[melkimx]

hmmm...
among my friends, i have ones that were in what i consider frivolous relationships. meaning they jumped in, were with the guy for a month or so, broke up and then later repeated the same thing...
...while complaining that they keep meeting bad guys.

if someone keeps getting involved with the same type of person that they say they hate, shouldn't that person maybe slow down and try to feel the guy out first?

well, if someone keeps getting involved with the same type of guy she says she hates, i'd actually assume that feeling out the guy will do nothing and that she probably doesn't hate that type at all. what you're describing sounds like the relationship pattern of one girl i know -- she keeps getting involved with the jerks who cheat on her and say the most awful things. i don't think her problem would be solved if she just got to know them better before dating them. i think she's probably getting what she needs. most people who date a jerk will learn the warning signs, get out of the relationship, and not repeat it again. actually i believe most people are able to weed out the jerks even before getting to that stage.

Pffft - you simply lack ambition. I think that conquering multiple planets would be incredibly romantic

i'm ambitious... i'm just too lazy and full of self-doubt to follow through

[badboy yardy]

i think i'll be creeped out if someone if my significant other is no. 2

i'm definitely a no. 3 type of guy, i'm with a girl who is no. 1 but she's more or less serving an example of it so there isn't any unwarranted pressure about me being ambitious.

[YUNA!]

I've been experiencing this for my entire life, and I'm sick of it already.
Today was the last straw.

Yes, I think my dad is really hard working and has a lot of stress and stuff from work..
BUT, that is NO EXCUSE for him to treat my mom like she's NOTHING, and yet expecting her to do everything for him.
When I finally confronted him, all he can say is, "I make a cup of tea for her every day." Wow?

For YEARS, he would call her these ridiculous names, diss her mom and dad (that died from hard work, btw), and tries brainwashing us kids "not to be like our mother" etc etc.

Every time he goes into one of those modes, I tried to blank out and let things go in from one ear to the other.. hoping that it's just a phase that he's going through. But it's been happening forever! Frankly, I'm SICK of this.

What can I do to help my mom? She's a really nice person and she doesn't fight back, and just takes it all.. but I just dont want her to take any more of this crap from my dad..>.<....

[papabear]

I've been experiencing this for my entire life, and I'm sick of it already.
Today was the last straw.

Yes, I think my dad is really hard working and has a lot of stress and stuff from work..
BUT, that is NO EXCUSE for him to treat my mom like she's NOTHING, and yet expecting her to do everything for him.
When I finally confronted him, all he can say is, "I make a cup of tea for her every day." Wow?

For YEARS, he would call her these ridiculous names, diss her mom and dad (that died from hard work, btw), and tries brainwashing us kids "not to be like our mother" etc etc.

Every time he goes into one of those modes, I tried to blank out and let things go in from one ear to the other.. hoping that it's just a phase that he's going through. But it's been happening forever! Frankly, I'm SICK of this.

What can I do to help my mom? She's a really nice person and she doesn't fight back, and just takes it all.. but I just dont want her to take any more of this crap from my dad..>.<....

Nothing you can really do--she has to make that decision for herself. It would be good for you to get as much distance as you can, but we've gone over that already...

[incyphe]

I'm no expert on marital problems, but based on the stories I have heard of other middle-aged Korean couples in a similar situation, husband will usually stop the abuse if the wife firmly stands her ground, and fights back (verbally).

Your Dad does not see your Mom as his equal and has no respect for her. You can keep try confronting him about it, but it will just be a temporary fix. The only thing that will solve this is if your Mom decides to do something about it, and makes him respect her.

In the end, BOTH of them need to change. But the only way that will happen is if your Mom changes first.

[D_K]

SO!!!! if you had to choose among these 3... which would you choose???

1. a partner you can conquer the world with
2. a partner you will explore the deep spiritual realm with you and find purpose and meaning in life with
3. a partner who will love you like you love them and live out a normal, simple life with

This is a very poorly constructed questionnaire. For one thing, 1,2, and 3 are not mutually exclusive nor independent.

So my answer is:

4. both 1 & 3.

Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

[watcher]

This is a very poorly constructed questionnaire. For one thing, 1,2, and 3 are not mutually exclusive nor independent.

So my answer is:

4. both 1 & 3.

Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

hmm... such a serious response to a very trivial question

[D_K]

hmm... such a serious response to a very trivial question

It was a silly response to an equally silly question. Hardly serious. I guess I forgot to add to get my point across.

[watcher]

in that case, please do rant on!

[questions987]

Okay, here's a new topic for discussion.

I was having this conversation with a fellow Soompier. You all know that I don't mind being single from my past post. Here's the the basis of the discussion:
I have had several relationships. They, obviously, have all ended. There was one that I would consider a great one - he was it for me. This was 5 years ago that I was with him, we were engaged - life happened and we're no longer together. I have yet to have found anyone that could even take a 1/100th of what he was to me, or make me feel even remotely like he did.

Now, I'm not saying I don't believe in love, or that I don't believe in love after love. I, just believe that everyone has that one great love, and once you've found it - if it doesn't work, okay, but if it does -great. I think that you'll find several more loves, but not that great one. I'm greatful to have had it, he will always be special to me - I will always love him. But I don't think another great love exsist for me and I'm fine with it. This does not mean that i want to get back with him - we've both moved past that.

This fellow soompier doesn't exactly believe that - I think they think that by my saying that - I'm closing myself off to other relationships. I have no problems with meeting people - I just don't really feel a need to find anymore - kinda like, already had it, greatful for it - now enjoy the other delicious things life has to offer other than a significant other. I guess I take after my mother in that sense - she'll always love dad (even if they aren't together anymore).

I'm pretty sure I know what the replies will be - but do you guys think that there is that one great love? I mean everyone has heard the term True love - I think that if I had to use that term to describe it - I would. He was a true love, just not a true love that i'm with anymore.

[clockwatcher]

Personally, I don't believe there's "one great love." I think it's all BS. I think there are tons of people one can experience this 'great love' with. Otherwise, the world is huge and if you don't meet that 'one person' you're pretty much screwed. I believe that there are at least hundreds of people each person on this planet can click with and share a great love with.

I just think that 'great love' occurs when both parties are mentally ready to experience it. And so they are both willing to sacrifice and do all that is necessary to have that 'great love.'

I don't think it's healthy to be satisfied with what you've had in the past, something that no longer exists under the premise of 'been there, done that.' I'm no psychologist but I'd hazard a guess that holding onto that notion that you've experienced your OTL is your way of protecting yourself from once again experiencing the hurt and disappointment that came with that love ending. Well, I'm just assuming it hurt when that relationship ended.

You've had this great love...but life is a long while. You can enjoy other things life has to offer with a great love. Surely, being in love also had its benefits, right? Just because you've experienced it doesn't mean you can have it again. There's no rule that says you can only enjoy something once.

And yeah, by not believing there's another great love for you, you're pretty much ensuring you don't have one. You close yourself off from the possiblity and it's essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[questions987]

Personally, I don't believe there's "one great love." I think it's all BS. I think there are tons of people one can experience this 'great love' with. Otherwise, the world is huge and if you don't meet that 'one person' you're pretty much screwed. I believe that there are at least hundreds of people each person on this planet can click with and share a great love with.

I just think that 'great love' occurs when both parties are mentally ready to experience it. And so they are both willing to sacrifice and do all that is necessary to have that 'great love.'

I don't think it's healthy to be satisfied with what you've had in the past, something that no longer exists under the premise of 'been there, done that.' I'm no psychologist but I'd hazard a guess that holding onto that notion that you've experienced your OTL is your way of protecting yourself from once again experiencing the hurt and disappointment that came with that love ending. Well, I'm just assuming it hurt when that relationship ended.

You've had this great love...but life is a long while. You can enjoy other things life has to offer with a great love. Surely, being in love also had its benefits, right? Just because you've experienced it doesn't mean you can have it again. There's no rule that says you can only enjoy something once.

And yeah, by not believing there's another great love for you, you're pretty much ensuring you don't have one. You close yourself off from the possiblity and it's essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy.

actually - didn't really hurt. I walked out - I moved on. It was more acceptance that it wasn't going to work - if we were older and in better places in our lives we probably would have made it. I'm actually very happy that it ended the way it did. He now has a wife and a beautiful daughter - everything that he's always wanted - it's a great thing. I'm working on what I've alway wanted and I'll get there eventually - just law school takes longer than having a kid.

[watcher]

the greatest one is the one you can look back to at the very end of your life, and have chosen it to be the best of all your relationships.

[chairmanK]

Now, I'm not saying I don't believe in love, or that I don't believe in love after love. I, just believe that everyone has that one great love, and once you've found it - if it doesn't work, okay, but if it does -great. I think that you'll find several more loves, but not that great one. I'm greatful to have had it, he will always be special to me - I will always love him. But I don't think another great love exsist for me and I'm fine with it. This does not mean that i want to get back with him - we've both moved past that.

Are you the sort of person who knows that she has exactly one favorite food or book or holiday? Some people naturally assign a clear ranking to the enjoyable things in life: "A is the best, B is still very good but not quite as good as A, C is also very good but definitely inferior to A," etc. Other people maintain a large set of favorites with an undefined ranking: "A is great, but B is also great in a different way, and sometimes I am in the mood for C, and- oh! it's impossible to choose only one favorite!"

[questions987]

Are you the sort of person who knows that she has exactly one favorite food or book or holiday? Some people naturally assign a clear ranking to the enjoyable things in life: "A is the best, B is still very good but not quite as good as A, C is also very good but definitely inferior to A," etc. Other people maintain a large set of favorites with an undefined ranking: "A is great, but B is also great in a different way, and sometimes I am in the mood for C, and- oh! it's impossible to choose only one favorite!"

Best Holiday is Christmas, best food is Mint Chip Ice Cream and best book will always be Pride and Predjudice.

Now I have several B's but thats my A list.

**quick edit: I'm also extreamly indecisive about stuff - like what I want to eat or where I want to go. But once I like something - I like it.

[clockwatcher]

actually - didn't really hurt. I walked out - I moved on. It was more acceptance that it wasn't going to work - if we were older and in better places in our lives we probably would have made it. I'm actually very happy that it ended the way it did. He now has a wife and a beautiful daughter - everything that he's always wanted - it's a great thing. I'm working on what I've alway wanted and I'll get there eventually - just law school takes longer than having a kid.

You actually sound like you're in a great place... but I guess the trouble your friend is having is that you're not just saying that you're happy with your life but also holding onto a past relationship and saying that it was your one great love... and that it'll be your only great love. Because you do acknowledge that a lot of it had to do with you not being 'older and in a better place.' Well, you are older now and perhaps in a better place... so it might be possible for you to find another great love but this time, the circumstances will allow it to work

You probably wouldn't say you're giving up, but nonetheless, I'm going to say, "Don't give up, girl!"

[D_K]

Okay, here's a new topic for discussion.

I was having this conversation with a fellow Soompier. You all know that I don't mind being single from my past post. Here's the the basis of the discussion:
I have had several relationships. They, obviously, have all ended. There was one that I would consider a great one - he was it for me. This was 5 years ago that I was with him, we were engaged - life happened and we're no longer together. I have yet to have found anyone that could even take a 1/100th of what he was to me, or make me feel even remotely like he did.

Now, I'm not saying I don't believe in love, or that I don't believe in love after love. I, just believe that everyone has that one great love, and once you've found it - if it doesn't work, okay, but if it does -great. I think that you'll find several more loves, but not that great one. I'm greatful to have had it, he will always be special to me - I will always love him. But I don't think another great love exsist for me and I'm fine with it. This does not mean that i want to get back with him - we've both moved past that.

This fellow soompier doesn't exactly believe that - I think they think that by my saying that - I'm closing myself off to other relationships. I have no problems with meeting people - I just don't really feel a need to find anymore - kinda like, already had it, greatful for it - now enjoy the other delicious things life has to offer other than a significant other. I guess I take after my mother in that sense - she'll always love dad (even if they aren't together anymore).

I'm pretty sure I know what the replies will be - but do you guys think that there is that one great love? I mean everyone has heard the term True love - I think that if I had to use that term to describe it - I would. He was a true love, just not a true love that i'm with anymore.

I have no idea how to differentiate between a great love and just plain love. You obviously do, and I'm willing to accept your take on this but this singular notion of "great" or the "greatest" love puzzles me. It's rather arbitrary, like me stating "I will find umm, 3 great loves in my lifetime!"

Now, if I infer that maybe, just maybe, you're still in love with this dude, then what you're saying makes complete sense. Or, if you make such a statement while you're on your deathbed ready to take your last breath...

[taemoo]

I'm pretty sure I know what the replies will be - but do you guys think that there is that one great love? I mean everyone has heard the term True love - I think that if I had to use that term to describe it - I would. He was a true love, just not a true love that i'm with anymore.

I believe in true love but my idea of it isn't the same as yours. If you have true love, nothing gets in the way, it never does NOT work. If it doesn't work, I don't consider it to be true.

I also believe you can have more than one. Know too many people who fell in love again after their loved one passed away.

[yammi]

Ok, I have this friend who's pretty insane. She's head over heels about this guy and at one point in time, they did have a little something going on, but the thing was that he had a girlfriend at that time. So let's fast-forward. He now has a new gf (who's not my friend) and she can't get over the fact that he basically left her in the dust for no reason. She just wants an answer from the guy, but he's not responding. However, at times, he would give her mixed signals (that he's still interested?) and it drives her up the wall. She even asked him about what she was to him and if he wanted her out of his life or to quit bothering him then to just say so, however, he would never respond. I have no idea why she can't let go of him and him to "let go" of her.

So to the guys, if a girl was bugging you all the time (but you already have a new gf), then what is so hard to tell her to stop? I mean, she even said if he wanted her to stop then just say so......one word. Seriously, what is so hard about that? Why would he not say it? All she's really waiting for is that one word and she can move on. (She's crazy, huh?)

[HERMIT]

^
Forget waiting for that one word. She should just move on regardless.
If he was honorable from the outset, he would have put closure to the issue already.
But he hasn't. Why's that? Well, my suspicion in any case is that it's not for any real good reason. Maybe he's keeping his "options open". Maybe he likes the attention. In any event, in absence of a reasonable justification for his actions, I suggest she shouldn't even waste the effort of waiting around and expecting a response from him. His lack of reply should speak volumes enough about his inconsiderate character.