[sushilov3]

Ok well, my bf and I have been together for 2 years. But lately, for the past 6 months he's changed. He's 19 and I'm 18 if that helps. We've been together during high school, and now we're both in college. We both always went to different schools, and we're currently in different colleges, so we don't see each other often. At the start of the relationship he was always SO nice to me, he was more I could've asked for, he used to be so nice and understand towards me. We used to talk a lot every night, and he would have no problems with me wanting to spend time with him.

But when things hit 1.5 years, he changed. This was around the same time we both started college. When we talk, he would usually give 1 worded replies on MSN and also takes a very long time to reply to me. He doesn't try to get the conversation flowing, it's always me asking him questions to keep the conversation flowing. He's also not that nice as he used to be to me anymore. I know he is busy, but the thing is right now he keeps choosing his friends over me.

For our 2 years, it was on a day of a university party which we both attended. I wanted some quiet time with him for a bit, so we can talk and catch up on everything, since we haven't done that in so long. But on that night he got too drunk to even talk properly, so I let it go, and decided that I will invite him out to dinner one night and we can spend the night together to catch up instead. So for the past month, I've been trying to get him to come out to spend time with me. Every time I asked, he refused to. First time; was because he was tired, second time; was because he wanted to work instead, third time; was because he wanted to hang out with a friend, 4th time; was because he wanted to hang out with the friend again.

I got upset last night, as today my mum invited my bf to come with my family to eat dinner with my whole family at my aunty's house. He refused to go as he wanted to spend more time with friends. I totally understand that, but I was still upset (who wouldn't be?) I told him it would've meant so much to me if he DID come. He took it the wrong way and kept saying that I was saying like he HAS to come, did I say that? We had a fight, but he just doesn't listen to me and wouldn't get my point. My point I was trying to get across to him was for the past month I've been trying to get him to come out to spend just a LITTLE bit of time with me, but he just never does. I told him that he can go out with his friends tonight then, but I want him to save another night for me. He refuses to. Thing is, we see each other on the weekends for 1 day, for only a few hours at the library. That's about the ONLY time we see each other in a week. But it's not just us 2 alone, a lot of our friends come too. When we're at the library he doesn't even talk to me. When I ask him questions or try to talk to him, he takes a long time to reply, and even gives me one worded replies (in person). It really upsets me, but I just can't seem to make him understand. I want time with him ALONE, where we can catch up on everything we've missed out on these past few months. He starts saying I don't understand what he wants and that he's busy. He keeps bringing up exams are coming up and he can't hang out. But how come he can hang out with his friends? What's wrong with hanging out with me? Since he is busy, I said how about when we're at the library, instead of going there we go somewhere else, since we're already out, right? He still said no.

I can't seem to explain to him anymore. He NEVER listens to me. He always say I never listen to him, but I DO listen. I understand he's busy, but his actions don't show it. If he was busy he wouldn't be going out with his friends each week. Ever since we hit 1.5 years, whenever we have a fight, he ignores me. Refuses to let me explain, refuses to talk to me. It comes to a point where I have to ask my friends to talk to him for me. When he talks to friends he's always nice, but to me he's not. Last night, one of my best friends talked to him. She told him how she always wanted time alone with her bf too, but her bf doesn't and say she's being selfish and she doesn't understand why. My bf said he understands, but has NO time to spend time with me alone. I honestly think this is such a lie, as if he really had no time he wouldn't be going out with friends so much. I have no problems with him hanging out with friends, but now I feel like I'm being replaced by them now.

He said to me last night, if he did have free time, he would use that free time to work. That comment made me really upset. So that just basically means, no matter what, even if he does have free time, he is not going to spend time with me. Last night also, on his MSN nickname, he had this comment which he had on there for about a year (relating to our relationship). He removed it last night when we had the fight. I asked him why it was gone, all he said was "it's just gone". Usually before we go to sleep we always say the usual "I love yous" When I said it to him, he said to me "you still don't understand" then just went offline. I don't know what to do with him anymore. I talked to my friend later because I couldn't handle it any longer. She suggested I just don't talk to him, ignore him for a week, but it's hard. I honestly still love him a lot, we've been through so much together, I just don't understand why he is acting this way now. He used to be so nice to me, he never used to say mean comments like "If I'm not going out with my friends, then I'm going to work, I'm not going to spend time with you". It just upsets me. I know he puts a lot of work into our relationship, but there are some things you just aren't meant to do and say. When I explain to him, he refuses to listen and says I never understand him. When my FRIENDS however talk to him, he says he understands to them, but he doesn't show he does understand when he talks to me.

I honestly still love him a lot and want to stay with him. But I don't want to always feel down all the time. I want him to understand me but it just feels like it's impossible for me to explain to him now. I want to talk to him properly about this, but it seems whenever I try, he starts to get all angry and fired up at me. (This isn't the first time he's been like this)

Any advice on what I should do?

[Humilious]

Do you think it's possible he's spending time with another girl? His actions kind of suggest that.

[Inspector]

Woah...thats a super long post. I didn't go to college, but this happens a lot. A couple enters college, and drifts apart. He's probably at the point where he wants to try new things, and do different stuff. I hate to give a advice since I don't really know his side, but seems like hes telling you he wants to be alone.

"I love yous" When I said it to him, he said to me "you still don't understand" then just went offline.

Tell him that you DON'T understand, and please say what he has to say, so that you can understand. Sorry... I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything... but it sounds like he wants to break up. But then again, I could be a idiot. I'm the type of guy that likes my own space, but I love alone time with my girlfriend, and I don't understand why he wouldn't.

[nhii]

It seems like he is getting bored of the relationship and is just going along with the flow until the relationship is over *knock on wood* Obviously he isn't putting in the effort to keep the relationship intact and he is acting like he's already given up. But i also agree with Humilious, he seems to be acting a bit out of character from what you're describing. I could be paranoid but hey, better safe than sorry, eh? Goodluck with your relationship.

[winteryskys]

From the sound of ur post, I think he *might* want to break up. Or maybe hes going thru some rough time? Not sure. The nxt time he says u dont understand, tell him u DONT understand and ask him to explain, if he doens't explain then ull never understand?

I don't get why he would rather hang out with friends instead of his gf.

[FooFooRuk]

this sounds sad i think you should break up with him and see what happens for a bit then just move on if nothing happens.

[ritzy!]

"I love yous" When I said it to him, he said to me "you still don't understand" then just went offline.

that's a clear sign right there. sorry fellow soompier.. reality is harsh..

[getxinfatuated]

Not to sound cynical or anything, but sometime you just have to know when to let a relationship go.
Just because you guys have been together for 2 years, doesnt mean you HAVE to hold on to something
that obviously is heading on a downward spiral. He's probably already at the pit-end of the spiral, considering
the way he been toward you. Do yourself a favor now and consider breaking up and it doesnt hurt to try
one last time to have a serious conversation with him before you decide (if he would even give you the time
of day ).

[cheerydumdum]

you sound like a really nice person and a good girlfriend. i don't think you deserve this kind of treatment from him. he obviously doesn't cherish you enough to give up some extra time to be alone with you. I mean, friend time is friend time, but there's girlfriend time too. i honestly think that you should break up with him. even though you love him, you're only going to get hurt if the relationship stays like this. you deserve better. it sounds a bit like he doesn't want the relationship to go on, but i wouldn't know since i don't know your bf. if he truly loves you, wen you suggest a break up, he'll think twice about treating you like that and maybe change.

[xlila]

I think you should just ignore him for a while, like don't talk to him. If not..you could just be like "..do you just want to break up?" and see how his reaction is from there.

[mrsjaejoong]

hunn, this is going to sound really bad but i think it's time you break it off with him
the whole reason why you dated him in the first place was because of his personality
but it's not even him anymore, so it negates the whole purpose of dating this guy
i know 2 years is a LONG time and breaking it off is really hard, but this doesn't sound like a phase if it's been happening for 1/2 a year
he doesn't treat you the way you should be treated... he had to work hard to get you,
so obviously he was sweet to you and really kind and considerate and devoting
but now he knows 100% that he's got you so there's no purpose of trying to pursue what he's already got
he's treating you like you're not even his gf anymore
the romance obviously isn't there
he removes stuff off his msn that suggests to everyone (including female friends) that he's probably single
when he said 'it's just gone'... i dont think he was just talking about the comment on his msn
it hurts, but you have to be strong and do this
or you'll just be miserable for a long long time... and i think he'll eventually dump you instead

[maharu.]

I think its important to give it a 'break' or a separation.
If hes not going to make a effort and keep burdening you, I don't think you should stay with him.
I mean 2 years is long and trying to keep a relationship going is important.

But it takes two to tango. If he doesn't act like he cares, why should you deeply care?
He is in a way taking you for granted anyway...from the way hes acting.

Although it is a wonder what made him change...you can probably talk to him about whats wrong though.
And if he really doesn't express what he feels and thinks, then theres no point keeping the relationship.

Relationship and honesty isn't it?

[060995246]

stalk him and see wat he is up to
cuz dude he seem to hang out ALOT!
and i dont thnk its with friends not to be mean

stalk him lik in those taiwan reality show wateva thingy
i guess it would be alittle crazy hehe~~~
oo but so much FUN lol

or maybe lik the other soompier had said leave him
becuz he is not a nice person anymore
nice person are better so go find a nicer-r person ^^

[Daiquiri]

hunn, this is going to sound really bad but i think it's time you break it off with him
the whole reason why you dated him in the first place was because of his personality
but it's not even him anymore, so it negates the whole purpose of dating this guy
i know 2 years is a LONG time and breaking it off is really hard, but this doesn't sound like a phase if it's been happening for 1/2 a year
he doesn't treat you the way you should be treated... he had to work hard to get you,
so obviously he was sweet to you and really kind and considerate and devoting
but now he knows 100% that he's got you so there's no purpose of trying to pursue what he's already got
he's treating you like you're not even his gf anymore
the romance obviously isn't there
he removes stuff off his msn that suggests to everyone (including female friends) that he's probably single
when he said 'it's just gone'... i dont think he was just talking about the comment on his msn
it hurts, but you have to be strong and do this
or you'll just be miserable for a long long time... and i think he'll eventually dump you instead

Exactly what she said. You can't hold onto the two years as an excuse. Not when the relationship has been spiraling downward for six months. It seems like he's bored of you and wants to move on. It happens a lot especially in long distance relationships. I know that you still love him but you have to love yourself too. Is it really fair to put yourself through this type of pain over and over again? You deserve to have a man who will be considerate of your feelings too. If he would rather work than go see you or hang out, doesn't that say something? Please don't cling onto the two years excuse. Save yourself even more heartache and end it. There is no connection there anymore and very minimal communication. He refuses to talk to you directly and say whats on his mind. This has been going on for six months, then how much longer are you willing to wait?

[pockystixx]

i think you guys should take a break from each other. get some space, because it seems
like he's pushing you away. the more and more he pushes you away, you'll get hurt even more.
when it's time to REALLY talk, talk it out. you can either break it off for good, or patch it up.
good luck~

[kswx3]

Break up with him already. It's hard, i understand. But there is NO POINT of staying with someone who doesn't love you. Would you rather be loved? or loving someone who doesn't love you? At this point, it's more of attachment than love. Just let it go, maybe he will realize it after he loses you.

[MaryMagdalin]

Do you think it's possible he's spending time with another girl? His actions kind of suggest that.

unfortunently i have to agree with this
but thats beacuse i went through almost the exact same thing
My ex was... SO sweet. so caring.
He did everything for me.
we went to different colleges
and in the beg it was fine
he would drive up 2 hours to see me every 2 weeks.
or i would go back home to see him
then all of a sudden i felt like i was trying harder to see him, to talk to him
and soon he wasnt picking up my calls and had excuses every time and got very defensive
He ended up dumping me and I found out a week later he had been talking to some girl the whole time...
Honestly... I think he`s tired of you being very clingy ( i had the same problem)
Maybe give him some space
dont talk to him for a week
if he doesnt seem to care... i think its time to let go.

[viviennexlove]

I think the best way is to break up.. avoid taking a break. I know from personal experience..breaks don't work in cases like yours
it seems like he lost interest, or this is just a possibility but he might be seeing someone else..the way your bf behaved is exactly the way my ex behaved and I found out he was talking to another girl for a few weeks before our break up

either way, he's not putting any effort into the relationship when you're the one trying really hard
it takes two to make the relationship work and he's obviously not doing his part
so save yourself the time and effort, and just break it off. you deserve better
I know it's hard to let go, but it sounds like he let you go 6 months ago when he stopped trying. It's just about time for you to stop trying to make things work when he doesn't want to.
good luck

[PhuongNguyen]

2 years isn't that long of a time, better to leave him now than to stick around for an extra 2 years just to deal with the same thing. He obviously don't cherish you, so I don't see the point in trying to cherish the relationship. It's not a one way street, if he can't take the time and the effort to talk to you or see you; then it shows how important you are.

If you don't think it's that drastic yet, then perhaps you can break up with him and see what he'll do. Maybe he'll finally get a wake up call and would try to get you back. But a guy like that is just trash in my opinion, I'd throw him out in a second.

[Emiso]

Ok, this seems kind of odd. The "you still don't understand", do you know what he means by that? Did you do something to upset him before college? I'm just trying to make you think outside the box. I don't really know much to say since you and I both don't know whats going through his head. I might sound naive but since you guys have been together for 2 years and he hasn't suggested a break up yet that there might be another issue that maybe he wants you to figure out on your own. But yeah, his actions are pretty harsh. ): Goodluck with it! I hope it works and prods to being together for 2 years and not even going to the same school!