So...I'm 20 and I've never been asked out, and I don't think anyone has ever been interested in me as more than just a friend before. Maybe I'm horribly unfit to be a bf or horrendously ugly and I don't know it, or something else about me? Or maybe I'm too nice (I never hurt/swear at girls)? Whatever the case, it seems that I'm too much of a 'friend material' and no one ever seems to look at me beyond that point...lol
I Don't Think Anyone Has Ever Been Interested In Me...? Anyone else have this problem?
#2
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 07:39 AM
Probably like me, everyone just sees you more of a friend than something more. *shrug* I haven't found a solution.
#3
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 07:44 AM
nobody is perfect, but if your ugly hopefully your smart at least
being ugly is already bad enough, but lacking of confident will surely make you a virgin for the next 20yr
being ugly is already bad enough, but lacking of confident will surely make you a virgin for the next 20yr
good ol times :) http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?sho...p;#entry7004565
#6
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 07:52 AM
QUOTE (Jaejoongx3 @ Sep 21 2008, 03:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe the time haven't come yet. Chill girl!
Your guy will come soon ;D. No one is ugly in this world ^^.
-Jaejoongx3
Your guy will come soon ;D. No one is ugly in this world ^^.
-Jaejoongx3
its a guy LOL!!!!!!
and yes there is plenty of ugly out there
ugly people is what make good looking people get notice duh!
good ol times :) http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?sho...p;#entry7004565
#7
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 07:54 AM
Do you know many girls well enough for them to be interested in you? If you're not a standout physically and don't have one of those personalities that just draw people in then you probably won't attract a lot of interest from the opposite sex without getting to know some girls better so your personality will get a chance to come through. It could be that you only know a very small number of girls and none of that small number are interested beyond friendship, but that doesn't necessarily mean that nobody ever would be. It could also be that you don't come off as interested (and by that I don't mean gay, but just indifferent). For years I was told that I gave off the vibe that I "didn't seem very interested in guys," so people assumed I wouldn't be interested in dating anyone. Or maybe you seem boring, even if you really aren't. Maybe you seem like all study and no play. Maybe you're always with a group of friends who turn women off, and therefore by association women aren't interested in you, either. Or it could be more like my situation: nobody ever seems interested...until it comes out three years after the interest has faded that someone was but was too shy or embarrassed about liking me. Could be you've just let yourself fall into comfortable friendships that no girl wants to change. Could be you come off as intimidating, like maybe you seem too intellectual or arrogant even if it's not really true.
Unfortunately, you're in comp sci, aren't you? Not a great help for meeting new girls. Yeah...sorry, this post isn't very helpful, I think, but this is one of those situations where there are too many possibilities that can only be ruled out by actually knowing someone offline and seeing what might or might not be a reason. Maybe a female friend can help you see what might be keeping you in the friend zone.
Unfortunately, you're in comp sci, aren't you? Not a great help for meeting new girls. Yeah...sorry, this post isn't very helpful, I think, but this is one of those situations where there are too many possibilities that can only be ruled out by actually knowing someone offline and seeing what might or might not be a reason. Maybe a female friend can help you see what might be keeping you in the friend zone.
Hey, look! Finally a different signature after all these years!
#9
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 08:09 AM
QUOTE (Gofishus @ Sep 21 2008, 03:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
^ thanks...but I can't really help that I have a boring personality? haha I've always been very quiet, shy and soft-spoken...=x
well its time to change my friend.
good ol times :) http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?sho...p;#entry7004565
#10
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 08:18 AM
QUOTE (Gofishus @ Sep 20 2008, 12:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
^ thanks...but I can't really help that I have a boring personality? haha I've always been very quiet, shy and soft-spoken...=x
If you're like that then it doesn't mean you're doomed. You have strong opinions and actually have plenty to say from what I've seen on Soompi. But being shy and quiet in person means you're not likely to get a girl's interest unless you can get to know her well enough that she knows that about you. Some girls really like quiet, thoughtful guys, but those kinds of guys are typically difficult to get to know. It could be that instead of coming off as someone who has lots going on upstairs but is too shy to put himself out there, you seem like you just don't have anything to say?
Actually, you can improve at almost anything with practice. There was a whole period in my life when I was pretty shy and put myself on the periphery. Eventually, I got fed up and started working to put myself out there by taking little baby steps towards my goal, like prodding myself to talk to the nice girl next to me, smile more so I seemed more approachable, ignore that little voice that told me 'you could say something stupid' and just say things because it didn't have to be a brilliant observation to be worth saying...Now, not only do I seem friendly and confident, I actually am most of the time, even though I will never be wild or a socialite or a party animal (nor do I want to be).
You can't have a 100% makeover from painfully shy and quiet to naturally outgoing and the life of the party, but it is totally possible to work on interacting with people more and learning that it can be more enjoyable to risk putting yourself out there a bit than to stay quiet even when you have an opinion. You don't have to be loud. You don't have to become Mr. Magnet. (<--
Doesn't that sound like a children's toy?) But life is, frankly, more enjoyable for me after years of consciously teaching myself to be a better socializer to the point where it actually became mostly automatic. It's probably harder when you're already 20, though, because I started making a conscious effort to be less shy and quiet near the end of middle school. You may very well still be able to find a great woman without changing your personality and habits, but you may be better off accepting that your best chance is to put a little bit of work into modifying certain habits that make you less likely to find a girlfriend. You don't have to be a different person, just tweak your personality weaknesses a bit.EDIT: OK OK, let me try explaining what I mean in terms very familiar to university students. Let's say you're a lazy studier who naturally procrastinates to the point that an invisible audience would be on the edge of their seats trying to see if you'll finish your program/problem set/essay/lab report in time to turn it in completed. Your problem is that you can't concentrate on anything worth a damn even if you actually want to. You envy the people who actually enjoy studying naturally and have those awesome powers of concentration, but you know you can never be like that. Still, you want to do something to improve your studying habits and at least procrastinate less or concentrate a bit better. One way to do this is to train yourself to take small steps, e.g.: turning off your computer and hiding it from yourself when you don't need it to study, keeping a water bottle and snacks handy so you can't use getting snacks or drinks as an excuse to stop studying, and turning your phone off so you can't send or respond to text messages or calls from friends. None of these will change the fact that you dislike studying and don't concentrate as well as some people do, but that just means you have to make a bit of an effort to get the results you want. If you moan that "I can't do anything about it, I just can't concentrate!" you know people will be thinking "Bullsh.t! You can at least change some little thing."
In your actual case, you want to do that, but the thing you want to do is make it more likely that you'll get to know a potential girlfriend rather than more likely that you'll stay on task while studying. Does that make sense? This entire extended analogy probably wasn't necessary, but oh well, I'm procrastinating. (I didn't take my own advice and turn off my computer!)
Hey, look! Finally a different signature after all these years!
#11
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 08:42 AM
QUOTE (joogrlpekaun @ Sep 21 2008, 03:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you're like that then it doesn't mean you're doomed. You have strong opinions and actually have plenty to say from what I've seen on Soompi. But being shy and quiet in person means you're not likely to get a girl's interest unless you can get to know her well enough that she knows that about you. Some girls really like quiet, thoughtful guys, but those kinds of guys are typically difficult to get to know. It could be that instead of coming off as someone who has lots going on upstairs but is too shy to put himself out there, you seem like you just don't have anything to say?
Actually, you can improve at almost anything with practice. There was a whole period in my life when I was pretty shy and put myself on the periphery. Eventually, I got fed up and started working to put myself out there by taking little baby steps towards my goal, like prodding myself to talk to the nice girl next to me, smile more so I seemed more approachable, ignore that little voice that told me 'you could say something stupid' and just say things because it didn't have to be a brilliant observation to be worth saying...Now, not only do I seem friendly and confident, I actually am most of the time, even though I will never be wild or a socialite or a party animal (nor do I want to be).
You can't have a 100% makeover from painfully shy and quiet to naturally outgoing and the life of the party, but it is totally possible to work on interacting with people more and learning that it can be more enjoyable to risk putting yourself out there a bit than to stay quiet even when you have an opinion. You don't have to be loud. You don't have to become Mr. Magnet. (<-- Doesn't that sound like a children's toy?) But life is, frankly, more enjoyable for me after years of consciously teaching myself to be a better socializer to the point where it actually became mostly automatic. It's probably harder when you're already 20, though, because I started making a conscious effort to be less shy and quiet near the end of middle school. You may very well still be able to find a great woman without changing your personality and habits, but you may be better off accepting that your best chance is to put a little bit of work into modifying certain habits that make you less likely to find a girlfriend. You don't have to be a different person, just tweak your personality weaknesses a bit.
EDIT: OK OK, let me try explaining what I mean in terms very familiar to university students. Let's say you're a lazy studier who naturally procrastinates to the point that an invisible audience would be on the edge of their seats trying to see if you'll finish your program/problem set/essay/lab report in time to turn it in completed. Your problem is that you can't concentrate on anything worth a damn even if you actually want to. You envy the people who actually enjoy studying naturally and have those awesome powers of concentration, but you know you can never be like that. Still, you want to do something to improve your studying habits and at least procrastinate less or concentrate a bit better. One way to do this is to train yourself to take small steps, e.g.: turning off your computer and hiding it from yourself when you don't need it to study, keeping a water bottle and snacks handy so you can't use getting snacks or drinks as an excuse to stop studying, and turning your phone off so you can't send or respond to text messages or calls from friends. None of these will change the fact that you dislike studying and don't concentrate as well as some people do, but that just means you have to make a bit of an effort to get the results you want. If you moan that "I can't do anything about it, I just can't concentrate!" you know people will be thinking "Bullsh.t! You can at least change some little thing."
In your actual case, you want to do that, but the thing you want to do is make it more likely that you'll get to know a potential girlfriend rather than more likely that you'll stay on task while studying. Does that make sense? This entire extended analogy probably wasn't necessary, but oh well, I'm procrastinating. (I didn't take my own advice and turn off my computer!)
Actually, you can improve at almost anything with practice. There was a whole period in my life when I was pretty shy and put myself on the periphery. Eventually, I got fed up and started working to put myself out there by taking little baby steps towards my goal, like prodding myself to talk to the nice girl next to me, smile more so I seemed more approachable, ignore that little voice that told me 'you could say something stupid' and just say things because it didn't have to be a brilliant observation to be worth saying...Now, not only do I seem friendly and confident, I actually am most of the time, even though I will never be wild or a socialite or a party animal (nor do I want to be).
You can't have a 100% makeover from painfully shy and quiet to naturally outgoing and the life of the party, but it is totally possible to work on interacting with people more and learning that it can be more enjoyable to risk putting yourself out there a bit than to stay quiet even when you have an opinion. You don't have to be loud. You don't have to become Mr. Magnet. (<--
Doesn't that sound like a children's toy?) But life is, frankly, more enjoyable for me after years of consciously teaching myself to be a better socializer to the point where it actually became mostly automatic. It's probably harder when you're already 20, though, because I started making a conscious effort to be less shy and quiet near the end of middle school. You may very well still be able to find a great woman without changing your personality and habits, but you may be better off accepting that your best chance is to put a little bit of work into modifying certain habits that make you less likely to find a girlfriend. You don't have to be a different person, just tweak your personality weaknesses a bit.EDIT: OK OK, let me try explaining what I mean in terms very familiar to university students. Let's say you're a lazy studier who naturally procrastinates to the point that an invisible audience would be on the edge of their seats trying to see if you'll finish your program/problem set/essay/lab report in time to turn it in completed. Your problem is that you can't concentrate on anything worth a damn even if you actually want to. You envy the people who actually enjoy studying naturally and have those awesome powers of concentration, but you know you can never be like that. Still, you want to do something to improve your studying habits and at least procrastinate less or concentrate a bit better. One way to do this is to train yourself to take small steps, e.g.: turning off your computer and hiding it from yourself when you don't need it to study, keeping a water bottle and snacks handy so you can't use getting snacks or drinks as an excuse to stop studying, and turning your phone off so you can't send or respond to text messages or calls from friends. None of these will change the fact that you dislike studying and don't concentrate as well as some people do, but that just means you have to make a bit of an effort to get the results you want. If you moan that "I can't do anything about it, I just can't concentrate!" you know people will be thinking "Bullsh.t! You can at least change some little thing."
In your actual case, you want to do that, but the thing you want to do is make it more likely that you'll get to know a potential girlfriend rather than more likely that you'll stay on task while studying. Does that make sense? This entire extended analogy probably wasn't necessary, but oh well, I'm procrastinating. (I didn't take my own advice and turn off my computer!)
oh lord dont acknowledge her now
damn her post getin longer and longer each time @_@
good ol times :) http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?sho...p;#entry7004565
#12
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 08:44 AM
^ Fine I'll shut up.
Here's a nice short one for you.
Here's a nice short one for you.
Hey, look! Finally a different signature after all these years!
#13
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 08:52 AM
QUOTE (Villian @ Sep 20 2008, 09:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
its a guy LOL!!!!!!
and yes there is plenty of ugly out there
ugly people is what make good looking people get notice duh!
and yes there is plenty of ugly out there
ugly people is what make good looking people get notice duh!
so true, yet sounded so mean
anyway.
felt like that many times, makes me thing about my personality and if i should change it in any way.
But i really cant change myself... Plus i dont think i can commit to anything or anyone.
banner-exotsiax13
one more time
#14
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 08:59 AM
As soon as you said that I clicked on your 411 lol. If it was because you were ugly, I would've quietly closed out your window > > But you're actually really cute...but then you looked fob so I thought "maybe it's because he's fob? o.O" But you type perfectly fine so...I dunno the reason o.o; Sweet guys are sweet, who wouldn't date them? xD Maybe you're just not exposed enough?
EDIT:
Aha!! I caught your flaw!!
"I got pics too, I know I'm not that good lookin, but oh wells lol"
You said that in your 411, that's extremelyyyy annoying lol. I hate guys who know they're good looking but say that. Even if they don't think they're good looking, it means they lack confidence. That's a major turn off. You remind me of this guy I know...he's cute and kind...but he's never dated anyone because he always put up that pity act x.x You saying that made me feel like you'd be like him. Cuz it's kinda...emo-ish.
So yeah, have more confidence in yourself...don't be afraid to be a little conceited. It's fine if you have a right to be, which in this case you do!
EDIT:
Aha!! I caught your flaw!!
"I got pics too, I know I'm not that good lookin, but oh wells lol"
You said that in your 411, that's extremelyyyy annoying lol. I hate guys who know they're good looking but say that. Even if they don't think they're good looking, it means they lack confidence. That's a major turn off. You remind me of this guy I know...he's cute and kind...but he's never dated anyone because he always put up that pity act x.x You saying that made me feel like you'd be like him. Cuz it's kinda...emo-ish.
So yeah, have more confidence in yourself...don't be afraid to be a little conceited. It's fine if you have a right to be, which in this case you do!
Xanga/Weight Loss Journal
Height: 5'1" HW: 147 CW: 125 GW: 105 UGW: 90
Height: 5'1" HW: 147 CW: 125 GW: 105 UGW: 90
#15
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 09:08 AM
it's not necessary based on looks i mean i see "ugly" people with bfs or gfs...some even with really good-looking people! your not hopeless maybe you just need to change a few things eh?
I no longer give out my facebook but you can hit me up on my tumblr.
#16
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 01:06 PM
welll......................................
maybe there are people interested. you just dont know.
so so so yep.
if you think its your loooks, best change it then O_o
BUT.. ugly people got bf/gfs... you just havent met that person yet?
---- i clicked your 411
maybe fobby? O_O? maybe?
maybe there are people interested. you just dont know.
so so so yep.
if you think its your loooks, best change it then O_o
BUT.. ugly people got bf/gfs... you just havent met that person yet?
---- i clicked your 411
maybe fobby? O_O? maybe?
#17
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 01:12 PM
umm...i don't have this problem, but don't worry about it, you're only 20, you'll find somebody. =]
If u don't think tht'll work, try changing something about you, like the way you dress, etc. or join more like activities and stuff. Or go to places where u think ur ideal girl will b, like the library(lol). movies, mall, coffee shop or something.
haha, i'm younger than u, so i really don't know. =] just tryin 2 b helpfull. ^^ [sry if this doesn't work...0_o]
If u don't think tht'll work, try changing something about you, like the way you dress, etc. or join more like activities and stuff. Or go to places where u think ur ideal girl will b, like the library(lol). movies, mall, coffee shop or something.
haha, i'm younger than u, so i really don't know. =] just tryin 2 b helpfull. ^^ [sry if this doesn't work...0_o]
Super Junior. Big Bang. B2ST. SNSD. BoA. Hyori. 2PM. Shinhwa.
#18
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 01:31 PM
QUOTE (Jaejoongx3 @ Sep 20 2008, 10:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe the time haven't come yet. Chill girl!
Your guy will come soon ;D. No one is ugly in this world ^^.
-Jaejoongx3
Your guy will come soon ;D. No one is ugly in this world ^^.
-Jaejoongx3
lol. i think this is from a guys perspective.
u just gotta show some confinence in yourself
girls like that ;D
but not too much =/
not to the point where u come off as cocky
hope it helps
#19
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 01:54 PM
well, u say 'asked out'. and you should know, its a really rare chance for you to get a girl to ask you out. so maybe u should do the asking out =]
#20
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Posted 20 September 2008 - 02:34 PM
QUOTE (~koe*no*sainou~ @ Sep 20 2008, 10:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As soon as you said that I clicked on your 411 lol. If it was because you were ugly, I would've quietly closed out your window > > But you're actually really cute...but then you looked fob so I thought "maybe it's because he's fob? o.O" But you type perfectly fine so...I dunno the reason o.o; Sweet guys are sweet, who wouldn't date them? xD Maybe you're just not exposed enough?
EDIT:
Aha!! I caught your flaw!!
"I got pics too, I know I'm not that good lookin, but oh wells lol"
You said that in your 411, that's extremelyyyy annoying lol. I hate guys who know they're good looking but say that. Even if they don't think they're good looking, it means they lack confidence. That's a major turn off. You remind me of this guy I know...he's cute and kind...but he's never dated anyone because he always put up that pity act x.x You saying that made me feel like you'd be like him. Cuz it's kinda...emo-ish.
So yeah, have more confidence in yourself...don't be afraid to be a little conceited. It's fine if you have a right to be, which in this case you do!
EDIT:
Aha!! I caught your flaw!!
"I got pics too, I know I'm not that good lookin, but oh wells lol"
You said that in your 411, that's extremelyyyy annoying lol. I hate guys who know they're good looking but say that. Even if they don't think they're good looking, it means they lack confidence. That's a major turn off. You remind me of this guy I know...he's cute and kind...but he's never dated anyone because he always put up that pity act x.x You saying that made me feel like you'd be like him. Cuz it's kinda...emo-ish.
So yeah, have more confidence in yourself...don't be afraid to be a little conceited. It's fine if you have a right to be, which in this case you do!
thanks, its not really an act...I'm just self-concious. And I'm not really a fob, I'm more fluent in english than mandarin. Maybe its like joogrlpekaun said, I'm in a stage in my life where I just dont meet alot of people haha (esp girls since I'm in comp sci)
