[Carmen.]

Hey everyone, I think my friend has a problem.

The other day we went out for lunch when he told me he had a cigar.
And I'm like "yeah right!" because I thought he was joking. Since he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would do that, I said, "you're totally lying."

Then he pulls out a rolled up paper tube of POT!
At that instant, I'm like "that is NOT a cigar. He smokes POT?!"

Then as we're walking to the place we're going to eat, he places it behind his ear (similar to someone placing a pencil behind their ear) and I said, "Take that off your ear! What are you doing?!"
He says, "What? It's legal."
Personally, I don't know if it is or not, but I told him to put it away again, and he did.

So we finally get to the place, and while we're eating, he tells me how after he smokes it, he gets a feeling similar to the feeling he gets after he works out.
And then he started talking about how he's just so depressed and smoking pot makes him happy. AND THEN he tells me how in grade 8 he cut himself; he even showed me his scar.

And after he finished eating, he went outside and just lit up.
I could not believe it.

I told him to put it out because he's gonna smell like pot (which I hate). He didn't, and I just felt so disgusted walking beside him.

And oh yeah, we're sixteen.

I told him to stop smoking it and he told me that he'll stop by the new year. I told him that he's being stupid by doing stuff like that and that it could wreck him for good.
Personally, I would never do it and yes I am against it.

But the problem is that I think my friend might be going through depression or something. I don't want him to screw himself over or get kicked out of school(because we go to a pretty prestigious high school) and I don't want him to mess up his head.
On the other hand, I don't want to start sounding like his mother, which might make him more depressed, since he considers me one of his friends.
So I'm just wondering what you soompiers think I should do. Because I am lost.
Should I continue to tell him that what he's doing is bad, or should I just leave him to it?

I haven't told any of my friends this, because they don't know that he does this (neither did I until a couple days ago), and plus I don't know if he wants everyone to know (but probably not).

Thanks.

[blissfultranquility]

omg...
okay, definitely do not let it alone. especially if you thinks he's possibly depressed and since he told you that he cut himself in 8th grade. and that's a possible sign of depression.

i think what you need to do is try and help him stop smoking, first of all. (btw, how long has he done this for?) because its so not easy to stop once you've started. my brother has been smoking for as long i can remember and hes said he'd try and quite many times but he hasn't.

your friend seems to be pretty close to you to tell you things like this and i think you should really find some time to just sit down and talk with him; tell him how you feel about whats hes doing and such.

and then i guess if all else fails, you might want to talk to someone (who wont tell anyone else about it) about your friend; try to get him some help.

i hope this helps... for you and your friend...

[smiile]

his choice to smoke or not.
i must confess, i blaze too ;;
but its recreational.... not for depression for me.
& if your living in the states, or anywhere outside of amsterdam, its illegal.
but many people do smoke it anyways.

it doesn't do anything, but if he uses pot to take control of his life, thats where he will become really lazy, and yeah, spend all his money on pot.
dont let him be dependent on weed to escape depression.
so limit him, and be a supportive friend if you think he has depression

[eternal.happiness]

be there for him but don't be forceful about telling him to quit or anything.
it could push him back to depression.
be a friend, listen and try to convince him to quit.

[I.like.foood]

Omg try convince him :S
My friend's cousin got kicked out of school because he was 'framed' for smoking pot.
And then it turns out he lied to us all and he was actually handing out ecstasy.
He's a highschool dropout.

I don't know if I'm even on topic anymore but it ruins your life :S

[-LoVe-]

omg...
okay, definitely do not let it alone. especially if you thinks he's possibly depressed and since he told you that he cut himself in 8th grade. and that's a possible sign of depression.

i think what you need to do is try and help him stop smoking, first of all. (btw, how long has he done this for?) because its so not easy to stop once you've started. my brother has been smoking for as long i can remember and hes said he'd try and quite many times but he hasn't.

your friend seems to be pretty close to you to tell you things like this and i think you should really find some time to just sit down and talk with him; tell him how you feel about whats hes doing and such.

and then i guess if all else fails, you might want to talk to someone (who wont tell anyone else about it) about your friend; try to get him some help.

i hope this helps... for you and your friend...

yeahh i agree with bliss. Especially when he considers you one of his friends, you should not leave it alone. And my friend which is a girl she just can't stop it because it's hard and it's like a habit for her to smoke, but you should talk to him about what is making him doing this stuff and just talk it out with him. I don't know exactly what you should do since I never experienced this.
But are you saying like no1 knows about this? like only you know? I watched something like this in 90210, lols. Like this girl had a problem in like drugs, pot, that stuff because she was all stressed and like her friends found out and told the the adults that she has a problem. Then later on the adults tried helping her and just taking her out to places and make her feel more better and to leave her worries. But this is just a show and not reality, so i just wanted to share this.

I really hope your friend will be better >__< hope everything will be okay.

[HaneSorano]

Honestly, I smoke pot recreationally sometimes, but only maybe once or twice a year. Some of my friends have issues and feel the need to smoke every day, sometimes twice a day; that's when you have a problem. I also cut myself once in grade 9, but it was over something stupid; it hurt and I'm not doing it again. I bet he only told you because he was high, and people tend to talk a lot about the weirdest things when they're high. Honestly, I wouldn't be worried about him cutting himself since he only didn't once and it was like 3 years ago... if he had an arm full of scars, then I'd be worried.
Right now, it's nothing that you should really get worked up about.
Btw, I'm seventeen, and a lot of my friends smoke pot, so I might be biased. But as soon as your friend starts "popping" (where you smoke pot and cigarettes at the same time), or when your friend starts doing more than pot (i.e. cigarettes/crack), or has a major change in morals, only then should you be worried.

Pot doesn't have any major side effects anyway, the only reason it's not legalized is because it's a gateway drug.

[AigoBoy!]

Contact a responsible adult for some counseling or something... Your friend has some serious issues. It might become worse if you just leave it alone.

[-LoVe-]

Actually that is also true, when people do pot, they tend to act really weird. But one thing is that i do think you should talk to an adult because this could turn into a huge problem, so you should take quick actions before this could turn into a huge deal where he starts doing more and more pot since you have a feeling that he is depressed and stressed out so he might continue to do more pot to make him feel more relieved. Because i heard when you do this stuff and helps to decrease stress.

[wishy-star*]

hmm i dont really know what to say but here in canada it definitely is NOT legal. just let him know how worried you are.

[小甜密]

Smoking pot is not THAT bad. One of the "safest" drug out there, in my opinion. No big deal.
But to be on the safe side, talk to a counselor about what you or he should do next (not about the mary j though).

[ebae89]

omg you guys are only 16?! you better do something? telling his parents is so much safer than just letting him do it. as a friend, would you let him do that do himself? that's only the beginning of what he's doing. do something about it but be there for him as well.
he might hate you at first but later realize that what you did was an act of love and friendship.

[0rchid]

omg you guys are only 16?! you better do something? telling his parents is so much safer than just letting him do it. as a friend, would you let him do that do himself? that's only the beginning of what he's doing. do something about it but be there for him as well.
he might hate you at first but later realize that what you did was an act of love and friendship..

i agree. this is totally out of your hands. and him confessing something this serious is a definate cry for help. if he really did want to die, he would have done something drastic without telling anyone, but the fact that he told you proves that he's afraid and that he's at lost of what to do. tell him you care about him and that you're worried. if he still doesn't smarten up, you should tell his parents. hopefully, he'll understand your dilema one day and will be man enough to not only forgive you for betraying him, but to thank you for it as well.

ruining your life at 16 is just too tragic...

[Carmen.]

omg...
okay, definitely do not let it alone. especially if you thinks he's possibly depressed and since he told you that he cut himself in 8th grade. and that's a possible sign of depression.

i think what you need to do is try and help him stop smoking, first of all. (btw, how long has he done this for?) because its so not easy to stop once you've started. my brother has been smoking for as long i can remember and hes said he'd try and quite many times but he hasn't.

your friend seems to be pretty close to you to tell you things like this and i think you should really find some time to just sit down and talk with him; tell him how you feel about whats hes doing and such.

and then i guess if all else fails, you might want to talk to someone (who wont tell anyone else about it) about your friend; try to get him some help.

i hope this helps... for you and your friend...

Hmm he didn't tell me how long he has been doing it for, but he did tell me that he got it off some friends (who don't go to our school).

Omg try convince him :S
My friend's cousin got kicked out of school because he was 'framed' for smoking pot.
And then it turns out he lied to us all and he was actually handing out ecstasy.
He's a highschool dropout.

I don't know if I'm even on topic anymore but it ruins your life :S

Yeah I just don't want to see him ruin his life. Like, I mean it could be the end for him if anyone ever catches him with it.

yeahh i agree with bliss. Especially when he considers you one of his friends, you should not leave it alone. And my friend which is a girl she just can't stop it because it's hard and it's like a habit for her to smoke, but you should talk to him about what is making him doing this stuff and just talk it out with him. I don't know exactly what you should do since I never experienced this.
But are you saying like no1 knows about this? like only you know? I watched something like this in 90210, lols. Like this girl had a problem in like drugs, pot, that stuff because she was all stressed and like her friends found out and told the the adults that she has a problem. Then later on the adults tried helping her and just taking her out to places and make her feel more better and to leave her worries. But this is just a show and not reality, so i just wanted to share this.

I really hope your friend will be better >__< hope everything will be okay.

Hmm well no I'm not the only one who knows.
There were two other people who came out to lunch with us, but when he lit up, they didn't say anything.
When I asked this one guy, "what are you going to do? aren't you his friend?"
He said, "well aren't you his friend too?"
I got kinda like and ran out to tell my friend to stop.

Because the other two guys didn't make a huge deal out of it; they didn't even say anything to him about it.
So maybe I was like overreacting or something.

Honestly, I smoke pot recreationally sometimes, but only maybe once or twice a year. Some of my friends have issues and feel the need to smoke every day, sometimes twice a day; that's when you have a problem. I also cut myself once in grade 9, but it was over something stupid; it hurt and I'm not doing it again. I bet he only told you because he was high, and people tend to talk a lot about the weirdest things when they're high. Honestly, I wouldn't be worried about him cutting himself since he only didn't once and it was like 3 years ago... if he had an arm full of scars, then I'd be worried.
Right now, it's nothing that you should really get worked up about.
Btw, I'm seventeen, and a lot of my friends smoke pot, so I might be biased. But as soon as your friend starts "popping" (where you smoke pot and cigarettes at the same time), or when your friend starts doing more than pot (i.e. cigarettes/crack), or has a major change in morals, only then should you be worried.

Pot doesn't have any major side effects anyway, the only reason it's not legalized is because it's a gateway drug.

No I don't think he was high when he told me, because we had been in class since 8, and it was around 12 when he told me, and he didn't light up on the way to the restaurant.

Actually that is also true, when people do pot, they tend to act really weird. But one thing is that i do think you should talk to an adult because this could turn into a huge problem, so you should take quick actions before this could turn into a huge deal where he starts doing more and more pot since you have a feeling that he is depressed and stressed out so he might continue to do more pot to make him feel more relieved. Because i heard when you do this stuff and helps to decrease stress.

Yeah that probably might be why he's doing it, because he's stressed. But he also told me that his parents don't let him smoke, but let him drink. (WTF, I know, for a 16 year old). But I don't know, I'm thinking that might be another reason that he's doing it; because his parents don't let him. So he's kind of rebelling against their wishes.

hmm i dont really know what to say but here in canada it definitely is NOT legal. just let him know how worried you are.

Whoah seriously it's illegal?
He kept telling me it was and I'm like "ummmmm no it's not."

omg you guys are only 16?! you better do something? telling his parents is so much safer than just letting him do it. as a friend, would you let him do that do himself? that's only the beginning of what he's doing. do something about it but be there for him as well.
he might hate you at first but later realize that what you did was an act of love and friendship.

I'm not really THAT good friends with him that I know his parents.
But yeah I should definitely be there for him to make sure he doesn't get even more depressed.

i agree. this is totally out of your hands. and him confessing something this serious is a definate cry for help. if he really did want to die, he would have done something drastic without telling anyone, but the fact that he told you proves that he's afraid and that he's at lost of what to do. tell him you care about him and that you're worried. if he still doesn't smarten up, you should tell his parents. hopefully, he'll understand your dilema one day and will be man enough to not only forgive you for betraying him, but to thank you for it as well.

ruining your life at 16 is just too tragic...

Yeah I don't want him to wreck his life, because he's got like a whole life ahead of him. And I just don't want something that he does now ruin his life forever.


Thank you for all your replies everyone. Keep them coming!

What should I say to him so that I don't sound like his mother?
Because yes I did talk to him when he told me, but as I started on a roll, I realized how naggy I sounded.

[blissfultranquility]

What should I say to him so that I don't sound like his mother?
Because yes I did talk to him when he told me, but as I started on a roll, I realized how naggy I sounded.

hm... im not really sure how not to sound so much like a mother but tell him something along the lines of like: "you know *friends name*, i really think you should stop smoking. it could ruin you, get you kicked out of high school... i dont want you to grow up to be messed up in the head if this gets any worse... im worried for you."

... okay, well maybe not exactly those words but something along those terms?

try and be casual about it i guess. dont be like: "You shouldn't smoke. its not good for you, your health, or your friends. you might not get a gf.... blah, blah, blah..."

do you kind of see the difference?