to make you feel it, seeing as I'm kinda short (5'2"). But you must have felt bad when you took off running and I chased you down so easily - it's not that you're slow, dude, it's just that I run fast, as you might have suspected from the well-muscled form of my posterior, had you been viewing it with its athletic potential in mind.

It was all worth it when you realized you couldn't outrun me and so you stopped with your back to me in shame, and I kicked you in your hole. You might not remember, but I said: "Are you sorry? Are you sorry? Say you're sorry!", and you did. That was great. Then I said: "run on home, you bubble gum! Run home!" and you did that, too!

Ladies, these pervs are cowards who run in fear when confronted with any kind of resistance. They are weak and pathetic.

To the two guys who came out of their houses when they heard me yelling - thank you for being so aware and willing to help out-especially - Chris, was it? - who walked me home. It's great to know the people here care about the safety of others. Thanks so much.

My mom was really worried, because she heard me start swearing and then the phone went dead (I closed it so I could chase the motherjohn tesher down) and she thought I had been hit by a car. When I told her what happened, she told me not to be so agro, and pointed out that he could of had a knife or something. True. You're right, mom.

But you're unlucky if you're from this neighborhood, Mr. Perv. Cause I'm here ALL THE TIME (no job, remember?) and next time I'll MACE YOUR FACE.

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