I was wondering what your opinions were on giving people second chances when it comes to being in a relationship or managing a friendship. I was also wondering if you find claims of being naïve is an excuse for your actions when you were younger. Here are a couple of scenarios also to help elaborate on the discussion:
1) Your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you have been dating for a year, acts strange and then after a direct question by you asking if she/he likes so and so she/he says yes. All of the sudden, she/he decides to break the relationship to pursue this person whom she/he is not quite familiar with at all but has seen several times over the year. She/he gets rejected after a week and comes back to you. Do you continue the relationship/atleast manage a friendship? Are claims of naïve-ness valid? Are claims of rash decisions valid?
2) Your friend whom you confided in and has confided in you, for a long time (say 1+years), suddenly stops all contact with you. You make several attempts to talk to the person and hang out dates over the course of a year but eventually stop because the situation is one sided in that the friend won't ever contact you but that you have to contact the friend. As a result, you have not spoken for a long period of time (say 2+ years). Should you bother to recover this friendship though clearly you have tried to maintain contact till you grew tired of being the one always making every effort to contact and arrange meets?
3) Your girlfriend/boyfriend lies to you about liking someone while you are dating. When you confront her/him after finding evidence that she/he is lying, she/he asks to break up with you. Do you still remain friends?
Second Chances/naive
#2
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Posted 04 October 2008 - 01:02 AM
well i don't understand your question exactly so correct me if im wrong.
i use to be naive when i was younger and still am even though im already past my prime lol. i believe in giving people second chances and sometimes even third and fourth chances depending on the situation because im just silly like that. At the same time though there are people out there who are not willing to give anyone a second chance even if the situation were close to nothing. Sometimes people can't help but give chances because they so want to see the good in others and sometimes you just have to stand your ground
to answer your scenarios:
1.if i knew about it and it wasn't kept from me then i would matintain a friendship with them. The old me though would of felt sorry for them and take them back
2. i don't think there is point in maintaining a friendship with someone who shows signs of not wanting a friendship with you and i think the both of you would have drifted apart since it has been so long as well. The best you could do for each other is just to say "hi" once in a while and that's it.
3. i would not remain friends with them at all. if someone who you consider as friend or even more, has the heart to lie to you who knows what else they are capable of. The younger me would have just lied to myself to make me feel better but why hurt yourself at the end of the day
i use to be naive when i was younger and still am even though im already past my prime lol. i believe in giving people second chances and sometimes even third and fourth chances depending on the situation because im just silly like that. At the same time though there are people out there who are not willing to give anyone a second chance even if the situation were close to nothing. Sometimes people can't help but give chances because they so want to see the good in others and sometimes you just have to stand your ground
to answer your scenarios:
1.if i knew about it and it wasn't kept from me then i would matintain a friendship with them. The old me though would of felt sorry for them and take them back
2. i don't think there is point in maintaining a friendship with someone who shows signs of not wanting a friendship with you and i think the both of you would have drifted apart since it has been so long as well. The best you could do for each other is just to say "hi" once in a while and that's it.
3. i would not remain friends with them at all. if someone who you consider as friend or even more, has the heart to lie to you who knows what else they are capable of. The younger me would have just lied to myself to make me feel better but why hurt yourself at the end of the day
#3
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Posted 04 October 2008 - 01:37 AM
QUOTE (Prot @ Oct 4 2008, 01:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was wondering what your opinions were on giving people second chances when it comes to being in a relationship or managing a friendship. I was also wondering if you find claims of being naïve is an excuse for your actions when you were younger. Here are a couple of scenarios also to help elaborate on the discussion:
1) Your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you have been dating for a year, acts strange and then after a direct question by you asking if she/he likes so and so she/he says yes. All of the sudden, she/he decides to break the relationship to pursue this person whom she/he is not quite familiar with at all but has seen several times over the year. She/he gets rejected after a week and comes back to you. Do you continue the relationship/atleast manage a friendship? Are claims of naïve-ness valid? Are claims of rash decisions valid?
2) Your friend whom you confided in and has confided in you, for a long time (say 1+years), suddenly stops all contact with you. You make several attempts to talk to the person and hang out dates over the course of a year but eventually stop because the situation is one sided in that the friend won't ever contact you but that you have to contact the friend. As a result, you have not spoken for a long period of time (say 2+ years). Should you bother to recover this friendship though clearly you have tried to maintain contact till you grew tired of being the one always making every effort to contact and arrange meets?
3) Your girlfriend/boyfriend lies to you about liking someone while you are dating. When you confront her/him after finding evidence that she/he is lying, she/he asks to break up with you. Do you still remain friends?
1) Your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you have been dating for a year, acts strange and then after a direct question by you asking if she/he likes so and so she/he says yes. All of the sudden, she/he decides to break the relationship to pursue this person whom she/he is not quite familiar with at all but has seen several times over the year. She/he gets rejected after a week and comes back to you. Do you continue the relationship/atleast manage a friendship? Are claims of naïve-ness valid? Are claims of rash decisions valid?
2) Your friend whom you confided in and has confided in you, for a long time (say 1+years), suddenly stops all contact with you. You make several attempts to talk to the person and hang out dates over the course of a year but eventually stop because the situation is one sided in that the friend won't ever contact you but that you have to contact the friend. As a result, you have not spoken for a long period of time (say 2+ years). Should you bother to recover this friendship though clearly you have tried to maintain contact till you grew tired of being the one always making every effort to contact and arrange meets?
3) Your girlfriend/boyfriend lies to you about liking someone while you are dating. When you confront her/him after finding evidence that she/he is lying, she/he asks to break up with you. Do you still remain friends?
1. no. relationship over, friendship over. good luck in life. i will find someone who wont deny me. had the other relationship worked out, she probably would've never came back. whether her decision was a bad one is really up to how life plays out in the long run, but i wouldnt get back with her.
2. no. the friend has shown his/her intentions. i will reconsider the friendship once the 'friend' decides to become friends again.
3. this isn't much different from #1
#4
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Posted 04 October 2008 - 05:59 PM
QUOTE (Prot @ Oct 4 2008, 03:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was wondering what your opinions were on giving people second chances when it comes to being in a relationship or managing a friendship. I was also wondering if you find claims of being naïve is an excuse for your actions when you were younger. Here are a couple of scenarios also to help elaborate on the discussion:
1) Your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you have been dating for a year, acts strange and then after a direct question by you asking if she/he likes so and so she/he says yes. All of the sudden, she/he decides to break the relationship to pursue this person whom she/he is not quite familiar with at all but has seen several times over the year. She/he gets rejected after a week and comes back to you. Do you continue the relationship/atleast manage a friendship? Are claims of naïve-ness valid? Are claims of rash decisions valid?
2) Your friend whom you confided in and has confided in you, for a long time (say 1+years), suddenly stops all contact with you. You make several attempts to talk to the person and hang out dates over the course of a year but eventually stop because the situation is one sided in that the friend won't ever contact you but that you have to contact the friend. As a result, you have not spoken for a long period of time (say 2+ years). Should you bother to recover this friendship though clearly you have tried to maintain contact till you grew tired of being the one always making every effort to contact and arrange meets?
3) Your girlfriend/boyfriend lies to you about liking someone while you are dating. When you confront her/him after finding evidence that she/he is lying, she/he asks to break up with you. Do you still remain friends?
1) Your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you have been dating for a year, acts strange and then after a direct question by you asking if she/he likes so and so she/he says yes. All of the sudden, she/he decides to break the relationship to pursue this person whom she/he is not quite familiar with at all but has seen several times over the year. She/he gets rejected after a week and comes back to you. Do you continue the relationship/atleast manage a friendship? Are claims of naïve-ness valid? Are claims of rash decisions valid?
2) Your friend whom you confided in and has confided in you, for a long time (say 1+years), suddenly stops all contact with you. You make several attempts to talk to the person and hang out dates over the course of a year but eventually stop because the situation is one sided in that the friend won't ever contact you but that you have to contact the friend. As a result, you have not spoken for a long period of time (say 2+ years). Should you bother to recover this friendship though clearly you have tried to maintain contact till you grew tired of being the one always making every effort to contact and arrange meets?
3) Your girlfriend/boyfriend lies to you about liking someone while you are dating. When you confront her/him after finding evidence that she/he is lying, she/he asks to break up with you. Do you still remain friends?
1. No to relationship. The person did leave me for another person after all. It would make me feel as if I wasn't good enough if he had to leave me to pursue another person. But yes to friendship. Just because things didn't work out in our relationship doesn't mean we can't be friends. After all, if I was with this person for a year, he had to have qualities I see in a friend.
2. Depends on the reason. If it was a good reason , then yes to the friendship. If not, then no.
3. No to friendship. A friendship can't last if there is not trust. The person can't expect to be friends after lying to me.
#5
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Posted 08 October 2008 - 07:20 AM
I follow this one 'rule' for everything. Once it's over, it's over. Would you knowingly run into a wall twice? I dont do seconds, what if, and maybe. I cant stand breaking up and getting back together over and over again. But-this means when you are in a relationship, any kind of relationship including friendship or family relationships, you try your hardest, as if you only get ONE chance. If you mess up, appologize and make up for it. If they mess up, forgive them and let it go because one mistake isnt worth more than the entire relationship. Thus, when a relationship ends and you just don't know if you can still 'be friends' or be friends again or keep in contact, you know you did your best and there's nothing else you could do....
but if other people can go through all that and still try to be friends, these people have a bigger heart than I do because if its something I can't get myself to do, they must be stronger. It's never a naive/stupid/rash decision to give people second chances. It just means your heart is bigger.
but if other people can go through all that and still try to be friends, these people have a bigger heart than I do because if its something I can't get myself to do, they must be stronger. It's never a naive/stupid/rash decision to give people second chances. It just means your heart is bigger.
Quote of the year :
"Asians are fuking pussys. Im ashamed to be a part of you weak timid little race ...Maybe if asians were as awesome as me we wouldnt have so many racist things hurled at our people. If you didnt think like such a timid little slave maybe you wouldnt get racism 5 or 6 times a week like you say you do. " -CuriosityGguy I think like a timid little slave. That's why I put this on my signature.
"Asians are fuking pussys. Im ashamed to be a part of you weak timid little race ...Maybe if asians were as awesome as me we wouldnt have so many racist things hurled at our people. If you didnt think like such a timid little slave maybe you wouldnt get racism 5 or 6 times a week like you say you do. " -CuriosityGguy I think like a timid little slave. That's why I put this on my signature.
#6
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Posted 08 October 2008 - 08:00 AM
QUOTE (Prot @ Oct 4 2008, 01:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was wondering what your opinions were on giving people second chances when it comes to being in a relationship or managing a friendship. I was also wondering if you find claims of being naïve is an excuse for your actions when you were younger. Here are a couple of scenarios also to help elaborate on the discussion:
1) Your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you have been dating for a year, acts strange and then after a direct question by you asking if she/he likes so and so she/he says yes. All of the sudden, she/he decides to break the relationship to pursue this person whom she/he is not quite familiar with at all but has seen several times over the year. She/he gets rejected after a week and comes back to you. Do you continue the relationship/atleast manage a friendship? Are claims of naïve-ness valid? Are claims of rash decisions valid?
2) Your friend whom you confided in and has confided in you, for a long time (say 1+years), suddenly stops all contact with you. You make several attempts to talk to the person and hang out dates over the course of a year but eventually stop because the situation is one sided in that the friend won't ever contact you but that you have to contact the friend. As a result, you have not spoken for a long period of time (say 2+ years). Should you bother to recover this friendship though clearly you have tried to maintain contact till you grew tired of being the one always making every effort to contact and arrange meets?
3) Your girlfriend/boyfriend lies to you about liking someone while you are dating. When you confront her/him after finding evidence that she/he is lying, she/he asks to break up with you. Do you still remain friends?
1) Your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you have been dating for a year, acts strange and then after a direct question by you asking if she/he likes so and so she/he says yes. All of the sudden, she/he decides to break the relationship to pursue this person whom she/he is not quite familiar with at all but has seen several times over the year. She/he gets rejected after a week and comes back to you. Do you continue the relationship/atleast manage a friendship? Are claims of naïve-ness valid? Are claims of rash decisions valid?
2) Your friend whom you confided in and has confided in you, for a long time (say 1+years), suddenly stops all contact with you. You make several attempts to talk to the person and hang out dates over the course of a year but eventually stop because the situation is one sided in that the friend won't ever contact you but that you have to contact the friend. As a result, you have not spoken for a long period of time (say 2+ years). Should you bother to recover this friendship though clearly you have tried to maintain contact till you grew tired of being the one always making every effort to contact and arrange meets?
3) Your girlfriend/boyfriend lies to you about liking someone while you are dating. When you confront her/him after finding evidence that she/he is lying, she/he asks to break up with you. Do you still remain friends?
1. No. Claims of rash decisions are not valid when it comes to breaking up with you to try and be with someone else. Anger? Sure. It's understandable. But breaking up with you to try someone new out only to come crawling back when you find out that they don't want you is a big no-no. In high school it may have been acceptable but you're older now. Start acting like it. You keep living that way and you'll never be satisfied with what you have. No friendship. No relationship.
2. Sure why not? As long as i'm not the one to contact them I don't really care. If we don't talk for a couple years and that friend just happens to call me out of no where and as long as i'm not busy (or lazy lol) i'll hang out with em.
3. No. I never stay friends with my exes.
Some say i'm a genius, others say i'm crazy
but they all say i'm a little on the weird side
#7
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Posted 09 October 2008 - 05:51 PM
That is exactly what happened to me.
I dated my wife for 6 months and suddenly she was interested in another guy. The reason was I was so immature! Most of the time, when a girl is looking for another person it may be for good reasons.
1. you got fat and your ugly now
2. you are immature and she doesn't know if you can take care of her in the future
3. you have no job
4. you aren't meeting her needs
5. your personality doesn't match
There are more reasons that these, but I'm just stating a few that were a part of my situation... Except for #1, that totallllly was not about me.
Anyways, when someone has a need and it's not being met they don't go out purposely to find someone else that can meet it, but they can suddenly meet and she can feel a reassurance of their ability to satisfy whatever you are not able to give her.
Then she becomes attracted to them and starts to want to be with them.
After she goes out with them, she realizes that HE sucks and actually HE's way worse that you are.
Then she comes back.
The way I see it is, relationships are all about that. It's about breaking up and getting back together and breaking up again... Then getting back together. Until one day you say, you know what I think we should just get married.
Then badabing badaboom there you go, your married.
I think it's good to have this break up process, because it shows that you really are worth coming back to. If you break up and she never comes back, then you know it was just puppy love. But for years if it's a break and get back together, because man I can't be with anyone else than you...
You know you got something special.
I dated my wife for 6 months and suddenly she was interested in another guy. The reason was I was so immature! Most of the time, when a girl is looking for another person it may be for good reasons.
1. you got fat and your ugly now
2. you are immature and she doesn't know if you can take care of her in the future
3. you have no job
4. you aren't meeting her needs
5. your personality doesn't match
There are more reasons that these, but I'm just stating a few that were a part of my situation... Except for #1, that totallllly was not about me.
Anyways, when someone has a need and it's not being met they don't go out purposely to find someone else that can meet it, but they can suddenly meet and she can feel a reassurance of their ability to satisfy whatever you are not able to give her.
Then she becomes attracted to them and starts to want to be with them.
After she goes out with them, she realizes that HE sucks and actually HE's way worse that you are.
Then she comes back.
The way I see it is, relationships are all about that. It's about breaking up and getting back together and breaking up again... Then getting back together. Until one day you say, you know what I think we should just get married.
Then badabing badaboom there you go, your married.
I think it's good to have this break up process, because it shows that you really are worth coming back to. If you break up and she never comes back, then you know it was just puppy love. But for years if it's a break and get back together, because man I can't be with anyone else than you...
You know you got something special.
Counseling and Rehabilitation Forum Administrator, MyKoreanWedding.com Founder & CEO, Westminster Theological Seminary - M. Div Student.
#8
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Posted 11 October 2008 - 01:09 PM
i guess i must be naive too. i just recently moved from sf to las vegas to be with my bf. well things didnt turn out so well. it will be our one yr next month and when i moved up here, the day after i found out he had cheated on me with his gf. they werent dating but they were having booty calls. they've slept like 3 times total but it just completely shook things up. i accidently saw email and she left her number and asked him if she could have another chance at being his gf and he said no because he already had me. but in the 2nd email i found out that they had sex and that he was saying that he would wear a cock ring(excuse my language) next time and while we were long distance i did mention to him that if he wanted to hook up with someone that it would be ok and not to tell me. but i didnt really expect him to do it u know? so i guess some of it was my fault but i didnt expect it to happen and when he was sleeping i called the girl and we talked. we talked a few times and if i didnt know what happened, she would ve been a cool girl to know. is that sick or what? i must be out of my mind. i asked her if she wanted him back and she said no but she wouldnt mind having sex with him again. so now im in a dilemma. what do i do? i cant actually go anywhere... he's been sleeping in the living room and being a good guy letting me have the room.i feel like he's it for me and this is just a little bump in the road.. he says he still loves me and he says we should just wait and give it some time. but im the type of person who needs to know. so he says we're just friends and that we should wait and we should just leave it alone. so ppl what do i do? any advice?
#9
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Posted 11 October 2008 - 02:34 PM
QUOTE (tk81 @ Oct 11 2008, 04:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i guess i must be naive too. i just recently moved from sf to las vegas to be with my bf. well things didnt turn out so well. it will be our one yr next month and when i moved up here, the day after i found out he had cheated on me with his gf. they werent dating but they were having booty calls. they've slept like 3 times total but it just completely shook things up. i accidently saw email and she left her number and asked him if she could have another chance at being his gf and he said no because he already had me. but in the 2nd email i found out that they had sex and that he was saying that he would wear a cock ring(excuse my language) next time and while we were long distance i did mention to him that if he wanted to hook up with someone that it would be ok and not to tell me. but i didnt really expect him to do it u know? so i guess some of it was my fault but i didnt expect it to happen and when he was sleeping i called the girl and we talked. we talked a few times and if i didnt know what happened, she would ve been a cool girl to know. is that sick or what? i must be out of my mind. i asked her if she wanted him back and she said no but she wouldnt mind having sex with him again. so now im in a dilemma. what do i do? i cant actually go anywhere... he's been sleeping in the living room and being a good guy letting me have the room.i feel like he's it for me and this is just a little bump in the road.. he says he still loves me and he says we should just wait and give it some time. but im the type of person who needs to know. so he says we're just friends and that we should wait and we should just leave it alone. so ppl what do i do? any advice?
To me, that's the problem right there
You gave him the go ahead and he did. Sorry to tell you but guys aren't mind readers so they usually don't know what you're thinking or what you want unless you tell them. There's a pinned L&R thread here that has alot of people who can give you advice on your situation.
http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45926
I would give you advice, but I'm the last person who should be giving any type of relationship advice.
Hope everything works out for you
#10
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Posted 11 October 2008 - 03:08 PM
QUOTE (tlydia @ Oct 11 2008, 03:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
To me, that's the problem right there You gave him the go ahead and he did. Sorry to tell you but guys aren't mind readers so they usually don't know what you're thinking or what you want unless you tell them.
There's a pinned L&R thread here that has alot of people who can give you advice on your situation.
http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45926
I would give you advice, but I'm the last person who should be giving any type of relationship advice.
Hope everything works out for you
You gave him the go ahead and he did. Sorry to tell you but guys aren't mind readers so they usually don't know what you're thinking or what you want unless you tell them. There's a pinned L&R thread here that has alot of people who can give you advice on your situation.
http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45926
I would give you advice, but I'm the last person who should be giving any type of relationship advice.
Hope everything works out for you
You just gave her awesome advice! It's sssooo true - guys are not mind readers, and we love it when our girl tells us just what she is thinking - straight up. We generally hate the "game" where a girl will tell us one thing when she really means another.
In the same way, if your guy offends you, or even if you lose interest in him and want to move on - don't be silent about it. Tell him. I've known so many girls who thought it was a good idea to just stop talking to someone if they didn't want to be around him anymore. No, just tell him. You'll be doing him a favor.
"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here." - CS Lewis Song (Brooke Fraser)
#11
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Posted 11 October 2008 - 03:23 PM
QUOTE (tlydia @ Oct 11 2008, 03:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
To me, that's the problem right there You gave him the go ahead and he did. Sorry to tell you but guys aren't mind readers so they usually don't know what you're thinking or what you want unless you tell them.
There's a pinned L&R thread here that has alot of people who can give you advice on your situation.
http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45926
I would give you advice, but I'm the last person who should be giving any type of relationship advice.
Hope everything works out for you
You gave him the go ahead and he did. Sorry to tell you but guys aren't mind readers so they usually don't know what you're thinking or what you want unless you tell them. There's a pinned L&R thread here that has alot of people who can give you advice on your situation.
http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45926
I would give you advice, but I'm the last person who should be giving any type of relationship advice.
Hope everything works out for you
i can read ur mind
right now, ur thinkin of that forbidden D word...
#12
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Posted 12 October 2008 - 08:25 AM
QUOTE (watcher @ Oct 11 2008, 06:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i can read ur mind
right now, ur thinkin of that forbidden D word...
right now, ur thinkin of that forbidden D word...
I'm still trying to figure out the forbidden D word
#13
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Posted 12 October 2008 - 08:44 AM
1) My ex-best friend [male] was a jerk and did this to his gf. She took him back and I don't believe she should have. He treated her like crap and was going to throw away a relationship [was actually a year and a half], everything they'd built, for some floozy he just thought was hot. It's ridiculous. I wouldn't stand for that crap lol. Liking someone else while in a relationship is, to me, emotionally cheating anyway.
2) If someone can't be bothered to talk to me, like, ever, then I'd generally just talk to the people who will. People change, grow apart, and some friendships inevitably weaken and eventually die. If we hadn't spoken in a good few years, what would be the point ^^;;? You'd obviously have proved by that point that you can live without them. If they contacted me I'd happily speak to them, but I wouldn't really go chasing up friendships which had died out long ago.
3) Why on earth would you still be friends when they've lied to you, then left you for someone else? You'd feel like crap and I'm sure being nice and friendly to someone who did that to me would be the last thing on my mind.
My GOD I feel sorry for you if you think that's what marriage should be like! :/
I mean, sure because someone showing that they'll leave you is more of a sign of affection than someone saying/showing that you're worth staying with. The fact that they leave all the time means they're filled with doubts about it, surely?
I know plenty of happy couples who never go through that process you mentioned.
She's being completely out of line. If my fiancé did that to me he'd be out on his ass. You shouldn't put up with it.
Does she still act like that now?
Especially if you're married to her.. you should be good enough for her, period.
Your acceptance of her behaviour sends out the message she can do what she likes and you'll take that from her without complaint.
If the situation was reversed and you said 'actually, you're not meeting my needs anymore and there's this girl at work...' how would she react?
>.<
2) If someone can't be bothered to talk to me, like, ever, then I'd generally just talk to the people who will. People change, grow apart, and some friendships inevitably weaken and eventually die. If we hadn't spoken in a good few years, what would be the point ^^;;? You'd obviously have proved by that point that you can live without them. If they contacted me I'd happily speak to them, but I wouldn't really go chasing up friendships which had died out long ago.
3) Why on earth would you still be friends when they've lied to you, then left you for someone else? You'd feel like crap and I'm sure being nice and friendly to someone who did that to me would be the last thing on my mind.
QUOTE (donil @ Oct 10 2008, 02:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Anyways, when someone has a need and it's not being met they don't go out purposely to find someone else that can meet it, but they can suddenly meet and she can feel a reassurance of their ability to satisfy whatever you are not able to give her.
Then she becomes attracted to them and starts to want to be with them.
After she goes out with them, she realizes that HE sucks and actually HE's way worse that you are.
Then she comes back.
The way I see it is, relationships are all about that. It's about breaking up and getting back together and breaking up again... Then getting back together. Until one day you say, you know what I think we should just get married.
Then badabing badaboom there you go, your married.
I think it's good to have this break up process, because it shows that you really are worth coming back to. If you break up and she never comes back, then you know it was just puppy love. But for years if it's a break and get back together, because man I can't be with anyone else than you...
You know you got something special.
Then she becomes attracted to them and starts to want to be with them.
After she goes out with them, she realizes that HE sucks and actually HE's way worse that you are.
Then she comes back.
The way I see it is, relationships are all about that. It's about breaking up and getting back together and breaking up again... Then getting back together. Until one day you say, you know what I think we should just get married.
Then badabing badaboom there you go, your married.
I think it's good to have this break up process, because it shows that you really are worth coming back to. If you break up and she never comes back, then you know it was just puppy love. But for years if it's a break and get back together, because man I can't be with anyone else than you...
You know you got something special.
My GOD I feel sorry for you if you think that's what marriage should be like! :/
I mean, sure because someone showing that they'll leave you is more of a sign of affection than someone saying/showing that you're worth staying with. The fact that they leave all the time means they're filled with doubts about it, surely?
I know plenty of happy couples who never go through that process you mentioned.
She's being completely out of line. If my fiancé did that to me he'd be out on his ass. You shouldn't put up with it.
Does she still act like that now?
Especially if you're married to her.. you should be good enough for her, period.
Your acceptance of her behaviour sends out the message she can do what she likes and you'll take that from her without complaint.
If the situation was reversed and you said 'actually, you're not meeting my needs anymore and there's this girl at work...' how would she react?
>.<
MuGEN owns you.
#14
- Dubya A. Teacher
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- Group: Friends of Soompi
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Posted 12 October 2008 - 09:12 AM
QUOTE (tlydia @ Oct 12 2008, 09:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm still trying to figure out the forbidden D word
whether or not you know it, ur thinkin about it, arent u? ahhhaha
#15
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Posted 12 October 2008 - 09:48 AM
QUOTE (donil @ Oct 9 2008, 07:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The way I see it is, relationships are all about that. It's about breaking up and getting back together and breaking up again... Then getting back together. Until one day you say, you know what I think we should just get married.
Then badabing badaboom there you go, your married.
I think it's good to have this break up process, because it shows that you really are worth coming back to. If you break up and she never comes back, then you know it was just puppy love. But for years if it's a break and get back together, because man I can't be with anyone else than you...
Then badabing badaboom there you go, your married.
I think it's good to have this break up process, because it shows that you really are worth coming back to. If you break up and she never comes back, then you know it was just puppy love. But for years if it's a break and get back together, because man I can't be with anyone else than you...
Oh hell no.
I totally disagree.
#16
- i am BAMPIRE
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Posted 12 October 2008 - 10:41 AM
1) No.
2) It depends on why our friendship came to a sudden halt. Usually though, my answer is no.
3) No.
2) It depends on why our friendship came to a sudden halt. Usually though, my answer is no.
3) No.
#17
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Posted 13 October 2008 - 10:43 AM
I guess my main focus of the thread got lost through my scenarios lol. Basically I wanted to say, what excuse do you think would be valid for a second chance? It doesn't have to focus on the scenarios, they were just there to drive conversation. And what distance would you go to giving a friend a second chance or maintaining contact to a friend who never contacts you if you don't contact them?
My personal opinion is people get my complete trust from the moment I meet them and it either diminishes or strengthens but once it is lost completely through a lie (which would be dependent on the situation of the lie), I wouldn't be friends or have a relationship with them. I don't believe in giving second chances once this certain line of trust is crossed and even small lies can build up to me completely stopping a friendship or relationship with someone. Wouldn't it mean you really care for someone though if you wanted to give them a second chance?
Basically, something like cheating would break the line of trust completely for me, something like not putting effort into the friendship two way street of both parties contacting each other not a one sided deal, would end my friendship with someone as I have tried to describe in my scenarios. Obviously I cannot list all the possible situations but they were guidelines.
My personal opinion is people get my complete trust from the moment I meet them and it either diminishes or strengthens but once it is lost completely through a lie (which would be dependent on the situation of the lie), I wouldn't be friends or have a relationship with them. I don't believe in giving second chances once this certain line of trust is crossed and even small lies can build up to me completely stopping a friendship or relationship with someone. Wouldn't it mean you really care for someone though if you wanted to give them a second chance?
Basically, something like cheating would break the line of trust completely for me, something like not putting effort into the friendship two way street of both parties contacting each other not a one sided deal, would end my friendship with someone as I have tried to describe in my scenarios. Obviously I cannot list all the possible situations but they were guidelines.
#18
- WOULD YOU LIKE SOME KONFUN?! IT'S HERRA FUN!
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Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:11 PM
1) HELL NO! If he liked that person and not me while in the relationship, I would ask him why the hell did he wait so long to tell me and kick him in the balls for making me waste my time on a retarded relationship with him. Not sure I would wanna be friends with someone like him either, I need to make friends with people who know how to make up their minds and not waste other people's time.
2) I'm in the current situation right now and I told myself that I would give up on her and move on with my life, but she used to be my good friend so I keep trying. But of course, it's just going to stay one-sided so I have to keep reminding myself that she's not worth it because there's no effort on her side and I'm just wasting my time on something that has no response. But it's ok, after I graduate, I won't be seeing her ever again... but for now I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.
3) Well, if he wasn't cheating, I'll probably give consideration of being friends with him again... after a couple of years. I can't forgive and forget about things that easily, if I really wanted to remain friends with him, I'd need at least 1-5 years to forget about him first.
I also disagree, if the relationship didn't work out the first time.
I will never work out, IMO
and from past experiences and my friends' personal experiences.
If you're going to break up that much in a relationship, that's just a sign that you guys won't work out.
Wtf are you guys gonna do when you get married and have a fight? Divorce? marry again? and then divorce? Give me a break. That's the beginning of a horrible marriage.
2) I'm in the current situation right now and I told myself that I would give up on her and move on with my life, but she used to be my good friend so I keep trying. But of course, it's just going to stay one-sided so I have to keep reminding myself that she's not worth it because there's no effort on her side and I'm just wasting my time on something that has no response. But it's ok, after I graduate, I won't be seeing her ever again... but for now I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.
3) Well, if he wasn't cheating, I'll probably give consideration of being friends with him again... after a couple of years. I can't forgive and forget about things that easily, if I really wanted to remain friends with him, I'd need at least 1-5 years to forget about him first.
QUOTE (hangook/korea @ Oct 12 2008, 10:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh hell no.
I totally disagree.
I totally disagree.
I also disagree, if the relationship didn't work out the first time.
I will never work out, IMO
and from past experiences and my friends' personal experiences.
If you're going to break up that much in a relationship, that's just a sign that you guys won't work out.
Wtf are you guys gonna do when you get married and have a fight? Divorce? marry again? and then divorce? Give me a break. That's the beginning of a horrible marriage.
#19
- Member
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Posted 14 October 2008 - 02:42 AM
QUOTE (koneee @ Oct 13 2008, 09:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1) HELL NO! If he liked that person and not me while in the relationship, I would ask him why the hell did he wait so long to tell me and kick him in the balls for making me waste my time on a retarded relationship with him. Not sure I would wanna be friends with someone like him either, I need to make friends with people who know how to make up their minds and not waste other people's time.
2) I'm in the current situation right now and I told myself that I would give up on her and move on with my life, but she used to be my good friend so I keep trying. But of course, it's just going to stay one-sided so I have to keep reminding myself that she's not worth it because there's no effort on her side and I'm just wasting my time on something that has no response. But it's ok, after I graduate, I won't be seeing her ever again... but for now I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.
3) Well, if he wasn't cheating, I'll probably give consideration of being friends with him again... after a couple of years. I can't forgive and forget about things that easily, if I really wanted to remain friends with him, I'd need at least 1-5 years to forget about him first.
I also disagree, if the relationship didn't work out the first time.
I will never work out, IMO
and from past experiences and my friends' personal experiences.
If you're going to break up that much in a relationship, that's just a sign that you guys won't work out.
Wtf are you guys gonna do when you get married and have a fight? Divorce? marry again? and then divorce? Give me a break. That's the beginning of a horrible marriage.
2) I'm in the current situation right now and I told myself that I would give up on her and move on with my life, but she used to be my good friend so I keep trying. But of course, it's just going to stay one-sided so I have to keep reminding myself that she's not worth it because there's no effort on her side and I'm just wasting my time on something that has no response. But it's ok, after I graduate, I won't be seeing her ever again... but for now I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.
3) Well, if he wasn't cheating, I'll probably give consideration of being friends with him again... after a couple of years. I can't forgive and forget about things that easily, if I really wanted to remain friends with him, I'd need at least 1-5 years to forget about him first.
I also disagree, if the relationship didn't work out the first time.
I will never work out, IMO
and from past experiences and my friends' personal experiences.
If you're going to break up that much in a relationship, that's just a sign that you guys won't work out.
Wtf are you guys gonna do when you get married and have a fight? Divorce? marry again? and then divorce? Give me a break. That's the beginning of a horrible marriage.
Is this coming from someone who's actually tried it before?
Life is what we call the uncertain ride. We never know if tomorrow we will be in a huge fight with our loved ones, or absolutely in love. It's something that is very organic and comes out in different seasons. If you can't fight, separate, and come back together again then you aren't ready to marry.
Why?
If you think that your "perfect other" will be so "perfect" that you will never have an argument or a misunderstanding to the point of great anger, you are in for a treat.
Life isn't easy, relationships aren't easy, and marriage isn't easy, but it's a part of life.
Life is learning to love and grow with each other through the good and the bad.
Yeah, that means learning to be a good bf or gf through the times of passion and through the droughts of boringness...
If you NEVER get into a HUGGE argument with your gf before you get married, I hope you wait a little longer. Perhaps you don't know each other well enough yet.
Cause your mr. perfect act and her mrs. cutie will be gone after a few years of marriage and if you fight then, you don't want to be the kind of married couple that "couldn't last a fight."
IMHO.
Been happily married to my ex of 2 times for 1 year now and we have a wonderful girl on the way.
CHEERS.
Counseling and Rehabilitation Forum Administrator, MyKoreanWedding.com Founder & CEO, Westminster Theological Seminary - M. Div Student.
#20
- 5354
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Posted 14 October 2008 - 05:14 AM
QUOTE (donil @ Oct 14 2008, 06:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is this coming from someone who's actually tried it before?
Life is what we call the uncertain ride. We never know if tomorrow we will be in a huge fight with our loved ones, or absolutely in love. It's something that is very organic and comes out in different seasons. If you can't fight, separate, and come back together again then you aren't ready to marry.
Why?
If you think that your "perfect other" will be so "perfect" that you will never have an argument or a misunderstanding to the point of great anger, you are in for a treat.
Life isn't easy, relationships aren't easy, and marriage isn't easy, but it's a part of life.
Life is learning to love and grow with each other through the good and the bad.
Yeah, that means learning to be a good bf or gf through the times of passion and through the droughts of boringness...
If you NEVER get into a HUGGE argument with your gf before you get married, I hope you wait a little longer. Perhaps you don't know each other well enough yet.
Cause your mr. perfect act and her mrs. cutie will be gone after a few years of marriage and if you fight then, you don't want to be the kind of married couple that "couldn't last a fight."
IMHO.
Been happily married to my ex of 2 times for 1 year now and we have a wonderful girl on the way.
CHEERS.
Life is what we call the uncertain ride. We never know if tomorrow we will be in a huge fight with our loved ones, or absolutely in love. It's something that is very organic and comes out in different seasons. If you can't fight, separate, and come back together again then you aren't ready to marry.
Why?
If you think that your "perfect other" will be so "perfect" that you will never have an argument or a misunderstanding to the point of great anger, you are in for a treat.
Life isn't easy, relationships aren't easy, and marriage isn't easy, but it's a part of life.
Life is learning to love and grow with each other through the good and the bad.
Yeah, that means learning to be a good bf or gf through the times of passion and through the droughts of boringness...
If you NEVER get into a HUGGE argument with your gf before you get married, I hope you wait a little longer. Perhaps you don't know each other well enough yet.
Cause your mr. perfect act and her mrs. cutie will be gone after a few years of marriage and if you fight then, you don't want to be the kind of married couple that "couldn't last a fight."
IMHO.
Been happily married to my ex of 2 times for 1 year now and we have a wonderful girl on the way.
CHEERS.
There is a big difference between arguing and cheating.
