[babyN_xxs]

My Roommates Diary. (She allowed me to post this) She actually wants your honest feedback on it. She just wanted to get it out of her chest.
She will be logging onto my account to read your replies.

This is her diary Entery for this week. Sharing her personal stuff...so share your real honest thoughts.


Hi my name is Wendy
I’m a 24 yr old girl born and raised in Taipei. I moved to Seattle when I was 18 yrs old. I have had 5 bf’s in my life. I find my life very troubled, ive done things like lie about my age, lied about my virginity and how many men ive been with.. and I feel that I need to talk to other girls about this. Im very lucky to have a friend like myself who I have in common with. Lately ive been cheating on my 6th bf who I really think is the one.. and I love him so much. There was that selfish needy, lonely, angry part of myself that didn't want to stop and saw that sex was my solution to other things. Ppl who knew me wouldn’t guess that I was like this.. because I actually think im very sweet and caring towards my family, friends and bf. I know im a nice person.. but secretly ive been feeling frusterated about myself without a reason.. and I hide it from everyone. My smile hides all my insecurities. I feel if im more kind to my bf.. he wont see a thing.. but I know being nicer to him wont make things even or equal about what I did.
There was a part of myself that he just didn't know because I wasn't revealing it to him. I know he trusted me… and everytime a anniversary comes.. I always try to keep a promise to myself.. that I would stop flirting other men behind his back. I always tell him im at my friends house studying when we would go to house parties. When I went back to Taipei I went clubbing and me and my friend ended up sleeping over at these guys houses. The part that was unusual was where my mind tended to go with it..i just went along with my friends. I know my bf trusts me.. I don’t want to be like this anymore. Yesterday I deleted one of my Msn accounts. I keep one with school friends that I can open my account so when my bf sees it he knows im good. My other account has multiple friends, far friends and acquantices. I accidently bumped into my bf’s ex gf.. and she saw me walk in with my head on a guy’s shoulder.. im surprise she didn’t say anything.. maybe she thought me and him had broken up..or maybe she thought I was really drunk and he was just my friend. from that point I got really scared… scared I might lose my bf if he finds out. I don’t want this drama anymore. All the attention I got from strangers.. how they told me how cute I was just with me saying a few things, made me feel really good about myself. but All this crazy stuff is in the past, that will be over now.

[jaey]

Has she ever asked herself why she still wants to hook up with other guys even though she knows her present bf is the one? I mean, does he not satisfy her in some ways? What's lacking in their relationship? Excitement?

And when she's with other guys... is she actually happy? What does she like about being intimate with other guys? The feeling of being "chased"/worshipped/put on the pedestal? Or jus because the act itself is "illicit"? Is it because their relationship is so perfect that she subconsciously wants to self-sabotage (because she can't believe how lucky she is to find a great guy)? Or maybe she feels suffocated at being tied down in a steady relationship at so young an age?... kinda like she wants to grow old with him but is not yet ready to stop being able to see other guys so she does it behind her bf's back?

Well... as you can see I think this girl has issues.

[kuroimisa]

^ Agreed - you pretty much beat me to what I was gonna say LOL

//

Well first things first I can understand why she's doing all those things - lying about certain things isn't really a problem provided you believe it is correct. I mean, how many boyfriends you have doesn't really have anything to do with other people - I see this as part of a private life and it doesn't need to be shared with your boyfriend. I mean, it's nice to, but it's not legally required or anything - it's a personal choice.

As for going behind his back and doing those things... I really think your friend needs to sit down and talk to her boyfriend. Why go out and satisfy these desires with other men when she can fulfill them with someone she loves and thinks is "the one"? I kind of find it hard to put the ends together - I mean, why would you want to do these things with another man ... to me the only reason is to make him jealous.

Well, as I said, it's best to just sit down and chat it out. He's your boyfriend - he should be obliged to satisfy any needs a girlfriend has. I mean, what good's a boyfriend if he can't lend a shoulder to cry on when you're sad?

I admit it's not right to cheat or do things behind someone's back. If you tell him the truth and he gets pissed, then he obviously doesn't love you enough.

Just some random thoughts o_o

[PhuongNguyen]

I'm going to be extremely blunt; and I'm sorry if this offends you; but it someone needs to give this girl a wake up call.

First off; I'm sorry but your friend is just a pinkberry who doesn't want to admit she is. She does this to her boyfriend; yet thinks she's a good person; and tries to justify it by not knowing why she's doing these kinds of things. If you're going to cheat on someone; drop the innocent act and just admit how john teshed up you are. Trying to mask it by your insecurities and other reason; just makes you even worst. And you can tell how selfish she is; by not even mentioning her boyfriend feeling about it one bit. This whole time; all she talks about is how she feels, how she sleeps around, and how SHE'S afraid her boyfriend would find out. Wow; talk about a pinkberry in denial. She's scare she'll lose her boyfriend? Why? It's obvious she doesn't even give a rat ass about him. She wants him for her own selfish needs; not because she cares about him. And I hate cheaters who claim they love the person they're with... but yet; contradict themselves with the next sentence; by how much that cheated on that person. Some people really have an absurd definetion of love. If he's the one; TREAT HIM LIKE HE IS.

With that being said; good day.

[KAITOU KID.]

I feel bad for the bf.
Poor guy.

[sodaniechea]

but secretly ive been feeling frusterated about myself without a reason.. and I hide it from everyone. My smile hides all my insecurities. I feel if im more kind to my bf.. he wont see a thing.

i was feeling like that recently, and i've told my bf about it. we were on the verge of breaking up but decided not to because we believe it's just a little hump we could get over.

she should really tell him, and work it out

[it'smyFLOW]

I'm going to be extremely blunt; and I'm sorry if this offends you; but it someone needs to give this girl a wake up call.

First off; I'm sorry but your friend is just a pinkberry who doesn't want to admit she is. She does this to her boyfriend; yet thinks she's a good person; and tries to justify it by not knowing why she's doing these kinds of things. If you're going to cheat on someone; drop the innocent act and just admit how john teshed up you are. Trying to mask it by your insecurities and other reason; just makes you even worst. And you can tell how selfish she is; by not even mentioning her boyfriend feeling about it one bit. This whole time; all she talks about is how she feels, how she sleeps around, and how SHE'S afraid her boyfriend would find out. Wow; talk about a pinkberry in denial. She's scare she'll lose her boyfriend? Why? It's obvious she doesn't even give a rat ass about him. She wants him for her own selfish needs; not because she cares about him. And I hate cheaters who claim they love the person they're with... but yet; contradict themselves with the next sentence; by how much that cheated on that person. Some people really have an absurd definetion of love. If he's the one; TREAT HIM LIKE HE IS.

With that being said; good day.

i so agree, she has to get her mini cooper together. no offense

[Rainbow-lotus]

THATS DEPRESSING... and i hope i never meet a guy-version of your friend....



sorry...

i dislike girls like that..... stay away.....................!

all i can say is counsiling.
(tell your friend that her mom and dad still love her)

[meliawy]

I'm going to be extremely blunt; and I'm sorry if this offends you; but it someone needs to give this girl a wake up call.

First off; I'm sorry but your friend is just a pinkberry who doesn't want to admit she is. She does this to her boyfriend; yet thinks she's a good person; and tries to justify it by not knowing why she's doing these kinds of things. If you're going to cheat on someone; drop the innocent act and just admit how john teshed up you are. Trying to mask it by your insecurities and other reason; just makes you even worst. And you can tell how selfish she is; by not even mentioning her boyfriend feeling about it one bit. This whole time; all she talks about is how she feels, how she sleeps around, and how SHE'S afraid her boyfriend would find out. Wow; talk about a pinkberry in denial. She's scare she'll lose her boyfriend? Why? It's obvious she doesn't even give a rat ass about him. She wants him for her own selfish needs; not because she cares about him. And I hate cheaters who claim they love the person they're with... but yet; contradict themselves with the next sentence; by how much that cheated on that person. Some people really have an absurd definetion of love. If he's the one; TREAT HIM LIKE HE IS.

With that being said; good day.

Couldn't put it any better. Seriously, when you mess up big time, it just means you mess up big time... you are only making it worse when you try to cover it all up by making up excuses after excuses. I think that it is pathetic. You said he might be "the one" and yet you treated him the way you did? You tell me, how does that even make sense? Ask everyone else, I am sure they will tell you that they will never do anything to intentionally hurt the ones they love. And mind you, this is not a one-time deal... you are doing this over and over again.

Even so, if you were truly guilty about what you have done and would like to repent, your inability to commit is not something anyone here on soompi can advise you on. You have some personal, emotional issues, and if you really want to improve your current situation, seek professional help in the form of a therapist or something.

[hippiehop]

If he's the one, why would you run into the arms of another man?

You don't deserve him, you don't deserve his trust, and you deserve to get broken up with.

You don't love him. If you did, why would you do such hurtful things?

Tell him the truth so he can know how big of a pinkberry you are.

[KareBear]

I can't stand cheaters like yourself. I have never been cheated on but my boyfriend has. And it makes me feel so angry knowing that his ex cheated on him when he treated her the best- buying her stuff and taking her on trips. Thinking about how she lied to him for so long probably pisses me off as much as it upsets him.

You should tell him the truth. Don't think "well, I don't want to lose him/hurt him. I'll stop, I promise. I don't want him to see this side of me" because who the hell do you think you are? He should be the one deciding whether he wants to stay with you or not. Why should he be the one suffering the most because his gf's actions? If you love him then just stop. Learn to have some self-control and learn how to treat the person you love properly. If you can't tell him the truth then don't expect this habit of yours to end any time soon. Cause by what you said- you don't truly understand the consequences of hurting the person who you "love so much". That's why you keep doing the stuff you're doing- you don't really understand or you just don't care. You said that you're a nice person... well, if you're a nice person then BE a nice person. Don't act like one just so you'll feel less guilty.

[4ever_sweet]

wow...just wow. That's my first impression.

You should know that saying is different from doing. Stop saying you will change, do it. If your boyfriend really means a lot to you.......it wouldn't be so hard to change your bad habits. I hope you two will be able to work it out, but seriously...if I was your boyfriend, i don't even know if I could forgive you. But it's definitely worth a try. If you really meant it when you said you would change, I'm sure things can work out.

[Flabtastic]

^^ agreed with 4ever sweet if your just going to say your going to change its not going to happen
dont just say it, actually trying changing
stop having affiars and really be honest to yourself...thats all i can say

[kishycathiee]

Do you know how much of an impact on him if he finds out you were cheating on him?
Crud, I think that came out wrong

[auroralbutterfly]

I really think your friend needs to sit down and talk to her boyfriend. Why go out and satisfy these desires with other men when she can fulfill them with someone she loves and thinks is "the one"?

Exactly what I was thinking...

Your roommate and her boyfriend should talk about their problems together. It will only hurt both of them if they love each other, yet she cheats on him despite her feelings for him.

[idiotsucks]

I'm a girl myself. I feel that your friend is a very selfish girl. She started to feel scare when only her bf's ex saw her lying on a guy's shoulder. Duhh.. She really deserves it if 1 day her bf found it and wants to break up with her. When she's flirting and sleeping over at other guy's house, did she think of her boyfriend's feelings? I doubt it. Sigh. I don't have anything much to comment duhh. I just hope that this will be the final time she lie to her bf. A relationship will not works without trust. I'm really feeling sad for her bf though.

[NEYUGN93]

I'm going to be extremely blunt; and I'm sorry if this offends you; but it someone needs to give this girl a wake up call.

First off; I'm sorry but your friend is just a pinkberry who doesn't want to admit she is. She does this to her boyfriend; yet thinks she's a good person; and tries to justify it by not knowing why she's doing these kinds of things. If you're going to cheat on someone; drop the innocent act and just admit how john teshed up you are. Trying to mask it by your insecurities and other reason; just makes you even worst. And you can tell how selfish she is; by not even mentioning her boyfriend feeling about it one bit. This whole time; all she talks about is how she feels, how she sleeps around, and how SHE'S afraid her boyfriend would find out. Wow; talk about a pinkberry in denial. She's scare she'll lose her boyfriend? Why? It's obvious she doesn't even give a rat ass about him. She wants him for her own selfish needs; not because she cares about him. And I hate cheaters who claim they love the person they're with... but yet; contradict themselves with the next sentence; by how much that cheated on that person. Some people really have an absurd definetion of love. If he's the one; TREAT HIM LIKE HE IS.

With that being said; good day.

Agree. How can she think shes a good person when shes done all that horrible stuff ? Sleeping around, flirting to other guys... disgusting really. Sorry if i sound mean but, she really needs to stop.

[gisbiz]

awww....
i feel sorry for the bf, poor guy.
clueless and no idea what evil lies in his dear gf. tsk tsk tsk
in my opinion, this girl seems to have a lot of personal issues within herself
sleeping around usually mean she's looking for some kind of love she cant identify.


i swear, girls like that always end up finding the good guys. psssshhh...

[wisawisa]

Although what your friend did was horrible, she seems to want to change her ways. I, for one, believe that people are capable of changing even the deepest and darkest thing about themselves. She can begin by coming clean to her boyfriend and then working it out from there. It'll take lots of courage and it won't be easy, but I do think that it'll take a huge burden off of her. I also see she has been taking measures to avoid putting herself in situations where it's easy to cheat, which is a good start. Aside from that, she should also work out some of those personal issues (IE insecurity) and make them known to her boyfriend.
Keep it up and just be honest.

[Meenuh]

honestly, if you want to change something about yourself because you really don't like it then you just do it. you don't ask for advice on how to do it ... if you're serious about it; you just do it.

if she's still doing the same things over and over again then she obviously doesn't want to stay faithful to her boyfriend as bad as she says she does.