[joongielove]

Hey guys, don't have much time, but I just wanted your opinions.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year or so. I called him out last week on his not-calling habit, and he called me yesterday! But I had to go to class right when he called me, so he said he'd call me back at 3:30~ And he did. I was surprised but in a good way ^^;

He started explaining to me why he acts the ways he does, and it basically all boiled down to he waits for people to contact him instead of him contacting them. I know some of you may be like wtf~ but I get it. Then we started talking about how I have trust issues...-coughcough- And I think it really hurt him to know that I don't trust him 100%, but it's not just him, it's everyone. (My last relationship pretty much shot my trust with guys, and the friendship that was with someone else after that shot my trust issues with anyone else.) He got really hurt. And he said he likes being alone, he likes his alone time. We're semi-LDR, as in same state, but opposite sides of the state. And he said he has no problem seeing me twice a month! To me, that's a little short. Or less. Or...something. Whatever word fits best in there. He said he's going to try and fix the calling thing, and he apoligized for what he did last week. But something happened after our initial conversation and we wound up arguing on the phone, where I got mad and hung up on him. I know, I shouldn't have, and I regret it, but at that time, I wasn't thinking straight. When I finally got back in touch with him later, I could tell he was upset; his tone of voice made it clear. He sent me an email on trust and trust alone. I sent him an email back on why I can't trust anyone. Not just him, anyone. And I think things between us are really weird.

I'm willing to tuck aside my pride and compromise so much with him. But I've gotten so many of my friends telling me to break if off with him or something or other... I know that in the end it's my decision, but I'd like to know your inputs. I love this guy, I do, he's my first love. So I'm torn as to follow my heart, or follow my head. My head is saying 'It's unhealthy, get out'. But my heart is saying 'You love him, shouldn't you fight for him regardless?'

But what is love isn't enough sometimes?

[mikomi]

Think, if it was vice versa and you are a dude that spent a year with a girl you really like. You're a GUY so you know, conversations on the phone are limited, but for this girl you make the time. You guys live far away, but he's going to make the effort to see you, to explain how he feels to you despite the fact that he's a GUY and talking about his feelings too much is taboo. Telling him you dont trust anyone is being honest, but also a slap in his face. He's just behaving like a normal person would when you tell them something like that in his situation. You just have to know how to word things so that it means the same, but doesnt have the same sting. Trust issues may go in many directions. What do you mean by you dont TRUST him? As in he will cheat on you? OR if you were ever in danger he would leave you behind? OR You don't trust him to keep your secrets? He probabaly has the wrong idea in his head, or TOO many.

Variations of 'trust' statements:

" I trust you with my life"
" It's not that I don't trust you to be good to me and take care of me..it's that I'm jealous of other girls and what if you like them more than me one day....ect"

[Knee]

To me, that's a little short. Or less. Or...something. Whatever word fits best in there.

"To me, that's a little little." Correct grammar I believe, but poorly worded.

You're welcome!


As for serious advice, if he only wants to see you twice a month that speaks volumes of his conceitedness and/or lack of longing for you. I can relate to the wish to be lonely and alone and "waiting until someone contacts me" type of thinking, but if I really liked someone I would do my best to see them as often as I can regardless. I'd also make sure I was striving to earn your trust, even after a year, rather than think I deserve it.

[ms. rachellica]

me nd my bf are going thru some tough problems too where i ended up doing something rash (not suicide dun worry) nd he got pissed off over it. my friends have told me to break up with him too, but as one of my friends told me recently, YOU're the only person who really knows whats going on, unless u tell ur friends every detail, say the good and the bad parts of the relationship together. for me, i'm fighting for our relationship, but it's really up to u. if u think he's worth getting hurt for then go for it. i've never fought for something hard in my life nd it shows that i'm really in love with him nd that i really wanna be with him. i hope this helps!

[Sleepy213]

Rather long distance relationship or not, it doesnt matter.
The main key to any kind of relationship is trust.
Well to my point of view of course.
To be honest, I would get pretty mad when my gf tells me she doesnt really trust me.
before entering into a relationship u should have gave up all that stuff and trusted him.

Yea it's his fault with the calling and everything but trust issues is huge to me.

If you dont trust him, im pretty sure you expect him to cheat on you.

It's a good thing to check up on your boyfriend but having trust issues isnt a great thing.

I like how you were honest though. You guys should talk it out more.

Who cares what your friends say yea? its your relationship, not theirs.

goodluckkk.

[joongielove]

Think, if it was vice versa and you are a dude that spent a year with a girl you really like. You're a GUY so you know, conversations on the phone are limited, but for this girl you make the time. You guys live far away, but he's going to make the effort to see you, to explain how he feels to you despite the fact that he's a GUY and talking about his feelings too much is taboo. Telling him you dont trust anyone is being honest, but also a slap in his face. He's just behaving like a normal person would when you tell them something like that in his situation. You just have to know how to word things so that it means the same, but doesnt have the same sting. Trust issues may go in many directions. What do you mean by you dont TRUST him? As in he will cheat on you? OR if you were ever in danger he would leave you behind? OR You don't trust him to keep your secrets? He probabaly has the wrong idea in his head, or TOO many.

Variations of 'trust' statements:

" I trust you with my life"
" It's not that I don't trust you to be good to me and take care of me..it's that I'm jealous of other girls and what if you like them more than me one day....ect"

He knew from the start that I had trust issues with people, except at that tiime it wasn't as bad, because I lost my friendship with my ex best friend in the course of our relationship.(he had no link to it, so no worries there.) From then on, my trust in everyone has dimished, but I told him that out of anyone I know, people I've known for years, etc, I put the most trust in him. But I guess part of my trust thing is a bit of the second one, esp. since we're in college now~

"To me, that's a little little." Correct grammar I believe, but poorly worded.

You're welcome!


As for serious advice, if he only wants to see you twice a month that speaks volumes of his conceitedness and/or lack of longing for you. I can relate to the wish to be lonely and alone and "waiting until someone contacts me" type of thinking, but if I really liked someone I would do my best to see them as often as I can regardless. I'd also make sure I was striving to earn your trust, even after a year, rather than think I deserve it.

He hasn't done anything to not make me trust him, and I guess that's why he's so hurt? But he admitted that wanting time by himself was selfish before I even said anything about it. It was more like "I know I have this bad habit, and it's selfish of me."

me nd my bf are going thru some tough problems too where i ended up doing something rash (not suicide dun worry) nd he got pissed off over it. my friends have told me to break up with him too, but as one of my friends told me recently, YOU're the only person who really knows whats going on, unless u tell ur friends every detail, say the good and the bad parts of the relationship together. for me, i'm fighting for our relationship, but it's really up to u. if u think he's worth getting hurt for then go for it. i've never fought for something hard in my life nd it shows that i'm really in love with him nd that i really wanna be with him. i hope this helps!

I really want to be with him too. We may not end up married, but damn, being with him has made me happier than I've ever been in a long time. I'm willing to fight for him, because I DON'T want to let him go. Just times like these make me wonder.

Rather long distance relationship or not, it doesnt matter.
The main key to any kind of relationship is trust.
Well to my point of view of course.
To be honest, I would get pretty mad when my gf tells me she doesnt really trust me.
before entering into a relationship u should have gave up all that stuff and trusted him.

Yea it's his fault with the calling and everything but trust issues is huge to me.

If you dont trust him, im pretty sure you expect him to cheat on you.

It's a good thing to check up on your boyfriend but having trust issues isnt a great thing.

I like how you were honest though. You guys should talk it out more.

Who cares what your friends say yea? its your relationship, not theirs.

goodluckkk.

I don't expect him to cheat on me; he's not that kind of person. Yet I think at the back of everyone's mind, there's always the possibility, and I guess it just affects me more than other people. We had a long talk about it yesterday(read: my mom wants to kill me cuz she knows how many minutes I've used O___O; ) I wouldn't be anything but honest with him. He deserves my honesty, and I'm definitely working on that trust thing.

[ms. rachellica]

I really want to be with him too. We may not end up married, but damn, being with him has made me happier than I've ever been in a long time. I'm willing to fight for him, because I DON'T want to let him go. Just times like these make me wonder.

i kno what u mean. my bf has done things that made me question our relationship, but u hafta see if the good outweighs the bad. if being with him makes u happy, then that's all that matters rite? keep me posted.