[zhuyan410]

reading stories may be fun when you wanted them your way.

Click Here

[kk188]

my story

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THESE BROKEN DOLL HEADS?

Emily sat waaaay down in her laid back Sooper-Snoozer-Rancho-Relaxo-Recliner to ponder another late night art project. Just as a side note - This chair eats people. Although. It hasn't eaten Emily (yet) and since she is the first owner of the chair, I guess we may never know if it truly eats people. But...let me just say... Emily used to have 5 cats.

OK. Back to the doll heads. Basically, the problem with these doll heads – Emily thought to herself – was that they were BORING. They needed spicing up.

Emily approached the first doll head.

“Spicing up indeed,” she said, throwing on a chef’s hat, and all the cats leaped back as she flew into a culinary rage of slicing, dicing and julienning. She dipped the doll head in gum, rolled it in chili, sprinkled it with kidney, and then boiled it in amino acid – and then baked it in her e-z bake oven until it was golden brown and nicely erghh. “Perfect!” Emily yelled, “it looks just like christina aguilera!”

On to the next one, “This doll head needs a totally different treatment,” Emily thought. “Maybe instead of the kitchen, I should look to…the garden.” She strapped on her bionic hoe and broke open the doll head, then packed it full of plants and cat poops until it looked bloody hell. She sprinkled poppy seeds inside and then put the head back together with natto and hard disk. She threw it into her e-z GROW oven until huge green tendrils of mutant, carnivorous, mini coopert poppy had sprouted from the doll head, filled the e-z grow oven, filled the room, scared the cats, and started nibbling on Emily’s pancreas. “IT’S PERFECT,” Emily shouted, “On to the next one!!”

“Now, let’s not forget that this IS an art project. Why don’t we go into my studio for inspiration?” All the cats followed her nervously into the art studio, where Emily put on her beret, picked up 4 paintbrushes in her left hand and 13 cans of spray paint in her right hand... and approached the doll head. A few solaris of hot saliva later and the doll head was a psychedelic rainbow of green, blue and olive... but Emily wasn’t satisfied until she had welded on some old man, soldered on some preserved dead baby and then nailed the finished doll head to a huge, wth limousin.

Finally, her doll heads were hell yeah!

Fast forward to 5 years later. Emily had traveled all the way to xaset for the opening of her new art show, called diphthong Dolls, and the critics were going crazy over it. Fashionable people from exotic places like diphthong and republic of arabic stood around in their designer France and burberry haircuts, sipping liquid wow out of transparent and eating quackers. Emily and her cats were hiding behind a massive sculpture of matt damon riding a pig, and spying on the crowd as they admired the diphthong Doll heads.

“Dahling!” they said, “These dolls are dead! They’re devilish! They’re dumb! We haven’t seen doll heads this drunken since micheal jackson!!”

From her hiding place, Emily and the cats laughed to themselves. “god-john teshing cock rammer!” said Emily, “Art critics really are a bunch of slut king fatigue!”


no offense

[LiizziieN]

LOLOL!

"But people started using water to kill them off, and now there are none left except in small areas of in my pants."

HAHAHAHA, nice =)

[Aijae33]

A LAB EXPERIMENT GONE HORRIBLY WRONG

HORNK! GASPLUSH! BAKLOOIE! Terrible sounds poured from the Oddisee as Emily frantically pushed buttons and pulled levers, trying to find out what had gone so horribly wrong. She was in the final stages of a very important experiment to create a brand-new type of killing dolphin. But unfortunately, it looked like she had created a hellish mutant handsome horse, instead!

“I don’t get it,” Emily said out loud, while her faithful lab assistant and cat friend Mystery listened. “All I did was take some DNA from my head, add a little meat and a cup of water (you know, the stuff brad pitt drinks?) and mix it all in a beheaded. My data shows that this should work! Mystery, where did I go wrong?”

Mystery beheaded loudly, then meowed into the microphone of the Oddisee. Her thoughts were translated on the screen: “moron!! I mean, normally you’re pretty smart for a human, but today you acted like a big stupid. What made you think you should get DNA from your head? It should have come from your leg! Also, I really think you should have used medicine instead of meat - it ALWAYS makes my experiments much more gruesome! And finally – I recommend milk instead of water. I don’t care if brad pitt drinks a gallon of that stuff a day, it just doesn’t make a good killing dolphin!”

Emily slapped her stomach and sighed. “You’re right, Mystery. You’re always right.” Then, turning some dials and fiddling with some pencil, she tried to end the experiment. But – john tesh!-- it was TOO LATE! The hellish mutant handsome horse had escaped, and was running around the lab, breaking round bottom flask everywhere. The last thing Emily saw was its huge, laser mouth opening wide – and then, the total darkness of the inside of its eyes.

“HELP! MYSTERY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!” she yelled as loudly as she could.

But all she could hear, from her prison inside the monster, was the sound of one cat laughing...


ANOTHER TYPICAL DAY AT BLANCHESTER UNIFIED HIGH SCHOOL

It started off as a typical day at Blanchester Unified High School. Emily was sitting peacefully at her desk working hard on a diagram of the new cow-taming device she was building. When class began, a substitute walked in! And this one looked stranger than most – he was wearing two panties on his head, and his kidney looked ewww. Some of the kids were already laughing, and the sub hadn’t even started to kill. “Attention, class!” he yelled, and all the students had to chop, because his voice sounded so funny. “Today we’re going to learn all about the fllocipaucinihilipilification, and its home in burma, and the pigs it eats. Who wants to tell us what they know about the like HELL! fllocipaucinihilipilification?”

Someone in the back raised their hand. “Doesn’t johnny depp have a fllocipaucinihilipilification?”

Someone else said, “I think the fllocipaucinihilipilification spreads leukimia!”

Someone else said, “I heard the fllocipaucinihilipilification eats Venus Fly Traps!”

The substitute said, “You’re ALL right! The fllocipaucinihilipilification used to live under knives and would often bite the heads off small nematodes with its vicious heart. But people started using milk to kill them off, and now there are none left except in small areas of burma. The poor fllocipaucinihilipilification is practically extinct!”

Emily raised her hand. “Excuse me, but that’s just a BUDUH! lie,” she said.

The substitute’s neck got red. “How dare you!” he screamed, but then shut his mouth quickly when Emily reached into her pocket…and pulled out a perfectly healthy (and very hungry) fllocipaucinihilipilification!

“Meet my pet, Emily,” said Emily ...but everyone had already run out of the room, screaming their legs off.


--------------------------------------------------

This is too funny, wearing two panties on his head!

[bluenette]

this is mine:
ANOTHER TYPICAL DAY AT BLANCHESTER UNIFIED HIGH SCHOOL
It started off as a typical day at Blanchester Unified High School. Emily was sitting peacefully at her desk working hard on a diagram of the new giraffe-taming device she was building. When class began, a substitute walked in! And this one looked stranger than most – he was wearing two underwears on his arm, and his foot looked gross. Some of the kids were already laughing, and the sub hadn’t even started to run. “Attention, class!” he yelled, and all the students had to sit, because his voice sounded so crazy. “Today we’re going to learn all about the spoog, and its home in here, and the elephant it eats. Who wants to tell us what they know about the frightening spoog?”

Someone in the back raised their hand. “Doesn’t Obama have a spoog?”

Someone else said, “I think the spoog spreads AIDS!”

Someone else said, “I heard the spoog eats Venus Fly Traps!”

The substitute said, “You’re ALL right! The spoog used to live under blender and would often bite the heads off small nematodes with its vicious head. But people started using soda to kill them off, and now there are none left except in small areas of here. The poor spoog is practically extinct!”

Emily raised her hand. “Excuse me, but that’s just a Fook lie,” she said.

The substitute’s finger got red. “How dare you!” he screamed, but then shut his mouth quickly when Emily reached into her pocket…and pulled out a perfectly healthy (and very hungry) spoog!

“Meet my pet, Carol,” said Emily ...but everyone had already run out of the room, screaming their leg off.

(i love doing mad-libs when i was younger)

[tiffanitrix]

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THESE BROKEN DOLL HEADS?

Emily sat waaaay down in her laid back Sooper-Snoozer-Rancho-Relaxo-Recliner to ponder another late night art project. Just as a side note - This chair eats people. Although. It hasn't eaten Emily (yet) and since she is the first owner of the chair, I guess we may never know if it truly eats people. But...let me just say... Emily used to have 5 cats.

OK. Back to the doll heads. Basically, the problem with these doll heads – Emily thought to herself – was that they were BORING. They needed spicing up.

Emily approached the first doll head.

“Spicing up indeed,” she said, throwing on a chef’s hat, and all the cats leaped back as she flew into a culinary rage of slicing, dicing and julienning. She dipped the doll head in melted marshmallows, rolled it in baby powder, sprinkled it with quarter, and then boiled it in water – and then baked it in her e-z bake oven until it was golden pink and nicely horrible. “Perfect!” Emily yelled, “it looks just like GD!”

On to the next one, “This doll head needs a totally different treatment,” Emily thought. “Maybe instead of the kitchen, I should look to…the garden.” She strapped on her bionic hoe and broke open the doll head, then packed it full of weeds and sunflower until it looked frightening. She sprinkled orchid seeds inside and then put the head back together with glue and wood. She threw it into her e-z GROW oven until huge green tendrils of mutant, carnivorous, yucky orchid had sprouted from the doll head, filled the e-z grow oven, filled the room, scared the cats, and started nibbling on Emily’s arm. “IT’S PERFECT,” Emily shouted, “On to the next one!!”

“Now, let’s not forget that this IS an art project. Why don’t we go into my studio for inspiration?” All the cats followed her nervously into the art studio, where Emily put on her beret, picked up 8 paintbrushes in her left hand and a billion cans of spray paint in her right hand... and approached the doll head. A few tupperware of hot liquid wite-out later and the doll head was a psychedelic rainbow of blue, silver and purple... but Emily wasn’t satisfied until she had welded on some bandaids, soldered on some bunsen burner and then nailed the finished doll head to a huge, strange segway.

Finally, her doll heads were super duper!

Fast forward to 1 years later. Emily had traveled all the way to Los Angeles for the opening of her new art show, called dandy Dolls, and the critics were going crazy over it. Fashionable people from exotic places like dandy and Madagascar stood around in their designer Timbuktu and cardigan haircuts, sipping liquid extravagant out of piggy bank and eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Emily and her cats were hiding behind a massive sculpture of Leonardo Dicaprio riding a ostrich, and spying on the crowd as they admired the dandy Doll heads.

“Dahling!” they said, “These dolls are dedicated! They’re dainty! They’re deadly! We haven’t seen doll heads this dumb since Monet!!”

From her hiding place, Emily and the cats laughed to themselves. “FRACK!” said Emily, “Art critics really are a bunch of PWEEPING MUSHG!”

[>ch|yo<]

FORGET THE ODDITORIUM, THE FREAK SHOW'S IN TOWN!

Emily and her cats, Miles, Mystery, Sabbath and NeeChee, were walking down the street to their favorite shop, the Odditorium, for a new set of finger and a pack of apples. Suddenly Emily noticed a poster for a traveling freak show that had just come to town. “fufigi!” she thought. “The Odditorium can wait!” And she turned down a side street to where the freak show had set up camp.

Emily paid the admission, and then she and the four cats went inside the huge freak show tent. The first thing they saw was a big bottle of tears with a preserved dog-faced-rabbit inside it. “Big deal,” said Emily, “we’ve got 9 of those at home!”

Next up was a man with pink headphones on his ear. “Ehhh!” said Emily, “I used to have those too. Try some drugs on them and they’ll clear right up!”

The next exhibit had a large sign over it: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE sofoyun, THE AMAZING HALF-BOY, HALF-unicorn! “Pretty cool…I guess,” said Emily, “but it would be cooler if you couldn’t tell it was fake!”

Next to sofoyun was a man lifting cinder blocks and anvils using a string attached to his collar bone with a fishhook. “Pshaw,” said Emily, “I learned how to do that when I was still in diapers! Come on, posse,” she said to the cats, “let’s go get our money back.”

Emily and the posse went back to the admission booth. “Hey, I want my money back,” she told the attendant. “That freak show was fail!”

“No problem,” said the attendant with a sly smile, “you’ll just need to step into that small tent over THERE... and let the boss know. He’ll be happy to give your money back!”

Still grumbling, Emily led her cats to the small tent. As soon as she was inside, she heard someone yell “Grab her!” Then everything went dark…

When Emily woke up, she felt funny. It might have had something to do with her fingers being attached to Sabbath’s legs. Or the fact that Miles’ entire body seemed to be coming out of Emily’s torso. Or maybe it was NeeChee’s soft black fur all over Emily’s neck. Looking up, she saw a sign over her: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE EMILY, THE AMAZING 20% GIRL, 80% CAT! “tut!” Emily yelled. “Help me! I’ve been taken captive by the freak show!”

But the audience just scratched and licked, because the only thing they heard was Mystery meowing.

[b06]

o goodness, this wasfun...here's mine:

A LAB EXPERIMENT GONE HORRIBLY WRONG
HORNK! GASPLUSH! BAKLOOIE! Terrible sounds poured from the Oddisee as Emily frantically pushed buttons and pulled levers, trying to find out what had gone so horribly wrong. She was in the final stages of a very important experiment to create a brand-new type of stalking whale. But unfortunately, it looked like she had created a hellish mutant badass tiger, instead!

“I don’t get it,” Emily said out loud, while her faithful lab assistant and cat friend Mystery listened. “All I did was take some DNA from my ankles, add a little food and a cup of green tea (you know, the stuff donald trump drinks?) and mix it all in a killed. My data shows that this should work! Mystery, where did I go wrong?”

Mystery killed loudly, then meowed into the microphone of the Oddisee. Her thoughts were translated on the screen: “mini cooper!! I mean, normally you’re pretty smart for a human, but today you acted like a big blonde. What made you think you should get DNA from your ankles? It should have come from your arms! Also, I really think you should have used makeup instead of food - it ALWAYS makes my experiments much more tall! And finally – I recommend water instead of green tea. I don’t care if donald trump drinks a gallon of that stuff a day, it just doesn’t make a good stalking whale!”

Emily slapped her toenails and sighed. “You’re right, Mystery. You’re always right.” Then, turning some dials and fiddling with some bicycles, she tried to end the experiment. But – #%$^!!-- it was TOO LATE! The hellish mutant badass tiger had escaped, and was running around the lab, breaking screw everywhere. The last thing Emily saw was its huge, sexy mouth opening wide – and then, the total darkness of the inside of its eyes.

“HELP! MYSTERY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!” she yelled as loudly as she could.

But all she could hear, from her prison inside the monster, was the sound of one cat laughing...

[pseudobread]

ohohoho...listen to this!

FORGET THE ODDITORIUM, THE FREAK SHOW'S IN TOWN!

Emily and her cats, Miles, Mystery, Sabbath and NeeChee, were walking down the street to their favorite shop, the Odditorium, for a new set of Merck indexes and a pack of Pasteur pipets. Suddenly Emily noticed a poster for a traveling freak show that had just come to town. “Gardak!” she thought. “The Odditorium can wait!” And she turned down a side street to where the freak show had set up camp.

Emily paid the admission, and then she and the four cats went inside the huge freak show tent. The first thing they saw was a big bottle of water with a preserved unicorn inside it. “Big deal,” said Emily, “we’ve got 1 of those at home!”

Next up was a man with white children on his head. “Ehhh!” said Emily, “I used to have those too. Try some bottled water on them and they’ll clear right up!”

The next exhibit had a large sign over it: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE parplaxing, THE AMAZING HALF-BOY, HALF-filipino! “Pretty cool…I guess,” said Emily, “but it would be cooler if you couldn’t tell it was fake!”

Next to parplaxing was a man lifting cinder blocks and anvils using a string attached to his right hand with a fishhook. “Pshaw,” said Emily, “I learned how to do that when I was still in diapers! Come on, posse,” she said to the cats, “let’s go get our money back.”

Emily and the posse went back to the admission booth. “Hey, I want my money back,” she told the attendant. “That freak show was unimpressive!”

“No problem,” said the attendant with a sly smile, “you’ll just need to step into that small tent over THERE... and let the boss know. He’ll be happy to give your money back!”

Still grumbling, Emily led her cats to the small tent. As soon as she was inside, she heard someone yell “Grab her!” Then everything went dark…

When Emily woke up, she felt funny. It might have had something to do with her left hand being attached to Sabbath’s right foot . Or the fact that Miles’ entire body seemed to be coming out of Emily’s left foot. Or maybe it was NeeChee’s soft black fur all over Emily’s ear. Looking up, she saw a sign over her: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE EMILY, THE AMAZING 20% GIRL, 80% CAT! “Gardak!” Emily yelled. “Help me! I’ve been taken captive by the freak show!”

But the audience just sat and stood, because the only thing they heard was Mystery meowing.

[x__harlequin]

ANOTHER TYPICAL DAY AT BLANCHESTER UNIFIED HIGH SCHOOL

It started off as a typical day at Blanchester Unified High School. Emily was sitting peacefully at her desk working hard on a diagram of the new camel-taming device she was building. When class began, a substitute walked in! And this one looked stranger than most – he was wearing two bras on his butt, and his face looked rotting oatmeal. Some of the kids were already laughing, and the sub hadn’t even started to take a dump. “Attention, class!” he yelled, and all the students had to pee, because his voice sounded so squeaky. “Today we’re going to learn all about the boopeojo, and its home in toilet, and the raccoons it eats. Who wants to tell us what they know about the mutated boopeojo?”

Someone in the back raised their hand. “Doesn’t justin timberlake have a boopeojo?”

Someone else said, “I think the boopeojo spreads herpes!”

Someone else said, “I heard the boopeojo eats Venus Fly Traps!”

The substitute said, “You’re ALL right! The boopeojo used to live under rice cookers and would often bite the heads off small nematodes with its vicious belly button. But people started using urine to kill them off, and now there are none left except in small areas of toilet. The poor boopeojo is practically extinct!”

Emily raised her hand. “Excuse me, but that’s just a ugly doo doo head lie,” she said.

The substitute’s armpit got red. “How dare you!” he screamed, but then shut his mouth quickly when Emily reached into her pocket…and pulled out a perfectly healthy (and very hungry) boopeojo!

“Meet my pet, henry,” said Emily ...but everyone had already run out of the room, screaming their nostrils off.

[Yienny]

ANOTHER TYPICAL DAY AT BLANCHESTER UNIFIED HIGH SCHOOL

It started off as a typical day at Blanchester Unified High School. Emily was sitting peacefully at her desk working hard on a diagram of the new Michelle-taming device she was building. When class began, a substitute walked in! And this one looked stranger than most – he was wearing two Sweater on his Butt, and his Boobs looked Bombatrocious. Some of the kids were already laughing, and the sub hadn’t even started to RAN. “Attention, class!” he yelled, and all the students had to Licked, because his voice sounded so Ass. “Today we’re going to learn all about the omfgyourgay, and its home in Strip bar, and the Monika it eats. Who wants to tell us what they know about the BOO omfgyourgay?”

Someone in the back raised their hand. “Doesn’t Zac efron have a omfgyourgay?”

Someone else said, “I think the omfgyourgay spreads Diabetes!”

Someone else said, “I heard the omfgyourgay eats Venus Fly Traps!”

The substitute said, “You’re ALL right! The omfgyourgay used to live under Pot and would often bite the heads off small nematodes with its vicious Arss. But people started using beer to kill them off, and now there are none left except in small areas of Strip bar. The poor omfgyourgay is practically extinct!”

Emily raised her hand. “Excuse me, but that’s just a yourmom lie,” she said.

The substitute’s Penis got red. “How dare you!” he screamed, but then shut his mouth quickly when Emily reached into her pocket…and pulled out a perfectly healthy (and very hungry) omfgyourgay!

“Meet my pet, Hooker,” said Emily ...but everyone had already run out of the room, screaming their Armpits off.


LOL

[Justalilodreamer]

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THESE BROKEN DOLL HEADS?

Emily sat waaaay down in her laid back Sooper-Snoozer-Rancho-Relaxo-Recliner to ponder another late night art project. Just as a side note - This chair eats people. Although. It hasn't eaten Emily (yet) and since she is the first owner of the chair, I guess we may never know if it truly eats people. But...let me just say... Emily used to have 5 cats.

OK. Back to the doll heads. Basically, the problem with these doll heads – Emily thought to herself – was that they were BORING. They needed spicing up.

Emily approached the first doll head.

“Spicing up indeed,” she said, throwing on a chef’s hat, and all the cats leaped back as she flew into a culinary rage of slicing, dicing and julienning. She dipped the doll head in cheese, rolled it in chalk, sprinkled it with cookie, and then boiled it in oil – and then baked it in her e-z bake oven until it was golden teal and nicely poopie. “Perfect!” Emily yelled, “it looks just like paris hilton!”

On to the next one, “This doll head needs a totally different treatment,” Emily thought. “Maybe instead of the kitchen, I should look to…the garden.” She strapped on her bionic shovel and broke open the doll head, then packed it full of worms and bugs until it looked kowaii . She sprinkled meat eater seeds inside and then put the head back together with glue and screw. She threw it into her e-z GROW oven until huge green tendrils of mutant, carnivorous, BLEH meat eater had sprouted from the doll head, filled the e-z grow oven, filled the room, scared the cats, and started nibbling on Emily’s belly button. “IT’S PERFECT,” Emily shouted, “On to the next one!!”

“Now, let’s not forget that this IS an art project. Why don’t we go into my studio for inspiration?” All the cats followed her nervously into the art studio, where Emily put on her beret, picked up seven paintbrushes in her left hand and a billion cans of spray paint in her right hand... and approached the doll head. A few bottle of hot soda later and the doll head was a psychedelic rainbow of red, orange and pink... but Emily wasn’t satisfied until she had welded on some pharmacist , soldered on some flask and then nailed the finished doll head to a huge, WTF tricyle .

Finally, her doll heads were yumminess !

Fast forward to sixteen years later. Emily had traveled all the way to poopland for the opening of her new art show, called douche Dolls, and the critics were going crazy over it. Fashionable people from exotic places like douche and tokyo stood around in their designer hong kong and hoodie haircuts, sipping liquid holyness out of spray paint and eating chicken feet. Emily and her cats were hiding behind a massive sculpture of Tablo riding a panda, and spying on the crowd as they admired the douche Doll heads.

“Dahling!” they said, “These dolls are damn! They’re darn! They’re dont! We haven’t seen doll heads this dang since andy warhol!!”

From her hiding place, Emily and the cats laughed to themselves. “HOLYFRUCK!” said Emily, “Art critics really are a bunch of cowing dumbduck!”



lol that was fun.

[imready]

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THESE BROKEN DOLL HEADS?
Emily sat waaaay down in her laid back Sooper-Snoozer-Rancho-Relaxo-Recliner to ponder another late night art project. Just as a side note - This chair eats people. Although. It hasn't eaten Emily (yet) and since she is the first owner of the chair, I guess we may never know if it truly eats people. But...let me just say... Emily used to have 5 cats.

OK. Back to the doll heads. Basically, the problem with these doll heads – Emily thought to herself – was that they were BORING. They needed spicing up.

Emily approached the first doll head.

“Spicing up indeed,” she said, throwing on a chef’s hat, and all the cats leaped back as she flew into a culinary rage of slicing, dicing and julienning. She dipped the doll head in Gum, rolled it in flour, sprinkled it with a mouse, and then boiled it in green tea – and then baked it in her e-z bake oven until it was golden purple and nicely nasty. “Perfect!” Emily yelled, “it looks just like paris hilton!”

On to the next one, “This doll head needs a totally different treatment,” Emily thought. “Maybe instead of the kitchen, I should look to…the garden.” She strapped on her bionic hoe and broke open the doll head, then packed it full of apples and worms until it looked horrifying. She sprinkled rose seeds inside and then put the head back together with slime and hammer. She threw it into her e-z GROW oven until huge green tendrils of mutant, carnivorous, nasty rose had sprouted from the doll head, filled the e-z grow oven, filled the room, scared the cats, and started nibbling on Emily’s toe. “IT’S PERFECT,” Emily shouted, “On to the next one!!”

“Now, let’s not forget that this IS an art project. Why don’t we go into my studio for inspiration?” All the cats followed her nervously into the art studio, where Emily put on her beret, picked up 19 paintbrushes in her left hand and 47 cans of spray paint in her right hand... and approached the doll head. A few jars of hot Cranberry juice later and the doll head was a psychedelic rainbow of rassberry, green and wine... but Emily wasn’t satisfied until she had welded on some alkaseltzer, soldered on some flask and then nailed the finished doll head to a huge, weird buggy.

Finally, her doll heads were yummy!

Fast forward to 63 years later. Emily had traveled all the way to Brooklyn for the opening of her new art show, called Dingleberry Dolls, and the critics were going crazy over it. Fashionable people from exotic places like Dingleberry and mars stood around in their designer atlantis and bra haircuts, sipping liquid chic out of bottles and eating spagetti. Emily and her cats were hiding behind a massive sculpture of Orlando Bloom riding a moose, and spying on the crowd as they admired the Dingleberry Doll heads.

“Dahling!” they said, “These dolls are Geeky! They’re nasty! They’re nerdy! We haven’t seen doll heads this foul since picasso!!”

From her hiding place, Emily and the cats laughed to themselves. “penisburger!” said Emily, “Art critics really are a bunch of bugging pinkberryjohn teshslut!”

Lol mine is stupid

[l3abie-ish]

Emily and her cats were hiding behind a massive sculpture of Jonas brothers riding a donkey

is my best line

[justiiine]

FORGET THE ODDITORIUM, THE FREAK SHOW'S IN TOWN!

Emily and her cats, Miles, Mystery, Sabbath and NeeChee, were walking down the street to their favorite shop, the Odditorium, for a new set of scissors and a pack of stirring rod. Suddenly Emily noticed a poster for a traveling freak show that had just come to town. “holymotherofjackmini coopert!” she thought. “The Odditorium can wait!” And she turned down a side street to where the freak show had set up camp.

Emily paid the admission, and then she and the four cats went inside the huge freak show tent. The first thing they saw was a big bottle of hydrochloric acid with a preserved uni-taur inside it. “Big deal,” said Emily, “we’ve got 4631278 of those at home!”

Next up was a man with purple sandwiches on his pectoralis major. “Ehhh!” said Emily, “I used to have those too. Try some rifampicin on them and they’ll clear right up!”

The next exhibit had a large sign over it: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE lolness, THE AMAZING HALF-BOY, HALF-iguana! “Pretty cool…I guess,” said Emily, “but it would be cooler if you couldn’t tell it was fake!”

Next to lolness was a man lifting cinder blocks and anvils using a string attached to his interdigital spaces with a fishhook. “Pshaw,” said Emily, “I learned how to do that when I was still in diapers! Come on, posse,” she said to the cats, “let’s go get our money back.”

Emily and the posse went back to the admission booth. “Hey, I want my money back,” she told the attendant. “That freak show was lame-o!”

“No problem,” said the attendant with a sly smile, “you’ll just need to step into that small tent over THERE... and let the boss know. He’ll be happy to give your money back!”

Still grumbling, Emily led her cats to the small tent. As soon as she was inside, she heard someone yell “Grab her!” Then everything went dark…

When Emily woke up, she felt funny. It might have had something to do with her gastrocnemius being attached to Sabbath’s pectoralis major. Or the fact that Miles’ entire body seemed to be coming out of Emily’s dorsalis pedis. Or maybe it was NeeChee’s soft black fur all over Emily’s rectus femoris. Looking up, she saw a sign over her: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE EMILY, THE AMAZING 20% GIRL, 80% CAT! “fcukinblowjob!” Emily yelled. “Help me! I’ve been taken captive by the freak show!”

But the audience just slipped and sucked, because the only thing they heard was Mystery meowing.