[watcher]

ah, i think you have kind of a different mindset. i think a girl doesn't date a younger guy because she has no other options. she dates him because she likes him. my bf may be 35 to my 27, but i think younger guys can be more appealing than older guys. they tend to be thinner, have less relationship history baggage (like at this point in my life, if i want to date someone older, there's a pretty good chance he's divorced and/or has kids), and be more... idealistic. plus, i'm a late starter to the real world, so my boyfriend can't really relate with me that much, job-wise, because he's so much further along in his career than i am.

and i think the views are really changing, too. i think the whole resistance to dating younger guys and older women is going to go the way of resistance to interracial relationships. ok, random.

too bad most girls i know still would prefer an older guy. and it's not even a matter of how smart, how much money he earns, his mannerisms or anything of that nature. i'm sure that with age, you would have more refined characteristics, but it seems the girls i know rely on these assumptions a lot more heavily than simply giving people a chance to prove it. but then again... preferences are preferences. couldn't complain about it unless i gave up my own... haha

[Aziraphale]

too bad most girls i know still would prefer an older guy. and it's not even a matter of how smart, how much money he earns, his mannerisms or anything of that nature. i'm sure that with age, you would have more refined characteristics, but it seems the girls i know rely on these assumptions a lot more heavily than simply giving people a chance to prove it. but then again... preferences are preferences. couldn't complain about it unless i gave up my own... haha

Also a societal thing, I guess. Older woman-younger man relationships tend to raise more eyebrows because they're not considered "traditional" or "the norm", and people can assume a lot of (nasty) things just because the woman is older than her boyfriend. My aunt married a younger man (a year younger) and they're happy together, but she did have to put up with a bit of talk about her choice before her marriage.

[Intrigued]

Well ... i just broke up with my bf, heh.

Pretty much we were in an argument and he asked me whether I even noticed or appreciated the things he goes out of his way to do for me. Of course I appreciate it, of course I notice it, but what does he want me to do? I've already done all that I could come up with to try and show my appreciation of him! So pretty much I got pretty upset and said some pretty horrible things, it's something along the lines of "I don't care nor appreciate you enough to be in this relationship with you" and pretty much broke it off. He didn't want to, he was trying to stop me but I was furious and I guess I had had enough of him always making me feel guilty; I've even tried to talk to him about him making me feel this way, but no improvement.

So... this isn't the first time I've ended things with him, but even when I did; he would accept me back with open arms. The problem this time is, I don't think he's going to come after me anymore, nor do I think he'll accept me anymore, I don't regret doing this though. I don't regret it at all but I feel weird, restless. I blocked off all contact he had with me as well to ensure that this was it; but I can't help this feeling.

I need to know what this is and how to get rid of it.

[watcher]

Well ... i just broke up with my bf, heh.

Pretty much we were in an argument and he asked me whether I even noticed or appreciated the things he goes out of his way to do for me. Of course I appreciate it, of course I notice it, but what does he want me to do? I've already done all that I could come up with to try and show my appreciation of him! So pretty much I got pretty upset and said some pretty horrible things, it's something along the lines of "I don't care nor appreciate you enough to be in this relationship with you" and pretty much broke it off. He didn't want to, he was trying to stop me but I was furious and I guess I had had enough of him always making me feel guilty; I've even tried to talk to him about him making me feel this way, but no improvement.

So... this isn't the first time I've ended things with him, but even when I did; he would accept me back with open arms. The problem this time is, I don't think he's going to come after me anymore, nor do I think he'll accept me anymore, I don't regret doing this though. I don't regret it at all but I feel weird, restless. I blocked off all contact he had with me as well to ensure that this was it; but I can't help this feeling.

I need to know what this is and how to get rid of it.

give it some time and let the feeling wear off. you made a big decision, and it's probably just the shock factor of realizing what just happened.

[incyphe]

I need to know what this is and how to get rid of it.

^cognitive dissonance?

[dabrain]

In terms of what makes a guy short, just a guess, for most American women, any guy under 5'6 is short.

YAY!!! i am NOT short then lolz

@melkimx
are you korean???

[D_K]

Well ... i just broke up with my bf, heh.

Pretty much we were in an argument and he asked me whether I even noticed or appreciated the things he goes out of his way to do for me. Of course I appreciate it, of course I notice it, but what does he want me to do? I've already done all that I could come up with to try and show my appreciation of him! So pretty much I got pretty upset and said some pretty horrible things, it's something along the lines of "I don't care nor appreciate you enough to be in this relationship with you" and pretty much broke it off. He didn't want to, he was trying to stop me but I was furious and I guess I had had enough of him always making me feel guilty; I've even tried to talk to him about him making me feel this way, but no improvement.

So... this isn't the first time I've ended things with him, but even when I did; he would accept me back with open arms. The problem this time is, I don't think he's going to come after me anymore, nor do I think he'll accept me anymore, I don't regret doing this though. I don't regret it at all but I feel weird, restless. I blocked off all contact he had with me as well to ensure that this was it; but I can't help this feeling.

I need to know what this is and how to get rid of it.

I think that ending a relationship requires unhurried judgment with deliberation. My impression is that you got into an argument with a longtime (?) boyfriend and some things were said in the heat of the moment.

If you're certain this is what you wanted, then so be it. But I do think that you should have a sit-down with him and end it coolly, not right now, but at an appropriate time in the future, when both of you had time to consider the implication of this decision.

[chairmanK]

well, my parents always did joke that they found me under the bridge. i gather that korean parents think this is a funny thing to say to their kids.

i think dating younger guys has become a more acceptable trend everywhere. i just read an article about it on CNN. of course, i'd say that, because i have a tendency to be attracted to younger guys. but i think it's terrific that people aren't being so old-fashioned anymore.

My parents made the same joke with me. I didn't know that other Korean parents also think this is funny. (When I was very young, my mother sometimes threatened to roll me up in a blanket and dump me in the trash. I was terrified because I thought that she would really do it T_T Is this another Korean parenting pattern?)

I prefer women who are a few years older than me. I love being able to call a Korean girl "nuna"; it makes me feel warm and comfortable. For me, a nuna is a woman whose advice I can trust, who will always be there to help me when I need her - in other words, an ideal girlfriend.

Mel, I wish that more women shared your mindset about younger men. Older women usually laugh at me when I propose a date. <sigh>

[jcraze]

its ok. my brother always teased me that my parents found me in the trash (i'm darker than the rest of my family).

[Buggy]

Height matters and age matters. I am 5'7" and there is no way in heck I would date/marry anyone shorter than me. Just the thought of dancing at my wedding with my hubby shorter than me....no...not happening....

My hubby is like gazillion years older than me (ok, I am exaggerating)...I met him right out of high school when I was barely 18 and he was in his late 20s. I thought he was younger and he thought I was older...by the time we realize the age difference...too late. I am suprised that my parents were totally ok with us going out. It's kinda strange that we get along so well dispite the age difference. We have never had a fight and I have been married for many years. I guess I like being taken care of and he likes doing everything for me, so it works out well.

My sister, on the other hand, has a hubby who is 4 years younger than her and she is like pulling her hair out. She feels like babysitting more than being in a marriage...I am convinced it's the age thing. I think men tend to be more immature (pls don't throw stones at me)....so girls...date older men....haha..my 2 cents worth.

[incyphe]

She feels like babysitting more than being in a marriage...I am convinced it's the age thing. I think men tend to be more immature (pls don't throw stones at me)....so girls...date older men....haha..my 2 cents worth.

But hey, I don't have problem with your recommendation.

[blue_shoe]

My parents made the same joke with me. I didn't know that other Korean parents also think this is funny. (When I was very young, my mother sometimes threatened to roll me up in a blanket and dump me in the trash. I was terrified because I thought that she would really do it T_T Is this another Korean parenting pattern?)

I prefer women who are a few years older than me. I love being able to call a Korean girl "nuna"; it makes me feel warm and comfortable. For me, a nuna is a woman whose advice I can trust, who will always be there to help me when I need her - in other words, an ideal girlfriend.

Mel, I wish that more women shared your mindset about younger men. Older women usually laugh at me when I propose a date. <sigh>

Don't be a lion king (lol, they censored out my word), man up.

[HERMIT]

Mel, I wish that more women shared your mindset about younger men. Older women usually laugh at me when I propose a date. <sigh>

I can sympathize with you on this. They usually think I just want to use their senior citizen discount at the movies or have this ulterior motive to make them spend their social security checks on frivolously expensive meals. I need to find me some real cougars.

[questions987]

I can sympathize with you on this. They usually think I just want to use their senior citizen discount at the movies or have this ulterior motive to make them spend their social security checks on frivolously expensive meals. I need to find me some real cougars.

haha - aren't you engaged? I could have sworn you said you were engaged.

[HERMIT]

^
where in the world did you come to that assumption?
I'm nowhere close.

Shoot, the only thing I'm anywhere close to being engaged with is the toilet in the bathroom.

You should see the ring that I gave it.

[questions987]

^^^ I thought I read it somewhere, one of the engagement post. Anyway I'll never find it now - too tired to look anyway. Guess I was wrong - sorry!

[JF21©]

^
where in the world did you come to that assumption?
I'm nowhere close.

Shoot, the only thing I'm anywhere close to being engaged with is the toilet in the bathroom.

You should see the ring that I gave it.

omg you're just too much...

*******************************
new subject:

ok...how do you guys/girls deal with come ons...from the same sex. i mean lately i've been getting hit on by girls and no offense to anyone who's homosexual, but..eh....not for me..altho if i'm in a playful mood and if they're cute, i'll flirt back but also let them know i'm straight ...however:

lol it gets kinda awkward because i don't know how to say no to girls when they seriously hit on me..i have no problem shutting annoying guys down, but with girls it's a different story..like this one girl...she'd do really gross flirting at me and at first i just ignored her..then she started to make me really uncomfortable and i told her..but she wont stop!! make her stop!!!

i've even so much as told her that if i had to be a lesbian..i still wouldn't look her way..she's just skanky. and it's like she still doesn't get it...wtf?

sooooo what's the most effective way to shut down same sex annoyances?

[blue_shoe]

I ignore I guess. Guys or girls, hit on me and I dont like I ignore. If I like and doesn't feel the same way I say politely "no".

One time I told a guy no, and he said "I respect the honesty."

[donporkuloin]

So I've been wondering something...

I was at work yesterday and this girl came in. Let's call her Maria. She looked like this girl I used to talk to for most of this year. Marie looked almost like a spot on match of the girl I used to talk to her. I had my friend cover for me while I went to go to talk to Marie for a little bit. Before she left I ended up getting her number, and I guess we're supposed to hangout sooner or later. But I told her I was going to call her in 1-2 days. She looked surprised when I said that. She didn't look mad or anything like that, but she looked like that's not what she expected me to say. I said that because I've tried waiting 2-3 to call before, and it doesn't work. So I thought I'd try to be more pro active. Not out of desperation though. So I called that night and got her voicemail, left a msg, etc. I told my friend about this and he told me I shouldn't have called, etc. For the ladies, was calling as soon as I did a bad thing?

[watcher]

So I've been wondering something...

I was at work yesterday and this girl came in. Let's call her Maria. She looked like this girl I used to talk to for most of this year. Marie looked almost like a spot on match of the girl I used to talk to her. I had my friend cover for me while I went to go to talk to Marie for a little bit. Before she left I ended up getting her number, and I guess we're supposed to hangout sooner or later. But I told her I was going to call her in 1-2 days. She looked surprised when I said that. She didn't look mad or anything like that, but she looked like that's not what she expected me to say. I said that because I've tried waiting 2-3 to call before, and it doesn't work. So I thought I'd try to be more pro active. Not out of desperation though. So I called that night and got her voicemail, left a msg, etc. I told my friend about this and he told me I shouldn't have called, etc. For the ladies, was calling as soon as I did a bad thing?

heh.. if someone said they'd call me in a couple days, i'd be a bit surprised too. why would someone say they'd call me in a couple days? usually, i would expect to hear something like "sure, lets hang out sometime. i'll give you a call." not often will i hear someone tell me they'd call me in a couple days unless there was good reason too. (ex. you're going on a business trip and will likely be very busy, so you'll call her in a couple days when you get back). but even then it's still odd to set a time like that to simply call someone.

also, i'm not much a fan of the idea of making someone wait a few days. when i meet someone i'm interested in, i usually call them around the next day. if i meet someone in the morning/afternoon, i might even give them a call the same night if i had a great idea in mind for a meet-up. if i really like her to the point where i want to call her as soon as we split, then i'd just ask her what she's doing that day and ask if she wants to hang out if she's available. (make sure you're available too and have no important appointments!)

anyways... going back to my point... i usually say 'ill call you. lets hang out sometime' and never really say when i'm calling. i thought that's how most people do it???