[ai-Do1Ce]

Have you ever been in a situation where you and someone else had some sort of history, and then you wanted you guys to be friends? And realized, that it's not possible no matter how much you fake and believe it ?


There's this guy who we've had a past (we were never together though, but we liked each other.) A year ago I told him that i wanted us to be friends because i want to benefit from our relationship with each other. He agreed, claiming that i truly am a meaningful friend to him. So we were apparently friends. Though during this time when he claimed we were friends, i never felt friendship. We never talked much in real life, we simply didnt act upon being friends- yet no matter how less of it we act towards, he still claimed we were friends. And he would always do these things that give off mixed messages such as glancing me repetively when we're a distance apart, finding opportunities to make us have super close body contact (he never does this to anyone else), and sending off messages to me indicating that i'm a higher priority to him than another girl. I was always confused, but i put those things as part of his means of being friends. I liked him too though, but i was really holding on to the friends feeling between us. But instead of feeling like we're friends, it simply felt we were just secretly liking each other. And 'being friends' was just a substitute world for liking without being open to it. Yet he simply claims we're friends, nothing else.


Then something happened that made me realize the lie.

One day he suddenly changed for no reason at all. He stopped doing all those indicators of liking me romantically, but at the same time it seemed like our friendship was gone. And i have no reason why this happened, what went wrong with us. He doesn't want to tell me. I honestly cant recall anything ive done to even make one valid reason why he would suddenly change like this.
I found out he changed but the way he'd go cold on me on purpose, and when i talked to him about how we should talk more in real life. Normally he wouldve been very agreeable and cooperative to talks like this. But that day, he simply responded in a very rejecting matter. Then we ended in a fight.. and i still have no idea why he flipped at what i said. Later on i found out that he told his friend that it's because he thinks i'm trying to hit on him by talking to him about talking more in real life, so he wants to keeps our distance. When i found out, I told him taht it wasnt like that repetitively until it sank inside of him and made him believe it. Yet he was still avoiding me- obviously indicating that it wasn't the real reason.

I predicted the reason why he simply turned like this is because he doenst like me anymore.
The past when he claimed we were friends, was simply a lie. We can't be friends.. Is it just not possible for them to deal? At these kind of situations, is it only possible taht we either be someone they like or someone they dont like? They cant deal with seeing us as purely friends? THey could only see us as an association for liking? As someone who likes them, someone who they like back? Nothing more

Is that true? : /


Cuz why then though? Why do i have to be those people in his eyes? Why can't we just be normal? Have simpler problems not complicated ones that i dont even have a share in controlling? Normal friends dont have problems, they can talk to each other easier, joke around and be happy without worrying about so many problems.. They're not like us. We have problems even talking in real life..



Have you guys met these kinda people? People who are motivated by themselves, by his own world, by his own thoughts. They don't tell you anything, they dont even tell you why they do the things they do. It's like you're not part of their world.
You could just sit here forever not saying or doing anything, and they'd change from one person to another.. to another. They suddenly come up to you and tell you they like you- and it wouldnt even be because you've done anything. And then they suddenly move away and avoid you- and it woudlnt even be about you either.




So problematic...

So honestly, when people have a history together.. it's impossible for them to become purely friends?

[Hillariki]

I experienced that;
but what can i say? I'm not them so i can't talk in their place.
though sometimes its better to not know and move on instead of trying to find all the reasons why and getting even more broken in the end.

[d00lie]

hey. i know exactly where you are.

i mean we didn't really blow up in a fight b/c well he isn't the sort to talk.. and so i had that weird ignoring moment thing.. and then i confronted him (if he liked me) and he said we're friends. i cried for like two weeks but i pretended nothing was wrong..

and then we had liek a summer away from each oher.. and then suddenly, we're back in that weird friendship but not mode thing. and like iono. i really like him.. so i'm basiclaly trying to ignore all the "labels" for a moment b/c it was confusing my head. for me, i prefer that i have him as a "friend" then not have him talk to him at all...

anyway. to answer your question. i don't think it's impossible but i think it's really hard.. like in order for it to happen both sides basically have to not like each other.. and that's lol. iono u won't ever know that right.

and i think it also take time.. but i've def. seen ppl who were in a relationship before. and then become close friends. so i think it's is possible. just not for everyone?

[spixder]

I'm currently being distant to this girl whom i like, she cant return my feelings so i keep my distance until this feeling fades from me. Sometimes i wonder if i am doing the right thing and the impact that it may have on our future friendship. Will she hate me for doing this? Maybe i will ask her in a few yrs time. The guy ur talking abt may possibly be in my shoes.

[Ayuu~]

it was obvious that he has liked u for a very long time..
when u asked to be friends...
he agreed cause u were meaningful to him. cause he liked u!!
duh!! but poor guy! he was probably fighting within himself on what he should do..
inside, he wanted to be with u.. but u only wanted friendship..
so of course he would continuously use the word "friend'
itz to see your reaction and to let thingz be your way....
poor guy must of been really hurt thru all this too!!
when he started to avoid u... itz because he knew there was no future between u 2..
so he wantz to try get over u...
or he can jsut see no point on going on like that....

one thing i didnt undertsand though was...
if u both liked each other.. why didnt u guyz date?

[mintcracker]

urgh I actually want to be frds with this guy, but it seems after he lost feelings for me, he longer wanted to be frds either.


That's depressing. Cos I think having his frdship is better than nothing. T_T All in the past noiw.

Guess they just find it awkward or sth.

Sigh.

[ai-Do1Ce]

urgh I actually want to be frds with this guy, but it seems after he lost feelings for me, he longer wanted to be frds either.


That's depressing. Cos I think having his frdship is better than nothing. T_T All in the past noiw.

Guess they just find it awkward or sth.

Sigh.

Yess! =/
i want to be friends. and i thought we were. but then one day they start to pick a fight outta nowhere... and it ended with us apparently not friends.

he's quite strong on it too, he actually doesnt want to be friends anymore =/

[heheimawesome]

Maybe he doesn't want to be friends. He wants to be more? Maybe it's hurting him that he can't have you, he can't fake it. He doesn't want to?

Just let him go, you have other people who can be friends, right? Let this one go, he's probably trying to get over you.

For me, it would be hard to talk to a friend that I liked. We would have to control the mini cooper we say, I would have to control saying stuff that makes her think I still want her, she has to control saying stuff about other guys or things that would lead me on. It's just pointless. Not worth the trouble. Just let it go would be my suggestion.

Anddddd when he said you guys could be friends, he probably just agreed because he knew that was what you wanted. But its still too hard on him.

[ai-Do1Ce]

Maybe he doesn't want to be friends. He wants to be more? Maybe it's hurting him that he can't have you, he can't fake it. He doesn't want to?

Just let him go, you have other people who can be friends, right? Let this one go, he's probably trying to get over you.

For me, it would be hard to talk to a friend that I liked. We would have to control the mini cooper we say, I would have to control saying stuff that makes her think I still want her, she has to control saying stuff about other guys or things that would lead me on. It's just pointless. Not worth the trouble. Just let it go would be my suggestion.

Anddddd when he said you guys could be friends, he probably just agreed because he knew that was what you wanted. But its still too hard on him.

but if he wants to be more, why did he tell his friend that he's trying to distance himself from me because he thinks im trying to get romantically closer to him (hit on him?) O,o

[heheimawesome]

ah..? maybe he just doesn't care about you anymore then. xD

[ickboo]

feelings are so complicated!!!!!!!!
he liked you during your guys' 'history' before.
and since he couldn't keep up with his feelings for you after you said you only wanted a friendship...
he probably couldn't stand it anymore.

[edie monster]

I think its REALLY REALLY hard to stay friends afterwards. It only really works if both of you guys want to stay friends. It's no use if he doesn't.


I'm not really friends with any of my exes, hell I don't even talk to one of them. He kinda cut me out of his life as soon as I dumped him. He was really upset and hurt I guess.. lol

I just got out of a relationship, and he says we're friends.. but I dunno. It feels like I have to put all the effort to keep us talking to each other. I still like him, and I can accept the fact that we can no longer be together.. but I have to constantly try and start conversations with him. If I don't, I'm pretty sure he won't even bother talking to me at all. It kinda feels like he doesn't really want to be my friend. I dunno :s

I know though, this guy kinda distanced himself from me.. probably to try and forget about me because I was taken at the time that he liked me. But now that I'm single again...


I hope I didn't confuse you with my little rant.

[ai-Do1Ce]

I think its REALLY REALLY hard to stay friends afterwards. It only really works if both of you guys want to stay friends. It's no use if he doesn't.


I'm not really friends with any of my exes, hell I don't even talk to one of them. He kinda cut me out of his life as soon as I dumped him. He was really upset and hurt I guess.. lol

I just got out of a relationship, and he says we're friends.. but I dunno. It feels like I have to put all the effort to keep us talking to each other. I still like him, and I can accept the fact that we can no longer be together.. but I have to constantly try and start conversations with him. If I don't, I'm pretty sure he won't even bother talking to me at all. It kinda feels like he doesn't really want to be my friend. I dunno :s

I know though, this guy kinda distanced himself from me.. probably to try and forget about me because I was taken at the time that he liked me. But now that I'm single again...


I hope I didn't confuse you with my little rant.

Yess
wow, I've always been the one putting effort in our 'friendship' too.. always initiating conversations, making the first apologies etc. And yeah, it doesn't even feel like he cares about the friendship, that's why i didnt feel like we're friends even though he stated that.
Did he break up with you, or the other way around?

[Leo the Lion]

It's hard to be friends after you break up with someone because someone will still have feelings. The best thing to do is to just not talk to them anymore. It makes things easier, at least for me it does.

[ShadowMax76]

when a guy likes a girl, he'll try to be really really really really really john teshing good to her.

when he doesn't like her. he stops that.

the girl notices, and thinks he's being mean/distant.

we're not being mean/distant because we hate-don'tlike you girls.
=_=' we're just battling the emotions of defeat, a strong/false hope struck down,
and girls happen to get the pointy stick sometimes,
since we don't know why it has to be like this.


some guys hate it when everything is cheapened by the "can we still be friends?" thing.
i remember that chainmail all about guys. for girls.
something about
"we don't like it when you break our hearts, stuff it down our throats and ask if we can still be friends."

or something. o_O'

_ i believe you can still be friends. but i still believe what she told me before

"once you love someone, you'll always have a place in your heart for them.
if that part is broken, it's stays there. broken.
if he comes near you, it'll feel like it's mending..
but if you tried to fix broken glass, you'll only end up hurting yourself.

all you can do is get hurt, or don't touch it anymore."

..lol. >>' i added to her belief.

IT john teshing hurts when we love someone for LONGER than usual. and it goes up in smoke.
o_O' it's better if you just kill it asap.

_ in short: if two people are friends again after something like that,
it'll hurt for him. as much as he'll feel nostalgic joy , feeling as if you like him back.
it's not healthy for him... perhaps. .. -still wondering myself-

[ai-Do1Ce]

when a guy likes a girl, he'll try to be really really really really really john teshing good to her.

when he doesn't like her. he stops that.

the girl notices, and thinks he's being mean/distant.

we're not being mean/distant because we hate-don'tlike you girls.
=_=' we're just battling the emotions of defeat, a strong/false hope struck down,
and girls happen to get the pointy stick sometimes,
since we don't know why it has to be like this.


some guys hate it when everything is cheapened by the "can we still be friends?" thing.
i remember that chainmail all about guys. for girls.
something about
"we don't like it when you break our hearts, stuff it down our throats and ask if we can still be friends."

or something. o_O'

_ i believe you can still be friends. but i still believe what she told me before

"once you love someone, you'll always have a place in your heart for them.
if that part is broken, it's stays there. broken.
if he comes near you, it'll feel like it's mending..
but if you tried to fix broken glass, you'll only end up hurting yourself.

all you can do is get hurt, or don't touch it anymore."

..lol. >>' i added to her belief.

IT john teshing hurts when we love someone for LONGER than usual. and it goes up in smoke.
o_O' it's better if you just kill it asap.

_ in short: if two people are friends again after something like that,
it'll hurt for him. as much as he'll feel nostalgic joy , feeling as if you like him back.
it's not healthy for him... perhaps. .. -still wondering myself-

Yeah.
But it wouldn't have to be this hard, if he actually said he liked me.

All this time, he never told me if he liked me, nor did he ever say he didnt like me. Whenever i asked him, he'd be like i don't like anyone- he's never direct in answering me.

The whole reason why i went for the friends thing was because at that time, i didnt think he liked me. i didnt want to put all my energy spent on him to waste if that was really the case.

If he claimed he liked me, then of course- i wouldnt have to go through all the trouble of trying to convert my like feelings to friends feelings.

but he never tells me verbally.
he only does it in his actions, he's really good at this



i thought he really saw me as a friend, tahts why i went through all the trouble to make us be friends.


but now wtf is this? The situation right now is like... contradicting everything in the past. i really dont get it.

[mintcracker]

Yess
wow, I've always been the one putting effort in our 'friendship' too.. always initiating conversations, making the first apologies etc. And yeah, it doesn't even feel like he cares about the friendship, that's why i didnt feel like we're friends even though he stated that.
Did he break up with you, or the other way around?

god that's what I went through the whole taking the initiative all the time.

I gave up now, there's not point in holding on. T_T
sigh.

[edie monster]

Yess
wow, I've always been the one putting effort in our 'friendship' too.. always initiating conversations, making the first apologies etc. And yeah, it doesn't even feel like he cares about the friendship, that's why i didnt feel like we're friends even though he stated that.
Did he break up with you, or the other way around?

It was pretty much mutual, although I think he suggested it this time around. Before that I was the one that kinda thought that we needed to go on breaks and stuff though.

I don't know what you're gonna do, but I'm about to give up on trying to be friends. Because honestly, if he doesn't want to be.. what's the point in me trying so hard to keep our friendship?


Good luck though.

[ShadowMax76]

Yeah.
But it wouldn't have to be this hard, if he actually said he liked me.

All this time, he never told me if he liked me, nor did he ever say he didnt like me. Whenever i asked him, he'd be like i don't like anyone- he's never direct in answering me.

The whole reason why i went for the friends thing was because at that time, i didnt think he liked me. i didnt want to put all my energy spent on him to waste if that was really the case.

If he claimed he liked me, then of course- i wouldnt have to go through all the trouble of trying to convert my like feelings to friends feelings.

but he never tells me verbally.
he only does it in his actions, he's really good at this



i thought he really saw me as a friend, tahts why i went through all the trouble to make us be friends.


but now wtf is this? The situation right now is like... contradicting everything in the past. i really dont get it.

Aye. It's part our fault. x-x'
i still wonder
what any person expects
when they become emotionally close
with someone of the opposite x.

:/

[Kira_Hyuu]

Yeah i have like a similar story; like i mean it was me and this other chick i had a crush on. i mean she found out and we sat down on a date and talked...we realised that like yeah we wouldn't work because of just yeah a list of reasons...i was really like heart broken but yea i pretended to be cool...So yeah i mean we never really talked after that because well we just didn't - i mean we'd say a few words here and there like o hey and yeah nothing else...

But then like just weeks ago; she went on msn and was like do u want to be friends? like i mean she was being really serious like this is like a chance for me and you to like be friends and yeah how she'd made the first step. I sort of dragged it on...like i was pretty suspicious like u know...after all that...i wanted to say yes because deep down i still adore her but i didn't want to create that feeling i wanted her...so yeah...dragged it on...but yeah at the end i said yeah sure...

After that event we hardly talked...like i mean we weren't exactly friends...i mean we just ignored each other...or more she ignored me....so i gave up on our "friendship" tittle and yeah just moved on...but yeah then she came to me and was like hey lets spend some time together and like talk....i was like wtf but yea why not....spent like hours together and yeah at the end it was fun....after that we've never talked...at the formals i tried to talk to her and she fully disses me infront of her friends and my friends, so yea i was totally wtf....

so yea that's my little story of a friends being a "lie"...