[Eijiro]

I have a bit of a problem with my girlfriend.

We had a fight last Thursday over something really stupid that was entirely my fault. She ignored some of my messages during the day, so after a few hours I tried calling her and she kept ignoring my (Pretty constant) calls. Since I work near her place anyway I just decided to pop around and see what was up, and she was really annoyed about my constant calling and messaging, which I can see as valid. I did it impulsively, it was stupid, clingy and very childish.

We decided we needed some time apart to think, but I bumped into her on Friday night due to a mutual friend. She said she needed more time than me, and not to expect anything good. I asked her if that meant she wanted to break it off and she said she was unsure.

On Saturday she messaged me to invite her to her birthday party next week. We talked very briefly. Then on Sunday I called her and asked her if she wanted to meet up and hang out, she said no because she was really tired and needed some more time to think/didn't want to meet me.

We then talked on MSN and she said she was confused about her feelings and wasn't sure what she wanted to do. I said I'd give her some time and just wait for her to get in touch with me.

This morning (Tuesday) I messaged her just to say Good Morning and told her to have a nice day, I didn't want to say anything that would make her feel like I expected a reply - which I don't.

What should I do from here? We've been together for five months and been through a lot together. I think part of the problem with my acting on Thursday was that it reminded her of her last boyfriend, who was very possessive and actually stalked us and hit her in the past. I feel sorry for my actions, and I've already told her this. Should I just leave it be? Was it a mistake to message her this morning?

[!L0VE]

just leave her be. she told you she wanted time to think.
so let her figure things out on her own until she comes
to you.

just focus on school & yourself for now. nothing you can
do. if you keep on messaging her, calling her, or w/e,
she's just going to be more distant.

[insanelyCRAZY]

when a girl wants time to think..leave her time to think.
and endure your time ALONE.
>_<
even though its irritating to wait...just cope up with it..
and we dont know your gf that well to know how she would take your messaging.

[Eijiro]

Yeah, I wasn't planning on doing any intense messaging. At the time I just thought it'd be nice to send her one since we hadn't spoken in a day or two and just to let her know I'm still here for her if she needs it. I know she needs time alone and whatnot, but yeah. Hopefully that one message didn't make things worse? I can't imagine it would? Unless I kept doing it.

Anyway, since she did say she expects me to be at her birthday, I'm making a photo album with photos of our time together as a present. I thought this was nicer and more personal than expensive jewelry or something material like that. Good idea or bad?

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

look, you already messaged her this morning, it's already done.

i don't think messaging her was a big deal or that it worsened the situation anyway.

i would completely leave her alone. if she loves you, she will find you, im sure she will.

if you keep messaging her, even if its once a day, she won't get her chance of proving herself that she wants you. she already knows you care about her but she doesn't know if SHE cares about you.

so i would say, just dissapear for awhile, if she doesn't come around again then you know you two weren't meant to be.

the more you explain yourself the more guilty you only make yourself seem, just let nature take its course

[Eijiro]

look, you already messaged her this morning, it's already done.

i don't think messaging her was a big deal or that it worsened the situation anyway.

i would completely leave her alone. if she loves you, she will find you, im sure she will.

if you keep messaging her, even if its once a day, she won't get her chance of proving herself that she wants you. she already knows you care about her but she doesn't know if SHE cares about you.

so i would say, just dissapear for awhile, if she doesn't come around again then you know you two weren't meant to be.

the more you explain yourself the more guilty you only make yourself seem, just let nature take its course

This is what I needed to hear. Thank you :]

I'm starting to wonder if even going to her birthday is a bad idea. She invited me after the argument took place... and the day before she invited everyone else (Except me), when I bumped into her I asked her what was going on for her birthday and she said she didn't send me a message about it because she expected me to be there no matter what.

[Eijiro]

Double posting because of something that just happened... She just messaged me? But it was totally unrelated. It's about her ex-boss at a workplace not giving her the right pay and ignoring her calls which she was pissed off about and wanted to vent... she said "There's no one else to say this to but you,"... should I reply? I want to say something because I think the boss is a dickhead anyway, but I feel like it'd be better to just wait and leave it.

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

yes you should definitely reply

be there when she needs you! but don't bring up anything about the relationship unless SHE does

and about the bday, you should go

but i don't know about the present idea but we'll talk about tha tlater

[Eijiro]

yes you should definitely reply

be there when she needs you! but don't bring up anything about the relationship unless SHE does

and about the bday, you should go

but i don't know about the present idea but we'll talk about tha tlater

Surely :] I did end up replying since I thought the same thing.

And yeah, I mean I was going to buy her some pricey jewelry but I thought that was a bit impersonal and a bit much considering the circumstances... so I thought about it a bit and a photo album seemed like a nice idea, especially because I don't expect the relationship to end now... I'm pretty optimistic about it being okay for the time being.

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

im not sure about the pricey jewelry because it might come with promises, which translates to obligations and pressures to go back to the relationship.

yea maybe the photo album could be a nice idea. as long as it's from your heart she will understand.

but REMEMBER don't expect anything in return. and know that just because she understands what message you're trying to convey does NOT mean she is going to accept it

[Eijiro]

im not sure about the pricey jewelry because it might come with promises, which translates to obligations and pressures to go back to the relationship.

yea maybe the photo album could be a nice idea. as long as it's from your heart she will understand.

but REMEMBER don't expect anything in return. and know that just because she understands what message you're trying to convey does NOT mean she is going to accept it

Yeah, I scrapped the jewelry idea because it would seem too much like emotional blackmail and I would feel uncomfortable just giving it to her right now. I did buy a really cheap ring that she saw in a clothes shop when we were out together one day, she said at the time that she really liked it & wanted it lots.

And yeah, I understand that if the feeling is gone, it's gone. I don't want to stay in a one-sided relationship anyway.

[Eijiro]

We met yesterday afternoon briefly. She said she didn't feel anything special when she held my hand yesterday, and was seriously thinking about whether we can have a future together. We talked a bit about the problems, what has happened thus far etc... And we had actually been planning for me to go back to Korea with her and live together for a year next year, and she said she still wanted me to come to Korea with her... even after asking if it would be possible to just be friends...

Then I walked her to work, and on the way we bumped into her co-worker... she introduced me still as her boyfriend. The walk to work was full of silence that wasn't necessarily awkward but a little bit uncomfortable and unusual. When we got to her work she had to hurry... she hugged me lightly and kissed my shoulder, but then I asked if I could hug her properly and she just smiled and said "Next time"... After that I just kissed her on the cheek, she smiled and left.

After she finished work she sent me a message asking about my feelings and what I thought about our future. She said she doesn't want to think too much about everything and just wants to do things naturally.

To say I'm confused now is an understatement. I haven't talked to her since last night and I'm wondering what is actually going on right now.

[myxo]

She's confused. She doesn't know what to do. Something must have happened to make her re-evaluate the pros/cons of being with you. One thing is certain though, I think she still really likes you but she doesn't know what she really wants right now. She probably thinks that you're not the right person for her or vice versa, but she doesn't want to leave because she's somewhat dependent on you (ie venting about work, expecting you to be at her party, etc). My suggestion to you right now is to counteract whatever it was that happened to give her more hopes in you. As of now though, let her take the initiative. Let her decide to call you if she's ready to talk, and don't explode her phone in the meantime. Anyways, good luck to you.

[Kiribati]

Ah. Breaks lead to breakups. Just my own experience. They're an excuse to lengthen a problem between a couple.
Like myxo said, leave the ball in her court. See what she does...

[Eijiro]

She's confused. She doesn't know what to do. Something must have happened to make her re-evaluate the pros/cons of being with you. One thing is certain though, I think she still really likes you but she doesn't know what she really wants right now. She probably thinks that you're not the right person for her or vice versa, but she doesn't want to leave because she's somewhat dependent on you (ie venting about work, expecting you to be at her party, etc). My suggestion to you right now is to counteract whatever it was that happened to give her more hopes in you. As of now though, let her take the initiative. Let her decide to call you if she's ready to talk, and don't explode her phone in the meantime. Anyways, good luck to you.

Good advice :]
I actually called her earlier today after I posted here, but I didn't mention anything about us... we just talked casually about our days etc. And then she had to go to work so she said she'll call back later. I guess the best course of action is just to be casual about it all? If I worry and overreact then it'll just make the situation worse and validate her worries about me.

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

Good advice :]
I actually called her earlier today after I posted here, but I didn't mention anything about us... we just talked casually about our days etc. And then she had to go to work so she said she'll call back later. I guess the best course of action is just to be casual about it all? If I worry and overreact then it'll just make the situation worse and validate her worries about me.

i think you're being very mature about this and you've considered about her feelings in priority.
i think you're a really great guy.

i think the good thing to do right now is exactly what you said, act casually. this way, this takes off the pressure off of you both. and it makes you guys more open with each other and being sweet is like icing on the cake. although, i don't think always being available for her would be a good idea. this way......you're not really letting her miss you. and i think it's crucial right now between you guys is that she finds out what she wants. and you know, you appreciate something when it's gone.

i do know what's going on with her......just like someone else said before. she IS confused. she lost the spark, probably because she feels too safe in this relationship....not much excitement.
but she still wants to keep you around because she still wants someone pining for her.
she just wants someone there when she wants to, but she doesn't want to love or is not ready to.
now this is all in my opinion. i don't think she loves you, she just wants the attention from you. she doesn't want to commit but she doesn't want you looking for another....

but then again, as long as you're there for her, she'll eventually see how good you are for her. she might be even feeling guilty because you are so good to her and she knows she couldn't really return the same feelings.

it's a lot of factors i believe, not just one reason why she feels the way she feels.

[LOVE&FREEDOM_beautyofX]

just keep going at it but in a good way, just sweet little messages nothing too pushy or possessive.. if she breaks it off, it's not meant to be.. like you can try to get together again but if she says no again then thats it..

[Eijiro]

I was talking to her last night, about nothing in particular, since she did call me after she finished work. Then out of nowhere she said "Sorry, I still don't feel much..." I didn't really know what to say so I just clarified by asking if she meant about me, and she said "Yeah," and then there was a bit of silence and she just said "Time will fix everything." From here I just kind of changed the subject and tried to talk about other stuff.

But the whole conversation felt forced... she seemed unhappy to be talking to me and that just made me feel worse. I don't want to be part of a one-sided relationship, because that's too selfish. It's hard for me and worse for her. I don't know... I'm going to keep trying a bit, but I'm not so sure of the outcome anymore.

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

I was talking to her last night, about nothing in particular, since she did call me after she finished work. Then out of nowhere she said "Sorry, I still don't feel much..." I didn't really know what to say so I just clarified by asking if she meant about me, and she said "Yeah," and then there was a bit of silence and she just said "Time will fix everything." From here I just kind of changed the subject and tried to talk about other stuff.

But the whole conversation felt forced... she seemed unhappy to be talking to me and that just made me feel worse. I don't want to be part of a one-sided relationship, because that's too selfish. It's hard for me and worse for her. I don't know... I'm going to keep trying a bit, but I'm not so sure of the outcome anymore.

she doesn't love you anymore...but she doesn't want to be lonely..and i think calling you after work seems to be out of habit, not out of love.

i think you know that better than i do.

[sinfulxbeats]

it seems she's doubting you and your relationship together
whatever happens, happens

if the two of you break up and you really do care abotu her and want another chance with her
continue being her friend, but don't go crying and begging for her to take you back. Keep it down a bit and try to change yourself, if she's having problems with you being similar to her last ex
perhaps in time she'll see what a great guy you are and she'll realize her feelings for you. If not, then you'll know that while it sucks to not be with her, the two of you are just not meant to be together, no matter what feelings you have. Relationshps arent' just soley based on liking one another

but if she just wants to remain as friends, continue to genuinely care about her. Explore a little more options