[obs3ssive]

So here's the situation..there's a particular girl that I just can't get myself to like her..mainly because my bf went to high school with her, is close to her and her family, and he used to like her his freshman year in college.
I don't even know her that well, but whenever we come face to face I feel like I don't want to get to know her.
Here's the other thing - a lot of guys think she is 'hot'. She has a bunch of studio photos of her online and some are very revealing (she has a really nice body)
When she made it as part of our university's calendar, I saw a message from my bf on facebook telling her that he saw her in the newspaper and that she looks hot.
I confronted him about this and he reassured me that he is just supporting her as a friend and that nothing between them could ever happen especially because he cares about me more.
Well they also live close together at the town where they are from, so whenever he would drive back there to visit his family he would also hang out at her house or go shopping with her.
She has a boyfriend too, but sometimes I can't help but think he still has a thing for her.
He is always bringing up random questions on her facebook wall, and even if she never replies he will keep trying.
And today I found out that he texted her back and forth..first it was just like 'what's new' and then it leads to him wanting to get together with her asap to catch up on things.
I realize that this could all just be a friendly thing, but my bf's persistence on wanting to stay in touch with her so much just bothers me.
Am I being over jealous or is this normal? x.X

[Jamila]

I don't really see it as being over jealous...maybe a bit though lol
I think you see her as a threat even if you don't think so...you made it apparent how other guys thought she was hot and stuff and her revealing pics or w/e lol
I'd think it was strange if he was really persistent and kept trying to contact her though... O.O
but then again I think most men/boys are up to no good..eh..lol

why don't you ask if you and her bf can go along on these "catching up" outings? see how he reacts..

[sidney]

Well they also live close together at the town where they are from, so whenever he would drive back there to visit his family he would also hang out at her house or go shopping with her.
She has a boyfriend too, but sometimes I can't help but think he still has a thing for her.
He is always bringing up random questions on her facebook wall, and even if she never replies he will keep trying.
And today I found out that he texted her back and forth..first it was just like 'what's new' and then it leads to him wanting to get together with her asap to catch up on things.
I realize that this could all just be a friendly thing, but my bf's persistence on wanting to stay in touch with her so much just bothers me.
Am I being over jealous or is this normal? x.X

why would you confront him about it? When 2 persons are together, that doesn't mean they can't find other people attractive. Him commenting her hot is normal, especially coming from a guy. When you confronted him about it, it just made you appear insecure.
From what you said, i think it's normal for you to feel jealous. Like the person above me said, you feel threaten by this girl and your boyfriend's attention to her, even if you don't think so. I do think it's a red flag that your boyfriend is contacting her, etc. But he told you nothing will ever happen because he cares about you, your best bet is believe in him and trust him.

[PhuongNguyen]

why would you confront him about it? When 2 persons are together, that doesn't mean they can't find other people attractive. Him commenting her hot is normal, especially coming from a guy. When you confronted him about it, it just made you appear insecure.
From what you said, i think it's normal for you to feel jealous. Like the person above me said, you feel threaten by this girl and your boyfriend's attention to her, even if you don't think so. I do think it's a red flag that your boyfriend is contacting her, etc. But he told you nothing will ever happen because he cares about you, your best bet is believe in him and trust him.

Why shouldn't she confront him about it? If it bothers her then she needs to get it off her chest... No matter how insecure she may come off; it's better that than beating herself over why her boyfriend is calling her "hot".

Anyways... to the Topic starter; I think that you have a reason to be worried; but don't automatically assume that he's cheating on you. There's a possibility; but at the end of the day... putting 1 and 1 together doesn't always make up the complete story. As for the "hot" comment; I don't think that was appropriate. There are better way to phrase it; but calling someone hot; always comes off to me as "checking them out". And even though it's fine for him to think that she's hot; he really shouldn't have said it straight up; because it could be misleading. To you; and to her.

At the end of the day, don't be paranoid to the point that you chase him away; however... don't be naive and trust him 100% either. Be on the lookout; just don't go on a hunt.

[kingmari]

just confront him about it! my ex used to do the same thing (talk to other girls and suggest getting together with them while we were together.. esp ex girlfriends and girls he thought were cute) and it annoyed the hell out of me and i regret never really confronting him about it because i would always back off when he said that i was the only one he cared about... just ask him straight up and tell him that you're annoyed that he's doing it! good luck

[Kimbree]

You haven't even met the girl and you're already being prejuidice! Give her a chance, like meet up with her and get to know her.
If shes pure nasty I'd say tell your bf you made an effort to get to know her but shes a overall cow ^.^

[night]

It's not completely her fault...it's your bf too!

Seems like she wants all the guy's attention...n your bf is definitely giving that to her. His "supporting her as a friend" excuse is so lame. How can you guys say that commenting on another girl is fine...when he should be saying it to his gf. Especially when his doing it to the point where she's not replying him back. He seems a little too desperate.

I smell something fishy.

Talk it out with him soon...or else you'll eventually explode if u keep brushing it off. If he doesn't see how his actions hurt you, maybe u shouldn't be wasting your time caring about someone like him. It's better to know that his a player now than later!

Also, it shouldn't be hard for him to chose you over her, if he really loves you.

[GOOMBA]

I saw a message from my bf on facebook telling her that he saw her in the newspaper and that she looks hot.

I wouldn't tolerate that.

Well they also live close together at the town where they are from, so whenever he would drive back there to visit his family he would also hang out at her house or go shopping with her.

I DEFINITELY wouldn't tolerate that either.

He is always bringing up random questions on her facebook wall, and even if she never replies he will keep trying.
And today I found out that he texted her back and forth..first it was just like 'what's new' and then it leads to him wanting to get together with her asap to catch up on things.

Hmm..

You're not the only one. I'd freak out too I mean, if my boyfriend was more persistant with another girl than me, or putting more effort into staying "friends" with her, I'd be all WTF CHANGE or get your ass DUMPED!

[ino_tenten]

your bf sounds like a mofo... seems like he is only with you because he couldnt get her...

If he really loved u he would listen to u considering how much its bothering u. it just seems like he is holding on to you because she is too good for him.


dont hate on the girl (she probably doesnt even give a rats as about u, and its not her fault she is hot and guys think she is amazing)... hate on ur man.

[L.FOR.LOVE]

i dont think your being over jealous
jealousy is something taht everyone has and it gets triggered by differnt things
i think its that you don't like seeing your bf so clsoe to other girls
talk to your bf about it, but like try to udnerstandi him, because just because his your bf, doesn't mean he can't hang out with other girls, but make him udnertand how its making you feel

[vickstahs]

your bf sounds like a mofo... seems like he is only with you because he couldnt get her...

If he really loved u he would listen to u considering how much its bothering u. it just seems like he is holding on to you because she is too good for him.


dont hate on the girl (she probably doesnt even give a rats as about u, and its not her fault she is hot and guys think she is amazing)... hate on ur man.

woah woah.. slow down. o_____o;; u don't knwo that- that's just an assumption that isn't even entirely supported. even from what she's been telling us on this thread.

if i were you, i would just let him know how uncomfortable you are about it. it doesn't have to be something big; talk to him about it in a mature and open way and if he responds naturally, there shouldn't be anything to worry about.

[MaryMagdalin]

well, i would be a bit like WHYYY?! do you want to see her that badly?!
hahaha. esp since i guess she`s attractive,
but i wouldnt worry about it unless he gives you reason to worry.
my bf had um....a lot of admirers in high school ( i have NO idea why)
and he hangs out with them now even still.
i guess i`m not worried because they arent um.. attractive like your case but,
wait it out. i`m sure its nothing
you`ll just stress yourself out wondering.
you could just let him know it bothers you.
if he gets defensive about it... i would be a bit suspicious.

[Rainbow-lotus]

your right.. (if i was in your shoes) i would personally think he still likes her too. U should really say something... sit him down and have a talk with him... and tell him your reasonable pionts... like how u goes over to see her... shop with her... messages her alot on FB... tells her she is hot etc etc.
even if he admitted to liking her she got a bf now... so i guess your a lil on the safer side. But still to save your own face... u need to talk to him. I couldnt imagine if my bf did that too me..

in the end u gotta realize HEY GUESS WHAT... YOUR his gf.. and if he cares about u.. and its BUGGING U, then he WOULD sacrifice his friend that he might or use to like that he keeps giving attention to.

Thats my honest opinion.. and so far from reading all the replies to u.. i agree with all of them as well.
Dont think your a bad gf or anything for having these thoughts... it is... kind of a weird situation. I hope you mix it and it all works out..
If not.. there are other fish in the sea.

[obs3ssive]

Thanks for all of your replies, guys!
I guess the other thing I wanted to say though, was that is it possible for him to honestly just want to keep in touch with her strictly as friend? The thing is, they had a long history together since high school. When she just moved to our city for college, he helped her move in and everything to her new place. That was when we were already dating, and he told me about her and wanted me to go meet her. Yes, she's attractive, but he told me before he could not see himself dating her. I don't know if that's still the case though. Apparently, she hung out with a certain girl who my bf disliked very much, and he was saying how this girl was corrupting her and turning her into a bad person. Well, some drama happed recently and the two girls don't hang out anymore so now my bf is saying that she is becoming a better person again now that she's not hanging out with her friend. So I don't know if that comment is still true about her personality, but I trust my bf in a way that I know he wouldn't straight up cheat on me. It's the subtle things he does that confuses me...like it's not exactly cheating but 'flirting' in a way maybe? *sigh*

I don't want to keep confronting him about this girl. I did once already and he laughed at me like I have it totally wrong and that it's no biggie. It seems redundant to bring it up again, but I can't help but be bothered by his actions with this girl..