[jshat4]

Everyone's different and I remember there was a thread/post from someone before on how she couldn't stand her boyfriend hanging out with a girl she just did not like (and not due to a specific incident, but just couldn't stand her period).

I'm sure there are people like that in our lives, whether they are around you a lot or just for a little bit causing you grievance and annoyance.

How do you cope/deal?

Do you ignore/avoid them hoping that you'll cross the least amount of paths? Or do you just take it in, and bottle it up, getting more and more annoyed? Or do you get into shouting matches and conflicts?

It really depends on context I know. For me, if they're someone above me (a supervisor, etc) obviously I'll have to suck it up or in the long run, try to change the situation so I'll have to deal with them less and improve my mental health. With friends, it's a bit tricky, if your friend has a mutual friend you HATE but I guess avoidance is one way. Or talking it out.

But often, a lot of things are just annoying things you hate about someone that you can't really go "please change for me" because that's like essentially asking them to change for you.

Some of it may be a result of tolerance (can't hear different opinions), but I think a lot of it just people REALLY not clicking. As cowardly as it may seem, I think a lot of people do find that avoidance does work well in the end. But when you're stuck in a situation you can't get out of, what do you do?

Ha, sometimes I wish in real life, there would be people you can just add to your ignore list like on a forum ( on a side note, why does Soompi not have an ignore list...grrr).

[Prot]

Normally if my friend has a mutual friend I hate, I would just tell my friend (not the mutual friend) I do not like so and so, please do not invite him/her to do whatever when I am with you (Assuming I absolutely cannot bear this person). If he/she is invited anyway to whatever I am doing, I'll just deal with it and if they cross the line that makes me want to punch them in the face then I will tell them what the action was that crossed the line. If you don't express what you are thinking inside, the other party will not know because they are not telepathic.

An example is I had a suitemate last year who kept throwing the football inside his room at the wall which was the wall next to my bed so I would hear a huge thud sound everytime he threw it. I told him to stop and he insisted that it wasn't noisy and he needed the practice. So we arranged that he would throw it whenever I am not in my room.

The other option would have been for me to not say anything at all or avoid the situation by completely being out of my room whenever he threw it. In other words, this would be the tolerance option.

It depends on what your tolerance is on whatever the issue is. You have to speak to the other person to resolve the issue because it doesn't resolve by itself.

[Pogichinoy]

How do you cope/deal?

Do you ignore/avoid them hoping that you'll cross the least amount of paths? Or do you just take it in, and bottle it up, getting more and more annoyed? Or do you get into shouting matches and conflicts?

It really depends on context I know. For me, if they're someone above me (a supervisor, etc) obviously I'll have to suck it up or in the long run, try to change the situation so I'll have to deal with them less and improve my mental health. With friends, it's a bit tricky, if your friend has a mutual friend you HATE but I guess avoidance is one way. Or talking it out.

For non work related people, if they're acquaintances I would ignore them and say the most minimal things to them. But if I know them more than acquaintances, I have no trouble in telling them how much I don't like them.

For work related people, I try not to let my emotion get in the way since it is a work environment and they are part of the cycle to assist me to do my job. So I just do my best to withstand their presence and get the work over and done with.

Be direct! Everyone is so chicken these days to hurt eachother's feelings.

[jshat4]

You guys just tell people "I don't like you"?!? I'm sure you probably use more tact than that.....but still, I dunno, it's sorta random to just do that. I mean, most of the time, it's more like--I don't like their personality. I have no reason to be rude and say that to someone because other people seem to be okay with their personality, so it's more of a preference thing.

I guess most of it is just coping with your own likes/dislikes. Well sometimes it's more like people's sarcastic jokes aren't even funny and sometimes downright rude. I want to call them up on it, but then again, it's a matter of whether it's worth it to offend them and get into a huge conflict over something small.

[Prot]

You guys just tell people "I don't like you"?!? I'm sure you probably use more tact than that.....but still, I dunno, it's sorta random to just do that.

No, eventually you have to get to the point. I don't like _______ about you because ________ (see my example). If I was not direct then how is he to know that I do not appreciate him throwing the football at my wall?

Having people guess at what you are pleased about, what you aren't pleased about seems just ridiculous to me. Expecting people to adjust to you without you saying anything sounds pretty crazy. Assumptions aren't the way to go.

Another example:
My roommate is trying to sleep. I do not realize this and I am playing some music. He gets up and says, "Hey I am trying to sleep, could you please turn off your music or wear headphones?" I response "Sure."

Going by what you seem to be saying, he should have just ignored the fact that I was playing music and waited till I realized somehow that he was sleeping and used common sense to turn off my music, all the meanwhile hate on me for being so inconsiderate when the reality was that I did not see him going into his bed to try to sleep. Misconceptions arise through assumptions and indirectness.

[Pogichinoy]

You guys just tell people "I don't like you"?!? I'm sure you probably use more tact than that.....but still, I dunno, it's sorta random to just do that.

Sure, I recite a list of dislikes I have to that person, but I really give it to them. To the point where they are hurt and begin crying or start arguing back.

I reckon part of the reason as to why there are so many unhappy people on Soompi, and in the world is that they've become timid and live with the unhappiness people bring them in their life. If they stood up for themselves and discussed the situation, hoping to resolve it, then compromise can be met.

[jshat4]

I think you guys are missing my point. There's a CLEAR difference between not liking people because of their ACTIONS and not liking people because of their PERSONALITY. The football incident is not really a good example of what I mean by people you don't like. It's more of an action, and I would probably do the same thing because it's something that bothers me and invades my personal space (or sound space). But someone who constantly tells jokes you don't find funny? What, you're just going to tell them to stop it? That's kind of self-absorbed imo and totally not timid/weak. It's having courtesy to respect differences.

It's not about making assumptions. It's just plain rude imo to go up to someone and tell them you don't like their personality. What right do we really have to say something like that? It's kinda obvious that not everyone has to like each other.

Sometimes you may find little things annoying, but if you guys call up people on little things about other people you don't like in a blunt manner, then I don't know what to say. I guess our life perspectives are drastically different. Because I don't think I have the right to order everyone around me to go by my philosophy and do everything I personally like.

[Meenuh]

if it's someone who i just find annoying or just don't seem to like for some strange reason .. i just ignore them. if i'm forced to see them i'll ignore them there too. try not to talk to them as much as possible and kinda roll my eyes and think "wtf? pleeeease stfu " in my head. yeah to some people it's kinda fake in a way but sometimes you just gotta turn the other cheek. i think if everyone were to just pick out everyone's flaws all the time and "be real" and say things bluntly ... we'd have a lot of unhappy/angry people in this world.

You guys just tell people "I don't like you"?!? I'm sure you probably use more tact than that.....but still, I dunno, it's sorta random to just do that. I mean, most of the time, it's more like--I don't like their personality. I have no reason to be rude and say that to someone because other people seem to be okay with their personality, so it's more of a preference thing.

I guess most of it is just coping with your own likes/dislikes. Well sometimes it's more like people's sarcastic jokes aren't even funny and sometimes downright rude. I want to call them up on it, but then again, it's a matter of whether it's worth it to offend them and get into a huge conflict over something small.

exactly what i was thinking. why create unnecessary drama? that's just as stupid as starting mini cooper because "someone looked at you funny". lol.

[Prot]

If you were refering to dealing with people who have personalities you do not like and saying lame jokes, then there is nothing really to do about it other than tolerance and avoiding them and simply telling whoever that invites them to some hangout that involves you as well about how you feel about that person's personality. If it cannot be avoided, tolerance.

As you have stated, you do not have a right to tell someone to change their personality because you do not like it. You do have the right to not hang out with them if your tolerance level low or their annoyance is just that high. If you are in a forced environment such as work, as minimal contact as you can with that person and if they cross the line via actions then you tell them about it.

I thought the intention of the main post was more of a physical thing that they do.

[Irysinon]

I know a bogus condescending piece of crap who loves implying how superior he is by claiming that everything he has done is better than recognized brand names, etc. All I can say is, I hate the guy more than myself. But, since I do have gold-winning patience when patience must be truly tested, I tolerate. Plus, the guy is older than me by about 10 years and he happens to be Korean. So, there's the whole Korean 'respect your elder' manner that must be applied. So on the outside, I'm just very non-talkative, but in my mind, I'm like 'I hope you get run over by a truck.' The best choice of action? Avoidance. I've met the guy in a total of four times, because we were going to have a business discussion. Now I never want to see the guy again, ever. Tolerance and avoidance is key.

Unless, of course, I'm alone with the person inside of a deep forest where no one else is around...then I mean, of course, I can use the person as a punching bag of sorts. That would relieve a lot of built up stress, frustration and rage. His face pisses me off!!!

[tlydia]

Usually I avoid the people I don't like. I tend to keep my feelings toward them bottled up. To me, there's no use telling them you dislike them. It won't change anything.

[Pogichinoy]

But someone who constantly tells jokes you don't find funny? What, you're just going to tell them to stop it? That's kind of self-absorbed imo and totally not timid/weak. It's having courtesy to respect differences.

Yes I will tell them to stop it. Many times I've done this and either talk privately to the person or speak out loud infront of everyone and embarrass them. I have no shame in speaking my mind, especially when it has offended me and/or others, making the situation awkward for everyone.

The kindest way of me saying it is: "That's inappropriate."

It's not about making assumptions. It's just plain rude imo to go up to someone and tell them you don't like their personality. What right do we really have to say something like that? It's kinda obvious that not everyone has to like each other.

Sometimes you may find little things annoying, but if you guys call up people on little things about other people you don't like in a blunt manner, then I don't know what to say. I guess our life perspectives are drastically different. Because I don't think I have the right to order everyone around me to go by my philosophy and do everything I personally like.

The beauty is that we have the right to say almost anything we like. If you were being inappropriate or rude or inconsiderate and you did not notice it at all, wouldn't you like to be advised of your actions/personality? And then resolve the issue, as you may been misinterpreted?

Don't think you're ordering people, you're just giving them your opinion/or a collective opinion. For the times where you feel you need to tell someone that their actions or personality is inappropriate, beforehand, you can discuss with your fellow peers and agree as a group. At least you'll know whether you're out of line or not.

[7thprincess]

I guess I just cope with it. I think there is like one person who I really don't fancy, but that person can be easily ignored. But IF someone does or say anything rude, yes, I WILL say something.

[.:Chelly:.]

I ignore people I don't get along with. I can very outspoken so ignoring people prevents drama.

[jshat4]

Yeah except whether something is inappropriate or not is still subjective, so simply saying "That is inappropriate" is a bit self-assuming, unless it's something REALLYYYY obvious, like "x race is garbage" type of things. I dunno, it's a personal call in the end, and talking to them privately sometimes works, but only if you actually have a relationship with them beyond co-existing in the same group/room. Otherwise, it becomes awkward and out of the blue.

But yea, I really don't think that method works for me. I was thinking along the lines of trying to explain it to myself, i.e. trying to convince myself logically or something that everyone is different, I should become more tolerant, etc. SOMETIMES that works, but only if I'm in a good mood. Yea yea, I know in the end, it's about s.ucking it up, but it can still be frustrating.

Yea, generally after weighing out options, I decide I would rather avoid drama. Usually the type of people that get me irritated at the ones that strive and live off drama in their lives *rolls eyes*.

[CharlotteDarcy]

1. save a lot of money
2. escape to island

yep yep. that'll work for me.

[SlicedBread]

jshat4, on 28 September 2008 - 11:19 AM, said:

I'm sure there are people like that in our lives, whether they are around you a lot or just for a little bit causing you grievance and annoyance.

How do you cope/deal?

Do you ignore/avoid them hoping that you'll cross the least amount of paths? Or do you just take it in, and bottle it up, getting more and more annoyed? Or do you get into shouting matches and conflicts?

I just ignore them, and they know enough not to mess with me. I'm too old to be putting up with BS from others. 

[Shinobu]

I ignore and I make them feel very uncomfortable just through body languages. That's enough to keep them off my back.

[Sensitive_soul]

I've had some experiences living with different housemates and for the odd one or two whom I find annoying, I generally take the avoidance path. I never go into a shouting match because no matter how mad I am, I still keep in mind that I'll have to see this person for the rest of the year. If I hear them in the kitchen, I'd wait until they'd leave. Sometimes it's not even something that you can sit down and discuss, it's just that sometimes clashing personalities just don't get along, so avoiding is the best way for me

[ninyaah]

I just ignore them. Some of these people I see everyday, so it's not like I could do something about that. I'm not the type who'll tell a person directly that I dislike her/him. Although, if you're observant, you'll know that I dislike you once we start talking or interacting.