[cupicake]

i've never had a bf before. its not that no one has approached me before, its just that whenever i start to like someone, once i become really close with him (or enter that MU [mutual understanding] stage0 i start to lose interest in him. i'm such a jerk! i really hate this part of me. i really dont know what to do with myself

i just recently did this to a guy again! he's a new guy at school and i started to like him the first time i saw him. we didnt really have any classes together, or similar friends but that didnt stop me from approaching him and talking to him first. and then somehow, we became close friends and then we became MU. once again, i lost interest and stopped liking him. i used to always be excited to see him, and i was always the first to notice that he's around. i always used to call him out too. but now, i don't feel anything for him at all so i feel guilty and avoid him. i don't want to play with his feelings so i think its a good idea to try to distance myself from him so as to not to give him any false hope. but im really terrified of how well i can act like nothing really happened between us.. im aware that this is hurting him, so i feel really really awful about myself..

i feel like such a player; the enemy of all men and i don't know what to do. im scared that i 'll be hurting more guys in the future.. and that this will somehow come back to haunt me or that they might try to get back at me.. whats worse is that i start getting interested again and become jealous whenever that guy all of a sudden moves on to another girl..

ive done this to so many guys already i feel so guilty and it hurts me inside whenever i see the guys ive done this to.. i know that i'm such a shameless person and that i shouldn't chase after guys when i know that this is going to happen but then i really cant really stop myself from losing interest the same way that i cant stop myself from liking them you guys are prolly hating on me now but pleasee help mee! what should i do?

[小甜密]

It's not your fault that you lose interest fast, those guys were just too boring for you.
I believe you're NOT the only one acting like this. So don't feel too guilty about it.
At least you don't go on being in relationships with them and then break their hearts. Now that's call worse.

[rawr_sheila]

do you know what type of guy you like?

once you start to like that person, don't get with him

let some time flow by and don't take any action

if you like him for a long time without losing interest,

then it might be worth it

[ElectroHime]

maybe you do still like him, just the excitement & anxiousness isnt there anymore?
maybe your confusing it, and you actually feel comfortable around him already ?
maybe theres something that your afraid of happening(you dont know it yourself ) so you distance yourself?
don't be fickle when it comes to love, you'll regret it someday.
but dont feel so bad, i guess it's only natural
all humans are different in a way, so cheer up !
& when you find someone new or continue with that guy , take things slow .


"there are no wrong or right answers in love, the best answer is the one you decide on in the end."

[ShadowMax76]

at least you feel crap about it. >>' unlike some people who keep hanging around the ones that fell for them like having slaves at their heels.


you should distinguish between the happiness of a friend and potential bf. girls are good at that : 'friend zoning' loll.

that's the answer from what i can see..

_ otherwise. i really think you should just let go of those who liked you. it only gets worse.
for me, i believe once you establish a bond like that.. it's never broken. it just rots. it's still there. and it hurts tugging on it by being close to the one you liked. it's better off forgotten.. [or resolved. >.>' so the mature ones with all the answers and perfect lives say]


-salutes- and learn how to close your heart when you meet new people. it helps. [for girls it's 'friend zoning'.. >.>' lol~]

[jbigdog123]

I don't have answers to your issue but don't start something you know you aren't going to go through with it, all you are doing is hanging the guys out to dry and wondering what the hell happened.

[KateLove]

once i become really close with him (or enter that MU [mutual understanding] stage0 i start to lose interest in him.

It could be that you're not losing interest but you become scared.
I was like this, whenever a guy showed interest in me I'd become totally turned
off. When I met my 1st BF in H.S I thought he was cute, then when I found
out he liked me ... WOAH. I started to like ignore him + stuff, but my friends
pushed me and said they knew I still liked him, but I was scared ... it was true!!

Now my problem is that when a guy likes me at 1st I'm totally cool, like ...
they're always the one chasing me. But once I like a guy, or love a guy ...
Damn ... it's over, I can't conceal it anymore. I totally wear my heart on my sleeve.

[TurtleLove]

Wait a while and get to know them as a friend to the threshold until you are confident. Time and seeing your friend-friend compatibility will be the indicator if you really like the person or not, thus helping avoid this scenario!

Just remember, if you don't feel that tingly feeling every time you see that person, it doesnt necessarily mean you don't love them. It could be a matter of infatuation, that makes it feel like you have lost feelings.


My best advice among all of this would be:
Follow your intuition and don't rush to get into a relationship. Even if you have similar infatuated feelings, that may not mean your love will be long lasting, its all a matter of intuition!

[weedyasian]

wow i know how you feel. cuhz i have the same problem! once i like a guy, if we spend too much time together i suddenly feel suffocated and disturbed. DONT KNOW WHY. and like, if a guy shows corny feelings toward me or is too clingy, i also feel disturbed by this. D;> somethings wrong with me >.< i feel really bad for giving guys the wrong signals and screwing them over. its a bad habit. i dont thnk i'd ever be committed if i were in a relationship. i hate it, losing interest in guys so easily like theres something wrong with me i just dont know how to fix this problem o___o;

i thnk ur right about the player-ness cuhz my dad was a player in highschool LOL !

maybe we should play the opposite field and go for girls ;] naw jk ahaha!

[sto0pidassgrl]

man..i feel the same way as you!!! -____-
i understand how u feel !

i love that feeling of once u meet this hot fresh new guy and den the bad feeling is that after he talks to u..u lose that interest and it's time to move on!

[cupicake]

i'm really thankful for those who replied back. and am sorry to reply this late. to tell you the truth, i was really afraid that you guys were gonna hate on me so i kind of sugar coated my first post so as to not sound as cruel.. im not going do that anymore.

i know that its normal to lose interest in a guy that fast at this age.. but the reason i feel bad is because i lose interest the moment they start liking me back. i get this guilty pleasure when i find out that they like me.. i feel really happy and i get this sense of accomplishment. but after that, my feelings for that guy kinda just shut down and disappear as if its game over and im done with him. i never really had a problem about feeling this way before and whenever this happened, i just kinda moved on with my life and sometimes, another guy. i thought that it was okay since i never really went out with any those guys or asked ot be anything more than friends and it wasn't like i took advantage of the fact that they like me. as you guys have said, i used to think that i quickly lost interest in them because they werent the right guy for me. i also thought that if i just stay away from them and not lead them on, everything was gonna be fine and that in time, everything was gonna be back to normal.

i thought about it and i guess you guys are right about me finding it fun making guys fall for me.. although i chased after those guys, i never really admitted to them that i liked them so i used to think that its their own fault if they started to like me and get hurt. the only reason i started to feel guilty is because of that guy above who i just recently hurt.. he's too too nice so i feel really bad for hurting him. he didnt really do anything wrong to deserve what i did to him. i started to reflect about what ive been doing and thought about the other guys that i've done this to. i feel even more guilty cuz they too were innocent .

i've recieved quite a lot of lectures from my friends because of this behaviour.. they were telling me to stop . i really have no idea how to stop at all. it's like a bad habit that i just cant break away from. i was desperate to find a way to stop so i started posting in forums like this instead of just asking my friends. they really werent helping xD a week ago, my friend kinda got fed up with my complaints and urged me to talk to her aunt who's a psychiatrist and so i did.. (oh god, i sound like a girl with mental issues. xD)

the psychiatrist asked me about all the guys i used to like. there was this one guy in grade 8 that i used to like, but he didnt like me one bit. lol its true that i was sad about being rejected but the psychiatrist made it sound like i was so crazy about him. she said that i got a trauma from that incident and so i have this obssession with making guys like me. err, it makes me sound like one of those characters in movies who has some dark past that he/she just cant get away from. lol she's prolly just making up sh*t cuz really, i wasnt that affected when that dude rejected me. now that i think about it though, its funny how everything fits perfectly with what she said. she also said that whenever i lose interest in a guy, saying that he wasnt the right guy for me was probably just an excuse for me to keep doing what i was doing. i guess this is true in a way?

anyway,im sorry for typing this long.. i dont want you guys mistaking me for an innocent little girl who's got no control over her raging hormones.. i feel really bad for what i did, so when u guys think that way, i feel even worse and guilty.. i really cant stand this cruel personality of mine.. but what i cant stand even more is that although im aware of this habit, i cant do anything to stop it. you guys and that psychiatrist said that ill settle down once i find the right guy, but im really scared of how many more guys i'd be hurting in the process.

[JetGirl]

Ach, well look at you Miss popular. XD
Its nothing to be ashamed of, its natural, yeah its not a nice trait but y'know.

Maybe its cuz you're attracting the guys that are really open that they tell you everything and then a few months down the line, there is nothing to keep you interested? Or you're seeing them like routine, which sort of makes thing a hella less interesting.

[Shuga]

I... kind of have the same problem. I think it's the thrill of the chase or something. ._. Or maybe I feel like everyone has to like me. Anyway, it's really self-centred and is not a virtue at all! What I'm trying to do is go with the flow, I'm not going to chase. If they're interested, whether it would be because of divine intervention or not, and I'm interested, then -- perfect match! I would much prefer being just friends with lots of guys anyway.

[cupicake]

I think it's the thrill of the chase or something. ._. Or maybe I feel like everyone has to like me. Anyway, it's really self-centred and is not a virtue at all!

i think so too! its really hard not to chase though especially if you like that guy. you cant just ignore your feelings when you like someone. there's always that urge to go and talk to that person, to hangout, flirt or whatever..

Maybe its cuz you're attracting the guys that are really open that they tell you everything and then a few months down the line, there is nothing to keep you interested?

no i dont think so cuz that guy above ^ was really open and nice. we became really close friends and i knew a lot about him. i chased him for like 3 or more months? there was even a time when i thought he liked my bff, not me.. but i didnt lose interest in him until i found out that it was me that he likes.

[L.FOR.LOVE]

i think before you get the guy
you really like him
then whenyou get him, its like . .notmal O_o beucase' YOUVE got him

[!Lei]

Good god.

You took out everything I wanted to say, and you worded everything about the same condition. I couldn't help but keep agreeing when I was reading your post. I thought I was the only one like this though.

The thrill of the chase..

[mal3ficum]

maybe they were just temporary crushes?
its okay dont worry about it, im sure theres a lot of people like that ^^

[mikomi]

awww, girl dont be so hard on yourself. ITs YOUR life and you do what pleases YOU. Give yourself some more time. Over the years as you get older SOMEONE is bound to come around that will knock your socks off and it wont go away. You just haven't found that special someone yet!

As far as those guys...I feel bad for them haha =X but that's called a maneater- nothing to be ashamed of =). If you feel bad mabe you can still hang out with them, or start off as good friends so that you don't have to feel bad when you lose interest. It doesnt mean you have to stop talking to them, ect.

[bbylah]

that reminds me of.. me. haha
but yeahh. that always happens to me, so I know how you feel.
it sucks. A LOT. but i recently just got a boyfriend. almost 2 weeks now
the first few days. I already felt like i lost interest in him.
and I felt so trapped and depressed. and then I started talking to
this really close friend of mine. She helped a lot. so yeahh. now I feel neutral with him.
I get sort of excited to see him, but sometimes its all like.. eh~
but I don't know. I can still feel the little love I have for him. hehe

AND

I'm super sorry that I can't give you any wise advice. hehe

but I think its because you've been away from guys for too long
like, you're not all boy crazy right? cause before I got my bf, I was single
for two years. I didn't feel like starting a relationship at all. but then
he came. so yeahh. you're probably just not used to liking a guy for long.

[ninyaah]

okay.. everything you wrote just describes the way i feel. :| i actually thought i was the only one who feels this way -- my cousin even tells me how weird i am! i can't really give you any advice since we're the same. i think it's just best to wait for the right guy to come along.