[UglyIsBeautiful]

I mean things that ordinary people do in their leisure time. For example, some people do gardening or home decorating or cooking or home improvement. The list goes on. But the people who do these things, seems like they're all married with families.

Is there a point to doing anything if you're single? I mean even the simplest things.

I've been in a rut lately because it seems like everyone around me is in a relationship. Old friends who I thought we would be friends with forever, they're too caught up in their married life to even bother with me anymore. Coworkers and acquaintances too. Everywhere I look, its coupledom. At around 5PM every night when its bout time to get off work, I hear my coworker's phones ringing, their wives/girlfriends are calling to ask them when they're coming home. No one is calling me. I go home alone every night.

It gets to be too much sometimes. Yet, I'm not even close to finding a compatible girl for me. Everyone says its not that hard to find a good, simple girl but for me, its harder than advanced level Calculus.

There are things that I'd like to do or need to do but I can't get myself to do them because I feel its pointless. Everything is pointless. All I do is go to work everyday and come home. That's all I'm emotionally capable of these days. I love my work and I love what I do. But you have a career you love, so what? What does it mean at the end of the day when you come home to nothing?

It's quite possible my standards are too high. But I can't bring myself to lower them. So it's possible the reasons why I am single is my own fault. But even if that is true, I can't bring myself to date for the sake of dating. Yet without anyone, I feel doing the simplest things is pointless.

For example, my eyes are sensitive to light. The curtains/blinds that I have in my apartment are not adequate enough to block out the sun. Yet getting new curtains and installing them I feel too lazy to do. Something simple like this is hard for me to do.

My apartment needs some good cleaning but I think to myself, well I live alone and have nobody to share this with so who cares if its a mess?

So I'm asking. Is there a purpose to life if you are single?

[watcher]

dood... even if no one comes to my pad, i keep it clean cuz i want it clean. otherwise, that's just plain dirty

anywhoooo... there's plenty of purpose as a single. your life can mean plenty flying solo. maybe if you can detach that cone stuck in front of ur face then maybe...

[UglyIsBeautiful]

dood... even if no one comes to my pad, i keep it clean cuz i want it clean. otherwise, that's just plain dirty

anywhoooo... there's plenty of purpose as a single. your life can mean plenty flying solo. maybe if you can detach that cone stuck in front of ur face then maybe...

How do I detach the cone in front of my face?

[Prot]

If you lack friends to take the time out and spend some time with you, you need new friends. What you are lacking is simply your social life. If nobody is calling you, you can call other people. Stop being jealous. If you set your own standards so high and you don't bring upon yourself the motivation to go out and seek what you want, your chances are zero.

Your life is only stopping because you choose to make it stop. You believe you need to be in a relationship to live life. If that is your goal in life then act upon it and work towards finding your mate. Don't expect things to happen without you pushing them to happen. You don't get a job by sitting around and waiting for somebody to admire your excellence and hire you. Just because one job doesn't hire you, doesn't mean there aren't more jobs out there. If you stop trying then you'll never get a job.

[watcher]

How do I detach the cone in front of my face?

it's easy if once you decide on doing it. you don't always do what you feel. good luck

[BishieAddict]

perhaps i'm at a different stage than you... but then I'm a different type of person. I'm a bit of an antisocial... so I think it's fine. I've never been in a relationship, and don't plan to be. The most I've hung out with my friends on a nonschool basis was in a sports community league. Perhaps get involved in the community.. organize a sports team or something. Volunteer in what you're passionate about... you can probably meet lots of ppl that way.

[7thprincess]

How do I detach the cone in front of my face?

First, what is the cone in front of your face? It just can't be because you are single.

[cafe_addict]

ok, I'm lost with the cone on the face deal but you're one lucky person if life stops for you.

[watcher]

ok, I'm lost with the cone on the face deal but you're a lucky person if life stops for you when you're single.

hehehe... put one of those road cones in front of your face [face looking into the wide end of the cone]. what do you see?

[cafe_addict]

ah~ ok I get it. A very narrow view of the world... unless someone with a broader view of the world is looking from the either end - lol

[UglyIsBeautiful]

perhaps i'm at a different stage than you... but then I'm a different type of person. I'm a bit of an antisocial... so I think it's fine. I've never been in a relationship, and don't plan to be. The most I've hung out with my friends on a nonschool basis was in a sports community league. Perhaps get involved in the community.. organize a sports team or something. Volunteer in what you're passionate about... you can probably meet lots of ppl that way.

I'm anti-social too. I don't really enjoy doing social stuff. I don't like big crowds and lost of people. I don't even like hanging out in groups because I always feel left out. Spending time with a few close friends is great but the ones in my life have pretty much ditched me for their girlfriends.

I'm not really passionate bout anything. The things I enjoy doing I can do on my own. The only thing I like to do that involves other people is my work. I love my work.

[tlydia]

I'm anti-social too. I don't really enjoy doing social stuff. I don't like big crowds and lost of people. I don't even like hanging out in groups because I always feel left out. Spending time with a few close friends is great but the ones in my life have pretty much ditched me for their girlfriends.

I'm not really passionate bout anything. The things I enjoy doing I can do on my own. The only thing I like to do that involves other people is my work. I love my work.

You're friends don't sound too nice. Sorry to hear that they ditch you for their girlfriends. Maybe you should try networking and make new friends. About you not being passionate about anything. Come on, you have to be passionate about one thing. The way you describe how you like to work, maybe your passion is working. Have you tried cooking? It's really fun! Take some time off and join a cooking class. Maybe you will meet someone nice there.

[Meenuh]

I'm anti-social too. I don't really enjoy doing social stuff. I don't like big crowds and lost of people. I don't even like hanging out in groups because I always feel left out. Spending time with a few close friends is great but the ones in my life have pretty much ditched me for their girlfriends.

I'm not really passionate bout anything. The things I enjoy doing I can do on my own. The only thing I like to do that involves other people is my work. I love my work.

you know ... the whole reason you're feeling this way is because your whole mindset is all wrong. you complain about things but the problem is you don't really do anything to fix it. you say you can't it's not possible i've tried but you can't expect things to happen at the snap of your fingers.

just because you can do things on your own doesn't mean that you should. i mean ... i'm sitting at home on a friday night without a friend to my name. no one asks me to hang out and if they do it's a rare occasion. i mean .. it's not having that big of an effect on me where i think i'm this total antisocial loser. do you want to have to look back on your life when you're old and see yourself the way you are now? asking yourself what have you done that was extraordinary? that you felt was fun and worthwhile. go out and do something! create some memories that you can look back on and think about how awesome of a life you led!

you can not depend on other people for your happiness and well being.

[LYRA]

There is a purpose to a single life. It's what you choose to fill your life with.

After reading this post and your other posts, you're aware of the disatisfaction in your inner/outer life and you're fine with your work life, but relationships seems to be troubling you the most. Relationships are very tricky to understand. In your other post about girlfriends liking their boyfriend's flaws, you can see yourself maybe even matching up to the type of guy your girlfriends want to see in their boyfriends. But these relationships are on an level invisible to outsiders like us. Even I find myself wondering why two people have a relationship when I can see another person matching the other the most. But we shouldn't worry about other people's relationships when we have our own to worry about.

I don't necessarily think that people are truly antisocial. I think the best word is introvert; introverts enjoy enriching their inner lives, they have small group of close friends, and they're introspective. It sounds like you're an introvert (there are other descriptions of introverts but these are the most positive ones I remind myself when I'm feeling blue). I think that because we are both introverts that we've invested our energy into our inner lives rather than the outer life where the most social interactions and relationship formations occur. I think that your passion for your work enriching a part of your inner life. You did your best in school so you can get to where you wanted to be. That's pretty inner to me.

What I'm trying to say is, you do have some control of your relationships, if not completely. You do have control of how you express yourself to others. Often times the way you stand, the way you say nothing, the way you stare, etc---you're still communicating message to someone in some social situation whether you like to or not. They're signals.

I have to say that Meenuh's right about how you're thinking about things... as though you can't find a way out...an impasse. There are opportunities for you to have a happier life. No one is going to make yourself happy but yourself. But after writing this post, I can see that lack of relationships make your life pointless.

I think you should read The Relationship Cure by John M. Gottman, Ph. D., The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Yeah, these titles sound lame and oh-so-spiritual. But I learned that I have to help myself before I can let go my negative self to move onto a more practical social lifestyle that is comfortable for my introvert self. Maybe after reading these books, you'll know how to move forth like I did.

[MissLadyBunny]

maybe you need to just party and let your hair down. Thin out the herd of friends you have to few you feel connection to the most. Pick up a hobby to past the time such as reading or boxing. Something that can release you anxiety and daily stress. Try meditation at least 30 mins a day and just clear your mine. Wants you up left your spirits people around will notice and may get a lucky date with a hottie.

[the_red]

i am in about the same situation as you are. the only female friend whom i'm very close with is ditching me because of the boyfriend and it's annoying (i could sound immature but i'm just completely honest here; there aren't too many females in engineering either). the only time she'd ever call me is because the boyfriend is at work for an internship and is not in school at the time. ever since that boyfriend appeared, it's as if i'm nonexistent. if i call her, she'd be usually busy or tired; it's as if i'm a nuisance. the friendship that we had was never like before as we used to see each other more often. now, i see her bf more often in school. how ironic.

it irks me that it has gone this way but this is what she's chosen. if she chooses to ignore me; i'm returning the favor back. although i couldn't relate to my coworkers in school very well, i at least try to speak up more as i'm the type who'd just listen to conversations within a group and never try to speak up. i think i've improved on that area.

i feel lonely a lot of times, albeit my efforts in trying to speak up. i guess i need to put in more effort.

i guess what helps me from being completely driven to depression is that i have projects to finish and i don't need any more distractions right now.

maybe it will help you if you set another goal for the time being or to challenge yourself to do even better with your career.

[suki_*]

well, it's not like you started life in pairs... romantically anyways.

you're wallowing in singular sadness is all in your head. If you really want to find someone you will, just try harder, life isn't defeating you, it'll keep going on, you're just defeating yourself think that way.

you're happiness is all up to you buddy, if this lifestyle isn't working out then it's time to adopt a new one. One that makes you more happy and one that will make life worthwhile~ Start off by thinking the right way about your situation

[Shinobu]

Yeah there's purpose and life is good here. I'm alone most of the time because I'm too lazy to hang out with friends (as I never have enough time for myself.) I have a few friends from college I still keep in touch and we call each other when something new happens. That can mean we talk in a month, two months, 6 months, or maybe 1 year. My life is very uneventful but that's the good part of it. I have many good friends from work who (helped me in time of need) but I can't see myself hanging out with them besides short half day trips and lunch (because they're all married.) My policy to my friends: don't bother me at night. Don't bother me on Sundays. Sunday is my day and I don't sacrifice it for anyone. One time a (married) co-worker kept calling me at home (which really annoyed the hell out of me) and he even complained why I didn't call (as if talking at work wasn't enough.) I told 'em I'm not a phone person so don't expect me to call. Another time he called me at 8 pm telling me that he could drive me to his house. Yeah as if I would go. He pushed the envelope. I ditched him. (This was a long time ago though, maybe 6 yrs ago.) My current co-workers don't bother me which is good. I have to say I'm quite happy with the way things are now.

[Ogihara_Hideki]

I'm anti-social too. I don't really enjoy doing social stuff. I don't like big crowds and lost of people. I don't even like hanging out in groups because I always feel left out. Spending time with a few close friends is great but the ones in my life have pretty much ditched me for their girlfriends.

I'm not really passionate bout anything. The things I enjoy doing I can do on my own. The only thing I like to do that involves other people is my work. I love my work.

Dude, I'm all about trying to encourage my fellow man here, and I can relate, because I've been through some of the same stuff, but, let me get this straight... You want to meet someone and be with someone, but you are anti-social and refuse to do things because you felt left out?

1. To meet a girl, you have to be at places where girls are!
2. If you feel left out, get in the game!

Quietly thinking "I'm a really nice, respectful decent guy, why wont anyone notice me!?" Will get you... SURPRISE!!! NOWHERE!

I don't know how else to say it. When one of these days you can't take it anymore, think of the Nike slogan and "just do it". All the time, every time, every where! Good luck!

[oie]

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