"Beauty may be only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way down to the bone."
-Billy Connolly
-Billy Connolly
4 fun facts that may or may not boggle your mind:
- 30% of Chinese adults live with their parents.
- 200 million people in China live on less than $1 a day.
- China uses 45 billion chopsticks per year and 25 million trees are chopped down to make 'em.
- Gare Gare is Chinese
*Note to Soompiers: Below are not keys so don't try to press them. Thank you for you cooperation.
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Do not mistake 'selfless' with 'selfish' for the former would sell less fish not because he feels the need to outsell his competetion, but rather to expose mr.selfish revelling in his greed as he exclaims "moreeee shell fish!!!"
moral of the story: selflessness>
Holla if you hear me!
Love is easy to pronounce, linguistically its comprised of a single syllable and is structured with an equal number of vowels and consonants.
For love to be successful, a couple must find that harmonious balance even when the going gets tough.
A solid foundation leads to an equal balance like a toddler's teeter-totter teetering two taco time tater tots on each end, keeping the ride perfectly level.
If "monkey see monkey do"; its as if I'm lost at sea paddling aimlessly through blue, with nothing to do except sip on Ocean Spray.
Water covers approximately 70% of the Earth's surface for those absent minded weirdos out there.
A wise man once said, "there's plenty of fish in the sea" and who's to disagree.. but for the love of humanity, stop the torment because I can't even get a nibble to ripple the water like radio waves!
I may want to avoid a crystal ball because what I may see is a carbon copy of myself at 80 suffering from cataracts, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.
I shutter to think how my life could continue with virgin fingers and lonely hands, used not as a symbol to express affection, but to do menial tasks that involves "Sally 5 fingers."
I'm not so daft to assume I'm automatically entitled to a girlfriend; I wish I were, but this ain't Neverland, though fairy tales rule.
I desire to kiss and be kissed, love and be loved, hug and be hugged even though my family enables me with their fair share to satisfy my cravings, but its never enough.
Am I a loveaholic? maybe..
Make no mistake about it: Money can buy Manolo pumps, Balenciaga handbags and Tiffany jewelry, but by God, one thing it can't buy is true love!
Can I get an amen?
It was at a volunteer function where I had encountered an oxygen thief, who by some remarkable feat had simply took my breath away.
It's this sort of feeling one experiences on their first rollercoaster ride perched at the peak; only to commit vertical suicide plunging down while causing stomaches to churn, due to the harrowing force of gravity.
Her smile radiated through the air like ambient tunes at a rave event.
Dumbfounded, I wasn't sure if a car's radiator would be able to cool her down because she was hot like fire and I'd probably mistaken the coolant as kickin' kiwi-lime Kool-Aid.
There's nothing cornier than trying to seduce chicks whilst lending a helping hand for one's community.
I'm all for pushing the envelope but there's a fine line between risky and risqué, which I'm not willing to walk that high wire rope, only to go splat.
I had to bide my time like any ordinary Joe, with hopes that in due time everything would fall into place, just as patience paid off for Biden as he put forth his bid to become the vice presidential nominee.
We exchanged pleasantries with one another and from that moment; In my mind, I knew I was dealing with more than just a chingoo.
She stood timidly at about 5'0, despite an unexplainable disturbance in the force that caused me to lean back.
No matter, because I had a hunch she would be the perfect girl to give piggybacks for.
Love was definitely in the air even if it was a one sided affair on my part.
Being the spur of the moment type of guy is living life without regrets but don't ask me why I felt the need to "pop, lock & drop it".
It was a pity I hadn't put forth much effort into my appearance, as my hair looked like big ball of mess ala Phil Spector.
To make matters worse, was the clearly visible build up of wax encrusted in the deep crevices saturating the grooves inside my ears.
Nevertheless, I reckon if the cave people could get by without any of the toiletries used by modern society, then I shouldn't have that much to fret about.
I envy the Neandrathals because when it comes to "hooking up"; we all know that its "so easy, even a cave man could do it."
Babes simply abhore needy men and like bloodhounds they can sniff out desperation a mile away.
I am at a stage in my life where I've been rejected so many times that it doesn't even rattle me like a chink in the armor.
I have a brave heart and like freedom; I would make certain sacrifices in order to save a princess from the tyranny of her evil captors.
Hey, you never know..
I might just end up scoring a date.
I promise ya'll that I wasn't stalking her when she caught that bus back to what I presume was her home.
My bestie was supposed to pick me up, so instead, I texted him about the breaking news that just unfolded like up to date RSS feeds.
The bus is not a place I like to step foot on unless I'm tipsy, strapped for cash or as in this case, chasing pretty girls.
She stood first in line while I peeked at her gorgeous silhouette matching the iPod that glittered in her hands.
The articulate bus or as I like to call it, "the slingky cruiser" pulled up to the bus stop.
I dutifully ushered some senior citizens aboard being the polite guy that I am.
Once I boarded, I felt like a rock star that unwinds on tour buses while they travel to and from concerts.
Jovially, I asked the Translink bus operator to drive safely because my life was in his hands.
Casually, I wiped the crusties from my eyelashes; then proceeded down the aisle winking at all the cute girls.
Both seats beside her were occupied, so I scooped a seat adjacent brushing my Evisus before resting my tushy.
I toyed with the idea of letting a silent fart rip but thought better of it when pondering the risk-reward ratio.
When she recognized me, I acted indifferent, subtly communicating to her through my alpha gestures that I was the prize and not her.
The nosy dudes that had nothing better to do than to eavesdrop on us, probably thought I was a certified pimp with a degree in mackonomics.
Quite frankly, it was none of their business what was going on between her and I!
Being the smooth talking hombre that I am, I knew it was only a matter of time before I'd leave a lasting impression in her memory.
Things went accordingly as we chit chatted about everything under the sun.
This wasn't football, even though I had her in the palm of my hand, ready to initiate the two point conversion for the win.
I'm not one to play head games so without hesitation, I asked her straight up if she'd allow me to treat her to a complimentary boba on the house.
I was elated when she accepted my offer and we chilled at the bubble tea cafe where I currently work.
It's funny because a couple of my female coworkers were eyeballing me curiously.
Acting like I owned the joint was probably the reason why I had an extra pep in my step when concocting Gary's specially blended green tea boba, with hella pearls.
I was cognizant not to overstep my boundaries when it came to escalating 'kino' as its known in the seduction community.
The interaction between her and I was intense because I played footsies, palm read her hand, patted her head and tickled her arms.
This had a John and Yoko vibe written all over it!
I felt on top of the world, believing all good things comes to those who wait.
Apparently, that was not the case.
After finishing our bobas, I was tragicaly blind sighted by news no single man on the cusp of wooing a girl ever wants to hear.
With one fell swoop, I went from triumph to chump, feeling constipated and unable to take a dump.
Fearing the worst, I knew even before the words left her mouth what was about to be said.
Like Cinderella's evil step sisters, my coworkers were hovering around the counter hoping to pick up the scoop, but this wasn't TMZ, this was my life.
Maybe she was a master manipulator but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
No man should ever have to suffer the pain of being LJBF'd (lets just be friends).
I gritted my teeth trying to rationalize the situation but revenge is not my cup of tea.
I felt bamboozled for that split second, wrestling in my mind as to whether or not I should ask for a reimbursement for the boba I treated her to.
My coworkers were giggling like a bunch of giddy school girls, while I stuck out my tongue back at them and yelled 'Bakaaaaaaa'!!!!!.
I excused myself and told her I had a yoga lesson and then unceremoniously bid adieu while on the verge of shedding tears.
Did she string me along?
Do I have a right to be upset? 
Maybe I rushed things? 
- G@ry
