[Jung Mi]

Errr, sorry if this sounds like such a weird/iffy topic, but I'm really wondering as of late...

How important is "sex" for a relationship? Especially if you're still a virgin?

It's been my personal choice for as long as I can remember to practice abstinence. It's not that I think it's "unholy" or whatever...it's just that it makes much more sense to me. It gives my body a sense of respect and self-control that only I can dictate. I'm saving myself for that one person I marry...and I can imagine a bunch of individuals telling me that it's silly because divorce can happen and in the end it's kind of pointless to wait. I'm not trying to change anyone's choices by any means, but it's simply my own opinion on the topic.

I'm just wondering about everyone else's view...

I've been having a continuous argument with my boyfriend recently and it's been about this. He was really dissapointed that I said "no" to him taking my virginity...And while he's not FORCING me, I can tell that he's visibly upset that he can't have this special bond with me. I told him that I don't think sex is even necessary for our relationship to grow because I can show my love for him in much more important, meaningful ways...Do you guys agree?

:] Thanks for listening. Tell me what you think, please!

[ladyfei]

Well if you think that way, and you're not sure he's the one who will take ur virg*n*ty away, then don't or u'll feel sorry later on. Just go with the flow.. I think.

But Its different if both sides agree and love each other.. im not sure about everyone else but
personal opinion.. when you do it without any force whatsoever and with you will feel a lot closer.

[hunny]

Hmm..
To me, sex is healthy in a relationship It's like bonus but really depends on both parties. It takes 2 hands to clap though. I felt special to my bf after we did it. It's just me, I don't know about him, or others.

[EtherealEnigma]

Very very important. Sure as a guy, we tell you how much we care about you and give you presents. Once we get into your dainties the presents stop all together.

[XlYesterdaYlX]

sex is important in a relationship, though it's not everything of course.

[xLionHeartx]

What's that? Oh that game that girls play to control guys? xD

[7thprincess]

Sex is important. Sex is very important in marriages, or any long commitments.

[kirstie_s]

hmm to me...sex is just sex.
the first time..i suppose it matters. and of course im not saying whoring around and sleeping with everyone is okay, but yea it honestly doesnt mean much to me.
to me theres two different types of sex. the actual bonding 'love making' [althouhg i hate putting it in that term cause its sounds weird to me] and just the physical part

and of course you shouldnt give into your bf just cause he wants to do it. if you dont feel like doing it then dont. and if it ever gets to point where its that or breaking up..then weell you should know how much he cares for you....unless hes like a sex addict or something. xD lmao

[Chanellas]

For some people,
love comes first..... then sex

for other people,
sex comes first....... then love

it doesn't matter, as long as you both are ready. this post is, by no means, to convince anyone to change their personal opinion.

I'm not virgin, though I USED to have that similar mindset. Until my parents said, "No decent man would love unless you're a virgin!" Uh, okay. How incredibly shallow. But proving them wrong wasn't THE reason I chose to do it.

After much consideration, having sex for the first time isn't any different than your 19304823th. The only difference is that it's your first.


V I was never pressured. I made the decision on my own. Just because I did it doesn't meant I've done it with lots of people. Those are some pretty silly assumptions. =|

[passionfruittwst]

I totally understand you, girl.

I'm also practicing abstinence. I believe that sex is a very special thing that can only be shared between you and the one your meant for. I find it kinda hard sometimes to stay abstinent (peer pressure and all) and not only that, but the media these days has all the young generation acting upon sex like its a basic thing in a relationship.

But why do it with lots of people when you can have this physical-bond between just you and your other significant half.
It only makes it that much more special.

[`123]

if you dont wanna give it away yet, then go ahead and wait. nobody in this world is able to take anything away from you.

i told myself that i will never have sex with my boyfriend until marriage .... but these things cannot be controlled. you just go on and have sex with the person you love when the time is right.

let time do its thing and just go with the flow.

[小甜密]

Stand up for your virginity. Nobody (especially your boyfriend) should be disappointed because of that.
Your BF is just horny, that's all. If he can't wait, screw himmmmmmm.

As for me, without sex, relationships will be like eating plain white rice with no yummy side dishes. It spices up the relationship, you know? But it's not everything to the relationship.

[xLionHeartx]

nobody in this world is able to take anything away from you.

Well that's not true.. but what everyone the gist of what everyone is saying is right. If you firmly believe in it then it is ultimately up to you, for some people it'll just happen and some people will resist it. Do what you think is right, you sound like you have a solid head on your shoulders. I think you'd make a good decision, whatever it may be.

[michilatte]

It has different meanings to different people.
Personally, for me, sex is something to create a deeper level of intimacy in a relationship, and it’s something that should be between two people love/care for each other a lot.
If it’s not, then sex is just a naked act for fun with potentially high risks. Kind of like playing around with fireworks

btw. this thread is going to get closed in about 5. . . 4. . . 3. . .

[aurora_stone]

I think sex is a perfectly natural act. I think many people who want to save for themselves for marriage are just uncomfortable with their own bodies and possibly their sexuality. If it's a religious reason, I understand, but unless it's that...

I also think it's too idealistic sometimes to wait for marriage to lose it to that "special person". Sometimes, people don't have that sexual compatibility and to realize that after you're married, it could lead to to a bad marriage and possibly a divorce.

And I think once you do it, you'll realize why you didn't start having sex earlier.

[rachilde]

As far as I see it: a person's attitude toward sex is a lot like a person's attitude toward driving a car.

When people first get to the age of having to get a learner's permit and later a driver's license, they're usually petrified, "what if I run someone over? what if I die? what if I get in trouble with the law? what if I damage the car? etc." Driving appears to be a huge deal before you actually experience it and, after experiencing it, one realizes that driving doesn't have to be the big deal that everyone says it is. Can driving result in death, hospital visits, or handicaps? Yes. Can you get in trouble for driving irresponsibly? Yes. But there are ways to drive responsibly and there are certain rules to the road that are learned to smooth out one's driving experience. After a while, driving becomes natural and maybe even essential. It becomes 'no big deal,' and you laugh at how you ever thought it was so terrifying.

This is similar to the general attitude people have toward sex. At first it seems intimidating and life-threatening--babies, STDs, appearing like you are a 'slut' or 'rainbow'--but, once you decide you are ready to experience sex, you realize that society has a vastly over-exaggerated attitude toward it. Society's attitude is generally 'the more sex you have, the less disciplined you are and the more likely you will fail in society.' But I haven't observed this as true; if anything, I've found it to be a social construct that demonizes sex.

Having or not having sex, I find, has very little to do with one's character. I have known one girl who has casual sex and is a social worker who helps children overcome the abuse incurred upon them by their foster or biological parents. She's generous and kind and she's the type of person who'd pay for your dinner and rent if you were tight on money. You can't, in any way, say that her decision to have sex outside of monogamous relationships has any bearing on the fact that she is a wonderful, intelligent woman who serves her community. She is responsible about sex and she is in no way inappropriate about it in her work environment. I have a high school friend who has sex with lots of different partners, but he has a 4.0 GPA at an Ivy League school and is working his way up investment banking firms. He's also a really nice person who has never failed to be there for his friends. In all truth, I can't see much relationship between having sex--and lots of it--and being an indecent or undisciplined person (after all, maintaining a 4.0 GPA is hard and it requires discipline).

Of course, having lots of sex is not for everyone. Many people maintain the belief that virginity is valuable or sacred--and that's perfectly all right as well. I don't agree that virginitymust be treated as a sacred trait--it can, and that's your personal decision--but there's nothing wrong with a girl who doesn't want to view virginity as such. The value of virginity originates from the fact that a man would not be able to tell if his son was truly his son, if his wife had not been a virgin before he had married her. This notion was very important back in the day because only your son would get the property--you don't want to pass your property down to a stranger's son. Fidelity and virginity were and are very much prized in cultures that are patrilineal. For example, in the Sudan (I think, correct me if I'm wrong), a woman would have her vagina sewn shut so she would not have had sex until her wedding night--when her new husband would use a knife to cut her open for sex. In the middle ages, rape was only a crime because it usually deprived a woman of her virginity--thus it would become almost impossible for the woman's father to marry her out--as a result, rape was considered a form of theft. There are some religious connotations associations with virginity as well, so if you're religious then I can definitely see why virginity would be important to you.

As you see, virginity doesn't have to be universally important or sacred in this modern day and age. But there's nothing against women who want to save it for marriage. I personally don't believe that losing one's virginity means you actually give a part of yourself to someone else. I believe a girl simply stops being a virgin--but that doesn't mean she loses a part of herself. That's all. Having sex will always be a personal choice that should be made alone so I do not, in any way, support people who pressure others into losing one's virginity.

[kimmyb07]

I'm not sure if I was ever very serious about waiting until marriage but I knew I was waiting a while, until the right guy came along. To me, that's what's most important. That I love him, and feel safe with him, and it's my decision. I don't need the promise of it forever only being him but at the time I should be hoping that it'll only be him from then on. Honestly, when I chose to have sex I was expecting to feel impure and less innocent and even like I did something wrong. I was surprised when I felt none of that. I felt just like I did the day before. Just as naive and just as innocent. The only difference was that I had chosen a man that I was not only willing, but wanted to share a part of me that no one else knows.

And although I word it like that, it's wasn't some huge lifechanging thing. It didn't change our relationship in the least. I think that's how I know it was right and it was special. If it was a big deal, then that proves I wasn't ready. And if it did change our relationship or make us awkward around each other, that backs that up even more. It was special because it seemed like the obvious thing to do and we both chose it without trying to force or talk the other into it.

Sex does not make the relationship. If you aren't sure now, don't do it. It's very important in a relationship, but it shouldn't be what makes the relationship. Sex just feels natural in a healthy relationship

Whatever you decide, he should really respect your decision. Don't give in because he's making you feel bad or because of the pressure. When it's right, you'll know

[JJ no Baka]

It has different meanings to different people.
Personally, for me, sex is something to create a deeper level of intimacy in a relationship, and it’s something that should be between two people love/care for each other a lot.
If it’s not, then sex is just a naked act for fun with potentially high risks. Kind of like playing around with fireworks

btw. this thread is going to get closed in about 5. . . 4. . . 3. . .

^ agreed.

i do agree with the topic starter. i agree with you that you dont need sex to prove you love him or to prove anything. and he should be more respectful of your choices. as long as he doesnt force you, everything is okay. if he really does love you, he wont be upset about it. he would respect your decision and be happy about it. not being disappointed, etc. its YOUR choice. not his. sex needs both partners to be ready for it. if one is not, then the other s/o should respect that decision.

[Villian]

its important i suppose

even tho im a virgin and want it =[

but all you girls shouldnt do it !!!!!!

dont take advices from non virgin girls, they are not worth it.

[rachilde]

dont take advices from non virgin girls, they are not worth it.

That statement doesn't make sense. You are assuming girls who aren't virgins would encourage virgins to have promiscuous sex. There are girls who aren't virgins who only have sex with one person their entire adolescence and adulthood--meaning they're not at all promiscuous--so it appears ridiculous to assume that all girls who are not virgins are promiscuous and thus promote promiscuous sex in girls who are virgins. Furthermore, it should appear ridiculous that sexual advice should be taken from someone who's never had sex before. Do you think virgins write sex columns? Do you think a girl's middle-aged female doctor is likely to be a virgin? Do you even think half of the married women who promote abstinence until marriage are virgins? The answer is plainly 'no.' The people a girl relies on to provide support and accurate information on sex are frequently not virgins so I think your statement is not only rude to women who have decided to have sex, but unfounded. People who have had sex are just as capable of encouraging women who have not had sex to remain virgins.