[chereng]

i've been friends with this person for a long time now. and finding out that she has a boyfriend who she barely knows scares me and my other friends.
even i don't even know who this guy is. all i know is, hes a bit older [6 yrs apart], and that they both work at the same place.
i'm really worried for her, because this is her first actual relationship....and i want to make sure that shes not gonna get hurt to quickly
[i know i can't protect her, but i'm just worried]


this is how it all went down....

shes been working at this place for 3 or 4 months now. so basically thats how long she'd known him for.
after a couple of weeks APPARENTLY he had a bit of a "crush" on her which progressively turned into "LOVE" fast
from reading his blogs on facebook, showed how emotional he is.
He basically wrote that he's madly in love with her, and its hurting him because she was showing him no interest.

See....she didn't like him at all in that way. she only saw him as a friend.
she got even weirded out when she received a phone call from him asking to be his "GIRLFRIEND"
...she turned him down, and after that his blogs became emo, writing stuff like
"i know when i see my ripped up heart in your hands..."
those weren't the exact words...but its quite similar.
he never gave up on her..he kept pursuing her...

NOTE: just last week his blog was about that
and just yesterday..........

she finally accepted him...
im assuming she did that because it is kinda flattering when someone shows you how much they love you
i'm assuming she loves the feeling of BEING LOVED [like who doesn't]

at first i was okay, because i assumed they were gonna take it slow and just go out on dates, or start seeing. so that they could have a chance to REALLY get to know each other,

but she just told me, that hes her boyfriend now [on monday].

i was so shocked and asked "when did you guys start seeing"
and her response was "friday"...[and yesterday was monday]

then she says that SHE WAS LECTURED..by someone who i don't know...saying that
"seeing someone is the same hing as being boyfriend and girlfriend"

im really worried for her, because shes a very vulnerable person, who you can be easily manipulated or persuaded...

dont you guys think shes going too fast???
what do you guys think the difference is with seeing someone and being boyfriend and girlfriend
because to me, seeing someone, is the first stage of getting to know that person & also still has the chance to see other people. and being boyfriend and girlfriend passes that first stage already, and your basically tied down together [not marriage wise but you get my drift].


QUICK EDIT: Oh no i'm not telling her what to do. i can't really express myself, thats why i'm writing in here hahaha.
all i could tell her is that i'm happy for her and that she shoudl becareful. my other friend told her that shes happy as well just don't rush to anything too fast. and she said that she does feel like that they are moving too fast but...its "too late" <-- which i think is never too late to slow down.
the major reason why were worried is because during this oast month shes been saying all this stuff how "hes scarrying her, how hes being a creeper, and how shes not gonna go for him" so i told her during that time, if you don't want to be with him then don't force yourself...

and to be quite honest..on friday i received the text from her on midnight radomly,saying that she can't go for him...but hours later i find out that theyre together...

i know its so confusing...EVEN i'm confused, but i can't say anything to her but to be careful, and just be happy. even though inside im like really really worried =S

[msPAHUA]

I understand your concern for you friend, but honestly if she believes that she's ready to take this step than let her. Just give her advice.

However, I admit that this does sound kind of crazy. Talk to her about it, and if she insisted to continue - just let it be. She'll have to find it out the hard way.

Thats just how life is.

[miika]

Whaaaaaaat?
UMM i think dating and seeing each other is the same thing.
I've never gone on actual "dates".. And most of my friends don't either.
Imo dates are for people that have JUST met, and don't know each other at all.
They have known each other for 3-4 months, thats not short =/
Maybe you're thinking a relationship's a big fancy commitment or something.
Personally from my experience, (and from my friends' relationships)
they aren't serious at all, espcially if you guys are in high school.
But the part where you say he's emo and stuff, thts the first sign of being clingy.
Get her out, lol! this guy's a creeper.
Or maybe...
Let her have some experience from this and maybe next time she'll learn to not like a guy cause he flatters her.

[ATRANN]

IMO, i really don't think that there's a time limit to when you should or shouldn't officially date someone.
I've only been with one person so far, and i always thought that i needed at least a few months to get to know the guy before persuing anything,
but turns out i only knew him for almost two months and we started dating.
It really is up to the two to figure out when the time is right.
Knowing someone for 3/4 months is a decent enough time, i think.
Although, he does sound really clingy and easily attached to her.
I think you should just tell her to take things slow with him; really get to know him well before taking big steps in their relationship.
But, you should respect her decision if she's really head strong about it.

[linny]

Honestly, I think you're projecting your own expectations of what relationships should be on your friend. She is not you, so you should not freak out on her behalf just because her idea of a relationship is not the same as yours. Maybe for her, a relationship isn't "being tied down", but a way to focus in on one person she's really interested in.

Your friend has worked with this guy for three months; that's plenty of time to get to know someone. I knew my current SO for about three months in a work setting before we decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend. We almost never "saw" each other prior to getting together; most of the time we spent together was working on a theater production. And honestly, for our relationship, I was annoyed that it took three months to get to the relationship point. For us, three months was too slow.

She obviously knows this guy better than you do, and if she genuinely is interested in him, there's nothing wrong with starting a relationship. Relationships do not have to be about this deep, meaningful commitment in the beginning, even if that's the eventual goal. If she decides she doesn't like him, she can just as easily break up with him and move on. It doesn't matter if you feel she's moving too fast - you don't dictate the pace of the relationship. If she feels the relationship is moving too fast, then it's moving too fast. If she feels it's moving at the right pace or too slow, then the relationship is moving at the right pace or too slow. Point is, it's about her, not you.

As a friend, you should be there for her when she needs you. Be someone she can talk to about her relationship. Give her advice when she needs it. But as far as making judgments about her relationship when she just started it - it's not your place. So be a good friend, and be with her through this whole first relationship. First relationships are important, and it helps to have a non-judgmental friend to be there when you need them.

[chereng]

yeah im supporting her. it just totally throws me off gaurd, when at first she tells me that she has no interest what so ever making him sound like a creeper. and when she told me those things, of course i supported her telling her, that she shouldn't force herself to be with that person. and then i find out they're together, totally shocks me, how her feelings change in a short amount of time like literally hours. but then again maybe she started to fall for this guy after awhile and was going through a denial phase thing??? i don't know...as long as shes happy