[I like jelly]

I think sometimes it's hard to beat the curiosity. Personally, sometimes I like to see how my exes are doing, but those are the ones I keep in contact with. The fact that you don't talk makes it seem like he's snooping. O_o

I think curiousity is the right answer. Hmm....8 months is a long time too for a boring blog (based on your story) to checking out every exact time.

But if he still likes you, he could do more and better than only checking out his ex's blog, maybe he just like it, I mean....like doing this thing. It's not harm anyone, but he still could know what's going on with you.

The positive thing is, you know that there's someone out there care for you without your ask ^^ He is a nice ex's so.
Maybe you both could trying to be a good friend then, or maybe if you both still love each other, there will be a second chance to gave.
SG Fighting!
xxx

well, if he initiated the breakup and hasn't tried to contact you since then... like he said... he's probably just curious.

then again, once or twice a week for eight months straight is weird... i'd think it'd phase out after awhile.

hehe i'd ask him what his deal is.

First off, Thank you gals for your advise =)

See, that's my thing to, I mean I understand the nature of human curiousity and I too, sometimes wonder how my exes are doing, but it's def. not as frequent as once or twice a week, and it's usually during the first few months after our break up. Under the circumstances that me and that ex are on good/speaking terms.

Boys are weird.. Really.

Mel - I'd ask him, but remember, we don't even keep in contact =X

[rotten_sherry]

Then why don't you start the contact? Maybe just be right through the point, asking him (by phone, e-mail, anything possible....) why he did all those "reading" thing. Well....is it hard for you? ^^


SG Fighting!
xxx

[I like jelly]

Then why don't you start the contact? Maybe just be right through the point, asking him (by phone, e-mail, anything possible....) why he did all those "reading" thing. Well....is it hard for you? ^^
SG Fighting!
xxx

He decided long time ago that he doesn't want to keep in contact, so there isn't any point to contact him.

[rotten_sherry]

Well....it's getting weird.

If he decided like that, it means he doesn't want any longer info, news, greeting, or anything related to you.
But then,

Why he always drops by to your space? Hhhh....man is really from Mars....

Then, it's just a suggestion if you already feel very uncomforted with his behavior, you could break that rule, and asking him right to your point. Just want to ask why he does all that stuff.... He can't be that selfish, to not letting you knowing anything about him, and he still could do that.

Hmm....men are really from Mars....



SG Fighting!
xxx

[suki_*]

okayy this will be my first time posting anything related to love and relationships EVER on soompi... i only post advice to help ppl but i'm in a situation where i don't know which of the bad-ending I should be choosing.

I have known this guy since grade 4 (so a total of 12 years now)... we've been really close all the way up to grade 10 where he moved away from the town and disappeared for 2 years no one knew where he or the family went and i was really down because i thought he would have told me since we're good friends...

Until recently 2006 of October is when he finally found my contacts and called me up to meet up. So we met up around may 2007 since then just chilling and catching up on old times. The reason he left was because he was feeling very depressed over a break up with a girl. he took a year off school to travel and he trained in Korea for some music company, so definitely when i saw him he looked ALOT better and he seemed happier.

SO I thought everything was cool again like us being good friends again. He confessed his feelings for me two nights ago and he knew that i was already seeing someone else, but he still told me anyways.

so my problem i guess is that one of the choices that i can make is to reject him and keep the same friendship because he's not the type to be friends with again after confessing.

I've known him for 12 years and i don't want to lose a friend like him. If i turn him down he's going to be cold to me (he's done this with other girls before back when i was one of the guys, i've seen it happen...). If i turn him down and insist to stay friends, it will be awkward, it's not going to be the same.

i can't accept his feelings because i don't feel the same way... i use to but it was a long time ago. I'm still trying to figure out a way to turn him down... and still stay friends with him so far, no matter how hard i think, there isn't any way to do so.

has anyone ever been in this situation before? if so... how did it end?

[JJM]

suki, I could easily say for you to bake him a cake plastered with "let's just be friends", but then there will be an uneaten cake (possibly a splattered one) lying around and wasted pastry is always bad in my book. He made the decision to confess his feelings to you, maybe not factoring in the fact you're already seeing someone. What does he expect? Unless you gave him hope in some way unbeknownest about the two of you, he can't simply put the pressure on you to chose all of him or your SO. If it's all or nothing with him and he's willing to toss your friendship aside due to a bruised ego, then you don't need that kinda of selfish behavior making you sad and stressed.

You know, your emotions do effect your cooking/baking.

Best of luck to you in whichever decision you make.

And to answer your question, I've never been in such a predicament. When I meet someone, they immediately fall into three categories: do-able, dateable (bf material), just a friend (my straight gay friend).

[watcher]

okayy this will be my first time posting anything related to love and relationships EVER on soompi... i only post advice to help ppl but i'm in a situation where i don't know which of the bad-ending I should be choosing.

I have known this guy since grade 4 (so a total of 12 years now)... we've been really close all the way up to grade 10 where he moved away from the town and disappeared for 2 years no one knew where he or the family went and i was really down because i thought he would have told me since we're good friends...

Until recently 2006 of October is when he finally found my contacts and called me up to meet up. So we met up around may 2007 since then just chilling and catching up on old times. The reason he left was because he was feeling very depressed over a break up with a girl. he took a year off school to travel and he trained in Korea for some music company, so definitely when i saw him he looked ALOT better and he seemed happier.

SO I thought everything was cool again like us being good friends again. He confessed his feelings for me two nights ago and he knew that i was already seeing someone else, but he still told me anyways.

so my problem i guess is that one of the choices that i can make is to reject him and keep the same friendship because he's not the type to be friends with again after confessing.

I've known him for 12 years and i don't want to lose a friend like him. If i turn him down he's going to be cold to me (he's done this with other girls before back when i was one of the guys, i've seen it happen...). If i turn him down and insist to stay friends, it will be awkward, it's not going to be the same.

i can't accept his feelings because i don't feel the same way... i use to but it was a long time ago. I'm still trying to figure out a way to turn him down... and still stay friends with him so far, no matter how hard i think, there isn't any way to do so.

has anyone ever been in this situation before? if so... how did it end?

tell him nicely that you're not interested and take it from there. making decisions based on assumptions might be a good way to prepare for a possible outcome, but there's really no telling what might happen. be ready to let go of him, but just hope for the best. if he allows some kind of opening to stay friends, take that window of opportunity while you can. otherwise, you did just fine without him the past couple of years. you will do fine without him again.

[blue_shoe]

When do we wait and when do we move on? For example, if there's a guy you like, and the guy you kinda like ask you out....what do you do?

[suki_*]

^^^

i don't see a problem you like him and he asked you out.. is this a rhetorical question? it's your choice to say yes or no.

suki, I could easily say for you to bake him a cake plastered with "let's just be friends", but then there will be an uneaten cake (possibly a splattered one) lying around and wasted pastry is always bad in my book. He made the decision to confess his feelings to you, maybe not factoring in the fact you're already seeing someone. What does he expect? Unless you gave him hope in some way unbeknownest about the two of you, he can't simply put the pressure on you to chose all of him or your SO. If it's all or nothing with him and he's willing to toss your friendship aside due to a bruised ego, then you don't need that kinda of selfish behavior making you sad and stressed.

You know, your emotions do effect your cooking/baking.

Best of luck to you in whichever decision you make.

And to answer your question, I've never been in such a predicament. When I meet someone, they immediately fall into three categories: do-able, dateable (bf material), just a friend (my straight gay friend).

haha thanks!!! yeah i guess i know what you mean =) yeah i bake alot when i am stressed.. hence my feeding the office with my baking yet again today.. they were really happy so i guess it made me happy a bit i haven't given him a reply yet, and he's no way being rude to rushing me or anything. i know i'll have to tell him eventually.

tell him nicely that you're not interested and take it from there. making decisions based on assumptions might be a good way to prepare for a possible outcome, but there's really no telling what might happen. be ready to let go of him, but just hope for the best. if he allows some kind of opening to stay friends, take that window of opportunity while you can. otherwise, you did just fine without him the past couple of years. you will do fine without him again.

Thanks for the advice i guess it will be different without him but that same time tolerable for me. it just sucks after seeing him again and we're not friends again

[XxXrAtED]

Woot. I'm back in the game. Got serious pressure, I'm not ready to get married yet, and it's better off so i'm not wasting her time. Not here to start the whole discussion about marriage equates love, if it's necessary, or what not. Just wondering if you'd date someone or be in a relationship if you know he's not ready for marriage, for whatever reason, or there may be a chance that he won't marry you.

Always fun jumping back in the dating scene. Wish me luck. I might give speed dating a shot.

[suki_*]

Woot. I'm back in the game. Got serious pressure, I'm not ready to get married yet, and it's better off so i'm not wasting her time. Not here to start the whole discussion about marriage equates love, if it's necessary, or what not. Just wondering if you'd date someone or be in a relationship if you know he's not ready for marriage, for whatever reason, or there may be a chance that he won't marry you.

Always fun jumping back in the dating scene. Wish me luck. I might give speed dating a shot.

As a girl if i know the guy that i am dating has no intention of even thinking about marrying me in the future then he is wasting my time. dating is fun, but if it gets no where, there's no point in dating forever.

It's totally fine not being ready for marraige or settling when you first start dating because you are not sure, but later on when you get to know her more and she's tolerable but you still can't bring yourself to ask for her hand for whatever reason then it's ... a waste of time. it's like you found the right person yet, you don't want to be with him/her for the rest of your life.

i know alotta ppl are gonna be like "if you found the right person all you want to do is spend the rest of your life with them" .... this is real life, you can still have doubts at time. it takes alot of trust and compatibility to make a relationship work. sometimes ppl marry because they are so use to that person that it might not even necessarily be love. some marry for love but it might not be forever. it's tough...

i am okay if he's at that moment where he isn't ready to settle because i would feel the same but later down the road he's not going to settle because he doesn't want to put on his big boy pants and stick with one girl then i'm leavin him.

[JJM]

If I've been dating someone exclusively and seriously for many years and he tells me he's not ready to get married, I'm OK with it. If he tells me he has no intentions of marrying me then we have a problem. Being not ready is slightly better than no intentions unless she shares the same feelings.

Speed dating? Great for practicing your profiling skills.

[watcher]

dating is overrated
be careful of girls that decide they don't want to let you go. heh

[questions987]

does anyone here really date anymore? I don't have time - nor do I have the inclination. I'm 24, haven't really dated in the last 3 years - am I just nuts?

[HERMIT]

^
I don't think you're nuts. I haven't dated in ages. And I mean ages.
But don't mind me. I have a sort of pessimism about the whole notion of dating and marriage in general.

[blue_shoe]

does anyone here really date anymore? I don't have time - nor do I have the inclination. I'm 24, haven't really dated in the last 3 years - am I just nuts?

^
I don't think you're nuts. I haven't dated in ages. And I mean ages.
But don't mind me. I have a sort of pessimism about the whole notion of dating and marriage in general.

I haven't dated in a long time. That's only because guys don't ask me on dates.

[I like jelly]

Woot. I'm back in the game. Got serious pressure, I'm not ready to get married yet, and it's better off so i'm not wasting her time. Not here to start the whole discussion about marriage equates love, if it's necessary, or what not. Just wondering if you'd date someone or be in a relationship if you know he's not ready for marriage, for whatever reason, or there may be a chance that he won't marry you.

Always fun jumping back in the dating scene. Wish me luck. I might give speed dating a shot.

alky says " nah uh. hooray for being single"

[SlashRain]

I think im going to break up with my girlfriend soon, but I know its going to be really hard for me to let go and that I'll also be lonely. Shes my first girlfriend (im her first too) and we've been together for a really long time, but things have been getting really bad recently. She has been having a lot of family problems and uses that as an excuse to ignore me. I've waited for a really long time to let her fix things up, but nothing seems to ever change. We live less then 40 mins away from each other and go to the same college, but we barely get to see each other. Also, even though she is 22, her mom is still crazily overprotective.

Im really hesitating on my decision since im usually a quiet person and I think that its going to be hard for me to meet someone new. I wouldnt have much to do on campus since most of my other friends have either graduated or are commuters that have a busy schedule.

Also, its her birthday next week, and I would feel really bad about doing it then...

[sasuke-kun]

I think im going to break up with my girlfriend soon, but I know its going to be really hard for me to let go and that I'll also be lonely. Shes my first girlfriend (im her first too) and we've been together for a really long time, but things have been getting really bad recently. She has been having a lot of family problems and uses that as an excuse to ignore me. I've waited for a really long time to let her fix things up, but nothing seems to ever change. We live less then 40 mins away from each other and go to the same college, but we barely get to see each other. Also, even though she is 22, her mom is still crazily overprotective.

Im really hesitating on my decision since im usually a quiet person and I think that its going to be hard for me to meet someone new. I wouldnt have much to do on campus since most of my other friends have either graduated or are commuters that have a busy schedule.

Also, its her birthday next week, and I would feel really bad about doing it then...

dude, i would think family problems would be a pretty good excuse to ignore you. dude, i broke up with my girlfriend too, because she would never spend time with me. she would always spend time with her family and that made me mad. i felt like everyone else was more important than me. i regret being impatient, cause right now, i understand that family comes first. like, i expected her to ditch her family all the time and spend time with me instead. thats really selfish of me to do to her. but its all your choice, if you can be more patient and wait then you should, if not then break up.

dont just stay with her because youll have no one to hang out with. i understand that its hard to find someone else new if you are a quiet person. i am too, but truthfully, im not looking for anyone right now. im gonna just focus on my goals and the stuff i want to do. a few months ago, my only goal was my ex, and that was kinda of sad. my life was centered around my ex therefore i have nothing to show for the past few years, no job, no accomplishments, lost most of my friends, etc... only memories are left.

hell, if a girl just walked into my life and became my girlfriend, id be happy of course. but truthfully it isnt gonna happen yet. what can i do for her? with no job, no time, no skills, etc... nothing....

[nisee]

so, what do you guys do to get over a break up? normally alcohol would suffice, or shopping is always good