[periwinkle]

Hey everyone,

There's something that's been bugging me for a long while now. I have some friends who talk about how they don't like a certain person (whether it be their personality, or behavior or whatever) but then they would still have lunch with that person or hang out with them despite still talking about how they don't really like him/her.

I know how a lot of people don't want to burn any bridges with people because you never know when you might need their help in the future. But to me, I feel like it's very two-faced, dishonest and selfish.

So for one example, 2 of my friends would complain to me how they really don't like this mutal friend of ours and how he's changed and all he does is call them when he needs help (otherwise, he won't call or ask to hang out or anything). And they dislike his personality and the person he's become. But the other day, they all ate lunch with each other and laughed and joked around etc.

This isn't the first time something like this happens. These 2 friends aren't bad people either. I think they're trying to be 'the bigger person'; that despite how much they complain, they'll still regard that other person as a friend (or just maintain friendliness with them).

But I just find it wrong for some reason. I feel that if you're still friends with this person that you don't like (who doesn't treat you like a good friend anyway by calling you only when he needs help), it's deceptious. If it were me, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who doesn't treat me like one; who thinks they can call me whenever they want to for help only. But maybe it's just me...

So my question is are a lot of people like this? Is there something that I just don't understand? I just don't know why people would say really negative things about another person but is still able to hang out with them. If I did that, I would feel like crap and I would feel very two-faced. I don't want to pretend I really enjoy someone's company because that's just being superficial but a lot of people do it anyway and I just don't understand why. I hope some of you can enlighten me here.

[tecktonik/]

its not a terrible thing to do. you will never be truly satasfied with another person. they probably need to get some stuff of their chest about the other person. sure it may not be the best thing to do o_o but all humans do it once in a while. they might just have something they aren't comfortable with about the other person but they still dont mind hanging out and being friends.

sometimes i will say "oh that other person is kinda bugging me because she is kinda -blah blah blah- but if she's sociable and i can live with her problems then i wouldnt mind hanging out with her. its not like i hate her.

LOL but shouldn't gossip T_T

[ATRANN]

These situtations are definitely more common than you think.
It's happened many times in my group before, with the same situtation as yours.
Some people feel that one person's changed or is only hitting them up when he/she needs something.
Then, they start complaining and ranting on about it, but acts cool whenever the person's around.

I have somewhat the same mindset as you, but i do it once in a while though;
when i'm in the moment and mad, then i'll say what i have to,
but once we're cool again, it rarely comes up anymore.

[SophiaSan]

it's so common.

people who say they hate or dislike someone would SUCK UP LIKE A DOG to them.

this girl I know, biggest fake ever. she talked crap about literally EVERYONE. yet she takes them out to lunch and all that jazz.
whatever.

there's a difference between commenting on what someone did and disapproving it in a polite manner.
but talking crap is like OH SHE's a b1tch for doing that I hate her.


sorry but i don't like people like that. fake, yeah don't need you.
if you don't like what someone did just politely tell them that you think it's wrong. if not they're going to continue doing it then you're going to KEEP talking crap about them. so it goes no where.

ahahah sorry it's a bit of a rant xD

[ithinkitslove]

sorry, but there's a lot of people like that out in the world XD
actually, this happened today. a lot of my friends were talking about how annoying and stuff this new girl is, and how much she brags, etc but they still eat lunch with her.
- -;

[shakki]

omg
this is happening to me right now
this guy,
he only comes to me and my group when he has nowhere to go to
or he wants money
or he needs hw to copy of of ours.
hes such a jerk.
he totally changed over the summer
i hate this.
i told him we werent friends anymore
and he didnt care.
he says at least hes popular, its fine
hes not even popular at all

[CitrusFlower]

Lets just say we're all two face

[sweetcream]

I would feel terrible too, but in the first place I wouldn't talk behind their back like that.
I think your friends are both wrong.
The other friend is always one way (for himself) and the others are dishonest.
I would just be awkward in the whole thing.
That would make me want to bring it up when they're all together.
But then that will start everything.

[<3 Kim]

Yeah, it's common, happens everywhere.
But if I don't like someone if they have changed or if they have done something to me, then I would stop hanging around with them.

[abercrombie_lover]

Everyone does that.
It's not like they do it on purpose,
it just happens and no one is perfect,
I gotta admit I am guilty of saying things
behind my friends back, I don't say bad things,
just things that they do that annoy me. I think that's fine
just don't say things that aren't true and people end up spreading it.
Cause it hurts. I knew someone at my school who
like didn't even know the person and spread rumors about them.
I was a victim of that =x. She spread rumors how I went out with
this random guy, first of all I don't talk to her, she doesn't know anything
about me, we were just in the same class once and she started
blabbing about random crap about other people. People are seriously
two faced, they may or may not admit it.