[yammi]

well i don't know if you've been reading his saga about this girl and him, but we've been giving him advice and all he's done is ignore it, then complain about how his heart is being twisted with a dull fork by this girl. so i'm speaking to him like i would my friend , brother or mother if they came to me again and again with this type of malarky. people get tired of hearing about these types of relationships especially if the person involved isn't listening to the advice given..in one ear and out the other.

either he wants the attention, likes getting dogged by females, or has low self esteem. i dunno but it seems like all of the above from his previous posts, so yeah we're sick of hearing about it, until he finds someone worthy of his attentions.

sure, if that's what they want, so be it, but don't broadcast every time you get ur feelings crushed asking for advice, only to ignore it and make excuses as to why you should go back into this abusive relationship (because that's what it is..it may not be physical, but it's abuse)

Oh...hehe.....I've been briefing through his stories.......it's just that I got caught up with another situation with my friend.

[I like jelly]

sorry to barge in, i kinda need advice and or some opinions...

i want my (guy) friends to see me as a friend, not a woman
but is there a subtle way to tell a friend to..... back off?

i have a good friend who's VERY friendly and expressive. i have to constantly ask him to 'back off' or 'no touching' when he sits too close or puts his hand on my shoulder or back, or any area that is appropriate. occassionally he says 'oh yeah, you dont like being touched, i forgot, sorry.' but he does not remember very often.

compared to my other good (guy) friend, he is considerate, respecting my excessive personal space. (i dont like being touched unless it's my bf and they are aware i have a bf)

or am i just being paranoid?
but sometimes,... things he says seems borderline flirting and it really makes me uncomfortable.
what makes it suspicious, is that he does not do this while my bf is with me while we hang out.
at the same time, i dont want to confront him directly..... i value his friendship and i dont want anything weird between us because of something i assumed.

That type of situation is always sticky. I'm sorry to hear that you're in it =(

I think the best thing to do is that next time he's being overly friendly, let him know straight up that he's making you uncomfortable, be polite of course, but be firm. Say : " Hey, it makes me comfortable when you're being touchy-touchy with me, I'd really like it if that doesn't happen anymore." If he's a good friend, he will respect your wishes.

If he still doesn't get the hint, it might be a good idea to cut down alone time with him, or make sure you sit in between two other friends when you're at a group outing.

Hope it'll work out =)

[JJM]

srenity: Addressing the issues and discussing them with your friend is really all you can do. You can try to be passive-aggressive, but it's not going to stop. He sounds like he's the kind of person who will try to get away with as much as he can. If HE values your friendship, he should know better. He isn't only disrespecting you, but your boyfriend. Don't make up excuses for his inappropriate behavior. If he doesn't understand why and how his touchy-feely self makes you uncomfortable after you've explained it to him, he isn't deserving of your friendship.

[Tuffcore]

well i don't know if you've been reading his saga about this girl and him, but we've been giving him advice and all he's done is ignore it, then complain about how his heart is being twisted with a dull fork by this girl. so i'm speaking to him like i would my friend , brother or mother if they came to me again and again with this type of malarky. people get tired of hearing about these types of relationships especially if the person involved isn't listening to the advice given..in one ear and out the other.

either he wants the attention, likes getting dogged by females, or has low self esteem. i dunno but it seems like all of the above from his previous posts, so yeah we're sick of hearing about it, until he finds someone worthy of his attentions.

sure, if that's what they want, so be it, but don't broadcast every time you get ur feelings crushed asking for advice, only to ignore it and make excuses as to why you should go back into this abusive relationship (because that's what it is..it may not be physical, but it's abuse)

Relationships is sort of like weight lifting.

Everytime you break down your muscles, it rebuilds stronger.

[srenity]

thanks for the advices guys

he hasnt shown any signs of "touchy-ness" so far when we had a group outing yesterday. but i do admit, i felt like i'm being really cold to him these days knowing that he will do something if he gets too close.

when i confronted my bf about this (when the behavior was "at its peak"), he told me to talk to his sister 'cause who else knows better than his own sister? i'm pretty close to his sister (she usually hangs out with us). they usually have unnecessary quarels so i'm thinking it's not worth the talk since most likely she'll be on my side without thinking about reasons she should be on his side.. i'd rather have someone that is very good friends with him to talk to but i dont know them very well...

it's worth a try talking to the sister right?

[papabear]

it's worth a try talking to the sister right?

only if you think that she can have an influence on him. is that really the case?

i'm a bit surprised your bf didn't have words with him.

[Laxntiga]

Hey sorry guys, we broke up on Wednesday night and got back together again Sunday afternoon...

so... umm... yea...

Crazy, angry, i love you/hate you make up sex?

Relationships like lifting weights? After you rip up your muscles, you rebuild them again? Hahahahah dont forget the protien!

[JJM]

^^ I'm sure protein isn't lacking in their relationship.

[Aziraphale]

Relationships is sort of like weight lifting.

Everytime you break down your muscles, it rebuilds stronger.

Self-torture is a case for the psychiatrist, not the L&R thread in 20+.

[donporkuloin]

I've had a situation, and I don't know what to make of it. I have a co-worker. Before I applied at my job my friend asked me to come up there, and apply. So I did, and this girl caught my attention when I came up there. When it comes to approaching a girl I usually can come up with something good to say, but all I could say was, "I wondered what's your ethnicity?" She said she was Hmong, and flashed a big smile. My friend said she asked questions about me when I left. Also, when I was there was this guy who was working there who was giving me really hard looks. Come to find out he likes her, but I don't think she liked him much at the time. Nonetheless I was there for my job interview, and she was there with her family. She saw me, and flashed this super happy smile. I mean she was beaming when she saw me. I went up to eat at my job the other day, and she was working there. We noticed each other, and she displayed that wonderful smile of hers again towards me. I went up to her, we exchanged names, and I asked her if she wanted to hangout? She told me she was busy this week. So I asked her about next week. Then she said, "my parents are strict, and I can't hangout with people, etc." Then I was working not too long ago, and she was working too. I stared at her a little bit, but I stayed focus on work. My line was short, and I noticed she was talking to the guy that likes her like they were joking around most of the time I seen them together. I stopped paying them attention, and went to what I was doing. As I was working, I noticed her staring at me. I turned around, and it looked like she was going to play it off. Keep in mind I'm 20 and she's 17. So I'm wondering, does it look like she has an interest in that guy? Is she playing hard to get? I dunno what to make of this.

[Laxntiga]

I've had a situation, and I don't know what to make of it. I have a co-worker. Before I applied at my job my friend asked me to come up there, and apply. So I did, and this girl caught my attention when I came up there. When it comes to approaching a girl I usually can come up with something good to say, but all I could say was, "I wondered what's your ethnicity?" She said she was Hmong, and flashed a big smile. My friend said she asked questions about me when I left. Also, when I was there was this guy who was working there who was giving me really hard looks. Come to find out he likes her, but I don't think she liked him much at the time. Nonetheless I was there for my job interview, and she was there with her family. She saw me, and flashed this super happy smile. I mean she was beaming when she saw me. I went up to eat at my job the other day, and she was working there. We noticed each other, and she displayed that wonderful smile of hers again towards me. I went up to her, we exchanged names, and I asked her if she wanted to hangout? She told me she was busy this week. So I asked her about next week. Then she said, "my parents are strict, and I can't hangout with people, etc." Then I was working not too long ago, and she was working too. I stared at her a little bit, but I stayed focus on work. My line was short, and I noticed she was talking to the guy that likes her like they were joking around most of the time I seen them together. I stopped paying them attention, and went to what I was doing. As I was working, I noticed her staring at me. I turned around, and it looked like she was going to play it off. Keep in mind I'm 20 and she's 17. So I'm wondering, does it look like she has an interest in that guy? Is she playing hard to get? I dunno what to make of this.

This is so funny hahahahha. My parents are strict, I cant hang out with people...... smart parents. Next time you catch her starring at you, walk up to her straight up, and say "staring isn't polite you know" then tell her, how about you buy me some icecream? and smile. Keep at it, she'll say yes one day or another. If she brings up the parents thing again, tell her you are interested in her, her parents too but you cant have like a quadruple date. *smile, wink. Get a phone number dude...... then at least you can talk to her in the day and keep her mind on ya until she can't make up excuses and her defenses are worn down to zilch!

[donporkuloin]

This is so funny hahahahha. My parents are strict, I cant hang out with people...... smart parents. Next time you catch her starring at you, walk up to her straight up, and say "staring isn't polite you know" then tell her, how about you buy me some icecream? and smile. Keep at it, she'll say yes one day or another. If she brings up the parents thing again, tell her you are interested in her, her parents too but you cant have like a quadruple date. *smile, wink. Get a phone number dude...... then at least you can talk to her in the day and keep her mind on ya until she can't make up excuses and her defenses are worn down to zilch!

It was obvious to me that she was lying, but I don't get what's the point of her making excuses?

[thealmightyGOD]

It was obvious to me that she was lying, but I don't get what's the point of her making excuses?

is it cause you don't get the point of her making an excuse, or is it cause you don't want to accept it?

[lilyphenix]

It was obvious to me that she was lying, but I don't get what's the point of her making excuses?

Not necessarily playing hard to get, but she may be shy when it comes to taking the next step (ie actually hang out, ie be "alone" in a cafe with a guy she potetntially likes).
it is easier for some girls to go out with a guy after talking a little bit more, like you know just regular chat... It would help make the first date less awkward for someone is not necessarily used to that.

[donporkuloin]

is it cause you don't get the point of her making an excuse, or is it cause you don't want to accept it?

I didn't get the point of her making an excuse, but to some extent I found out she was telling the truth.

[renjitehsmex]

seriously, i'm like 20 years old already but I don't have any boyfriends before. why is that so? ARGH!

[Aziraphale]

seriously, i'm like 20 years old already but I don't have any boyfriends before. why is that so? ARGH!

You are? Then why did you say you were turning 20 this November in a previous post?

post

I've already warned you for underage posting, so please DO NOT post here until you really turn 20. No need to lie about your age just to post here.

[Tuffcore]

After being in a 3-month relationship with my current, i've discovered the most powerful and attractive quality a lady can possess (no, it's not just good sex.) I've also been asked numerous times as to why I love this girl and why I have continued to stay with her despite the fact our relationship could've ended several times and continue to go through rollercoaster cycles.

It is that: "She doesn't need me."

Well, perhaps this is nothing new to many of you but for me, it's the first time i've experienced such a thing and i've got to say i'm quite taken away by it. I suppose men love challenges and so when men run into women who operate with a complete wreckless abandon for relationships and couldn't care less if no man ever wanted to marry them, that's when men want to marry them!

I'm not only speaking of financial independance here but emotional and sexual as well. Obviously, there are lots of men who are needy and in being so, they are unattractive at the same time. In general though, societies of the world have produced much more women who are needy for men than the other way around. There's just simply not enough women in this world with the type of unneediness that my woman displays and that's why i know i've got a gem.

Anyone experienced something similar?

[JJM]

I don't need my man, but I want him. There's a difference. When you need someone, it becomes a neccessity. It turns a person into what my friends and I call "a being from the Planet Cling-On". When you want someone, there's still free-will there; a choice still exists. I prefer that my man wants me before needing me because WANT is a desire and I need to be desired/wanted.

To each their own. If it's her independence that you find attractive and irresistable, more power to both of you.

[Apri1]

^ I think you are awesome. I wish more men liked women who where like that. Women shouldnt be so needy. Independant women rock.